you know the girl is the right one? Most people say a year of dating, then a year of engagement to truly know someone...

How long did everyone else's relationships evolve before the question was 'popped' or actually getting married...????

9/7/2006 12:46:09 PM

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. We don't think about it or talk about it. (Granted we're both in college.) I guess you just know when its right.

I wouldn't listen to people if they say you're moving too fast, let you and her decide that.

[Edited on September 7, 2006 at 12:53 PM. Reason : ]

9/7/2006 12:50:06 PM

Its all up to you. What do you think? Its not really one of those things you can put to a timeline.

9/7/2006 12:53:46 PM

If you have to ask, you're not with the right girl.

9/7/2006 12:53:52 PM

Quote :

"Most people say a year of dating, then a year of engagement to truly know someone... "

So they get engaged before they truly know the person? Fuck that. Who says that anyways?

[Edited on September 7, 2006 at 1:25 PM. Reason : fuck you crazy code]

9/7/2006 1:25:35 PM

It all depends on your relationship. I would say that sometimes you do "just know", but sometimes it may just be the hardest decision you'll ever have to make. Once you make that decision, though, don't pussyfoot around about it. Go with it, and go all out. Anything less and you may be inviting future disaster.

Ask yourself these (rhetorical) questions:
1.) Is this the person you really want in your life? All of it?
2.) How well do you two deal with conflict? Have you dealt with a major argument with an open mind, compromising when necessary for a positive resolution? Do either of you try to emotionally injure the other in a conflict situation?
3.) What are the things about her that annoy you? Amplify those 5 to 10 times. Is she still fun to be with? (Remember, love mitigates, so you'll be willing to accept a little of this, but that might not always be enough..)
4.) What are the things that you love about her? Can you envision yourself without those things?
5.) Are you willing to change and grow with that person, entwining your lives to your mutual emotional benefit?

All these things are important, and there are many many more that can be just as important. I'm no counselor, so I can just name the things that I've experienced. You have to decide for yourself when the time is right. Think about it with a clear head, though. Talk to people you actually trust to give you an honest response, and then take their response to heart. We learn the most about ourselves through the eyes of others.

That was way too serious. I'm going to hang out in Chit Chat for a while!

9/7/2006 1:34:08 PM

8 months and 3 days.

9/7/2006 1:36:56 PM

Quote :

"you know the girl is the right one?"

you dick you could have fit that in the title and i wouldn't have wasted my damned time on this thread.

9/7/2006 1:43:21 PM

There is no length ... it can be 1 hour, 1 day, 1 year, or 1 century.

I think I slept over at my fiancees place 4-5 times a week while we were still dating. We weren't ready for marriage at that point, but we were definitely committed to each other. I popped the question at a more appropriate time, when I had a job, and some income.

9/7/2006 1:46:52 PM

Quote :

"If you have to ask, you're not with the right girl. "

idiot

9/7/2006 1:47:46 PM

Live with them for 6 months. If that works out pop the question. do NOT propose to someone before you live with them.

9/7/2006 1:53:42 PM

As cliched as it may sound, you'll know. Be aware, many people settle before they hit that point.

9/7/2006 2:20:05 PM

Quote :

"Live with them for 6 months. If that works out pop the question. do NOT propose to someone before you live with them."

i'm glad i lived with my (now) ex-girlfriend for six months.

9/7/2006 2:50:46 PM

I didn't live with my wife before we got married, but don't see a real problem with it either.

9/7/2006 2:52:48 PM

Well, we "knew" after a couple months of dating, but we were also friends for almost 3 years before we started dating. Now we didn't rush into things or anything. From the time we knew to the time we actually got married was about 4 years.

9/7/2006 2:56:33 PM

0/10

9/7/2006 3:51:43 PM

I dated my boyfriend for 6 years before he popped the question, and the last of those 6 years we lived together. Then it was another year-and-a-half of living together before we got married (October 15, 2005). You HAVE to know the ins and outs, good and bad, in order to truely be able to spend the rest of your life with someone...and even then, it's not easy. I'm glad we waited as long as we did.

But to answer your question, I "knew" he was the one after like a month of dating him.

