On a Swiss Army knife, every nook and cranny of the tool has a specific purpose that is designed to get the job done. On a woman, every single one of her behaviors is engineered to get as much attention as possible. Crying, obnoxious laughter, constant screw ups, make-up, boob jobs, date rape; they’re all unique female methods of accomplishing the same thing: pumping attention into their veins like it’s a vaccine for turning 24.

To a woman, a birthday is just another excuse to plant her fat, obnoxious foot in the unmarred schedule of your life and suck as much attention out of your wallet as she can.


http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/f-your-birthda/#more-994

5/12/2008 9:28:51 AM

l

o

l

5/12/2008 9:33:37 AM

Quote :

"Women suck at birthdays for the same reason they suck at everything in life. They’re annoying and full of shit."

HAHAHAHA, wow. I love that site after only 1 paragraph.

5/12/2008 9:36:29 AM

Quote :

"Do women hate sex — and they do — because of some kind of woman-guilt from an outdated puritan societal dogma? Or perhaps a stigma of guilt or a fear of abandonment? No. None of these things are it. Women hate sex simply because they are lousy at it."

Quote :

"This can be proved in a quick stroll down the checkout aisle at your local market of groceries — a place thick to the rafters with women. Take a look at some of their magazines and you will no doubt see a running theme: ‘Ten Ways to not suck in bed’, ‘Six Things to do to Your Man that aren’t Lay There Like a Futon’, and ‘Honestly who gives half a fuck about socks being on or off? Jesus Christ that’s pathetic’."

5/12/2008 9:37:59 AM

this thread makes me lol

5/12/2008 9:40:02 AM

guess you guys are gonna have to start hanging out exclusively with dudes

5/12/2008 9:40:21 AM

yeah....im not trying to date any female right now because my life is in turmoil and i dont wanna drag someone into it, but im not about hating women or anything

5/12/2008 9:42:11 AM

This level of myogeny is hilarious no matter if you agree with it or not. Its just so over the top its funny for the sheer balls the writer has.

Quote :

"Romance is coloring between the lines with invisible crayons."

that one made me lol pretty loudly at work

5/12/2008 9:44:52 AM

Quote :

"Getting a woman to cheat on her husband or significant other is not like getting a woman to go to the gym — by heaping shitloads of gifts and attention on her like a spoilt child and then ultimately getting no burn for your earn. Getting a woman to cheat is like getting a duck to eat bread crumbs or a rat to eat rubbish. All you have to do is toss it in front of their face. It’s not a hard conclusion to draw, so let’s just look at the facts. Getting attention from men is a woman’s lifeblood. That’s why women worship men in the form of menial tasks that they’re not very good at — because men control our attention like the gods of old controlled the sun and the crypt. We giveth and we can taketh away. Good attention, bad attention, the worst kind of attention; it doesn’t matter. To a woman, being in a Girls Gone Wild video is just as laudable as serving in a highly respected public office. They stack up eyeballs like empty pie plates at a NOW convention. "

5/12/2008 9:46:52 AM

Lolerz. Sounds like the reverse of a big angry lesbian.

Quote :

"Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women. Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well. Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com 10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers. 9. Men are not sponges Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not. 8. Women are racists Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life. 7. Men live less than women The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights! 6. Men write illegibly Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space. 5. Jesus was a man Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women. 4. Men wear watches Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored. A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke. 3. Boys destroy things The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome! 2. Marriage is stupid Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it. Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with. 1. Men have penises When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’ Men Are Better Than Women. "

Quote :

"MIGHTY MANLY-MAN MAN-FISTS"

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 10:11 AM. Reason : This is pretty much the funniest shit ev4r!]

5/12/2008 9:58:34 AM

Quote :

"Feminism is the idea that women should be treated like spoiled children — who get do-overs and freebies until they’re chucking batteries at homeless people out the sunroof of their father’s BMW. "

5/12/2008 10:30:11 AM

Quote :

"MIGHTY MANLY-MAN MAN-FISTS"

5/12/2008 10:30:34 AM

Quote :

"Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored."

I just LOLed

5/12/2008 10:43:55 AM

Quote :

"Lolerz. Sounds like the reverse of a big angry lesbian."

Haha, that's what I thought. What would you call the reverse of that though?

5/12/2008 10:56:26 AM

Quote :

"There is no “plight of single mothers”. All a single mother has to do is open her legs and she’ll fall vagina first into money. Single mothers are all either dumb or bitches. That’s how they end up single. Since whoring got them into the mess, it can certainly get them out. "

5/12/2008 11:01:56 AM

This thread delivers.



[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 11:03 AM. Reason : o.O]

5/12/2008 11:03:07 AM

Quote :

"Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space. "

hahahaha oh geez

5/12/2008 11:28:53 AM

Quote :

" It takes a young man about two months to get tired of shaving his face for the first time. Every time a woman has her period, from 15 to 50, it’s like she’s discovered the continent of Femerica for the first time: the land of the free lunches and the home of endless complaining. "

5/12/2008 11:30:02 AM

5/12/2008 11:43:55 AM

To my topics
i shall add.

5/12/2008 11:44:43 AM

Quote :

"Do women hate sex — and they do — because of some kind of woman-guilt from an outdated puritan societal dogma? Or perhaps a stigma of guilt or a fear of abandonment? No. None of these things are it. Women hate sex simply because they are lousy at it."

women don't hate sex (at least, all of us don't)... but maybe we just hate (or at least dont especially enjoy) having sex with YOU.
its not our fault if you have yet to figure out how to get us off, and then wonder why we are less than thrilled to have sex when we know you're gonna be getting off and we arent


i'm just sayinnnnnnn

5/12/2008 11:44:57 AM

that's all

5/12/2008 11:49:00 AM

Quote :

"No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit."

this thread is gold

5/12/2008 11:50:02 AM

Quote :

"Women are the only creatures on the planet dumb enough to think their birthday is an actual holiday. Birthdays are not holidays. Just like weddings, coffee, pets, and anniversaries that don’t end in and also are “0?; birthdays are not a big deal."

