i got the most unexpected phone call from my girlfriend last night about how she feels like i go out of my way to not pay for her sometimes. we meet for lunch almost every single day (at least 5 times a week), and we each pay for ourselves usually. every now and then i'll pay for hers just to surprise her and to do something nice for her. if we go out on a "date" or whatever, i always pay for everything. the other day we met up for lunch at quiznos, and the lady was like "the total comes to $12 (something)." i was like "we're actually separate." and she re-adjusted the price and we each paid like normal. when we sat down she started acting kind of tired and untalkative or whatever, i couldn't figure out what the problem was. i thought maybe she was pms-ing or something so i just didn't say anything about it. but then she called me last night and said that it really bothered her that i "went out of my way" to not pay for her. she also brought up another occasion where she had invited me to come eat dinner with her and her roomate and some friends for her roomate's birthday. we went out to eat at o'charlies and she said that she felt that it was weird that i didn't pay for her that night. i told her that i'm not the type of person that will just pay for everything when i date someone. i told her that when we hang out in groups or meet up for lunch i'm not going to pay for her unless i view it as a "date" where i am the one that initiates it. i just don't feel like that should be expected of me. but maybe i'm wrong.

one more thing, the only time she's ever spent money on me (other than gas/driving) is for a 20 oz bottle of water at subway

[Edited on May 5, 2006 at 7:21 PM. Reason : /]

5/5/2006 7:04:37 PM

words

5/5/2006 7:06:44 PM

it's really not that long man. try reading one of salisburyboy's posts.

5/5/2006 7:09:32 PM

dude, you are a college student, most of which are halfway broke all the way through school. I dont know what your situation is, but she shouldnt bring that up. I agree with paying for dates etc, and if you do pay for everything then more power to you. But she should expect that of you, i think thats bullshit.

5/5/2006 7:09:53 PM

the funny thing is, she's the one with the job

but she says it's not about the money, she just thinks that i don't care

[Edited on May 5, 2006 at 7:12 PM. Reason : /]

5/5/2006 7:10:35 PM

spoiled bitch, unless she pays for everything from time to time.... or she gives the best head you've ever had

5/5/2006 7:10:44 PM

haha. neither.

5/5/2006 7:12:38 PM

shrug i always paid for my gf's shiz. some ppl expect it that way, others dont. tell her that your frames are misaligned and that she needs to expand!!!! they love it when you spew bs like that (by love, i of course mean hate).

5/5/2006 7:21:03 PM

Any girl that complains that you don't spend enough on her

doesn't deserve to have ANYTHING spent on her.

Some people are just spoiled, ungrateful bitches.

5/5/2006 7:25:31 PM

If she's the one with the job she should be paying her own way

If you get a job where you make twice as much as she does, then you pay most times

Greedy girls are no fun

5/5/2006 7:26:29 PM

fuck that man, i wouldnt put up with that shit

5/5/2006 7:28:28 PM

maybe it was kind of embarrassing for her when you didn't pay for her at O'Charley's in front of her friends and you just made it worse when you embarrassed her again at Quizno's.

or perhaps she feels like you don't really want to take care of her as she feels she should be.



I'm not saying I agree, just offering a woman's perspective

5/5/2006 7:29:23 PM

Whoa whoa whoa, women have feelings?

5/5/2006 7:30:03 PM

i think that it may have been a little rude to force the quizno's thing to be seperate...

but i think from now on, you should make it clear to her when you're willing to pay and not. it sounds like you already did, during this conversation, but was she responsive to that?

5/5/2006 7:31:44 PM

Quote :

"maybe it was kind of embarrassing for her when you didn't pay for her at O'Charley's in front of her friends and you just made it worse when you embarrassed her again at Quizno's."

BINGO.

5/5/2006 7:37:24 PM

I dated a girl for awhile who refused to pay for anything (even when she was making significantly more than me). Didn't mind at first, but it really started to grate on me eventually. The same attitude shows up in other ways--she was fairly unappreciative of anything I did, not just money spent.

The girl I'm seeing now is way better. We take turns paying for things when we go out, and she doesn't have any expectations really. Hell, she still seems confused by the fact that I open car doors for her.

I think the "guy pays for everything" rule is fucking retarded considering that women work now.

5/5/2006 7:37:26 PM

Quote :

"spoiled bitch"

5/5/2006 8:37:05 PM

break up with her.

she fucking called you and told you this?

good christ.

