This shit is pretty funny/disturbing...

http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/index.cfm

Here are some choice excerpts...

Little Miss Sunshine

Quote :

"There's no denying that life is sad and ugly and funny, sometimes all at once. So it's not my task here to debate Carell's and Berger's statements. What is my task is dealing with whether such truthfulness should be used as an excuse to fill up a film with better than 50 profanities and obscenities. And depictions of illegal drug abuse. And exhortations for teens to have as much sex as they possibly can. Because those things, along with the heartbreaking sight of a 7-year-old putting on a sex show, are exactly what happens here. Tears welled up in my eyes when the Hoovers banded together and finally bonded in the minutes before the credits. I felt for them. I understood them at that moment. And I was rooting wholeheartedly for them to come out on the other side as better people and as a more intact family. But I couldn't stand the fact that their journey toward maturity and selflessness came at Olive's expense. To make a compelling, artistic, emotional, funny movie, screenwriter Michael Arndt didn't have to make the climax revolve around a child imitating a striptease. He didn't have to include a grandfather who in real life, and with all due consideration to family unity, should have long ago been separated from the lives of his grandchildren because of his incredibly immoral and dangerous behavior and influence."

Borat

Quote :

"The former is what prompts me to write, with no equivocation, that even Cohen's best material gets buried by his self-triggered avalanche of perverse, odious and repulsive satire. As noted, gypsies, Christians and the mentally handicapped are favorite targets. So are his fellow Jews. And explicit nudity and sexual "humor" race roughshod through issues of rape, incest, prostitution, pedophilia, masturbation and gay sex. Is Cohen, er, Borat, ever really funny? He's funny when he visits a TV station in Jackson, Miss., and can't quite grasp what is "live" and what isn't. He's funny when he fails to understand the timing element of a "not" joke from his humor coach. And he's funny when he ... nope, that's it. At least that's the extent of good, clean fun in this big-screen debut."

If you read the entire Borat review, you'll see that the reviewer actually took the church scene seriously and seems to have been surprised to learn that Borat didn't actually get Jesusified after all

12/23/2006 12:44:52 AM

yeah, fuck that. borat's the shit and i didn't bother to read what you said about little miss sunshine but it was alright, at least the end was pretty funny

12/23/2006 12:50:09 AM

They do game reviews also:

Guitar Hero II

Quote :

" Unfortunately, with the rock setting comes some bad rock tendencies. Although lyrics of the more than 60 total songs have been cleaned up a bit (profanities have been excised), they still range from the suicidally dark (Lamb of God's "Laid to Rest") to the outright satanic (Sevenfold's "Beast and the Harlot") to the risqué (Warrant's "Cherry Pie"). Expect to see a few pentagrams, 666s, grim reapers and the like. Early gigs include beer bottles thrown onto the stage. A practice room features a poster of a woman showing cleavage."

12/23/2006 12:52:42 AM

Oh shit! Cleavage!!!

12/23/2006 1:38:30 AM

NOOOOOO! Not cleavage.

12/23/2006 2:09:30 AM

The ones from Capalert are even better:

http://www.capalert.com/

Check out the South Park movie review:

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/southpark.htm

Quote :

