http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

1/18/2008 9:43:54 AM

No trips to Japan or South America for me.

1/18/2008 9:50:13 AM

i like his writing



lol

1/18/2008 9:56:07 AM

aside from the actual coolness of the article subject, reading it was fun, too

Quote :

"Bullet Ant (Paraponera clavata) From: Rainforests from Nicaragua to Paraguay Why you must fear it: It's a full inch long, it lives in trees and thus can and will fall on you to scare you away from its hive--the one you didn't know was there, because it's in a fucking tree. Before it does this, it shrieks at you. This ant, you see, can shriek. It's called a Bullet Ant because its 'unusually severe' sting feels like getting shot. On the Schmidt Sting Index, Bullet Ants rate as the number one most try-not-to-shit-out-your-spine painful in the entirety of the Kingdom Arthropoda. Also--and we do feel the need to stress this--they fucking shriek at you before they attack. More scary shit: Are you the sort of person who likes to think of yourself as tough? A "badass," perhaps? "Hard," as they say? Some of the indigenous peoples of the area use Bullet Ants as part of this initiation-to-manhood ceremony that they do. You know the kind we mean, with us it's like, a big party and your relatives give you money and everyone loves you and is so proud of you? Yeah with them, it's these special leaf sleeves with hundreds of bullet ants woven into them, stingers-inwards. They put them on and are immediately stung to holy fucking bejeezus by, and this is important, hundreds of Bullet Ants woven into the sleeves, stingers-inward. The goal is to leave them on for 10 minutes, after which their arms are stiff, useless lengths of twisting agony, their bodies wracked with uncontrollable spasms for days. And in order to be actually pass the ordeal and become a man, they have to do it 20 fucking times. "

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 9:58 AM. Reason : .]

1/18/2008 9:56:45 AM

ahhaha...that's crazy.

Can someone post the rest of this article? I cant access the link here at work..

1/18/2008 9:58:22 AM

I had several of those bullet ants on me in Peru once.
Fortunately I didn't get stung.

1/18/2008 9:58:37 AM

i had never been to the cracked website until last night, but they have some quality articles

1/18/2008 9:59:12 AM

Quote :

"try-not-to-shit-out-your-spine painful"

yikes

1/18/2008 9:59:22 AM

Quote :

"You can, however, easily tell the difference based on their behavior. Regular bees will give you about nine seconds of being too close to the hive before deciding you're a threat and then attacking you. So it's pretty easy to just walk past them without any screams. And if you do get them after you, they'll consider you to be 'chased off' after about 300 feet. Africanized bees do not roll this way. They give you half a second of being too close before they decide it is time to completely fuck your shit up and empty the entire hive--tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of angry, angry bees. When you run, flailing and crying and soiling yourself while screaming "JESUS CHRIST I'M COVERED IN BEES," they will chase you for over half a mile. "

1/18/2008 10:00:48 AM

Got damn, is EVERYTHING from Africa more violent?

1/18/2008 10:11:15 AM

JESUS CHRIST I'M COVERED IN BEES

1/18/2008 10:16:54 AM

yes. africa has many things that suck royally for us. We freak out over some non-poisonous reptiles. They keep the most dangerous ones as pets.

1/18/2008 10:19:35 AM

i was thinking less reptiles more federal crime statistics

1/18/2008 10:21:35 AM

well, that can apply to your situation. they've played with things that can kill them (however many generations ago) so nothing scares them now.




j/k

1/18/2008 10:23:14 AM

from the comments section

Japanese Honeybees vs Japanese Hornet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp72gXkYJIw

very unexpected

1/18/2008 10:33:19 AM

Quote :

