From http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html

Quote :

"#2. George Washington Plenty of people know George Washington as the father of our country, but few people know, (and this is, perhaps, more important), just how similar he was in behavior to the Incredible Hulk. Stay with us. As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington "was naturally irritable" and when his temper "broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath." One time, in fact, he became "much inflamed [and] got into one of those passions when he cannot command himself." Witnesses agreed that, after these sudden bursts of rage, Washington generally became calm and amiable again. Sound like anyone you know? Anyone, incredible, perhaps? (It's the Incredible Hulk.) The Iroquois Indians affectionately nicknamed Washington "Caunotaucarius," which translates to either "Town Destroyer" or "Devourer of Villages." We were really hoping it translated to "One Who, (When Angry), You Will Not Like" so we'd have more evidence for this whole Incredible Hulk thing, but "Town Destroyer" is pretty cool too, we guess. Washington wasn't just a shirt-ripping comic book character waiting to happen, he was also an amazing general and, possibly, totally invincible. Washington was always at the frontlines in any of the many battles he took part in and there are countless stories of Washington returning from battle with bullet holes in his uniform, or without a horse, (it having been shot from under him), but he always remained unharmed. As a general, he believed, (like the always-screaming Leonidas), in the strength of small numbers. Typically both a loner and rebel, Washington preferred a small band of dedicated warriors over large armies any day of the week and he won plenty of battles when the odds were decidedly not in his favor. He once wrote that "Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all." Though that isn't quite as catchy as "This is Sparta!" you'll have to agree that it's slightly more eloquent and certainly more recyclable, as it is more applicable to situations that may not explicitly involve Sparta. Greatest Display of Badassedry: Making America. Most Badass Quote: After another tough battle where Washington was miraculously not wounded, he wrote a letter to his brother detailing his experiences. He described being surrounded by bullets and death and concluded by saying "I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets." When he caught news of this, King George III reportedly remarked that Washington's attitude would change if he'd heard a few more. But King George III didn't win the war, so fuck him. "

holy fuck <3 cracked

[Edited on February 16, 2008 at 10:55 PM. Reason : FAST]

2/16/2008 10:53:50 PM

Quote :

"WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON"

2/16/2008 10:54:17 PM

he'll kill you in your sleep on christmas.

2/16/2008 10:58:07 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ8BCNj2oao

2/16/2008 10:58:22 PM

President Palmer?

2/16/2008 11:07:09 PM

Quote :

"On one occasion, he challenged a man named Charles Dickinson to a duel, (the reason behind it wasn't important, not to us and certainly not to Jackson), and Jackson was even kind enough to give Dickinson the first shot. We're gonna go ahead and repeat that: In a duel with pistols, Jackson politely volunteers to be shot at first. Dickinson happily obliged and shot Jackson, who proceeded to shake it off like it was a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickinson was not so lucky, and that's why his face isn't on the twenty. The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not dueling," Jackson's least favorite category."

hahahaha

2/16/2008 11:14:50 PM

Quote :

"#1.Theodore Roosevelt Checking Teddy Roosevelt's resume is like reading a How-To guide on ass-kicking manliness. He was a cattle rancher, a deputy sheriff, an explorer, a police commissioner, the assistant Secretary of the Navy, the governor of New York, and a war hero. Out of all of his jobs, hobbies and passions, Roosevelt always had a special spot in his heart for unadulterated violence. In 1898, Roosevelt formed the first U.S. Volunteer Cavalry Regiment, known as the Rough Riders. Most people already know of the Rough Riders and their historic charge up San Juan Hill, but few know that, since their horses had to be left behind, the Riders made this charge entirely on foot. You just could not stop this man from violencing the hell out of a San Juan Hill. And don't think that Roosevelt lost his obsession with violence when he became president, or he might just come back from the dead and murder you, (and how do you kill a Teddy Roosevelt that's already dead!?!). He strolled through the White House with a pistol on his person at all times, though, with his black belt in jujitsu and his history as a champion boxer, it wasn't like he really needed it. It wasn't just his war record or the fact that he knew several different ways to kill you that made Roosevelt such a badass. It wasn't even the fact that he kept a bear and a lion at the White House as pets, (though that certainly helps). Teddy Roosevelt was a badass of the people. Roosevelt received letters from army cavalrymen complaining about having to ride 25 miles a day for training and, in response, Teddy rode horseback for 100 miles, from sunrise to sunset, at 51 years old, effectively rescinding anyone's right to complain about anything, ever again. Did we mention he had asthma growing up? He did, and after he beat asthma to death, he ate asthma's raw flesh and ran 100 straight miles off the energy it gave him. Greatest Display of Badassedry: While campaigning for a third term, Roosevelt was shot by a madman and, instead of treating the wound, delivered his campaign speech with the bleeding, undressed bullet hole in his chest. On the other end of the spectrum, reasons why certain members of the Cracked Editorial Staff have called out of work over the last year include: "A cold." "A stubbed toe." "It's raining." "There's a spider near the door." Most Badass Quote: This quote actually comes from a fellow politician at the time of Roosevelt's death: "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight." We have no witty commentary for that. That is just straight up badass."

2/16/2008 11:14:52 PM

Roosevelt was a master jujitsu fighter and a bareknuckled boxing legend.

captured florida from spain without really meaning to.

hahha <3 america

2/16/2008 11:15:34 PM

good read

2/16/2008 11:24:37 PM

And he claimed to have seen Bigfoot--or at least believed some who had.

Quote :

"The creature was mentioned in early American Indian writings and in the journal of explorer Daniel Boone. Even President Theodore Roosevelt related in one of his books an account of Idaho trappers' encounters with a Bigfoot."

http://www.chieftain.com/life/1201162835/3

[Edited on February 16, 2008 at 11:40 PM. Reason : .]

2/16/2008 11:32:31 PM

2/17/2008 12:06:11 AM

[Edited on February 17, 2008 at 12:13 AM. Reason : ;]

2/17/2008 12:09:37 AM

President Michael Wilson

2/17/2008 12:12:19 AM

yes i did pick the fuzzy one on purpose, i don't have a cold

2/17/2008 12:18:08 AM

i also really liked romney's "SUCK MY DICK, BOSTON" stance

2/17/2008 12:19:07 AM

http://www.guba.com/watch/3000015922

someone embed

[Edited on February 17, 2008 at 12:23 AM. Reason : ]

2/17/2008 12:23:19 AM

2/17/2008 12:26:36 AM

That was fucking awesome!

2/17/2008 12:33:18 AM

sounds like beck, beastie boys, less trippy butthole surfers, green jelly, mc 900 ft jesus, FUCK WHO ELSE

thats pretty funny though. but it sounded like a fucking farm-aid CD

2/17/2008 12:33:43 AM

If you liked that, check out the rest of superdeluxe. I recommend everything Babycakes.

2/17/2008 12:35:34 AM

2/17/2008 12:52:36 AM

that was indeed hilarious.

2/17/2008 2:19:25 AM