is there a tactful way to do it?

or is it best to just be like "i think you need to leave"

it's my house btw, she's not on the mortgage and we dont have a lease agreement.

1/3/2007 4:26:10 PM

change the locks

1/3/2007 4:29:49 PM

that would work, i guess... i'd rather not do it in a confrontational manner..

i'm told that if she receives mail there that legally she's allowed to enter.

1/3/2007 4:36:00 PM

dude i'm gonna get my mail forwarded to ppls houses and rob them

1/3/2007 4:37:31 PM

that's kinda what i was thinking...

she lives there, and the relationship is pretty much over... should i just be like "get your shit out"?

i dont want to put her out with nowhere to go, and i dont really trust her there alone after i tell her to leave.

[Edited on January 3, 2007 at 4:39 PM. Reason : b/c i wouldnt put it past her to break/steal something]

1/3/2007 4:39:24 PM

Give her a few weeks notice if you wish to stay civil.

1/3/2007 4:40:26 PM

^Definitely you need to tell her things are not working out and you need to move on with your romantic life. Tell her you understand she'll need time to find a place to live and you're willing to let her stay up until (whenever) so she has time to re-settle.

1/3/2007 4:42:07 PM

i'm sure at this point she knows its over.. but im definitely gonna reiterate that fact.

i dont mind letting her stay for a short time... but, like i had said, i wouldnt put it past her to break something or steal some of my shit (more likely) if i'm not around when she's packing up.

1/3/2007 4:44:54 PM

[agree]

and to speed things up and ideally not look like an ass, perhaps you can start searching and give her a list of some places in the area; if she's a student there are lots of people on here looking for subleasers etc. Providing a few boxes and some tape in a non-invasive way ... like don't drop them on her bed but let her know you have some in the car or whatever ... would be a strong hint too.

1/3/2007 4:46:19 PM

or..
tell her your new girlfriend is moving in haha

1/3/2007 4:47:54 PM

^Would totally work to speed things up, lol

1/3/2007 4:50:28 PM

how long have you been living together?

1/3/2007 4:50:31 PM

Giving her a deadline to be out seems like it would work well. Maybe a date four weeks out?

My bf had something similar. They were dating and living together, it ended, she wasn't on the lease, she stayed for a couple days, and left for good.

Quote :

" or is it best to just be like "i think you need to leave""

She should already know this.

1/3/2007 4:53:11 PM

, sry it didnt work out. I'd be devestated if my boyfriend came home and told me to start packing my shit.

have you guys talked about it? Like sat down and said, for whatever reason "I don't want to date you anymore." If you havent she may just think that this is a rough patch, you know? Then again, I know nothing of your relationship, Im basing this on how I would feel if I was told that today.

1/3/2007 4:54:46 PM

we've been living together for about 6 months

1/3/2007 4:54:53 PM

Is she cute? She can come live with me

...

I'm serious.

1/3/2007 4:58:21 PM

ncsu_angel.. no.. the party we went to for NYE pretty much sealed it as far as i'm concerned.

she was being a complete bitch towards me. everything that came out of her mouth was some kind of lame attempt at an insult towards me. she tried to convince a bunch of my friends that i was gay b/c "i like to hang out in the garage with a bunch of dudes" (everyone at the party is a car nut) and b/c i kept telling her i wanted to stick it in her bum.

she also told everyone she was single and tried to make out with some other dude when the ball dropped.. keep in mind this is at a house with ~25 of my closest friends, so she just managed to come off like a complete bitch. i had at least a half-dozen ppl come up to me that night and tell me i didnt need her (based on the way she was acting)

[Edited on January 3, 2007 at 4:58 PM. Reason : ^ you can have her.. i'll let her know.. but she's nutzo]

[Edited on January 3, 2007 at 5:00 PM. Reason : ..]

1/3/2007 4:58:23 PM

nothing would speed the process up like having her come home to discover that you're engaging in some good 'ole American Face Fucking with a lively young co-ed

1/3/2007 4:59:47 PM

oh dude, nevermind...

on an actual serious note...get some boxes so she doesn't have an excuse to not start packing

and on a funny note, you know it always makes me feel better to post naked pictures of my ex on the internet. you should try it.

1/3/2007 5:01:03 PM

i'll wait till she's out before i post the pix...