"Japanese Giant Hornet (vespa mandarinia japonica) From: Japan, obviously. Why you must fear it: It's the size of your thumb and it can spray flesh-melting poison. We really wish we were making that up for, you know, dramatic effect because goddamn, what a terrible thing a three-inch acid-shooting hornet would be, you know? Oh, hey, did we mention it shoots it into your eyes? Or that the poison also has a pheromone cocktail in it that'll call every hornet in the hive to come over and sting you until you are no longer alive? Think you can outrun it? It can fly 50 miles in a day. It'd be nice to say something reassuring at this point, like "Don't worry, they only live on top of really tall mountains where nobody wants to live," but no, they live all over the goddamned place, including outside Tokyo. Forty people die like that every year, each of them horribly. More scary shit: Here's how the Japanese hornet treats other insects (and would presumably treat us, if we were small enough). An adult hornet will fly miles to find some squishy shit to feed to its children. Often times, it finds its food in, say, a hive inhabited by thousands of bees. What to do? Well, Vespa japonica sprays the nest with some of the acid/pheromone and brings in reinforcements, usually consisting of 30 or so fellow hornets. They then descend upon the beehive like an unholy plague of hell-born death engines and proceed to make this world a scary goddamned place. This is maybe 30 wasps against 30,000 bees and the 30,000 bees do not stand a chance. Behold the hornets systematically seize them with huge, wicked jaws and literally fucking cut them apart, one by one by one by fucking one. In three hours, there are piles of limbs and heads and just fucking bits of things that could possibly have been alive at one point, and the hornets have stormed the hive and flown away with all the bee's children. Who will then be eaten. Nature is fucking hardcore. "

1/18/2008 10:38:16 AM

1/18/2008 10:50:26 AM

so very awesome

1/18/2008 11:11:59 AM

interesting read...i wouldnt really care to come across any of those particular insects

1/18/2008 11:19:03 AM

No list is complete without the giant foot-long centipede killing & eating a mouse on youtube.

1/18/2008 11:34:52 AM

This should have been posted in my 'Don't fuck with nature thread'

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 12:05 PM. Reason : gfdg]

1/18/2008 11:37:22 AM

his diction is quite amusing

1/18/2008 12:01:04 PM

^x6 Looks like it's saying, "What? You wanna piece of me?"

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 12:03 PM. Reason : .]

1/18/2008 12:03:40 PM

DO NOT touch centipedes if you're in Japan! Those motherfuckers are people-killers from what I hear.

At least they move slow, so it's not a huge problem. But since they're usually benign here, foreigners typically don't know this and well...

know the bugs before you go somewhere abroad.

1/18/2008 12:04:18 PM

holy Christ

1/18/2008 12:05:19 PM

haha i just started reading this and can tell its gonna be funny as hell

1/18/2008 12:08:10 PM

Quote :

"No list is complete without the giant foot-long centipede killing & eating a mouse on youtube. "

link?



NEVERMIND

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 12:14 PM. Reason : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CL2hetqpfg]

1/18/2008 12:13:26 PM

message_topic.aspx?topic=508972

The Japanese Hornet is featured in several of these.

I only recall it losing to a giant scorpion, although I would like to see it matched up against a stag beetle, those things are badass also.

1/18/2008 12:14:36 PM

lol

Quote :

"Here's video of them removing one. DO NOT FUCKING WATCH THIS. Fuck, we don't even know why we linked it. "

1/18/2008 1:26:48 PM

Quote :

"non-poisonous reptiles."

VENOMOUS, PEOPLE... VENOMOUS!!!

1/18/2008 1:31:42 PM

Instant favorite.

BTW, anyone who has taken Sorenson for ENT 201 can tell you this, but the bullet ant story can be countered by a softer American version. Some moron with a televsion show wanted to demonstrate how painful the bullet ant is so he let one bite him. Drama ensues (the prof will gladly go into the details) and he was ultimately hospitalized.

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 1:43 PM. Reason : .]

1/18/2008 1:37:50 PM

i like the way this guy writes too. makes it fun and easier to read.

but that article, as intresting as it is, makes me feel all creepy crawly now

1/18/2008 1:57:52 PM

nice commentary

1/18/2008 1:58:30 PM

http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html

1/18/2008 2:01:08 PM

heh

Quote :

"The eggs have the consistency of cottage cheese. The most popular way to eat them is in a taco with guacamole, while being fucking insane."