[Edited on September 7, 2006 at 4:47 PM. Reason : I like to talk]

9/7/2006 4:46:04 PM

Quote :

"Live with them for 6 months. If that works out pop the question. do NOT propose to someone before you live with them."

i couldn't agree more. i think everyone should live with someone before they get married. that could save alot of problems. i've been living with my girlfriend for a year and 4 months now and we've been together almost 2 years. I would say we wil be engaged sometime soon, but not for sure exactly when.

Quote :

"I popped the question at a more appropriate time, when I had a job, and some income."

I'm waiting for certain things to fall into place before I do it. We both know it's what we want but it's not quite the right time yet.

9/8/2006 12:46:02 AM

18 mos.

if you still feel the same about them after a yr and a half, its all good

9/8/2006 12:48:35 AM

this is a complicated question with no absolute answer because everyone is different, every relationship is different, and every situation is different.

the only thing you can do is not rush it, because if she feels differently, it could be detrimental.

if she's the right one, she will still be there in the future and wont leave you based only on the fact that you didnt ask after a year.

there are so many factors that play here, that only you know if she is.

9/8/2006 1:07:43 AM

dabaker79 = Dr. Phil

Seriously though, if you took away sex and her looks would you still have the same feelings about her. I say this because eventually those will be gone and you will have to actually talk to her. If your personalities don't "click" then you might end up like many of the guys I used to work with, trying to come up with everything you can to be out of the house. You don't want to live like that.

9/8/2006 1:45:54 AM

5 pages.

9/8/2006 1:48:22 AM

i have been dating my guy for 4 years, and we are still not engaged. I can see it happening after he and I graduate from college and have jobs so in the near future.

As for living together before marriage, thats up to the couple to do. I personally don't agree with it, and I have my reasons.

9/8/2006 2:55:33 AM

You'll know she's the one when your passions subside and you could seriously see yourself spending time with her without all the illicit premarital sex and fanciful ideas of playing house.

Don't do it until you have financial stability by your own merit. You've got to experience life as an independent one-man "institution," without the institution of marriage holding you back.

It is highly likely she'll be dissatisfied with her life and have an affair later on if she marries too young.

People are horrible, nasty creatures, and that's the bottom line.

9/8/2006 3:27:33 AM

there is no such thing as the one...

9/8/2006 6:35:41 AM

well, we've only dated for 6 mos. now and I knew she'd be the one I asked to marry me after like a month.. I was just worried that was too soon!

I have been in 3, long term relationships (all over 3 years) before her, and none of them made me feel like she does. So that's kinda how I started thinking about things...

I've already bought the ring and am now just planning on the date....I just wanted to hear everyone's perspective!

9/8/2006 7:28:30 AM

i think most people wouldn't propose after only 6 months, but if you know she's the one, go ahead and pop the question.

9/8/2006 7:33:23 AM

What's the rush? Do you think she's going somewhere if you don't propose?

I agree with most of the others, you should definitely live with her for a good while before popping the question. Also, do you feel like you know most everything about her (her quirks, superstitions, habits)? It just seems like 6 months is a short time.

9/8/2006 8:07:28 AM

My parents, as well as my best friend's parents, were engaged within about 6 weeks and both couples are still together 25+ years later.
On the other hand, I have some friends who dated for 2 or 3 years before they got married and are divorced after less than 2 years of marriage.

But if I could offer one piece of advise from my short stint in marriage thus far (and this is kinda corny): Never stop dating your fiance/wife. It can take some work at times, especially once you've been together for a few years and have "settled down" but its worth it.

9/8/2006 8:19:20 AM

Quote :

"dabaker79 = Dr. Phil"

The internet makes me invincible as an advisor!

(And it's only a matter of time before Amsterdam718 comes crawling to me for medication)

[Edited on September 8, 2006 at 9:37 AM. Reason : .]

9/8/2006 9:35:04 AM

when her biological clock starts ticking so loud you cant hear the tv

9/8/2006 10:37:27 AM

so did you ask her?

10/10/2006 12:25:39 AM

Quote :

"Live with them for 6 months. If that works out pop the question. do NOT propose to someone before you live with them. "

At first I thought that was sarcasm but then when I realized it wasn't I pittied you and people who actually believe that. I'd like to see a substantial study indicating that living together before marriage actually strengthens it rather than adding stress and in most cases ending in affairs/devorce. Premarital counceling is the best way to ensure its the right time and that it will last. You learn a lot about your spouse's personality, temperament, habits, background, goals, future planning AND how to deal with them together rather than just throwing yourelves in the midst of it to sort it out after its too late.

