Signed,

Serfdom, Fuedalism, and Exploring for Spices in Wooden Ships


greatest email ever

7/5/2006 3:54:37 PM

lock. suspend. terminate.

7/5/2006 4:00:49 PM

Signed,

Most of the World's Population

7/5/2006 4:02:42 PM

All sports can't be relevant to a world full of fatasses who have five second attention spans.

7/5/2006 4:06:37 PM

o boo-hoo

that emailer was spot-on

7/5/2006 4:16:31 PM

hilarity. I want more scoring CHANCES in a game, damnit.

7/5/2006 4:17:42 PM

I mean, it's a good joke, and it's somewhat true, but only because people these days can't be bothered to look at something for more than five minutes at a time or examine complexities that don't appear on the surface.

7/5/2006 4:21:00 PM

o you mean like football or baseball or basketball or tennis or golf or hockey or fishing or nascar or fighting or track or curling or billiards are shallow

gotcha

[Edited on July 5, 2006 at 4:26 PM. Reason : b]

7/5/2006 4:25:01 PM

I've watched a fair amount of the world cup this year, and in years past (by no means am I saying this makes me an expert), but what gets me about the sport is it seems that 80-85% of the game, neither team is anywhere near a position to score.

7/5/2006 4:27:33 PM

When football is on TV, the color guy draws exactly what happened on the screen after nearly every play.

When you turn on a soccer game, you see the score, but that tells you essentially nothing about the game (see Italy 2-0 Germany).

7/5/2006 4:29:11 PM

The italians are advancing again? Oh hell.

Signed,
The French

7/5/2006 4:30:22 PM

because nothing is going on

7/5/2006 4:31:28 PM

that is suppose to be Germany in that line

7/5/2006 4:33:06 PM

^^ Thanks for proving my point.

7/5/2006 4:40:08 PM

hahahah the cry of the defeated lay-warrior

7/5/2006 4:47:50 PM

I could write you an essay about the nature of using two holding midfielders and a side-bias faux 4-5-1 with both fullbacks pushing the wings, but I'm trying to watch the game.

7/5/2006 4:49:36 PM

you'd have plenty of time during the parts of the game where they're perpetually running back and forth on the middle 2/3 of the field.

7/5/2006 4:53:34 PM

'running'

so what do they talk about during those 'nil' moments? the goal that was attempted 56 minutes ago?

7/5/2006 4:54:37 PM

Well I didn't then, Portugal had pulled their goalie.

Ideally, they don't talk about anything. On English broadcasts, they mostly tell you who has the ball and then shut up, unless someone makes a particularly bad pass, at which point they'll say "that was god-awful" or some such thing.

[Edited on July 5, 2006 at 4:56 PM. Reason : toooh]

7/5/2006 4:54:45 PM

...I didn't know that we are living in purely homosexual times

7/5/2006 4:59:56 PM

Quote :

"lock. suspend. terminate."

7/5/2006 5:25:16 PM

eat. digest. grow.

i provide insight and knowledge, it is the food

7/5/2006 5:28:41 PM

if you want to see alot of goals then watch the english premiership or other club football where they play alot more loose than the world cup

7/5/2006 5:43:46 PM

id rather see some world cup rugby

7/5/2006 9:22:51 PM

My favorite part of soccer is how everytime someone is touched they fall to the ground screaming. I know sometimes it does hurt but its so gay like what if everytime there was a foul in basketball, the guy who got fouled fell to the ground screaming for like 3 mins, it would get pretty gay. And yes, by gay i mean completely homosexual.

7/5/2006 9:47:14 PM

haha i learned that there is a term for that crap, its called 'flopping'

ITS A JAP PLAY


[Edited on July 5, 2006 at 9:53 PM. Reason : k]

7/5/2006 9:52:41 PM

^^ i love soccer, watching it and playing it, but i can agree with that statement to an extent


i played for like 13 years and the only time i ever came out of a game due to "injury" was being hit point blank in the nuts on someone trying to rip a hard shot. when your gag reflex starts going after being hit in the nuts, its time to take a breather

[Edited on July 5, 2006 at 9:57 PM. Reason : .]