5/5/2006 8:38:17 PM

As a general rule we go dutch, or if he pays for me, next time I'll pay for him. I don't expect him to pay for everything. Same rule applies to movies, if it's a movie I really want to see, but he's not too stoked about, I'll pay for both of us and vice versa. However...if we are out in a group of friends, or especially couples, I like him to pay, I don't know why, it just makes me feel special. And then next time we're out I'll make a mental note to pay for us both. So we're even pretty much.

5/5/2006 8:53:07 PM

hahahha, it's a vanity thing. Trying to impress friends.

5/5/2006 9:01:20 PM

duh that is what women are all about

5/5/2006 9:08:18 PM

I thought the one who invites is the one who pays.

5/5/2006 9:20:50 PM

Equal rights amendment, make that bitch pay.

5/5/2006 9:34:32 PM

First rule of dating.

Do not pay for her unless you think you can trust her enough to be your accountant.

5/5/2006 9:34:46 PM

When my husband and I were dating, he would pay for things when I didn't have any money. I always felt bad when I couldn't pay for my own. Sometimes I would tell him no when he asked if I wanted to go out to get some food with him just because I didn't have any money and I didn't want him to have to pay. I knew he didn't mind paying for mine, but I didn't want him to feel like I was abusing his generosity.
I can KIND of see why she got upset at Quizno's when you told the cashier that it was seperate. It probably made her feel unimportant or whatever when you made a big deal about it being seperate after it was already rang up. She probably thought that if you cared about her, then it wouldn't be a big deal to swing 6 or 7 bucks. I don't really see it as that big of an issue, but maybe you guys could work out her paying for yours once and next time you pay for hers. Or, if you all are REALLY serious, then maybe you could think about setting up a checking/debit account together and equally put in a little money every week or so and then use that money for when you go out on dates or to lunch.

5/5/2006 9:40:21 PM

my boyfriend and I just subconsiously alternate when we go out. We don't keep track of it or anything, but both of us are poor, so its not fair for either of us to pay all the time. This Woman's Perspective::: Women are expected to be treated equal to men, but then expect men to take care of them, etc.... you can't have both. Both should pay evenly. just my opinion

5/5/2006 9:47:51 PM

1) you eat out too much

5/5/2006 10:30:54 PM

c'mon man everyone knows that chicks don't dig jews

5/5/2006 10:32:00 PM

Quote :

"words"

5/5/2006 10:34:21 PM

My fiance tends to always pay for meals, he pays rent, and he pays all the bills. I pay my cellphone, and do all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. I also buy his clothes and do all the shopping. I think thats our trade off. I don't feel that a guy should ever pay for everything. There should always be some sort of trade off. Whether monetary...or in my case...labor.

5/5/2006 10:41:11 PM

Quote :

"I can KIND of see why she got upset at Quizno's when you told the cashier that it was seperate. It probably made her feel unimportant or whatever when you made a big deal about it being seperate after it was already rang up. She probably thought that if you cared about her, then it wouldn't be a big deal to swing 6 or 7 bucks."

we have a winner. obviously it would be one thing if this was a once in a blue moon occurance, but by the sounds of it, you sometimes make it a point to pay seperately. I seriously doubt this would be an issue if you COMMUNICATED what you were going to do ahead of time.

5/5/2006 10:41:32 PM

once your are girlfriend/boyfriend there is no such thing as dates, dont pay for shit even if u initiate, but i assume you are like me and go the extra mile to make your girlfriend feel wanted every now and then by taking her to a speacial, which is great but not a requirment. if she asks for it, dump her ass.

but if u happen to be at a resturant and they by mistake give you a whole check, dont go out of your way to ask for seperate checks, just pay it, if that happens alot, just hand her the check everynow and then and make her pay for it. if she says no, dump her ass.

HOWEVER, when u go out in GROUP thing, u should pay for her. makes her feel taken care of, and thats one thing girls care alot about, reputations that is, especially infornt of thier friends.

my 2 cents

5/5/2006 10:47:14 PM

Well if you guys go out to eat every day (or near that) I wouldn't expect the guy to pay, hell I never expect the guy to pay unless he whips out the wallet and won't let me, and even then I still feel weird, but I won't make it into a scene (you know, the people that fight over the check). I think you have the right idea about paying for dates, I mean paying shouldn't be expected but it's just a nice gesture.