Quote :

"Contact with lye can cause chemical burns, permanent scarring, blindness or total deliciousness,"

Quote :

"They are enjoyed in Cambodia, Philippines and the fifth and seventh levels of hell."

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 2:11 PM. Reason : I'm really liking this guy.]

1/18/2008 2:07:10 PM

i <3 japanese hornets.

not near me, of course.

1/18/2008 2:09:05 PM

the live egg thing at number 1 is recockulous

You'd have to double dog dare me to eat one of those, and even then I might not do it

1/18/2008 2:11:09 PM

the articles AMAZE me with all the curse words.

1/18/2008 2:17:17 PM

Quote :

"There are reports of animals the size of horses being overwhelmed and shredded by them. Go stand next to a horse and then think about what that means for you."

nice

1/18/2008 3:01:31 PM

YOU think THAT IS SOME MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, THEN check THIS BITCH out. This WHORE has NINE motherFUCKIN gOT-DAMNED PINCHERS on its MOUF to EAT A MOTHERFUCKER ALIVE with.


THINK IT CANT GET ANY WORSE?

YALL MOTHERFUCKERS TRIPPIN. It's got a STINGER N SHIT in case it can't grab you with those NINE MOTHERFUCKIN PINCHERS, WHEN YOU GET EAST SIDE STUNG ITS LIKE A BULLET ERUPTED IN A MOTHERFUCKERS SPLEEEEEEN. I AINT PLAYIN AROUND THIS BUG IS SICK FUCKIN DANGEROUS.

another good read from cracked.com

1/18/2008 3:05:01 PM

1/18/2008 3:16:31 PM

1/18/2008 4:42:08 PM

i'm not even gonna lie - that big-ass centipede is gonna give me nightmares about it coming to eat my bunny!

i guess it paralyzed the mouse or something when it first attacked?

1/18/2008 4:59:19 PM

you has a bunny??

1/18/2008 5:09:08 PM

^^its poison fucks shit up

i can't believe the centipede fucked up the japanese hornet, that is fucking awesome

http://www.japanesebugfights.com/12.htm

1/18/2008 5:20:02 PM

^Whats the deal with the advertisements covering up every video? They dont seem to go away, and I cant find a way to close them.


Nevermind

[Edited on January 18, 2008 at 5:46 PM. Reason : .]

1/18/2008 5:44:15 PM

'

by far the best centipede vid out there

1/18/2008 6:56:24 PM

http://www.cracked.com/article_14977_5-most-kick-ass-apocalyptic-prophecies.html

Quote :

" The Return of Pahana Source: The Hopi tribe of Native-Americans What to watch for: The arrival of white men in the lands of the Hopi Indians, taking land that isn't theirs and killing their enemies with hand-held thunder. Wait a minute. Uh oh. What comes next: It looks like we got to this prophecy a little late. The foretold snakes of iron, electronic spider webs and rivers of stone have already crossed the world and the seas are already polluted. Some people say the ninth and final sign, a "dwelling place in the stars falling to earth," happened in 1979 when Skylab crash-landed in Australia. All that' left is the great wars between the White Man and his enemy in the deserts- Goddammit. Can you survive it? The Hopi were polite enough to provide this part for us. According to prophecy, those who wish to avoid all the diseases and destruction should move to the lands of the Hopi. The bad news: "the lands of the Hopi" means Arizona. The good news: It' only temporary. Any day now, the Hopi are expecting the return of Pahana, or the "lost white brother" from the stars that left them thousands of years ago. When he descends, the survivors become wise and start making the world a better place. Still, Arizona. A heavy metal album cover for reference: Iron Maiden - Brave New World Rating: What the Hopi' "great renewal" lacks in rivers of boiling blood and screaming demonic dragons, it makes up in deadly accuracy. Though it appears we're 98 percent of the way through this one, it' not really our fault: It was only revealed to the outside world in 1959. 6/10. "

1/18/2008 7:05:53 PM

damn, that was an awesome article!

1/18/2008 7:20:22 PM

i rip and i rhyme...i rhyme and i rip

1/18/2008 7:25:26 PM