http://www.coedmagazine.com/sex/10501

This was titled 13 facts about women that men forget ... but my title is better
No matter how cool the chick, chances are she (is)…

Full of Shit: Before you call NOW, let us just say that this is only a periodic trait, and exists in varying degrees. Most of the time, it comes out in what we like to call a “game,” but outside of a relationship it’s called lying. Basically, she tells you one thing, but means something more than her words. (Words only seem to matter when she remembers to use yours against you.) Other times, it happens when she thinks lying serves a purpose greater than the truth of the moment. So, she might have gone to lunch with her ex and said she didn’t–but he was a dick like usual, so it wasn’t a big enough deal to tell you about (i.e., she cares about you enough to not want to hurt your feelings, but not enough to stop looking elsewhere). Now, try going out with your ex…

More Complicated Than You: When a man says all he needs is some time for TV, some time for drinking beer (aside from time spent watching TV) and some sex, he isn’t kidding. Most guys are often easily pleased, regularly content (if not happy) and down for pretty much anything. That’s what we mean by “easy-going.” When you’re not dating a woman (or have just started dating her, and she likes you), she can have no trouble matching that description. However, once she’s comfortably in a relationship, she unveils a net of internal and inter-personal intricacies capable of confusing the crap out of any man. It’s a lot of ins, outs, what-have-yous, and it’s F’ing difficult to remember.

Requires Compliments: Ok ladies, we get it–you have terrible self-esteem. And that sucks. We’re sure it’s our fault, somehow. (How?) But unless you want to start telling us what a gigantic d*ck we have every time we see you, give us a break if we don’t notice what you’re wearing from time to time. Maybe what you’re wearing sucks. Did you think of that?…Uh, sorry honey. What we meant to say was, that weird bag dress you threw on looks awesome.

Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do: Again, this only happens after her relationship is in a comfortable spot. At that point, if there’s something she doesn’t like about you, she will probably try to change it. Note: If you’re cheating on her, it’s ok for her to want that to stop. But if you’re just wearing the wrong shirt, or have the wrong haircut, that’s not her sh*t to change. You know how you want your hair, damnit. Tell her so–she’ll appreciate you standing up for yourself.

P.S. Women: Don’t believe anything Cosmo or any other “female-targeted publication” tells you about what guys like. Just keep it as close to BJs and BBQ as possible and you’re in the green.

Evil Toward Other Girls: Unless you beat women (in which case, you should be getting your ass kicked right now, or in jail–preferably both) it’s difficult to comprehend the razor-sharp viciousness women lash each other with during a feud. Angry women are cold, calculating–and if they decide to fight back, they inflict the most damage possible. And this is the part guys forget: Mess up, and they’ll do the same to you! So if you catch your girl hitting below the belt with emails and rumors against someone you thought was her friend, watch your back, that’s all we’re saying.

Self Conscious About Something: This is essentially the cause of “Requires Compliments,” from above. But what women don’t realize is that, when a guy is with a girl, he thinks she’s hot. That’s a given in a guy’s mind, and doesn’t change much. So we completely forget that women, in general, are nervous wrecks of internal anguish. Usually, their fluctuating insecurity is about their bodies, which they say is a product of our cruel desire for them. (As if women are so kind to each other on this front…) Really, it’s about all types of stuff. So guys, if you take this fact of female existence to heart, it helps explain many of their womanly mysteries. (Not the g-spot one, though…)

Crazy: We know this is cliche, but let’s get something straight: When chemical imbalances (i.e., changes in hormone levels) control your thoughts, words and actions–that’s called crazy. A “visit from aunt flow,” as they say, is enough to throw many women over the edge–at least for a couple of days. And while we will forever hold hope that there’s a reliably sane one amongst them, we are yet to even hear of her existence. In fact, most women admit their (temporary) insanity; you’d know if you listen to them. Don’t, and that’s some sh*t they’ll use against you, if you make the mistake of not knowing what the hell is going on.