10/10/2006 9:55:36 AM

i don't think that there's a time limit.

10/10/2006 9:57:12 AM

Quote :

"As cliched as it may sound, you'll know."

And you did.

10/10/2006 10:04:35 AM

There's definitely one, and only one correct way to handle this.

10/10/2006 10:06:04 AM

Its not about correct or incorrect (unless you bring in moral and religious implications but I won't go into that) but there are statistically BETTER ways than others to go about it.

10/10/2006 10:09:11 AM

Quote :

"At first I thought that was sarcasm but then when I realized it wasn't I pittied you and people who actually believe that. "

Why would you want to go from hanging out with someone a few nights to getting married? What's wrong with a transition in between period where you spend more time with the person but don't get married?

10/10/2006 10:11:03 AM

after about a year of seeing my now wife, i think we both just kinda knew we were going to get married at some point. it didn't happen until after about three years of dating.

10/10/2006 10:15:17 AM

You won't know until both croak. People getting divorced after 50 years of marriage these days.

I believe in love and all that good stuff...but people and relationships change. You might know they are "the one" for right now...but nothing is given.

10/10/2006 10:20:47 AM

Dated 4 months before proposing, but we were friends before then.

We were engaged for 5 months and we only saw each other on weekends due to the distance between us. Starting living together day one of marriage.

It worked out.

10/10/2006 10:26:10 AM

Quote :

"Why would you want to go from hanging out with someone a few nights to getting married? What's wrong with a transition in between period where you spend more time with the person but don't get married?"

How does spending more time with the person require cohabitation? I see my girlfriend almost every day and 5 days of the week we spend most of the evening together. I'm in some premartial prep with her right now and we're not engaged yet. Living together has nothing to do with getting to know someone inside and out. After just a little bit of research you'd find out just how helpful preperation and not living together is for a marriage relationship.

[Edited on October 10, 2006 at 10:35 AM. Reason : .]

10/10/2006 10:33:01 AM

Quote :

"8 months and 3 days"

10/10/2006 10:36:12 AM

actually experts say its atleast 8 months and 4 days

10/10/2006 10:37:39 AM

Quote :

"Living together has nothing to do with getting to know someone inside and out."

Hahaha ya okay.


p.s. 2.5 years together, 2 years living together, not getting married in the near future.

[Edited on October 10, 2006 at 10:39 AM. Reason : urm time]

10/10/2006 10:38:27 AM

i don't think most people say a year of dating then a year of engagement

10/10/2006 10:41:11 AM

^^ gg. another story about how living together has NOT led to marriage. the point of my previous post was that you don't have to live together to get to know someone, not that you won't if you do live together.

10/10/2006 10:46:07 AM

^Way to miss the point.

If you think that going to a therapist or a priest once a week before you get married will help you to grasp what it's like to have your girlfriend come out of the crapper and tell you about the massive poop she just had right before you were planning on settling into bed at midnight (because she has been reorganizing her clothes for the past two hours or something else totally unimportant) and you have to get up at seven and go to work in the morning and for just a second you're like "man that girl in accounting is cute. I wonder..." but then you realize that you never will find out what kind of underwear the girl in accounting wears -- not because you're fucking married, because you're relationship is now legally recognized by the government, but because you love her -- then that's cool. Keep going to therapy.


Not that I don't drive her crazy too, by the way

10/10/2006 10:58:33 AM

Quote :

"How does spending more time with the person require cohabitation? I see my girlfriend almost every day and 5 days of the week we spend most of the evening together."

I work, so I don't get to see my gf during the day. Does she spend the night 5 days a week? If not, isn't it a pain to have to drive back every night. If she does, then why don't you just suck it up and move in together if you are already practically roommates. Why keep throwing $$$ down the drain?

10/10/2006 11:01:07 AM

I work too. I see her after work and on the weekends. We don't spend the night together. My work is half way between my house and her place so it isn't too bad but it does suck sometimes. The way I see it though building a healthy relationship with the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is worth more than a few dollars for gas.

10/10/2006 11:05:40 AM