if you are in the relationship how you view this?

the way i see it, if they are mutually not attracted to one another friendship is possible. every other combination will lead to somebody getting hurt.

opinions please

10/16/2006 1:18:28 PM

It works decently if both people are at least "seeing" someone else.

If one of the pair doesn't have some kind of sexual outlet, though, it's just bad news.

10/16/2006 1:21:19 PM

THIS HAS NEVER BEEN DISCUSSED BEFORE!!!

10/16/2006 1:22:24 PM

Both parties need to be 'seeing' someone else

10/16/2006 1:46:00 PM

i have a female friend with whom there has never been anything further

we both had/have significant others

never been any problems

10/16/2006 1:49:54 PM

I have a male best friend. I find him extremely attractive, but since he talks to me about the way he treats girls, I would never have sex with him. Soooo I could never be in a relationship or anything like that with him either. We go out together, talk on the phone a lot, and spend the night, but we can sleep in the same bed and not touch. So I think either someone has to be unattractive or a slut...

10/16/2006 1:55:15 PM

only if you play "just the tip"

10/16/2006 2:06:48 PM

the key is that both have someone else.. or one doesnt find the other attractive, i simply dont see how it would work longterm if this is not the case. and i mean a close friendship, not just friends

10/16/2006 2:14:14 PM

google 'ladder theory'

10/16/2006 2:25:20 PM

It's possible if you're not attracted to each other or if you're both taken.

Those are the only two ways this won't end badly.

10/16/2006 2:27:46 PM

what do you guys think of the whole ladder theory , i just read that and it seems a little well bitter... i think he may have had one too many falls.

10/16/2006 2:29:22 PM

i think if you value their company enough to overlook that youre not an attractive/fun enough person to intrest them in a relationship it will work out fine.

that being said, ive only maintained decent female friendships when dating someone else.

10/16/2006 2:31:28 PM

I've multiple girls for friends that have been varying degrees of good looking to downright hot that in some cases started out with wanting to be more than friends and in other cases didn't, and they worked out just fine.

But I guess if you aren't getting a steady supply of dates/snatch then you start complicating things where they shouldn't be.

I dunno, maybe you kids will grow out of it eventually (even though adulthood isn't a guaranteed fix).

10/16/2006 2:34:34 PM

Quote :

"I dunno, maybe you kids will grow out of it eventually (even though adulthood isn't a guaranteed fix)."

Less hormone driven choices help

10/16/2006 2:40:43 PM

i dont think its possible for a truely platonic friendship ever

10/16/2006 2:47:15 PM

Only if his girlfriend's hotter than me. So I can technically be friends with ANY guy.

10/16/2006 2:48:33 PM

ive never heard of this ladder theory. pretty well constructed.

i have to spend more time in the lounge

10/16/2006 2:59:11 PM

yeah, but rarely

10/16/2006 3:09:05 PM

from what ive seen it still doesnt matter. there is that exception, sure, but the vast majority are essentially dating. if a guy and girl become really close friends, the tension necessarily exists. the only thing that ever seems to make a difference is if the friends are not equal in terms of attractiveness. to each other and possibly to the rest of the world.

its easy to have "friends" but much much harder to have close friends.... or so goes my opinion

10/16/2006 3:51:11 PM

Ladder theory is pretty much bullshit.

As people change over the years, you might change ladders for a girl- you really don't know. Putting anything like this in black-and-white terms is stupid.

10/16/2006 4:58:34 PM

Ladder Theory

10/16/2006 5:11:37 PM

Totally possible. I've had a male best friend for 8 years. He's very hot, and we dated when we were "kids", but as we got older it just grew into friendship. He's my best friend. And it helps getting a guys opinion about what's hot for my current boyfriend.

10/16/2006 6:47:16 PM

Platonic relationships can exist between socially mature parties.

10/16/2006 6:48:23 PM

^ exactly

now it's just a matter of finding someone else who can agree on that fact

10/16/2006 6:59:05 PM

Ladder theory is amusing, but bull.

I think men and women can be friends, but it's definitely different from same-gender friendships. I think it's really hard not to experience some degree of sexual or romantic tension, even if both parties are otherwise involved. Like, it's hard to seperate "closeness" as friends from closeness as in dating, which I think is why best male-female friends often look like they're dating.

I dunno. My closest male friend is my ex-boyfriend, and we're still reworking our whole relationship.

10/16/2006 7:11:24 PM

you can choose to believe that they exist...but theres always going to be tension on one end or the other...its natural...nothing to do with maturity...it just cant be helped

10/16/2006 7:38:42 PM

most of my friends are girls. i do not have a girlfriend and am not gay. i beleive entirely that it depends wholly upon the intentions of both involved. say she's a little uneasy thinking "does he want something from me," if you honestly just want to be friends, she'll relax and you can have a good friendship.
form follows function.

10/16/2006 8:03:08 PM

nevermind

[Edited on October 16, 2006 at 8:08 PM. Reason : .]