Not Funny: Believe us, we’ve met (and dated) plenty of funny women. They’re not always fat and not always lesbian. Some of them are hot, and those chicks are the best. But for the most part, women just like to laugh at our jokes (they all say they want a funny man), and suck at coming up with their own. And when it comes to stand-up comedians, women have Lisa Lampanelli and Sarah Silverman and…uh…yeah, that’s it. Unless you count Courtney Love, but we doubt you want to claim her.

A Star-Fucker: Given the opportunity, most women would seriously consider screwing a (cool) famous person, just for the f**k of it. Even your girlfriend. It’s just in their nature. (Non-virgin) guys don’t get obsessed with famous people the way women do. (Just go to a Justin Timberlake concert, or at least stand outside and watch to see.) We’re not saying she’ll cheat on you, but she would definitely weigh her options, given the chance. Especially if the dude plays a guitar or drums. Those dudes get laid, always. Double the chances again if he has an accent. Basically, if she’s going to an after party, agree to meet her there–or consider yourself a dumbass. (She will.)

A Better Liar: When a man lies, he knows he’s doing something wrong. He’ll dart his eyes, mumble, change the subject and try to just get the hell out of the situation as fast as possible. When a woman lies, she can look the person she loves square in the eye and feed him the biggest load of bullsh*t ever, and make it seem like she’s being perfectly reasonable–more reasonable than usual! (That’s your first clue.) But pity the man who catches his woman in a lie; call her out on it, and she will drop her entire arsenal of your f**k-ups upon your quickly withering form. Forget that tactic; it’s better to just go get drunk and hit on other chicks out of spite.

Enjoys Cat Calls: First of all, most dudes don’t call out to girls on the street; we check out your ass and overflowing push-up bra from a respectable distance. But women don’t just (secretly, deep down) enjoy getting cat calls thrown their way, they expect it. Sure, some dude might go over the line now and then, and that never feels nice. But if nobody stares and nobody says a single lewd comment, she feels less sexy, like there’s something wrong with her that day, or at least with what she’s wearing. Guys, don’t take this as an invitation to hit on every stranger you see walking down the street. But ladies, stop telling us you don’t like it.

Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning: For men, saying exactly what you mean stands as a matter of pride. But no matter how straight your talk, women like to feel like they have more control over the situation by attempting to decode what you’re not saying, so they can guess how you’re feeling and what to do next. Here’s the thing, ladies: Men only talk to accomplish a goal of some type, like working out a business plan. You talk just to talk. It makes you feel better just to get everything out there. If talking isn’t for any reason other than to talk, he’d rather do anything else.

Uses Sex To Manipulate Men: If she’s looking extra hot and/or acting particularly friendly, beware: she is probably going to ask you to do something you don’t want to do. (This is a perfectly acceptable trade-off in a woman’s mind.) She knows you like sex, and she’s got the tools to use that desire against you–or at least to get what she wants. But sex is what we want, so don’t get us wrong on this one: We want you to use sex to manipulate us. It’s the best form of manipulation possible. But don’t think we don’t know what you’re up to.

7/14/2008 3:00:48 PM

wow, every girl i have dated hit all 13. good shit

7/14/2008 3:02:53 PM

Quote :

"Enjoys Cat Calls: First of all, most dudes don’t call out to girls on the street; we check out your ass and overflowing push-up bra from a respectable distance. But women don’t just (secretly, deep down) enjoy getting cat calls thrown their way, they expect it. Sure, some dude might go over the line now and then, and that never feels nice. But if nobody stares and nobody says a single lewd comment, she feels less sexy, like there’s something wrong with her that day, or at least with what she’s wearing. Guys, don’t take this as an invitation to hit on every stranger you see walking down the street. But ladies, stop telling us you don’t like it."

I have always believed this to be true

7/14/2008 3:03:28 PM

Quote :

"Men only talk to accomplish a goal of some type, like working out a business plan. You talk just to talk. It makes you feel better just to get everything out there. If talking isn’t for any reason other than to talk, he’d rather do anything else."