1/3/2007 5:02:20 PM

Quote :

"we've been living together for about 6 months "

i hope you two dated for longer than that before deciding to move in together.

incase you need it for anything

https://www.legalaidnc.org/publications/Law_And_You/194_Law_And_You_Residential_Evictions_Must_Be_Handled_Through_Court_Cogdell_Bonfoey_Apr_01_05.htm

1/3/2007 5:11:59 PM

I guess if you were really concerned about this, you could box up all her stuff while she was gone and leave it outside. But that's an asshole thing to do. Still...I can't say she wouldn't deserve for the NYE debacle...that sucks, man.

1/3/2007 5:12:19 PM

Definately give her an ultimatum...4 weeks is normal. 6 weeks if you're being nice.

Offer to help her with the move. It will be uncomfortable as hell, but it let's you keep an eye on what she is taking. Plus, she is more likely to act civil if you are civil to her first.

Change the locks as soon as she is gone. You can get cheap deadbolts from Target for $10 each if you don't want to drop money on nice locks yet. You'll be glad you dropped the twenty bucks as soon as you leave the house for more than an hour.

First things first, you've got to get the conversation going. Promise yourself that you'll confront her with the "I think it would be best if you moved out..." line tonight or tomorrow.

[Edited on January 3, 2007 at 5:17 PM. Reason : s]

1/3/2007 5:16:16 PM

Quote :

"but she's nutzo"

they are all crazy, its about finding the least crazy one, or weighing the amount of craziness you can put up with relative to the following:

cooking ability
annoyance
their friends annoyance
ability to carry on a conversation that does not consist of gossip
etc

1/3/2007 5:37:50 PM

Quote :

"'ll wait till she's out before i post the pix... "

Is that a promise to do so?

1/3/2007 5:45:38 PM

based on the story, here's what I'd do:

1. Acquire some boxes. Liquor stores, grocery stores, CL. Packing material's good too but she can use clothes for that.
2. Put together a quick list of half-dozen or so roommate situations
3. Change the locks
4. Go to the local PO and tell them there is a person receiving mail at your house who is being removed from the premises, and they'll probably put a hold or whatever on it.
5a. Next time she comes by tell her she doesn't live there any more, give her (2) and tell her you have (1) and will make arrangements for times when she can come by and pack.
5b. If you really want her out, skip 5a and just pack her shit FOR her and leave it on the porch.

I wouldn't show any mercy to someone who acted like that to me. IMO that kind of treatment deserves no tact. You still have to make sure she gets all her stuff in the condition she left it in, but I don't think you have any other obligations if she wasn't paying any rent.

1/3/2007 5:50:39 PM

My husband went through something similiar except she broke up with him. He was nice enough to let her live there until the end of the summer (2-ish months) and she abused the situation by bringing guys home within a few days of breaking up with him.

That's actually how my husband and I started dating. We were good friends and he started spending a lot of time over at my place to avoid the entire situation.

So. . .if she's a bitch, you probably shouldn't allow her to stay there too long after you break up because not only do you have to worry about her breaking/stealing your stuff, but you also have to worry about her bringing skeezy guys home.

1/3/2007 6:08:27 PM

she is paying me some rent, but there is no lease agreement.

she has not yet paid me for january.

when she first said "i'm single now" at the party (new years eve), i replied "tomorrow is the first, yah know".. she asked if i wanted money or for her to leave and i said either would be fine.

she is usually home by the time i get home from work (now), but she's not here.. we'll see how things go when she gets here.

1/3/2007 6:13:20 PM

I'm almost in this same situation... only we're both on the lease, and the flex lease we signed in May is up for renewal on the 31st. I haven't broken up with my girl, but some shit she pulled over the holiday break while we were back home (between the two of us, while spending time with her family, AND while spending time with MY family, not to mention her standing me up twice on nights out and helping to fuck up my Christmas day plans) left me second-guessing pretty much everything about our relationship. Last thing I need is to renew this thing til 5/31/7 just for her to push me past breakpoint like a month later. The biggest knife in my back is that I'm poor as balls; her financial aid from grad school kept us above ground.

1/3/2007 6:55:41 PM

damn kev
thats some crazy stuff there

1/3/2007 7:02:42 PM

tell her she can move out in a week or she can pay january's rent and be out at the end of the month

1/3/2007 7:56:27 PM

Quote :

"^Definitely you need to tell her things are not working out and you need to move on with your romantic life. Tell her you understand she'll need time to find a place to live and you're willing to let her stay up until (whenever) so she has time to re-settle."

and if you're worried about her breaking stuff or whatever, go through your place and take pictures of the things you're worried about her breaking. so at least you have proof that they weren't broken before today, if you decide to bring a lawyer or the cops into it if she does break something.

