I'm asking because I want to get a good idea about what people think is socially acceptable in a situation I can't ask about. I can't ask about these things in real life because I will come off as bragging, a huge idiot, or a huge asshole. I'm not bragging because this sort of thing never happens which means I am inexperienced in making these sort of decisions. I'm a bit socially awkward and want to come out of this without making everyone hate me. I feel like I've heard so many stories about "asshole" dudes who probably started off in the position I'm in right now.

Story:
Two weeks ago I met girl 1. We hung out for a night and really hit it off. The next day, she was going to meet girl 2 at the same place I happened to be going so we went together. I wanted to make sure I was nice to girl 2 and may have overcompensated by making sure I didn't seem like I was only interested in girl 1. Girl 2 and I shared a lot of interests and talked about how we would become friends.

Last week girl 2 texted me to hang out and girl 1 was out of town. I got drunk with girl 2 and a bunch of her friends, danced and kissed girl 2 at 4am then said bye. I didn't mean to kiss girl 2 as I like her but am not attracted to her in that way.

Friday night, girl 1 group texted us saying she will be back on sunday and we should all grab a drink together. Girl 2 texted me to hang come out with her and a bunch of her friends to a big time underground rave. Some of her friends didn't want to go because it was $40 so I agreed with them and said I wasn't excited about spending that but would if thats what the group decided on. Girl 2 said she was about to do ecstasy and asked if I wanted to join. I declined and so her and her roommate left for a while.

While they were gone girl 3 sat down next to me and introduced herself. I immediately found girl 3 attractive but wasn't pursuing her or anything. Just talking for a long time. When everyone decided to leave I realized many people had tickets and I asked girl 2 if I could still buy a ticket and she said she had one for me already and locked arms with me as we walked in. After the ex users crashed, I partied with girl 3 and am absolutely into her more than anyone in a long time. She was forward touching me and hugging me then Girl 2 came back and tried to grind but I wouldn't let things escalate. at the same time I couldn't feel right going back to girl 3 who suddenly left shortly after. That is where I messed. Afterwards, girl 2 invited me back to her apartment twice but I said I needed to head home.

I want to reach out to girl 3 but feel like it would be a dick move and right now I'm just hoping things will become neutral again when girl 1 comes back. Then I would need to hang out with girl 2 friends until girl 3 shows up again. At this point, I've spent more time with girl 1 and girl 2 than they have spent together so I'm wondering if girl 1 even knows what has happened. Part of me feels like I should just be honest and do what I want but theres probably a chance girl 3 is in a different mindset sober and will be turned off if I send her an unsolicited message resulting in all 3 hating me.

My best friend told me "due, just try to bang all 3 and figure it out from there" so now I'm searching for responsible advice.

[Edited on January 17, 2016 at 2:19 PM. Reason : tldr]

1/17/2016 2:17:27 PM

I realize this thread is about outside sales, which I am in. Hear me out, maybe I can offer some insight.

I am in outside sales, which is currently salary+commission, but will move into straight commission starting at the beginning of July 2010. I have been in this position since July 2009. I have competition from several direct manufacturing sales reps, large distributors, and local distributors. Here are the advantages and disadvantages of each:

Direct Advantages: Immediate knowledge of new technology, no middle man mark up, one shipping bill (paid by manufacturer or buyer of goods), access to larger range of non-commodity items, control inventory, have access to many distributors that can effectively sell their goods which increases market share, and set prices of commodity they manufacture.

Direct disadvantages: Typically have 1-3 sales reps per region (i.e. southeast, mid-atlantic, northeast, etc.) limiting the number of accounts they can successfully manage/cold-call, lack physical customer service or physical technical service available to or affordable for smaller users or altogether, are sometimes not trustworthy because they will go in behind their distributors that sell their commodity to one account in large quantities (i.e. they missed a big account, and have found out about it through a distributor selling their particular product) which leads to the distributor not selling their product anymore, have too many distributors selling the product ultimately driving the set price down through deviations, possibly rely on distributors to actually sell the product, and competition from other direct sources.