ATTN DeeMarie, see, i'm not crazy

i pretty much told my gf this exact thing yesterday

7/14/2008 3:03:59 PM

Quote :

"But pity the man who catches his woman in a lie; call her out on it, and she will drop her entire arsenal of your f**k-ups upon your quickly withering form. Forget that tactic; it’s better to just go get drunk and hit on other chicks out of spite."

7/14/2008 3:04:51 PM

okay, i'll even admit that most of that shit is true

7/14/2008 3:05:09 PM

Quote :

"P.S. Women: Don’t believe anything Cosmo or any other “female-targeted publication” tells you about what guys like. Just keep it as close to BJs and BBQ as possible and you’re in the green."

So true.

DO NOT TOUCH MY GOOCH, I DO NOT LIKE IT OKAY!

7/14/2008 3:07:18 PM

You all love us anyways!!!!

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 3:10 PM. Reason : ^no?!?! I'll remember that.]

7/14/2008 3:08:30 PM

^[except evan]

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 3:10 PM. Reason : lylas...bwahahahahaha]

7/14/2008 3:09:53 PM

number 13 can be expanded. most girls think that if they give you sex that you owe them something somehow. and most girls don't want to pay for things in the beginning, specifically before you have sex with her because they feel like that they will owe you something... isn't there an ironic correlation here? all in all, ladies if you feel because i want to pay for your 6 dolla lunch that you think that you will owe me some pussy, fine. thats some really cheap sex, and nice low balling yourselves haha.

7/14/2008 3:10:58 PM

Quote :

"Ok ladies, we get it–you have terrible self-esteem. And that sucks. We’re sure it’s our fault, somehow. (How?) But unless you want to start telling us what a gigantic d*ck we have every time we see you, give us a break if we don’t notice what you’re wearing from time to time. Maybe what you’re wearing sucks. Did you think of that?…Uh, sorry honey. What we meant to say was, that weird bag dress you threw on looks awesome."

As a rule, look for anything that sticks out or is out of the ordinary. A strange combination of colors on the pocketbook? That means it was worn just for you to comment on.

It's best to consider it to have nothing to do with fashion. Different = execute compliment.

7/14/2008 3:21:52 PM

yeah, i've learned that every time i see my gf the first thing i should do is try to tell if her hair looks different from the last time i saw her. if i notice something different about her hair, it's instant happy mood.

7/14/2008 3:23:18 PM

look yall, the bottom line is that women live in fantasy worlds, ie want gay friends, and live like a reality show, and guys are just big as children, we like to play games, joke and fart. just support the ladies in their fantasies and their will support your childish endeavors.

7/14/2008 3:24:15 PM

This thread delivers

7/14/2008 3:25:27 PM

i agree with everything in this thread

7/14/2008 3:29:57 PM

i think we now have golden approval that our assumption that girls are crazy is truth

7/14/2008 3:36:18 PM

me too except the part where they talk down to women beaters.

7/14/2008 3:39:55 PM

its ok to knock the shit out of her, just don't beat her

7/14/2008 3:40:37 PM

7/14/2008 3:41:39 PM

StillFuchsia is such a feminist

7/14/2008 3:42:04 PM

Rule #14: They think we are stupid, but the truth is we just don't care.

7/14/2008 3:43:43 PM

They can't read maps either. In the many years I've been alive, I don't think I've ever seen a woman get a map and successfully put it to practical use.

7/14/2008 3:46:55 PM

^^^ I didn't say anything, B. Stereotypes are totally awesome, right?!?!

^ There's no real excuse for that. I keep five maps in the car. Sorry you haven't met any of the ones that can, though.

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 3:49 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2008 3:47:23 PM

signed.

7/14/2008 3:47:46 PM

i can name three tww chicks right now that won't be happy till they find a guy who will beat her ass for her every so often.

it fucks with my mind because it's true >.<

7/14/2008 3:47:53 PM

Quote :

"I keep five maps in the car."

Wow.

five whole maps.