5/5/2006 11:09:36 PM

Quote :

"just so long as she puts out"

5/5/2006 11:13:36 PM

me and my gf split EVERYTHING 50/50.

you need a new UNDERSTANDING g/f.

when my financial situation improves, i won't expect SHIT from my gf

5/5/2006 11:37:32 PM

me and my gf just split everything unless i cover it occassionally. she's not pissed either way. and she sure doesn't keep mental track of when i pay and don't pay. if i was making shit tons of cash i'd cover everything, but i don't. and she understands that, so that makes it all better

5/6/2006 12:07:19 AM

^

I bet you the state of Texas she keeps a mental log. Does she bring it up? Obviously not





[Edited on May 6, 2006 at 12:12 AM. Reason : .]

5/6/2006 12:10:43 AM

i didnt read the thread
i think what she's trying to say is that when you make such a point to say "we're split" when the lady has already said the total for both she feels unimportant, like you cant even dish out the extra six bucks but rather you choose to wait while the girl does more work to split the charge.
and being in front of friends, well she talks to the girls about you and she wants you to make a good impression on them, fact is women may expect men to pay for it, if you dont she may start to get heat from her friends about being with you even though its something retardedly small the fact is she now has to deal with this friend who doesnt particularly care for you, and still not feel persuaded by what her friend says.

and really what is the big deal of catching an extra six bucks? i think that if you both make a point to pay it shouldnt be a problem, a relationship shouldnt be all about who pays what and how is it equal. having you two on one tab also confirms you two being a couple and makes her feel better, i cant explain why but subconsciously yeah. it doesnt sound like she's expecting you to pay every single time, so dont think she's some spoiled bitch or something, there were other contributors that caused her to feel this way.

im blabbing.

[Edited on May 6, 2006 at 12:14 AM. Reason : yrt]

5/6/2006 12:13:46 AM

Quote :

"1) you eat out too much"

5/6/2006 12:26:15 AM

like said before she probably was mad that you went out of the way to make it separate at Quizno's. the other time it seemed like she was only worried because her friends were there. if that's the case then that's fucked up anyway. if she's got a job she should definitely be paying shit. i used to be the type of person with my gf that i paid for everything, but in reality you can't do that shit, it's unfair and she needs to be paying some too. my gf is the type of person that didnt want me to pay for everything anyway, she wanted to pay some too so it worked out.

5/6/2006 12:51:50 AM

if she invited you out to o'charlies she should have payed for both of you.

this is fucking 2005. start calling her baby and telling her to cook your dinner and iron your shirts and i bet all of a sudden she will be a progressive women

but seriously, how fucked up is that towards you? "hey do you want to come out to dinner with me? sure? ok, oh, but just one thing, can you pay?"

i would feel used as hell. you dont invite me out to dinner and then try to get me to pay, that would make it feel like that is the only reason she invited me out. i bet she takes you out for your b-day and then makes you pay, huh?

it would be diff if she paid for you every now and then, but if not she should least pay for you when she is asking you to go out somewhere

5/6/2006 1:09:37 AM

^lol, i think its 2006 man

-ZiP!-

5/6/2006 1:13:57 AM

omg where am i

i have no idea what's going on right now

5/6/2006 1:15:53 AM

and this is why cashiers should ask "together or separate"

if she gets pissed when you say separate then... give her a talk.

5/6/2006 1:22:58 AM

its just money

5/6/2006 1:32:27 AM

Quote :

"i thought maybe she was pms-ing or something so i just didn't say anything about it. "

Assuming PMS is the only reason a woman would ever display an emotion other than happiness is stupid.

5/6/2006 4:54:27 AM

and youre assuming shit about him. it is his girlfriend after all, did you stop to think that he might have some sort of clue about when she is PMSing. get over yourself.

5/6/2006 6:30:47 AM

i think its pretty cool that she's that honest with you

5/6/2006 7:20:23 AM

that really sucks... I couldn't deal with a girl like that. My girlfriend never expects for me to pay for anything. Even when we go to cookout or something and the orders are combined, she basically throws money at me (though I tell her I don't want her money most of the time). And when I do pay for her, she tries her best to get it back to me... paying for food sometime or whatever. Aparently I have it great!

5/6/2006 7:24:30 AM

try not offering to pay next time

i mean you indeed may have it great, but it doesn't mean prep-e's got it that bad per se

5/6/2006 7:42:28 AM