Those that are married or engaged...how did you go about getting the "ok" from your girls dad? Did you ask him in private, or do you think it's cool to discuss the situation openly with your future inlaws, while your gal is present?

2/9/2007 2:52:58 PM

i didnt ask permission.

2/9/2007 2:54:11 PM

My girls folks are traditionalists so I have to take this step.

2/9/2007 2:56:37 PM

I asked my father in law on the back porch of his house while we were grilling steak kabobs.

I told him that I loved his daughter very much and I wanted her to be my wife, but it was very important to me that I received his blessing first.

He got all teary eyed (because she is his youngest child) and gave me a hug and said:

"Of course, of course, we would be honored to have you as our son. This is wonderful news.

Can I get you another beer?"

We've been as thick as thieves since.

2/9/2007 3:05:23 PM

I didn't officially ask. We dated for 4.5 years before I officially asked the question, although we knew we would be getting married after just a few months and made all plans from then on out based on the fact we were going to get married. Her dad was fine with it and the actual asking was just a detail.

2/9/2007 3:24:57 PM

I think this is a very sweet gesture I don't think my Dad would ever think that someone was going to ask him for my hand but hey different strokes for different folks My friend drove all the way from Cary to Burlington one day to ask for his girl's Dad then drove all the way back to pick her up cuz they were going to her parents for dinner and he asked her before they left to go down for dinner

2/9/2007 5:06:07 PM

State because you're experienced, I'll tell you. Ask someone on tww, how to get married, and the Puff your lips up because that old guy taste is not going to leave your mouth.

2/9/2007 6:19:16 PM

It looks like you tried to form some sentence structure there, but sadly, it wasn't quite good enough for even a 2nd grader to follow.

2/9/2007 6:31:24 PM

We dated for just over 4 years, and I waited until both the mom & dad were together at home, and asked them to step into their office as I needed to speak with them. I think they kinda already understood what it'd be about.

I just said that I loved their daughter very much and wanted to ask their blessing on our future marriage, basically those very words. I'm a traditionalist I guess, but it was a great move. Things have been excellent ever since.

But it was NOT easy talking them...talk about nerves. Hype yourself up, in 10 minutes or less it'll all be over

2/9/2007 6:41:26 PM

i was already pretty close to her parents anyways - i could go over there without her and it was very comfortable

called up her mom to see what they were up to that night and she said just hanging around the house - so i headed over and went in and chatted with her mom a bit then went up to her dad's office where he was - sat down and told him we needed to have a talk - then just kinda came out with it and told him i'd like their blessing and whatnot - he told me i didn't need to have the whole conversation but he appreciated it and gave his blessing- after we were done and just bullshitting her mom walked in and wanted to know what was up so i told her too - she gave me a real serious look and said i just want you to know that marriage is forever in this family (i didn't ask but i imagine she said it because my parents are divorced and my mom is remarried) and then after that she gave me a hug and we bullshitted around some more and i was on my way

the morning before i proposed i also drove over to their house and showed them the ring - her dad told me i spent too much money and his daughter didn't need anything close to that - heh

2/9/2007 7:45:17 PM

I was 24, she was 23.

November 23, 2002 (anyone remember what happened in Carter Finley that day?).

I left the 2002 FSU game early in the fourth quarter (the one where FSU didn't score an offensive touchdown) to drive to their house (Lumberton, NC).

When I got there, I let them know (yes, I told them) that I was going to propose to their daughter and that I would like their blessing. They gave it. I showed them the ring. I left. Two days later, I proposed. She said yes.

Now we have two great boys (2 y/o and 1 y/o).

2/9/2007 9:14:26 PM

I actually waited until I had the ring and we were at her house for dinner... her father and I were outside grillin steaks and I pulled the ring out and asked him if he would give his blessing for me to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. Funny enough it wasn't a big sappy event, he just looked at me and said "If she's happy and this is what she wants I support her 100%" he's not much on words.... I asked her later that night after we got home. Come to find out he told my future mother-in-law that he was very honored that I had asked and that it meant a lot to him that I did. We've been pretty good ever since. Then the plans began for one of the biggest parties ever... oh what a night

2/10/2007 1:38:06 AM

1. Grow some hair.
2. ...
3. $Profit

2/10/2007 1:50:16 AM

I had never even met her parents when I asked.

