I asked in Chit Chat and they told me to come to Soap Box:

My friend has been dating a guy for 4 years and she found out she is pregnant by his him. He decided not to take responsability so he broke up with her.

* They dont believe in abortion
* He wont let her give it up for adoption
* Yes, they did use protection

11/6/2005 3:11:40 AM

More white trash (it seems like a situation white people would be in, but I guess they could be black too).

11/6/2005 3:13:17 AM

You dont even know her so you have no room to judge her. I am sure she has more going for her then you do

11/6/2005 3:14:46 AM

She better, she's got a kid on the way.

11/6/2005 3:15:32 AM

i'm pretty sure if you dont take responsability for the baby you dont have any say on whether or not it can be given up for adoption.

[Edited on November 6, 2005 at 3:16 AM. Reason : $$$]

11/6/2005 3:16:08 AM

you listened to my advice!

Quote :

"this is a thread for the soap box. because this goes at the core of western society's problems with such issues. see, that's why you get married first, then you get pregnant. because marriage shows commitment on the guy's part. without marriage, you are just a pawn, and you will be pwned."

11/6/2005 3:17:18 AM

wel according to the courts. He has more money so he can have a say

11/6/2005 3:19:49 AM

Quote :

"sounds like adoption or a tough life it can work either way"

This was said in the other thread, and is likely what will happen.

The way you described the chick's relationship, she and her partner seem to be stuck on the stupid idea perpetuated by emo music and the movie industry that love is some mystical force. In reality, esp. in a case like this, it's something that has to be worked on and maintained to "work". There options are simple...

Work it out, BE happy with each other, start a loving, happy, successful family (this will involve significant sacrifices). Have one person keep the baby, working hard to raise "it" on their own, or put it up for adoption.

The other option is that like so many other white-trash you see on daytime TV, they will end up being poor (because of the financial strain caused by the kid), bicker over child support, maybe fight over custody later on, meanwhile having the kid grow up feeling unwanted, being an underachiever, turning to coke or prostitution later in life, etc. (or, if the kid lucks out and gets a good combination of genes he/she might be smart enough to eventually rise about his situation, leave his idiotic parents, and start a successful life of his own).

11/6/2005 3:26:30 AM

I am grateful for your honesty. I want them to work it out but he isnt willing to speak at the moment.

What advice can I give my friend for him to talk? Or how to approach the situation?

11/6/2005 3:35:32 AM

now you're in my territory (TSB)

Quote :

"What advice can I give my friend for him to talk? Or how to approach the situation?"

Depends. How long has it been since they've talked? (Note: Since she found out she was pregnant doesn't work, I want days, weeks, months, etc.)

11/6/2005 4:08:13 AM

ask your friend is she wants her child to grow up without a father living in a rusted trailer park, being taken care of by the child's grandmother who collects welfare checks, and your friend will be working 3 part time jobs at mcdonalds, wal-mart, and a shipping warehouse, just to make enough money to buy her kid the finest shoes from the local thrift store.

my point is, it may be more humane to abort than to force it to have a miserable life.

11/6/2005 4:52:00 AM

Quote :

" He wont let her give it up for adoption"

becuase he will murder the baby?

she can give it up for adoption if she so desires.

11/6/2005 5:59:57 AM

^ definitely true under north carolina state law.

11/6/2005 7:42:48 AM

good. i was just guessing.

11/6/2005 8:04:54 AM

Quote :

"He decided not to take responsability so he broke up with her"

=/=

Quote :

"He wont let her give it up for adoption"

id tell your friend to tell the guy to fuck off

11/6/2005 8:50:48 AM

Quote :

"friend"

just so ya know, we all know you are the 'friend'

11/6/2005 10:18:04 AM

^^

It's not his baby, he gave up the damn responsibility of being a father (and all the decision making that goes with it).

[Edited on November 6, 2005 at 10:31 AM. Reason : ^]

11/6/2005 10:19:50 AM

^ I was about to say the same thing. If he's not willing to raise the kid, why should he have any say so about the kid?


And honestly what do you mean "let" her? Sounds like he's still in control of the relationship which can't be a good situation. If he's going to bail on her like that she needs to definately stay away from him permanantly.

11/6/2005 10:40:25 AM

I would say that he is trying to control her life yes. Its like he knows that he has all the power because she still loves him so he is going to run with it

11/6/2005 10:53:38 AM

even if he wanted to be the father, if the mom wants to have an abortion or give it up for adoption, shes the mom, she can do whatever she wants.

11/6/2005 10:56:01 AM

Quote :

"* He wont let her give it up for adoption"

It's not his decision really. If he's not even going out with her anymore I can't believe he even had the balls to say that.

If she won't abort it, I'd say that's probably the best thing to do anyways.

[Edited on November 6, 2005 at 11:13 AM. Reason : ]

11/6/2005 11:10:22 AM

he is a tww.. I would love to so nail him!!!!!!

11/6/2005 11:41:23 AM

I bet some of you even know him

11/6/2005 11:51:00 AM

esgargs?

11/6/2005 12:00:33 PM

ahahah

11/6/2005 12:07:31 PM

No.. its not him.. But I bet that you guys could guess who.. especially if you have been here long

11/6/2005 12:13:51 PM

just come out and say it, we all know you are dying to

11/6/2005 12:18:53 PM

I want to but I dont know if thats the right thing to do.

If it was me I would... but this is my friend we are talking about.. what if it messes up things between them even more

11/6/2005 12:31:44 PM

Personally, I think that if he isn't going to be with her then he has no business deciding whether it goes up for adoption.

11/6/2005 12:34:50 PM

It's Canedog isn't it

11/6/2005 12:50:14 PM

hahahahahaha

11/6/2005 1:03:45 PM

Quote :

"what if it messes up things between them even more"

What does that even mean?

Ideally, she needs to give the baby up for adoption, and break off all contact with him, the sooner the better.

If she insists on keeping the baby, she can easily sue for child support.

11/6/2005 2:01:44 PM

Statelady18 puts out.

11/6/2005 2:02:30 PM

Quote :

"what if it messes up things between them even more"

mmmm... he is shirking his responsibilty as a father, breaking up with her, but still controlling her life.

how much WORSE can it get?

WHO IS HE???

if you care for your friend, YOU WILL TELL US, so that either we can make him own up, or make him disappear from her life completely.

11/6/2005 7:14:31 PM

I am done asking you guys for help. I realize this was a bad idea

11/6/2005 9:47:24 PM

why have premarital sex if you're not willing to handle the consequences?

and secondly

what kind of fucked up moral system allows you to
1. have premarital sex
and/or
2. leave your pregnant bitch
but frowns on abortion

11/6/2005 9:52:19 PM