Everybody and his brother (or her sister) knows I'm currently separated. In the separation agreement, I specified that all utilities were to be transferred to my wife's name within six months of the date of separation.

That was almost seven months ago. She still hasn't done anything about it. Last month they cut off the power because it hadn't been paid; I got it hooked back up for her, but in the process, they're assessing a deposit because the bill has been paid late so many times. The deposit has to be paid by tomorrow (something she knows). It hasn't been paid, and the service hasn't been transferred. I get the bills and call her and give them to her when I get them. She makes no effort to ask for any of the bills at all.

Bottom line: this is truly pissing me off. Terminate the utilities? I'm tempted, but I am also too damn nice. I feel like I'm being played here.

I won't post all of the details for everyone to see here out of fairness.

3/30/2006 11:11:41 AM

Thank you for airing your dirty laundry.

3/30/2006 11:16:38 AM

Have you given her an ultimatum stating that if she does not switch the bills over by ___ date then you will have them cut off? I think just having them cut off with no warning, although sweetly revengeful and vidictively wonderful, may be a bit much if you have not let her know the seriousness of the situation. If, however, you have let her know that this shit is not cool and you will not stand for it, then I say let her shit get cut off. It serves her right.

3/30/2006 11:16:45 AM

i would say it depends on what you want your relationship to be with her

if you want to stay friends, you might try to do it nicely . . . but that apparently isn't working

if you don't want to talk to her again, have em turned off. As long as it is in your name and not being paid, it is just screwing up your credit even more.

3/30/2006 11:17:41 AM

^^ and ^bingo.

[Edited on March 30, 2006 at 11:18 AM. Reason : .]

3/30/2006 11:17:53 AM

specific performance clause, most sep agreements contain one.

easy win if you have to go to litigation

good threat if you dont want to venture down that road just yet.

3/30/2006 12:01:33 PM

I'm ready to be done with this whole deal. Five more months.

3/30/2006 12:16:48 PM

i still have like 11

3/30/2006 12:18:29 PM

Zx- i wouldnt wait that long but for the following reason

If the account is in your name it's fucking up your credit history with that company to have the bill paid late and stuff. WIth progress I think it takes 12 straight months minimum of non late payments to get things back to where they started if it's gotten messed up, it can take longer depending.

She's already broken a legally binding contract, you need to enforce it or nothing will ever happen. I'd give her a month.

3/30/2006 12:39:54 PM

turn that shit off

niceness works for a bit....dont let her take advantage of you

3/30/2006 1:26:31 PM

yep terminate it all

3/30/2006 1:38:09 PM

yeah terminate that shit.

3/30/2006 1:56:05 PM

bang her one last time and then turn that shit off

3/30/2006 2:16:29 PM

find out when the power will get turned off and be there with her in the bed when it happens....

3/30/2006 2:19:35 PM

^^ & ^ not touching that or going there anymore.

I'll be damned. She just called and said she'd had it taken care of. We shall soon see what happens.

I have a big problem with feeling guilty for not helping more, and this has been truly hard to shake. I really want her to be okay and to get her act together and make a good life for herself. There are lots of times I miss her, and sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't try to work things out. But I'm also wondering if I'm just asking for it if I do something like that.

3/30/2006 2:25:34 PM

Dude quit being a pussy and stop feeling sorry for her

the money youre gonna have to shell out for the next few years is plenty of support

3/30/2006 2:39:11 PM

That's another thought entirely. And, given the circumstances, I hope doesn't figure into the equation.

3/30/2006 2:57:49 PM

Thank you for airing your dirty laundry.

3/30/2006 3:09:00 PM

yeah yeah yeah.

3/30/2006 3:45:55 PM

Rewarding bad behavior isn't being too nice just as teaching a kid to cry to get its way would be a disservice later in life.

3/30/2006 4:38:10 PM

cut her off. not in a month, not two weeks, yesterday.

3/30/2006 4:45:51 PM

There's a reason stuff like this is put in paper: so that you can let her let her power be shut off, and have full ass coverage from the legal standpoint.

Put your foot down, man.

3/30/2006 4:47:32 PM

Thanks for your responses.

I suppose it's really hard to let go of something and somebody when there was so much good that came of it all (before the split). I suppose I feel like a shithead for protecting myself like I have. Kinda stupid, huh?