" SUMMARY / COMMENTARY: South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (R) -- WARNING! This analysis is blunt. South Park is a vulgar and vile movie. Any commentary will inherently border vulgar as well. South Park is an incredibly dangerous movie for those who do not understand or are developing an understanding of the Gospel ....... INCREDIBLY dangerous. Some of the scenes in South Park reminded me so much of the image of demons screeching and dancing around a boiling cauldron as Satan gleefully looks on from the background as the demons pitch soul after soul after soul into the burning cauldron.. Satan is portrayed as the homosexual lover of Saddam Hussein and is portrayed as a sensitive, loving and caring being while the One who cast him into Hell clearly tells the Truth about him: that Satan's only interests are to steal, kill and destroy [John 10:10]. Hussein waves his disembodied male member around. And it was not a cardboard drawing like most other images of the movie -- it was of photographic resolution. The most foul of the foul words was clearly spoken by the children at least 131 times and many other times in a muffled or garbled way as well as in rapid uncountable succession in song [Col. 3:8]. The three/four letter word vocabulary was used at least 119 times, also mostly by children. God's name in vain was used 11 times without the four letter expletive and 6 times with it [Deut 5:11]. And many times the child characters were saying things like "What's the big deal" (about the foul language). "Suck my --", "Let's ([homo]sexual intercourse)", and repeated questions about a female private organ were but a very few of the vulgar expressions used by the kids. Angels were portrayed as females - nude, very nude. God was called many vulgar and hateful names. Satan was glorified. Jesus was equated with sexual anatomy. A child was graphically incinerated by igniting his flatulence, then another kid tried to beat out the flames with a stick and was concerned about the stick catching fire. Body parts dripping with blood were ripped from a child by a surgeon who expressed shallow concern. The dead child was then seen with an exploded chest. The dead child, after being rejected from Heaven (by nude female angels) and cast into Hell (which is a violation of Scripture in and of itself), was then presented as a ghost trying to influence the other kids. An all-male chorus line wore pink bikini briefs. Homosexual acts were described. Decomposing burned bodies were cast as live occupants of Hell. "Big brother" electronic shock control of a child was used to prevent his use of foul language (each time he cussed he was shocked -- he used this shock later to defeat Hussein by shouting every known and several unknown foul words). A man committed suicide by jumping out of a window. And throughout the movie was script to promote licentious belittlement of wholesome life and entertainment: rationale to lessen even further the threshold of acceptance. [Rom. 16:17 - 18] These are but a very few of the examples of ignominy in this sinematic cyanide. And the kids in the audience loved it, almost as much as the adults with them. Many of the children seemed to be laughing because their fathers expected them to laugh, looking up at their fathers, laughing nervously and loudly just so dad would know they were laughing along with him, not likely knowing at what it was they were laughing half the time. As long as dad was laughing. That was reason enough.. May God have mercy on us. [Luke 17:2] That is all I will say about the content this extraordinarily vulgar, vile, and repugnant movie. Other examples are just too vulgar and vile to even try to describe without being as vulgar and vile. Please note that the final score of 29 is not the lowest of scores earned by the movies we have analyzed, but this movie has earned the most severe CAP Influence Density (ID) of over 800 movies: a CAP ID of 10.65! Natural Born Killers (R) earned a CAP Influence Density of 7.46! Most R-rated movies earn CAP IDs between 1.00 and 3.00. A child cannot escape being influenced by "entertainment" such as this. And you cannot imagine the depths of the influence of this sort of entertainment! In the months that followed our posting if this analysis report we received thousands of emails from adolescents who have seen this movie and spoke just like it. With the same or more severe level of contempt for wholesome and righteous ethics. I would post examples of their email here but most of them would look like "You --- ---, ---. You are a --- and a ---. Go --- ---. And see who cares about your --- ---, you --- --- sorry --- --- --- ---. --- my ---. And Satan's, too, you --- uncle ---- donkey ---." Just like South "Puke": BLU. And some people actually believe movies do not influence kids. For the best representation of the CAP Entertainment Media Analysis Model applied to this movie, visit the Findings/Scoring section below. "

12/23/2006 7:28:11 AM

yeah, capalert is pretty silly

in the author's review system, tattoos and piercings count as "offenses to God"

12/23/2006 8:09:41 AM

Leviticus 19:28 has a line about tattoos:

"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you;"

It's the old "body as Temple" argument.

Anyway, I used to read these sites a lot and laugh at how dumb they are.

Then I realized that they're purposefully written in the interest of Christian five year olds.

You can't argue with cursing, nudity, and drug use being beneficial viewing for a five year old, even if it's being using to support a message or a satire.

12/23/2006 10:10:23 AM

^ not really.

See what we would call "kids" that shouldn't see these things we think of 5 year olds, 10 year olds, whatever, actual kids, depending on the content. Most people are like, yeah, that's probably not good for them. mostly because the point of it is above their heads, or the content is a little much.


But a lot of conservative (mostly christian but not all) families, take this too far. I knew 2 kids once of the ages of like 7 and 9 who weren't allowed to watch any TV but veggie tales, even disney kids movies were "bad". They were the most naive children I've ever laid eyes on, and I dont mean that in the cute and innocent good way. In the I'm so sheltered I'll never SURVIVE outside a sheltered little christian environment.

They also have this habit of using "kid" to refer to anybody up to 18 or 21. shield the eyes of the 16 year old from rock.

hell, I did not even KNOW what music was untill i was 18 or 19, because all I heard was gospel and so called christian rock. And some james taylor and oldies (which is real music but you cant say it's nearly all of what's out there).


On one hand, yeah the reviews are funny. On the other hand they're pretty sad becasue there are huge groups of people being raised missing out on both a lot of the good things in life, and being taught a lot of bullshit (I do not refer to christianity itself, but thinks like "D&D will send you to hell" and "wiccans sacrafice babies and drink their blood" both of which I have been told verbatim in a church whe I was thankfully old enough to at least go "huh? no way" and question it...)

12/23/2006 12:00:36 PM

From the original site, Clerks II:

Quote :

" Positive Elements: I'm thinking. I'm thinking ... um, none. "

Haha some people just can't appreciate good storytelling.

And wow, that CAP site is just fucking hideous. At least PluggedIn doesn't look like a child designed it. I can actually believe Pluggedin is a real website that people use. The other one looks like a fucking joke.