1/3/2007 7:57:28 PM

Quote :

"tried to make out with some other dude when the ball dropped.. keep in mind this is at a house with ~25 of my closest friends,"

hell she's lucky you are even willing to let her put her shit into boxes after some shit like that. If that were me, it would all just be thrown out in the yard

1/3/2007 9:47:31 PM

well.. i just confronted her about it and she said it should have happend a long time ago.. and apparently i'm full of shit..

i told her i wanted her to leave and she said "i've wanted to leave for awhile, but i dont have anywhere to go".. yadda yadda.. nobody will give her a 6-month lease.. yadda yadda..

she said "i never said that on new years, who said that".. i replied "like 4 different people told me that you said the exact same thing".. "well, i said it, but i didnt do anything with him"

blah blah.. you're such an asshole.. blah blah.. you're full of shit.. blah blah..

i asked her when she would be out, the weekend? she said that i couldnt tell her to leave and give her 5 days.. so i said "What? 2 weeks? 4 weeks?".. "you're so full of shit"..

she actually got a lot less pissed than i was expecting, tho.. i almost expected her to start screaming and leave tonight.. wishful thinking, i guess..

1/3/2007 11:14:23 PM

KBC

1/3/2007 11:17:04 PM

sounds like this girl has already broken it off with you, so you might as well just throw her shit out and be done with it. there's no reason to be civil about it if she's already running over top of you in the manner you describe. pack her shit up and set it outside. locks are cheap, so change them.

1/3/2007 11:19:59 PM

sometimes you've just got to put a bitch in her place

1/3/2007 11:33:19 PM

Yea, just because the locks are changed doesn't mean she can't reach your damn car. If you are going to try throwing her out immediately (which some people are suggesting) look into getting a webcam or something. Car damage is almost impossible to prove who did it, so small claims almost never pays without a witness.

1/3/2007 11:39:27 PM

if you need help to do it quick, we can organize a volunteer party

you supply beer and we'll throw her shit on the curb and help you change locks

1/3/2007 11:40:02 PM

do you have a garage?

1/3/2007 11:41:18 PM

make a thread on TWW about it, let it run for a while, then show her the thread.

1/3/2007 11:43:26 PM

a verbal lease agreement is supposedly binding in nc... and a landlord isnt legally allowed to change locks as a means of kicking someone out...but as long as she doesnt know that....

1/3/2007 11:45:08 PM

verbal agreement was that she would pay me an agreed amount to live here

no duration was agreed.

no garage.

i gave her a list of possible other places to live from the classifieds here, but she crumpled it up and threw it at me. then told me that the only reason i could possibly want her to leave is b/c i want to date someone else.

1/3/2007 11:48:24 PM

tell her that you only want to whore around with her friends, and to get the fuck out.

1/3/2007 11:49:10 PM

Quote :

"i gave her a list of possible other places to live from the classifieds here, but she crumpled it up and threw it at me. then told me that the only reason i could possibly want her to leave is b/c i want to date someone else."

She deserves to be kicked to the curb


find a friend's place to leave your car for a bit, throw her shit out, and buy new locks. and leave that list of places to stay on a pile of panties that are on the street, not in a box.

1/3/2007 11:52:37 PM

Quote :

"batshit crazy"

1/4/2007 12:04:05 AM

is there no friends that she can stay with? though by the sounds of it, she might have no friends if she is that much of a bitch.

i would change the locks, make her stay at a friends place, and arrange a time to get her stuff out of your house later.

1/4/2007 12:21:57 AM

Legally speaking, "Absense of a lease" means you have a state mandated month to month, which means you are required to provide 30 days notice.

Now, arguably, she gave herself notice when she decided it was over long before the new years party.

Finally, all she could sue for was expenses she was out because you didn't give notice (had to stay in a hotel), and even then the court costs will probably exceed whatever she gets, so nevermind

1/4/2007 1:06:22 AM

Just let her know its over, it didn't work out.
Then let her know its just akward for you now and you need your space.
Then tell her you are going to give her a month b/c you are not an ass and are tossing her to the curb.
(unless you hate her )

if she is civil she will understand.

1/4/2007 1:50:17 AM

ok i should have read all the posts first my bad.

ok well I know someone who i rented from in lake park that does any lease you want and month to month.

There ARE ways she can get a shorter lease.

1/4/2007 1:52:59 AM