2/10/2007 8:10:15 AM

don't ask for permission

ask for their blessings



don't go with just the father - the mother is just as important. take them both to dinner or something.

2/10/2007 10:54:44 AM

^ says the guy without a girlfriend and without hope of ever finding a future mate

2/10/2007 11:27:45 AM

Quote :

"how did you go about getting the "ok" from your girls dad? "

She has the ability to make up her own mind. That, and I was already considered family by that point. Personal opinion: If you guys need permission from the parents to get married, you are going to continue to need permission as you go through your marriage. If you aren't close the family, I would recommend doing that first. You REALLY don't want things to do bad and put your significant other in a position to choose between their family and you.

2/10/2007 12:34:25 PM

^ I think that for a lot of guys, its little more than a formality and a sign of respect to her parents. It seems like the ones that ask for the father's blessing already know that they will get it.

2/10/2007 12:46:37 PM

if he says no will you just walk away?

probably not so don't bother doing something that's going to come off as really odd and uncomfortable with how you talk about it.

2/10/2007 5:07:25 PM

My fiance did not ask, but it was not that big of a deal. When we told my dad, he went straight for the whiskey. It would be nice to have a bottle of his favorite stuff, if you are close.

I had another friend help his Future Father in Law bury salt licks in the farm field. He just asked him in the middle of it and the father in law was like "well, thats neat, congratulations".

Just be sure to tell your parents that you are doing it and involve your mom. My fiance's mother was sad with how she was told (I adore my MIL and take her side on that).

[Edited on February 11, 2007 at 3:51 PM. Reason : k]

2/11/2007 3:51:13 PM

well at the time i felt slightly bad that i didn't ask my father in law first, but he was and is an asshole and my wife has since pretty much disowned him

so i no longer feel bad about

plus i get to freely talk shit about him now, so that's good

2/11/2007 4:32:14 PM

i didn't ask, he knew i was going to do it and didn't say not to so i wasn't concerned.

2/11/2007 6:30:59 PM

If you are close to them, you should know their answer already. It's more of a "let me tell you what i'm up to/help out with the plan/let me show you the ring'' situation.

2/12/2007 2:49:46 AM

^ This is pretty much it.

It's really just a formality and tradition than anything, otherwise, why invite the whole town and get married at the church.

Quote :

"if he says no will you just walk away? probably not so don't bother doing something that's going to come off as really odd and uncomfortable with how you talk about it."

You must not be from the South?

2/12/2007 11:16:43 AM

Quote :

"^ says the guy without a girlfriend and without hope of ever finding a future mate"

daaaamn son, that was below the belt.

and i've got plenty of hope

2/12/2007 11:19:52 AM

My fiancee's parents ran off an eloped without permission/blessings from either of their parents. Not asking her Dad for his blessing/permission just seemed like carrying on a tradition.

2/12/2007 12:42:42 PM

I called & asked permission on the phone AFTER popping the question...

but of course I acted like I hadn't done it yet.




I'm a procrastinator.

2/12/2007 1:16:06 PM

Quote :

" daaaamn son, that was below the belt. "

perhaps. i was just pissed off that you said that one shouldn't ask for permission - its all just a matter of preference and context.

and to whoever said that asking for permission meant you'd be asking for permission the rest of your life... what a load of BS - its just a polite thing to do. its understood to be a formality, kind of like when you let someone in the family say grace for christmas dinner. do you really think there's a little man up in the sky who gave you a christmas?

traditions are not bad inherently. they give life cohesion

2/12/2007 11:57:32 PM

yeah, it's really not about getting permission in the literal sense, but just a respectful thing to do.

2/13/2007 8:45:06 AM

If you have been dating a girl long enough, and you feel you have the balls to ask her father for his blessing, why would he say no? In other words, you and your soon-to-be bride can just air the news after you have proposed to her... I mean I would think so. There is nothing wrong with asking for the blessing, but the downside is that if you and her get divorced because of something you did you will be a huge let-down to her father. Good luck with your future wife, and parents-in-law.

2/13/2007 8:50:36 AM

^^^,^^
Different traditions for different people. Which ones you decide to uphold and which are considered "societal norms" are two different things. Really depends on whats important to you.