I not only think my birthday is an actual holiday, I also think YOUR birthday is an actual holiday as well

5/12/2008 11:51:39 AM

lol


no one should care about anyone's birthday after they turn 10.

5/12/2008 11:52:46 AM

Quote :

"FUCKING FASTIDIOUS MANNER"

5/12/2008 11:54:14 AM

Quote :

"women don't hate sex (at least, all of us don't)... but maybe we just hate (or at least dont especially enjoy) having sex with YOU. its not our fault if you have yet to figure out how to get us off, and then wonder why we are less than thrilled to have sex when we know you're gonna be getting off and we arent i'm just sayinnnnnnn"

haha you think there are times when we care about getting the girl off

i'm just sayinnnnnn

5/12/2008 11:56:33 AM

Quote :

"women don't hate sex (at least, all of us don't)... but maybe we just hate (or at least dont especially enjoy) having sex with YOU."

Quote :

"The truth is, if a woman doesn’t hate sex with you, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, women hate sex. Yes, women hate sex with me — especially with me. And yes, women are all whores. That’s Man Zen. Women only deserve anal."

5/12/2008 11:57:19 AM

^^lol, like i don't know that. but if you cared about having sex more you might care about us wanting to have sex more, which means caring that we enjoy sex with you enough to actually want it, not just put up with it occasionally

^oh wow, just wow

5/12/2008 11:59:23 AM

yea i agree on the birthday thing. no one gives a fuck its your stupid birthday.

5/12/2008 12:01:56 PM

All you get on a b-day is a minimum wage waitstaff singing a pointless b-day song half assed, only because they, too, do not care it is your b-day. Also, you still have to pay for your dumb ass piece of b-day cake and icecream that has more calories and fat that you need in an entire year. B-days should not matter unless you're 5 years old.

5/12/2008 12:22:17 PM

thats why you go to texas roadhouse.


they make you sit on that stool and shit and actually get hyped about it. FUCK YEAH IM AN ADULT!!!

5/12/2008 12:24:55 PM

i honestly ♥ this thread....it makes me


and this made me laugh...

Quote :

"I’ll be fucking feminism all week. It’ll be fun. Like fucking a girl with self-esteem so low she can’t tell the difference between love and not getting spit on."

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 12:34 PM. Reason : asdf]

5/12/2008 12:25:13 PM

lolz to anybody that takes this seriously. i don't agree w some of it but it definitely delivers the funny.

5/12/2008 12:40:59 PM

Quote :

"guess you guys are gonna have to start hanging out exclusively with dudes"

marko won this thread in a big way, it should have ended here but didn't

5/12/2008 12:54:34 PM

^ i missed that

yea, youre right

5/12/2008 12:57:54 PM

^^ indeed

Quote :

"guess you guys are gonna have to start hanging out exclusively with dudes"

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 12:58 PM. Reason : ,]

5/12/2008 12:58:37 PM

if it wasn't for the facts that I like sticking my dick in vagina and don't find dudes attractive I'd rather hang out with my guy friends any day of the week over hanging out with a triflin ass woman

Quote :

"^^lol, like i don't know that. but if you cared about having sex more you might care about us wanting to have sex more, which means caring that we enjoy sex with you enough to actually want it, not just put up with it occasionally"

I don't hang around the same girl long enough for that to matter, I get really tired of them quick or they do of me, so it works

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:02 PM. Reason : ]

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:02 PM. Reason : !]

5/12/2008 1:01:30 PM

^^, ^^^, ^^^^ Don't take it personally. Chit chat is for funny. Serious does not belong in chit chat on t-dub.

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:02 PM. Reason : -.^]

5/12/2008 1:01:56 PM

^^YOU LIE!

5/12/2008 1:02:56 PM

well, I do kinda like your boobies

5/12/2008 1:03:17 PM

true....

and you aren't particularly trying to stick your penis in me

5/12/2008 1:03:51 PM

Quote :

"true.... and you aren't particularly trying to stick your penis in me"

LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5/12/2008 1:04:31 PM

^x5 dude, i know what chit chat is for. (I mean... my post count is 53x yours, I think I've posted on here a few times before...)
do i actually sound like i'm getting angry here?


^x6 in that case i suppose it doesnt matter
i was speaking more for longer term relationships than a week or two

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:06 PM. Reason : .]

5/12/2008 1:04:55 PM

haha I would, no doubt

but I'm one of those 0 effort type guys, I don't care enough to try anymore

5/12/2008 1:05:03 PM

Quote :

"Don't take it personally."

Hahahaha, like this shit is worth being taken any way.

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:06 PM. Reason : seriously, though, if you have this much vitriol for women, it'd be best if you stuck to men]

5/12/2008 1:06:13 PM

^^^ You're coming off as a little put off. But the interwebz are bad for voice connotations.

[Edited on May 12, 2008 at 1:06 PM. Reason : ^]

5/12/2008 1:06:26 PM

ok...let me rephrase...


true....

and you aren't particularly exclusively trying to stick your penis in me

5/12/2008 1:06:35 PM

nope, not put off at all actually

5/12/2008 1:07:06 PM

set em up

Well then, no harm no foul, I guess.

5/12/2008 1:08:22 PM