Large distributor advantages: have access to other commodities that go hand in hand with other manufacturers (poor example- grocery stores sell milk as well as cereal), get direct pricing, many locations regionally or nationally easing the shipping burden of buyers with multiple locations, personal service either customer or technical, many sales reps that are able to cover a broader territory, access to multiple manufacturers of the same commodity allowing to keep prices in check, service programs that smaller companies can't offer and direct providers can't match in price or value, and experts of many many commodities as opposed to one or a few.

Large distributor disadvantages: smaller local distributors creating price wars (think Michael Scott Paper Co vs Dunder-Mifflin), direct mfg's going in behind and stealing business, limited access to all of the mfg's (you won't find Harris Teeter name brands in Food Lion and visa versa), can't truly set prices because it's based on both supply and demand, territory management, and tough growth prospects in slower economies (this is true for direct as well really)

Local distributor advantages: Typically a good ol' boy setting where the seller and the buyer know each other for years (this does happen at all levels, but mostly at the local level), local folks are right down the street and can be used in emergencies, if the local guy buys at high enough volumes then there is no shipping charge to the end user, and access to both direct mfg's and large distributors.

Local distributor disadvantages: easily beaten in price, array of commodities, array of technology, lack of trained staff, low cash flow, etc etc etc.

This is what I have noticed in my six months, I am sure there are plenty more that need mentioning. The way I am setting myself apart as a sales person is this: I go after the big accounts right now while I am new. The big accounts, if I land them, will take care of me while I am new and building a customer base. The money made off of those allows me to focus free time on smaller accounts that get me higher margins. I build up big accounts, I would like to have 5-10 of these, then get 20-30 medium accounts. If I lose 1 or 2 big accounts, the 20-30 medium accounts keep me afloat while I go after new big accounts. I don't really waste time on small accounts simply because they basically pay for breakfast or something really small.

I will say this, if you can't get a big account in the first 6-8 months (assuming you have cash flow that you can ride this long) you could be in a world of trouble. If you can get one, it will really make going after the others a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. It's simply just very exhausting wasting any time on anything other than big accounts in the very beginning. You work just as hard on the medium sized accounts and see 1/3 to 1/36 of the money in my situation.

If you have any other questions, you can PM me. I hope this helps in the slightest!

1/17/2016 2:23:00 PM

Doesn't seem to be any reason to care about 1 or 2

1/17/2016 2:46:16 PM

that ^. if you're really into girl #3, then it's actually nicer and less asshole-ish to just focus on her. otherwise you're just stringing girls 1 and 2 along when your real interests lie elsewhere.

1/17/2016 3:13:22 PM

The fact that you're seeking "responsible advice" is a good sign.

You don't appear to have any obligation to any of them. From a female perspective, the only one who might be mad is Girl 2, but she seems to be reading way too much into a casual kiss.

I say reach out to Girl 3. If she is not feeling the same way sober, at least you'll know.

Being honest will serve you well in this situation.

1/17/2016 3:32:18 PM

You don't have any commitments to any of them. I would say that you should just let things progress with all of them as long as you are comfortable with it, and when something becomes serious or committed with one of them then just stop talking to the other two.

1/17/2016 4:11:09 PM

you like girl 3, so holla at her.

If that doesn't work out, holla at girl 1.

If that goes down in flames, holla at girl 2.

If none of that works, holla at some of the other 3 billion or so females on the planet.

[Edited on January 17, 2016 at 7:04 PM. Reason : but not the married, engaged ones or ones with boyfriends...]

1/17/2016 7:03:38 PM

Having 1-2 girls on the side is basically an insurance policy. Youll care less and probably appear better to the one you actually give a shit about

1/17/2016 7:17:20 PM

that all sounds good but seems complicated by the idea that they are all friends and I have to go through girls 1 and 2 to get to girl 3.