2/13/2007 12:07:46 PM

If you're getting married, you would have to place some importance on family. Assuming that all parties are close to their respective families, keeping family out of the loop is contradictory and disrespectful.

2/13/2007 12:43:42 PM

freakin college students thinking they're too cool to follow "societal norms"

5 yrs after you graduate you'll be embarrassed to remember your academia induced hipsterism.

2/13/2007 3:02:06 PM

I drove down in the middle of the day to take him to lunch (i live over 4 hours from him) and of course he knew some shit was up, because i hardly EVER am around them without her as well

so we went to lunch and on the ride over and during lunch we discussed it, and of course he said it was entirely her decision but he really appreciated that i made the effort to run it by him beforehand

2/13/2007 5:03:07 PM

Called her parents up and invited them out to dinner one weekend. Took them to Outback. They knew what was coming. We'd gone with them to Wilmington a few months before to scout out potential reception sites. Just told them I loved their daughter and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. They are UNC grads, so they made me say "Go Heels" 3x (this was the day before they won the National Championship). I hesitated but did. They made it up to me by singing the State fight song at our rehearsal dinner during their toast.

2/13/2007 7:20:41 PM

I don't know if I could have done that.

I'd never be able to wash the dirty off my soul after saying something like go heels....

2/13/2007 11:03:29 PM

nevAr

alma mater before hoes every time

2/13/2007 11:44:44 PM

He's a fuckin jerk, I wouldnt ask him to put me out if I was on fire.

2/14/2007 1:55:31 AM

After having this discussion with my father in law, he said "It is about time".

But I think it is a good idea to discuss it just our of courtesy. You really should know the answer anyway.

2/15/2007 10:08:02 AM

I didn't ask for permission/blessing. In fact, it never once occurred to me to do so. I think asking the parents for permission is ridiculous - it's your gf's choice to make. Asking for a blessing is different; I think it could be a nice gesture, especially for those accustomed to it or expecting it.

Ultimately, I think the only value associated with the tradition is that the parents get to be kept in the loop; it gives them sense of role in taking care of their investment (daughter) in a way that will affect her profoundly.

However, there are other ways to give the parents a sense of role and build trust: spend time with them; do activities involving you, them, and your gf; welcome them; let them know you. If you do these things, you'll have done far better than an isolated, awkward moment of unnatural formality.

2/15/2007 12:23:00 PM

it's only awkward or unnatural if you don't have a good relationship with them.

2/15/2007 1:13:40 PM

it didn't feel awkward or unnatural to me at all

sounds like you need to take your own advice and get to know your wife's parents a little bit better

2/15/2007 3:09:55 PM

it was natural for me - i agree with ^

2/15/2007 3:42:41 PM

I'm glad you know so much about the woman you'll live with the rest of your life. You should just save half of your allowance in an offshore acc in case things work out!

2/15/2007 10:08:15 PM

Quote :

"8=======D: freakin college students thinking they're too cool to follow "societal norms" 5 yrs after you graduate you'll be embarrassed to remember your academia induced hipsterism."

very true.

but you are the one with the screen name that looks like a penis.






[Edited on February 16, 2007 at 1:26 AM. Reason : ]

2/16/2007 1:25:31 AM

Well, awkward/unnatural is just the extreme. It's what you get if you haven't established a relationship with the parents. In any case, I generally don't believe their blessing need be explicitly asked for. If they approve, you'll already know it. Whether or not they permit it is moot, because it's not their choice to make.

2/16/2007 4:14:08 PM

I went while she was at work and asked them both together. Pretty easy event, he did take me to her room and asked if I was sure I wanted to deal with all that mess

2/16/2007 5:17:44 PM

theres been some pretty good advice in this thread so far, so I'll give my question a shot...

my girlfriend's dad is in the Phillipines for work and won't be back in Raleigh for another 8-12 months. I plan on proposing before he gets back, but I want to get his blessing first. Since I cant call him internationally to ask (my phone doesnt have coverage and he rarely calls my girlfriend at decent hours of the day when I'm around) so would it be out of line to send him a really nice email asking for his blessing?

2/17/2007 2:11:19 PM

i would send a letter before an email

2/17/2007 6:09:29 PM

^^ you could just text him.

Quote :

" sup d00d ima marr3 ur gurl LOL <3 "

2/17/2007 6:25:18 PM