10/16/2006 8:04:56 PM

almost every post in this thread confirms what is outlined by ladder theory. especially those of you who begin by stating 'its bull'

10/16/2006 9:01:46 PM

10/16/2006 9:06:42 PM

Quote :

"only if you play "just the tip""

/thread

10/16/2006 9:08:23 PM

well, i have to go back to high school for this one. there is a guy i was really close to since first grade. we did everything together. my mom was a straight laced do nothing wrong type woman that wouldn't let me be in another room of the house alone with a guy. But with Robert and I we could go in my bedroom for hours with the door shut and there wasn't a problem. We'd go riding four-wheelers (lived in farm country) way back in the woods and he'd never try anything and the thought never occured to me at the time that something SHOULD be happening. We stayed really close up until the time I left and went to Raleigh. I finally ran into him again a few months ago and found out he's gay. That could explain why nothing happened, I suppose, but when we were friends I never really thought he'd be one that would be gay...ya know?

More recently I ran into a guy that I crushed HARD on in high school and we've ended up working at the same company for the past two years. WE've become really close friends. For awhile there was some sexual tension...and even though we're both married we went so far as to see if there would/could be anything between us. We've come to the conclusion that we are better off just being friends and not pushing the physical side of it. Its weird that for two long years there was this massive amount of sexual tension and now all of a sudden its like he's just my best girl friend.

[Edited on October 16, 2006 at 9:20 PM. Reason : new guy]

10/16/2006 9:15:39 PM

I've had plenty of good female friends. It can be problematic from time to time when one person's attracted and the other person isn't, but as long as you can keep it in your pants it shouldn't be a big deal.

10/16/2006 9:22:18 PM

Quote :

"IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends: 1. The guy is gay 2. The guy does not find you attractive 3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder"

This theory says nary any shit about women at the same rung of the ladder or even on rungs lower than a current girl. If I am dating a girl at one rung, does that mean that girls on rungs below her are unattractive to me? I just scanned the through it looking for bullshit, and found it.

10/16/2006 9:23:14 PM

If you accidentally have sex a little more than only a few times, you can still remain friends.

10/16/2006 9:24:38 PM

some may say the ladder theory is bull, but they counter that point in the explanation. if i remember it correctly it goes like this...

picture your "platonic" friend of the opposite gender. say ya'll are hanging out watching a movie or game or whatever, having some beer. she says she's gonna go change. she comes back wearing whip cream and says "i want you to fuck me til i scream".

if you're thinking "man, i could never do that to her!" you are either a) homo or b) just a raging pussy.

ladder theory ftw




^^ and no - if you're dating a girl on one rung that just means girls on rungs below her are LESS attractive to you. for example, say you're dating... tara reid. she's fuckin' hot. but then there's... demi moore. also hot, but just not as high on the ladder.

[Edited on October 16, 2006 at 9:27 PM. Reason : Plutonic... c'mon, like the PLANET!!!]

10/16/2006 9:24:54 PM

Quote :

"plutonic"

he he he he

10/16/2006 9:25:41 PM

Quote :

"if you're dating a girl on one rung that just means girls on rungs below her are LESS attractive to you."

Don't try and change what the wording says. It says "not attractive", not less attractive.

Maybe the site where I copied that from bastardized the Ladder Theory (looked official to me), but thats what it said.

Besides, the original comment was:

Quote :

"the way i see it, if they are mutually not attracted to one another friendship is possible. every other combination will lead to somebody getting hurt."

I'm not sure what exactly ladder theory says regarding this as I didn't study it or the thread.

[Edited on October 16, 2006 at 9:30 PM. Reason : a]

10/16/2006 9:28:47 PM

Ladder Theory = rationale for ugly people

Either you're attracted to each other or not. It's not a ladder.

10/16/2006 9:31:43 PM

Quote :

"the way i see it, if they are mutually not attracted to one another friendship is possible. every other combination will lead to somebody getting hurt."

If this is a serious question, I have a different take on this. Otherwise, I'll keep it to myself.

10/16/2006 10:02:36 PM

do tell

10/16/2006 10:14:33 PM

I have many, many friends who are male. Naturally (because I love sports, sarcasm, and humor) I am more receptive to guys as friends anyway (ever since I was in about 3rd grade or so).

I am happily married and still have many close guy friends.

Really never an issue unless the girl is skeet --

This must be a twilight zone night because again I agree with State#s

[Edited on October 16, 2006 at 10:24 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2006 10:21:53 PM

But you want to fuck her, right?

10/17/2006 1:29:01 AM

hell nearly every one of my close female friends i have now, i have or still am attracted to them

i just got rejected by one, and things aren't any different

if you can be mature and understand that just because she isn't attracted to you as well, she isn't worth being friends with, or something like that then yes its possible for these friendships to exist

10/17/2006 2:13:58 AM

Tell her that if she'll fuck you, it'll be much easier to be friends. I mean, what could be friendlier than a mutually pleasing fuck session--between friends, of course?

10/17/2006 2:35:59 AM

[insert the "we can never be friends" dialog from When Harry Met Sally]

10/17/2006 3:31:52 AM

^ (In Butt-Head voice) Uhuhuhuhuh. . .You said, "Insert."

10/17/2006 4:04:41 AM

Quote :

"the way i see it, if they are mutually not attracted to one another friendship is possible. every other combination will lead to somebody getting hurt."

i kinda agree with this...from experience...

10/17/2006 4:05:00 AM

Sure, "mutually not attracted" or some such. But you still want to fuck her, right?

10/17/2006 4:07:51 AM

i want to bwn every one of my female friends...minus the ugly ones.

10/17/2006 7:14:35 AM