[Edited on December 23, 2006 at 12:04 PM. Reason : ]

12/23/2006 12:00:50 PM

^^ Perhaps because I've never been in a church environment, I'm making a mistake by taking the reviews at face value.

At face value, they seem like they're a pretty simple summary of objectionable content by Christian standards (ignoring the amazing amount of sex and violence in the Bible, of course).

In my mind, the listing can be used as a fairly accurate representation of what's literally on screen, regardless of context that's over the heads of small children, as an aid to parents' decision-making. At the same time, I suppose I should realize that the same philosophy that resulted in these black-or-white reviews is probably used in raising the children that they are supposedly written for.

12/23/2006 12:18:43 PM

like you say, you've never been in a fundamentalist environment, so you wouldn't know that ADULTS use these reviews to dictate their own viewing habits.

you have a point that movies like Elf and Grinch might not be appropriate for a five year old (maybe), but unfortunately, the reason I know about this site is that one of my coworkers used the review of those movies at http://www.pluggedinonline.com to tell me that he wouldn't be able to watch it. It was "filth" he said - see for yourself:


Grinch:

Quote :

"• sexual content: The Grinch is thrown headlong into the shapely Martha May Whovier and lands with his face buried in her cleavage. A subtle line suggests marital infidelity between a woman and her boss. • crude or profane language: The Grinch uses the expression, bitchin'. He grabs mistletoe, waves it over his backside and shouts, "Pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!""

Elf:

Quote :

" Buddy takes a liking to Jovie, an employee at a large department store. When she has problems with her utilities, she showers at the store’s locker room. Hearing her singing, Buddy innocently goes inside, sits on the sink and harmonizes. Of course, she’s shocked when she hears his voice, wraps herself in the shower curtain and scolds him. The only skin shown is from just below the shoulders up. Buddy’s adoptive father warns his son about several things he may stumble upon in New York, including “peep shows” (“It doesn’t mean you get to look at presents before Christmas”). In a store, Buddy stares at a woman's teddy, wondering what the outfit might be used for. Later, he naively gives one as a present to Walter. A little person tells Buddy, “I get more action in a week than you’ll get in a lifetime.” When Buddy kisses Jovie on the cheek, she responds, “You missed” and follows with a full-on lip plant. The film features a non-explicit clip from the song “Whoop, There It Is.” A dozen mild profanities (“h---,” “d--n”) join such expressions as “friggin,” “pi--ed,” “sucked,” “son of a nutcracker,” “up yours” and “oh my g--.” Elf is not as pure as the driven snow. Some mild language problems, a wink at inebriation and a complete avoidance of the season's Bethlehem roots mix some mud into it. "

[Edited on December 23, 2006 at 12:38 PM. Reason : s]

12/23/2006 12:35:01 PM

“oh my g--.”

12/23/2006 12:49:15 PM

lol these reviews hilarious, more so because the ppl writing them are serious

12/23/2006 1:05:21 PM

The Grinch is not acceptable for any human being.

What a piece of shit.

12/23/2006 1:49:03 PM

The sad part is this reminds me so much of my childhood. I remember my video game hobby being in serious danger because of the "occult" undertones of Super Mario Bros. Card-playing could get you in trouble if the wrong adult was around. Ugh I'm glad to be out of there.

12/23/2006 2:26:01 PM

haha..."son of a nutcracker" is a mild profanity

12/23/2006 5:10:15 PM

^^^ well i'd agree with that, but i believe the two conclusions were arrived at with very different approaches

12/23/2006 6:13:28 PM

It's kind of like all the groups wanting to boycott McDonald's for all kinds of economic, environmental, and animal rights reasons.

While I'm boycotting McDonald's because it sucks.

12/23/2006 6:25:56 PM

From Al Menconi Ministries (linked from PluggedIn b/c they do game reviews):

Quote :

" Conclusion: Prince of Persia: The Sands of time is a fantastic game featuring some very intelligent gameplay that holds true to the series' heritage. However the sexual content in the game should raise a red flag for any Christian gamer, and my recommendation is any mature believer only play this game after much prayer and eyes completely closed during the pool scene. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time earns a 73% (C-), for light fantasy violence, supernatural elements, and strong sexual content."

Wow, that is amazing to me. I must pray a lot and close my eyes during the pool scene, lest I feel that its alright to....swim naked in a pool?

12/23/2006 9:28:32 PM

this is hilarious.
The Pursuit of Happyness

Quote :

"Sexual Content: We see Linda in a bra and slip as she gets dressed for work. She's also seen in a camisole. Two scenes show Chris and Linda (who are unmarried but living together) in bed (without any sexual activity). A brief shower shot shows Chris' shoulders."

because the naked human body is inherently sexual.

12/23/2006 9:40:04 PM