[Edited on January 17, 2016 at 7:21 PM. Reason : k]

1/17/2016 7:20:40 PM

well then, honestly, every situation that you have described except for #2 sounds like a random fling. #Honest.

How would you rank them on hotness?

1/17/2016 7:22:38 PM

3,1,2 and none of them are even close

1/17/2016 7:34:32 PM

wow tdub just isn't the same anymore... not one person has said "send them a link to this thread"

1/17/2016 7:35:03 PM

send out a group text "who wants to gargle The E Man's balls?" and whoever replies first is ur 1 tru <3

1/17/2016 8:12:22 PM

pics or it didnt happen

1/17/2016 8:36:28 PM

Quote :

"3,1,2 and none of them are even close"

That is what I was thinking.


Listen, I don't know much about you at all. I don't know how old you are, where you are in your career and what you look like. But, the sooner that you learn how not to get caught up into every hot dame that is nice to you, then the better. It is great that she was cordial with you and you two had a great time together, but it may not mean anything more than that. So, just enjoy the moment for what it was, and see what happens, but odds are that getting set on it and blowing up her phone is not gonna do you any favors, if you choose to do that. Remember, things are not beautiful because they last forever, sometimes an important evening with somebody that touched you in an inspirational way can mean more than a lifetime together with somebody that is just convenient.

My final recommendation, whether or not it means anything to you, is to reach out to the girl that touched you the most (it seems like #3) just once with a phone call or text, and that's it. If she doesn't call back, then there is nothing wrong with hanging out with girls 1 or 2, as long as you don't lie to them about your intentions and are honest. Remember, you have no commitments to any of them, no matter how awkward things may appear between girls 1 and 2. I am sure that it is not their first rodeo, and that they know how the game works.

But, just don't get your hopes up on girl #3. Try once, and if there is no return call then leave it. You have got to learn to respect yourself and your feelings as much as you are respecting the wishes of these three girls.

1/18/2016 4:59:51 AM

Which girl do you like the most? Go for that one. Be honest with each girl, but not, "I have to talk to you" honest. So basically, don't sneak around.

1/18/2016 7:48:30 AM

raves are bad news

1/18/2016 9:33:54 AM

Yeah, I was gonna say...not sure where you are in life, but raves and doing ecstasy are sure signs that these girls are immature and not someone you want to bring home to mom (and/or waste time dating if you actually have the intention of eventually getting married). But that's just my conservative viewpoint. If you're not looking for wifey material, then by all means...try to bang all three, or at least the one you're most into (#3).

If you're into #3, focus on #3. I dont think you owe anything else to the others. You dont have to be dicks to the other 2, but you need to find out if #3 is into you and if she is, it's all-systems-go.

I met my wife while I was on a casual date with one of my ex's. I knew immediately that I was into my ex's friend more than I was into getting things started up with my ex again. So, I pursued the friend. My ex was pissed for quite a while, but at the end of the day, it's all about ME being happy.

[Edited on January 18, 2016 at 10:54 AM. Reason : .]

1/18/2016 10:53:03 AM

this is tl;dr without pics

1/18/2016 10:54:10 AM

I can only get to girl 3 through girls 1 and 2 so when I meet up with them I'm just gonna ask them about girl 3 and go from there.

Raves are awesome for millennial and not what they used to be in the 90s. Nowadays, so many doctors, lawyers, etc are into EDM culture and so am I. These 3 girls met each other at an ivy league school and are all professionals. Drugs in moderation aren't immature but only girl 2 was using.

1/18/2016 11:11:59 AM

Couldn't you just ask for #3's number, so you wouldn't have to "go through" the other 2?

This doesn't seem that complicated.

Since we're asking for dating advice, let's say there's this 20 year old who says we should go out (I'm 30). She's married, but her husband lives in Georgia. She's insanely hot, but I'm also pretty sure she's insane. WHAT DO I DO?