7/5/2006 9:56:37 PM

Quote :

"I mean, it's a good joke, and it's somewhat true, but only because people these days can't be bothered to look at something for more than five minutes at a time or examine complexities that don't appear on the surface. "

exact same could be said for baseball... people who think it's boring dont understand/aren't aware of everything going on .... same way with soccer

7/5/2006 10:05:55 PM

that's the only reason i don't like watching soccer. i like to watch the gameplay and love all aspects of the game except the flopping and writhing. and since that happens roughly every time one player gets within 10 feet of another, i can rarely watch a full match.

ball stolen: fall on ground, grab shin, writhe, pretend to be in extreme pain
failed challenge: fall on ground, grab shin, writhe, pretend to be in extreme pain
knock heads with another player: fall on ground, grab shin, writhe, pretend to be in extreme pain

. . .

7/5/2006 10:54:28 PM

so I've never really paid attention... what happens at the end of writhing in pain ? are they carried off ?


if they just writhed. .. then got up and went on their merry way, that'd kinda ruin it for me

7/5/2006 11:13:12 PM

thats what they do, they get up and start playing again like God skeeted the Holy Gametes on them

7/5/2006 11:19:18 PM

Quote :

"like God skeeted the Holy Gametes on them"

7/5/2006 11:28:23 PM

fucking EXPLORING FOR SPICES IN WOODEN SHIPS

7/6/2006 12:37:45 AM

Dear Futbol,

I want my Flop back.

Signed,
Brendan Heywood, Ilian Evtimov, etc.

7/6/2006 9:23:05 AM

i also have issues with the clock management and penalty rules

i think the clock should be stopped when the ball is held still for any significant amount of time, and there should be a penalty box where players are relegated to for minutes at a time--i don't like penalty kicks; i like real goals better

7/6/2006 10:05:43 AM

^^no mention of Vlade??

7/6/2006 10:56:08 AM

Here's the thing, If you've played soccer then you know any collision between players is going to send someone flying.

Now, if you're on the receiving end and go down you can either get back up and try and get the ball back (very unlikely at the speeds those guys run) or you can flop around and hope for a penalty of sorts.

7/6/2006 11:17:06 AM

I really don't understand where this "clock stopping" argument comes from, other than people who don't watch the game a lot. THE CLOCK IN THE STADIUM HAS NO BEARING ON THE GAME, IT'S JUST A GUIDE FOR THE CROWD. The timekeeping that matters is done by the referee and fourth official, and when there's a long stoppage, they note it and add it to the stoppage time, which is shown on a large board by the fourth official when the game nears 90 minutes.

As for penalizing flopping, it's hard to do it when you have a two-stage penalty system and the second stage is ejection when you have to deal with fouls like studs-up challenges at full speed. It's ludicrous to give someone a yellow card for flopping anywhere but inside the box when you also get a yellow card for attacking the back of a guy's leg with both feet. With that said, yesterday at a press conference Sepp Blatter (the usually moronic FIFA president) proposed raising the yellow-to-red hierarchy to three cautions, which would give provision for a caution on particularly bad dives in any dangerous position, inside the box or not.

7/6/2006 2:03:04 PM

^^ Yeah, a collision sends you flying, but it doesn't cause catastrophic leg injury every time.

If diving wasn't rewarded so often, the diving would decrease (in theory), and I'd enjoy soccer more.

7/6/2006 8:15:49 PM

Quote :

"exact same could be said for baseball... people who think it's boring dont understand/aren't aware of everything going on .... same way with soccer"

Why does every soccer fan have to imply that anyone who doesn't like soccer is obviously a lazy, short-sighted moron? That's why I don't like soccer. I understand baseball and soccer, but I just don't care.

7/7/2006 4:35:29 PM