I saw this on SouthernPigksin. Pretty funny...

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different from up North. For those who are planning a football trip in the South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Guliani
SOUTH: Archie & Payton Manning, Bo Jackson, Joe Namath, Lee Roy Jordan,
Pat Dye, Bobby Bowden, Terry Bradshaw, I could go on,..but you get the point...

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets. More like two years...

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

8/2/2006 10:58:29 AM

god damn

this is seriously older than the internet

and was never funny

8/2/2006 10:59:59 AM

yeah, very old, and not very accurate

8/2/2006 11:08:13 AM

north peopllle
dunnnnanun
south peoplle

8/2/2006 11:09:16 AM

i thought this thread was gonna be about the Shrine Bowl

8/2/2006 11:33:14 AM

yeah, wasn't this, like, the second thing ever on the internet?

8/2/2006 11:33:53 AM

Quote :

"Stadium Size: NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people. SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. "

did the Big Ten disband overnight?

8/2/2006 11:36:00 AM

okay, okay, just lock the thread and get it over with......gosh

8/2/2006 11:40:11 AM

north people do thhhhiiiisssssss

south people

south people do thaaaattt

8/2/2006 11:41:21 AM

Quote :

"i thought this thread was gonna be about the Shrine Bowl "

8/2/2006 1:41:07 PM

woh that is older than god

8/2/2006 1:46:18 PM

ahah hes hurt cuz no one found the funny

8/2/2006 1:46:41 PM

i hear they dont even play with a pigskin up north...its a 100% crystal ball and everyones scared to touch it.

8/2/2006 1:58:08 PM

this list is fucking stupid

my sisters highschool in upstate NY held 20k, and they packed that place every fucking friday night

did this guy forget about penn state, the carrier dome, camp randall, pittsburgh, the horseshoe, michigan/michigan state, notre dame etc.

and i know this is mostly geared towards college, but i would like to see the writer try to get giants tickets, or eagles tickets, or green bay tickets, more like a 25 year waiting list, or after a relative dies......which would be a sharp contrast to trying to get dolphins/falcons/jacksonville tickets

[Edited on August 2, 2006 at 1:59 PM. Reason : .]

8/2/2006 1:58:23 PM

jaguars tickets are really easy to get

8/2/2006 2:04:35 PM

that was my point

8/2/2006 2:05:54 PM

Quote :

"i thought this thread was gonna be about the Shrine Bowl"

honestly I did

8/2/2006 2:07:43 PM

^yeah, i was thinking something along those lines as well

8/2/2006 2:10:25 PM

i watched either the 1999 or 2000 Shrine Bowl the other month

Devonte Edwards was ballin

8/2/2006 2:20:25 PM

people in the North go to NFL games

8/2/2006 2:37:20 PM

yeah and i think the "NORTH" thing was referring more to new england where college football ISNT big

Michigan, Notre Dame, Ohio State, etc...considered midwest, not "north"

8/2/2006 2:40:20 PM

I understand your point, but then we can only count nc, sc, and ga as the south

if the south stretches all the way to LSU campus, which I am sure the writer of this article is using as "the south" it is kind of a tough comparison if "the North" is only new england

In Pennsylvania and NY, Penn State and Cuse are huge, and Va Tech is pretty close to counting as north. maryland isn't any slouch for football support either.

anyways, with those slime perameters, taking only into consideration new england, yes northern FB is a joke compared to all of ACC/SEC country

8/2/2006 2:57:49 PM

Quote :

"Penn State and Cuse are huge"

well Penn State football is huge

i think it must be focusing on the north east...the Big Least...SEC/ACC/Big Ten/Big 12 are more serious about their football

8/2/2006 3:00:24 PM

this list was over when they spelled Peyton wrong

8/2/2006 6:10:58 PM

The only one that's even mildly amusing is this one:

Quote :

"Commentary (Male): NORTH: "Nice play." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Commentary (Female): NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.""

But that's not a North/South woman thing anyway.

And, by the way, I absolutely hate it when people talk like that about college athletes, especially during the game.

8/2/2006 10:26:10 PM

god damn

this is seriously older than the internet

and was never funny

8/2/2006 10:31:07 PM