1/18/2016 11:52:29 AM

I definitely don't think that you should fuck around with married chicks. For one, girls (and for that matter dudes) that fuck around whilst they are married are usually the type of girls that run when there is a problem instead of trying to fix it. For two, you don't want to risk getting involved with this person and then find yourself in a love triangle when she goes home to fuck her husband.

This will happen no matter what she tells you about their relationship, which brings me to the second point:

Don't listen to anything that she is saying about the health of the marriage or if they are actually getting divorced or not, because odds are she won't tell you the truth due to some sort of weird desperate attempt to justify the whole situation to herself. Girls (or women/people I should say) have difficulty sometimes trying to sort out why they are trying to bang a guy whilst being married to somebody else, and so they just frequently throw it on the guy for being a bad husband, a cheater or workaholic and blah blah, and that usually comes back to bite them in the ass.

I have met plenty of people (both men and women) that have met somebody else while married and were so convinced that it was the right person, that they broke things off with their spouse before going balls deep into the other. That, if you are trying to say what would be the best route here, is definitely what you are looking for. Not some chick that wants to bang a guy while married. That is just a lot of crazy, and I would just say to be the better man and walk away. But, it is your life, and it definitely can work in your favor, it is just that you have to be one of those guys that will be prepared to drop it and end it in a flash, or you will wind up getting your feelings hurt and crushed in a pretty terrible way.

[Edited on January 18, 2016 at 12:08 PM. Reason : shit, DP]

1/18/2016 12:07:39 PM

Quote :

"I can only get to girl 3 through girls 1 and 2 so when I meet up with them I'm just gonna ask them about girl 3 and go from there. "

That's a lame cop-out in today's world. You can find her on the interwebz.

1/18/2016 12:37:45 PM

If you know she is married and fuck around with her thats a good way to get killed.

1/18/2016 12:49:23 PM

^or a good way to have fun with someone that you don't have to take care of at all

1/18/2016 1:29:36 PM

If I find out my wife is cheating on me and the dude didn't know she was married I am just gonna be super pissed at her. If I find out the dude knew she was married then he better hope I don't have access to any weapons.

[Edited on January 18, 2016 at 2:07 PM. Reason : e]

1/18/2016 2:06:53 PM

Quote :

"DRUGS IN MODERATION"

1/18/2016 2:22:45 PM

Quote :

"If I find out my wife is cheating on me and the dude didn't know she was married I am just gonna be super pissed at her. If I find out the dude knew she was married then he better hope I don't have access to any weapons."

The problem is that it is never straight forward. People that cheat often try to rationalize it by saying "the marriage was over" or even better, "he was being too distant so I am doing this to leave the relationship".

You really can't blame the other person in this case. IMO. They are just staring at nice pussy and a person telling them that they are divorced and that it is no big deal.

And honestly, take my advice, there are much worse things that can happen in a relationship than somebody just cheating.

[Edited on January 18, 2016 at 7:21 PM. Reason : j]

1/18/2016 7:20:17 PM

It's possible that she and her husband have an arrangement while he's working in Georgia.

You should contact the husband to find out.

1/18/2016 9:40:21 PM

- Cuckolds always threaten to do something then they don't do anything
- It takes two the tango. The problem was you and your wife, not the guy. If it wasn't him, it'd be someone else for sure.

1/18/2016 9:55:20 PM

It would be someone else for sure. That's why I feel kinda bad for this dude in Georgia while his wife acts a fool back home.

She's only 20, so they probably haven't been married long. It'd be nice for her husband to get out now before she's pregnant. But maybe they really do have an arrangement.

1/18/2016 10:11:30 PM

due, just try to bang all 3 and figure it out from there

1/18/2016 10:20:20 PM

^^ he's in the army. She lived there for a while and moved back because they weren't getting along or some bullshit. Says they work better long distance . They were Hugh school sweethearts and IMO they should really just end it.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure he's banging other bitches. I'm not in the business of breaking up marriages, but HEY WHY NOT.