3/30/2006 5:39:17 PM

Quote :

"She just called and said she'd had it taken care of. We shall soon see what happens."

Sounds like she is stalking your posts. Maybe you suspect that and that's why you wrote the next line as well.

3/30/2006 5:43:58 PM

Quote :

"Dude quit being a pussy and stop feeling sorry for her"

no shit, man. y'all didn't separate because you needed time apart, did ya? no. you separated because a one year separation is required by law before you can get a divorce. you'll make it easier on yourself and get over her quicker if you try to forget her, even though i'm sure you'll always love her. in fact, you'd probably be doing her a favor by making her take care of herself since i'm sure you've been taking care of everything these past years.

Quote :

"I suppose it's really hard to let go of something and somebody when there was so much good that came of it all (before the split)."

if y'all don't have a child together, then anything good that came from it can easily come from somebody else. quite punishing yourself. you're too cool of a guy to let the suffering continue.

3/30/2006 6:25:21 PM

Quote :

"I feel like I'm being played here."

'cause you are

3/30/2006 6:38:58 PM

the bitch is milking you like a cow and you keep on moooin

3/30/2006 7:05:40 PM

are there kids?

if yes, then figure out a way to work this out

if no kids

terminate it all

3/30/2006 7:15:45 PM

Even if there are kids ... really, she can live in a hotel for a few days. Terminate, and let her suffer. You are definitely being played, and it'll hurt YOUR credit long-run.

3/30/2006 7:18:35 PM

Thing is, I don't even think she's totally conscious of playing me. I think it's just that ingrained. And that is sad.

Her mother is the same damn way. Probably worse. Wife is WAY smarter and better at hiding it.


no kids. She has a 12 yr old son (had him @16), though. And I hate the thought of him stuck in the middle of all of this. He's a smart kid, though, and knows what's going on.

[Edited on March 30, 2006 at 7:38 PM. Reason : more.]

3/30/2006 7:37:32 PM

she should be responsible enough by 28 to pay her utilities, id cut it off. then again, if you're like me, id cut it off by burning down the house... but i get wrapped around the axle sometimes

3/30/2006 7:43:14 PM

sorry about your seperation troubles. but I'd cut her off, you don't owe her anything

3/30/2006 7:56:03 PM

Teach the boy not to put up with stuck-up money-grubbin hoes I can say that cuz I'm a girl

3/30/2006 8:13:10 PM

Thanks for all the replies. It's just time for this chapter to end. I'm ready to move on.

3/31/2006 12:28:30 PM

Here is what you do. Put a lead on the disconnect date. Go ahead and call them and say you want the account out of your name on April 20th. Hang up the phone and call her and tell her you have it out of your name as of April 20th.

That way when the time rolls around its not like you abruptly did it. If it does end up getting turned off you can play stupid and say well I did that three weeks ago and forgot about it, I though you had it taken care of.

Thats what I tell people when they they come in my sales office mad when their power gets switched off a week or so after they closed. I play stupid, "its automatic the office schedules it seven days after your closing, we gave you the the peice of paper that said so with the phone numbers, right?" it puts it on the other person and they cant be mad when they did it to themselves.

3/31/2006 12:34:49 PM

If I seperated, I would cancel all joint ownership.

Thats just me.

3/31/2006 2:09:10 PM

Quote :

"you will not stand for it"

this aggression will not stand, man

3/31/2006 2:39:26 PM

Huh?

3/31/2006 5:24:07 PM

take my advice. its the best way to dispose of the situation. at least this aspect of it.

3/31/2006 5:38:27 PM

If you ever feel like you miss her, you're probably bored and/or lonely. You don't miss her. You're not being nice, you're being a doormat.

3/31/2006 5:45:54 PM

If it's one thing I'm not, it's bored. I have so many things going on, it's nuts. I work no less than three jobs and have two or three hobbies. I don't have time to be bored!

Lonely? If it's one thing I have few problems with, it's being alone. See above.

Actually, female companionship is nice if you find somebody you click with.

3/31/2006 6:02:17 PM

^that was deep. ; )

3/31/2006 7:08:20 PM

She took care of the power bill.

We agreed on one more month on the gas bill.

I suppose I'm going to keep on worrying about her until she at least gets hooked up with somebody worth a damn or finds a decent roommate.

4/3/2006 5:11:43 PM