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All American
5677 Posts
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http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/w4m/538784002.html
| Quote : | "We are writing on behalf of our sorority sister. She is about to graduate from college, and we are concerned about the potential consequences of her graduation and what they might mean for America. She is trying to enter the workforce, and while we appreciate her desire to make a name for herself in the professional world, we’d really prefer if she didn’t. We’re not actually sure she has learned anything useful during college, and if she did, those bits of information have long been washed away by a steady stream of rail vodka and semen. That being said, we’re trying to keep her out of the professional environment. That’s where you come in! Ideally, you are 40-55, moderately attractive, and have more money than you know what to do with, as she has an obsession with Tiffany’s and JCrew.com. She is accustomed to a high standard of living provided thus far by her parents, who are looking to cut her off in the near future. You should also have seemingly endless patience for incoherent speech, grammatical errors, and incomplete sentences, as some of her favorite expressions include “10$”, “lol” (even if something is not funny), abbreviating “and” as “n”, excessive use of “…”, and “ha”. We don’t care if you have kids, as long as they are not teenage boys (because this could provide potential for inappropriate conduct). Don’t get us wrong: she is pretty (just ask her!), has a great ass, is athletic, fun, easy, and outgoing. We won’t call her smart, but she isn’t completely vapid either. Please be ok with her spending 4+ hours per day exercising. She loves bars, but will maintain that she isn’t “that girl” (even though she is). She will reward your consistent financial support and endless patience with more sex than you have ever wanted. Oh, to that end, please lack the ability to reproduce. It is important that her genes are NOT spread out to the rest of humanity. Or, if you can reproduce, please be diligent about making she takes birth control. Don’t leave it up to her, she’ll forget.
We love our sister very much, but we also love our country, and we want to protect both her and America from, well, her. She has a heart of gold and will never cease to entertain you. If you are very brave, or just really want to help Uncle Sam, please respond with a clear picture and a short description of yourself. And please, don’t send pictures of your dick, because we are classy and we really don’t have the time or energy to deal with that shit. " |
[Edited on January 14, 2008 at 2:45 PM. Reason : .] 1/14/2008 2:45:39 PM
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