1/18/2016 10:29:02 PM

Oh, so they do have an arrangement. They probably got military benefits for being married and whatnot, and they're not ready to give them up yet. They also sound like vine swingers or at least afraid to be divorced and alone...they're gonna stay together until one of them finds another relationship.

[Edited on January 18, 2016 at 10:50 PM. Reason : You should go for it!]

1/18/2016 10:46:25 PM

can't you just find girl #3 on facebook and hit her up directly? that's what I'd do.

1/18/2016 10:54:18 PM

Just give the girls a dirty sanchez

1/19/2016 1:12:23 AM

I would really need to see a picture of each to help you decide what you should do.

1/19/2016 2:34:26 AM

Quote :

"If I find out my wife is cheating on me and the dude didn't know she was married I am just gonna be super pissed at her. If I find out the dude knew she was married then he better hope I don't have access to any weapons."

Can this quote be put on this guys fbi background check?

1/19/2016 7:28:09 AM

Quote :

"HUGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS"

1/19/2016 8:40:01 AM

How is this a dilemma? You met a girl, hung one for one night alone together and had a good time. Met her friend, who you sent mixed signals to, and she's gotten a little over clingy. Finally met girl three, who you seem to like the most.

This is some high school level shit here man. Call up girl three and ask for a date, hopefully girls 1 and 2 are more of an adult than you are and will just move on.

1/19/2016 8:59:31 AM

^

Quote :

"I'm a bit socially awkward and want to come out of this without making everyone hate me."

but srsly tho...man the fuck up and call that chick and fuck the rest.

1/19/2016 9:06:58 AM

alright i think i found girl 3 on facebook but its an ambiguous picture and i dont know her last name. I always wanted a platonic group of edm-loving, young professional girls along with their fun, gay guy friends. its a squad of about 12 and none of these girls or guys in their friend group seem to use facebook.

UPDATE: its been 12 hours so she either doesn't care or doesn't have notifications. in that timeframe girl 1 added photos of us together which was her first post since 2014. i still just want to be friends with 1 and 2 regardless.

I've spent so much time in past years trying to not be friend zoned and now i want to do the friend zoning. When i look at my life I either have girls i've dated are dating or have dated. I have plenty of friend girls who I could hang out with one at a time because its clear one of us likes the other in each of those situations.

I have work friends and high school/college friends, but I want a group of friends with common interests who I can do things with and have something to fall back on between relationships. A lot of my past breakup pain was because those people were my whole life at the time. Hanging with couples gets boring

HOLLA IF YOU ARE A MILLENNIAL WHO CAN RELATE TO THAT LAST PARAGRAPH

1/19/2016 2:02:52 PM

Explain to all 3 how Dave Doeren is a solid coach. Whichever one doesn't tell you you're an idiot is the one for you.

1/19/2016 2:44:13 PM

2 3 chicks at the same time

1/19/2016 2:51:34 PM

girl 1 returned and asked me out to a night of drinking. she seemed surprised to know i had been hanging out with girl 2. girl 1 has invited me to girl 2s superbowl party. i'm guessing girl 3 will be there. this is all part of girl 2s amazingly vibrant friend circle.

2/3/2016 10:46:27 PM

Good. Now ask them both if Girl 3 will be there, and tell them you're interested in her.

2/4/2016 8:27:10 AM

And if she won't ask them if they have any interest in each other as well because that will make you feel much better

2/4/2016 9:00:06 AM

girl 1 just moved in with girl 2

11/26/2016 10:54:45 PM

Did you ever ask girl 3 out?

11/26/2016 11:42:51 PM

[Edited on November 26, 2016 at 11:45 PM. Reason : ]

11/26/2016 11:45:03 PM