Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.

Dr. Kelso: Well, if it isn't Dr Turk, friendly face of Sacred Heart.
Turk: Yeah, Dr Kelso, umm, about these posters... They're kinda making me uncomfortable.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you felt that way. Well here's what we're gonna do... I'm gonna leave them up.
Turk: I can live with that... Or I can sue you.
Dr. Kelso: Dr Turk, you are an employee here. I can use your image, your name, I can manufacture tiny Dr Turk action figures that cost $12.95 and when you pull the string it'll say "I don't like these posters of me." Isn't that right, Ted?
Ted: Oh, definitely, sir. Of course you'd certainly be vulnerable from a legal standpoint.
Dr. Kelso: How long?
Ted: Sir, that lawsuit would be over so quickly, I'd advise you to bring cabfair to the courthouse, since Dr Turk would be driving your Beemer home to his place.

9/19/2007 1:42:51 AM

THE CLASSIC TODD THONG SUGAR TRAP

9/19/2007 1:44:36 AM

"Oh Perry, you're so edgy and cantankerous. You're like House without the limp."

<3 Dr. Cox

9/19/2007 10:50:34 AM

Out of all the Scrubs quotes, you chose THOSE two to start it out?

I mean, I have to ask this. Have you ever watched the show?

9/19/2007 10:54:01 AM

Dr. Cox (to Jordan): Can I call you a cab or should I just whistle for the flying monkey to bring your broom around?

[After J.D. rants about Dr. Cox, he discovers Dr. Cox had been laying on the couch the whole time]
J.D.: Umm...Dr. Cox, have you been there the whole time?
Dr. Cox: No, I just walked in through the couch door.

Dr. Cox: I don't care about anything Kelso says unless it's, "Oh my god, I'm moving towards the light. Wait a minute, this isn't heaven! Hitler? Mousillini? Captain Kangaroo? That's wierd!"

[Edited on September 19, 2007 at 12:08 PM. Reason : ...]

9/19/2007 12:04:54 PM

Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now

9/19/2007 12:05:00 PM

Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things".

9/19/2007 1:03:34 PM

J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor...
[the Janitor rolls his eyes]
J.D.: ...I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
[the Janitor takes a second to process this answer]
Janitor: Uhhh...
J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What? Why?
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

9/19/2007 1:22:49 PM

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkelton?
Dr. Kelso: ... and Mrs. Turkelton! The Turkeltons!

9/19/2007 1:23:23 PM

Elliot: "I can't take it, Carla! I can't hide the crazy a minute longer! The worst part is Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slowly with me and I'm just this mountain of cuckoo who's about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him and he's gonna die like this!" (holds hands in front of face with horrified expression)


... the horrified expression makes it 100% funnier

9/19/2007 10:25:34 PM

So's your face!

9/26/2007 12:34:05 PM

but that doesn't make any sense

9/26/2007 1:16:12 PM

boing fwip!

9/26/2007 2:30:04 PM

Dr.Cox: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'.

JD: You think Turk would like it if I started calling him 'my brother'?
Carla: I Dont Know
[TURK passes by]
JD: Catch you later... my brutha
Turk: I'll holla.
JD:[To Carla]He said Holla

Turk: its killing me i cant beat this woman no matter what i try, she's like a ninja but worse
JD:Nothing Worse than a ninja ,their masters of every style of combat

There could easily be a thread just on Ted and the Todd's lines.

9/26/2007 8:11:55 PM

horrible show

9/26/2007 8:15:51 PM

great show, not appreciated though.


freakin wait until late october to see new episodes.

9/26/2007 8:32:26 PM

horrible show

9/26/2007 8:40:01 PM

"Do you see what you get Carla? Do you see what you get when you mess with the warrior!?"

9/26/2007 10:54:56 PM

horribly executed thread

9/27/2007 12:09:22 AM

"Turk Turkleton"

9/27/2007 2:07:40 AM

Turk: Well, you're better off watching good ol' Papa Smurf, here! Yeah, he says leadership boils down to three things: Smurferation, Smurferation, Smurf.
J.D.: Preparation, Inspiration, and Fear?
Turk: You know it.

9/27/2007 9:53:50 AM

Turk: I don't know much..
BUT I KNOW I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU

9/27/2007 1:20:01 PM

"this show sucks"

9/27/2007 2:47:22 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OClhuzy6d2o

9/27/2007 3:22:15 PM

Julie Keaton: This drug is the best one on the market. The only side effects are nausea, impotence and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: And, I'm getting two out of three, just from having this conversation.

9/27/2007 3:53:18 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZAgT8KOLF8

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hui-yI7G4k8

[Edited on September 27, 2007 at 4:13 PM. Reason : ]

9/27/2007 4:12:25 PM

and as always, there are no cutsies.

9/27/2007 4:53:02 PM

JD: Tests came back, it's benine

Janitor: Nine...nine and a half

9/27/2007 6:16:37 PM

Janitor: "I don't want her finding the skeletons in my closet. Well, I guess there actually won't be any skeletons for four to six weeks, until then it's just a pile of dead badgers."

9/27/2007 10:32:32 PM

Quote :

"THE CLASSIC TODD THONG SUGAR TRAP"

+1

9/29/2007 2:59:03 PM