7/14/2008 3:49:06 PM

I can use them just fine. And I counted my Atlas as one "map."

Quote :

"i can name three tww chicks right now that won't be happy till they find a guy who will beat her ass for her every so often."

go for it

just fyi, I'm not on it

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 3:52 PM. Reason : V LOL, yeah]

7/14/2008 3:50:01 PM

they can't read maps? wat?
are you retarded?? as long as we're perpetuating stereotypes, MEN are the ones that don't/won't/can't use maps and won't ask for directions.

7/14/2008 3:50:16 PM

there are plenty of guys who can't read maps i think that should be left alone...

most of these are correct though

7/14/2008 3:52:08 PM

i used 2 maps yesterday AND double checked by asking for directions...(BUT I ASKED A MAN INSTEAD OF A WOMAN FOR DEM DIRECTIONS)

7/14/2008 3:52:56 PM

I think all this man vs woman stuff is funny with all of these metro - feminine piss poor excuses for men running around these days....

7/14/2008 3:55:21 PM

I just can't stand to watch them physically turning the map to mirror the 'real' orientation. I would ask for directions too if I had to do this.

7/14/2008 3:55:51 PM

i just can't stand watching old people chew

7/14/2008 3:58:56 PM

i use google maps all the time

7/14/2008 4:01:03 PM

Cannot spend less than 10 minutes in Target

7/14/2008 4:07:12 PM

why would a girl make you go to target with her?

7/14/2008 4:09:40 PM

Quote :

"I was reading Cosmo the other day...100 ways to please your man by 'some lady.' ladies, that list is 4 things long: 1. suck his dick 2. play with his balls 3. make him a sandwich 4. dont talk so much "

- Dave Chappelle

7/14/2008 4:09:47 PM

cannot drive an automobile

no offense ladies but jesus christ yall cant drive

7/14/2008 4:10:41 PM

This reminds me of those dumb Hardee's ads where guys struggle and fail at making a simple breakfast...

There are stereotypes that are so much funnier than these

^^ Haha, see, now that was good

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 4:11 PM. Reason : sammitches]

7/14/2008 4:10:47 PM

Quote :

"why would a girl make you go to target with her?"

because women can't do anything alone

7/14/2008 4:10:53 PM

^^^

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 4:11 PM. Reason : ]

7/14/2008 4:10:57 PM

and i'd like someone to fucking explain that to me

WHY THE HELL CAN'T GIRLS BE ALONE WHILE DOING ANYTHING?!?!

7/14/2008 4:11:26 PM

whatever...

you people have some needy ass women...


i hate shopping so unless it's a stop on the way home or something that makes sense i wouldn't make a dude to go "shopping" with me...

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 4:13 PM. Reason : i don't even like going with other girls]

7/14/2008 4:13:02 PM

I do stuff alone

7/14/2008 4:13:20 PM

ive noticed that too. they don't even drive alone

7/14/2008 4:14:35 PM

yeah, i've had two gf's that would freak out about the idea of having to go by the mall by themselves and shit like that.. whooptie fuckin dooo

7/14/2008 4:15:10 PM

Quote :

"you people have some needy ass women..."

not anymore. i am abstaining from relationships until I find a chick that never wants to be around me.

7/14/2008 4:15:15 PM

^^^^no shit...i like doing stuff like that alone...


if it's a social engagement then yeah...i want him there with me if he wants to be...but who gives a shit if you're by yourself at the grocery store or walmart

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 4:16 PM. Reason : asdjfh]

7/14/2008 4:15:25 PM

Quote :

"ive noticed that too. they don't even drive alone"

or if they are alone, they are on the phone talking to someone.

7/14/2008 4:16:05 PM

"The best thing you can do for your relationship is just stay the fuck away from each other"


and many a chick will talk to a dead cellphone to look busy. but I think many would do it while in a room alone because they like the way it feels.

when brain cancer finally evens the playing field it's gonna be great. SAD, but GREAT

[Edited on July 14, 2008 at 4:20 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2008 4:16:52 PM