WHITE WIDE RECEIVERS FIGHT DISCRIMINATION

Ernest Thomason, wide reciver for D-III Emory and Henry, heard the words for the first time in high school. A rangy wide receiver for Grundy County High in Tennessee, he heard them as he watched a local community television of his 8 catch, 118 yard performance early one Sunday morning.

“I’d just made an over-the-shoulder catch against a corner who later got a scholarship offer to Virginia. Nothing little, mind you. The announcer couldn’t give me credit; he said I had…”

At this point, the tears come. They often do when he talks about that game. Thomason wipes them away with a few rubs of the same huge hands that cradle passes in easy catches like a fat man catching donuts from heaven. He stares into space composing himself, then speaks in deliberate tones as he says the words that burned him so deeply that night.

“He said I had ‘deceptive speed,’” Thomason says, choking up again. “He might as well have called me a ‘possession receiver.’”


Chris Doering: “deceptively fast.”

Thomason is not alone in his pain, according to Mike Sembler, founder and spokesperson for the Caucasian Wide Receivers Association of America. The discrimination faced by Caucasian wide receivers everywhere follows a similar pattern in football.

“The story’s always the same. Possession receiver. Deceptive speed. Good blocker. White wide receivers are always discriminated against in the same terms. It’s a national problem, and we’re taking steps to fight this on its own terms.”

The CWRAA’s campaign—“Catch And Release:Getting Stereotypes on the Hook and Letting Go of Predjudice”—aims to fight discrimination by turning the tables on the conventional perceptions of white wide receivers versus their predominantly African American counterparts. The tools: a website, a dream, and a series of pamphlets Sembler hopes to distribute at high schools across the nation.

“Our favorite is the ‘Role Reversal exercise, where we try to turn the tables on conventional use of language in sports situations. What if we always described a black wide receiver as “speedy” or “athletic”? Or calling a Jewish running back “wily?” What if we let every tall white kid who couldn’t run a 4.4 get automatically put at second string tight end? Or god forbid, long snapper? We can’t let the Chris Doerings and Mike Hasses of the world get pigeonholed before they ever get get tackled on a nine-yard curl route.”

Clemson English professor Dr. Anthony Marco thinks Sembler is onto a real phenomenon. He’s even written a paper on it: “Gritty Team Players: Language, Race, and the Semantics of Oppression in Sport.”

“We counted the number of times broadcasters, coaches, and journalists referred to white wide receivers in terms we consider stereotypical,” said Marco in a phone interview Tuesday. “What we found was astonishing: over 83 percent of the time any statement was made it referred to the terms we consider to be a negative stereotype about ‘white’ wide receivers.”

The list of terms used to describe wide receivers included:

–”Posession receiver”

–”Team player”

–”Not the most talented guy in the world”

–”Deceptive speed”

–”Gritty”

–”Slow-ass, tiny-penised, Bass Pro Shop sticker-havin’ cracker zombie”

The CWRAA hopes to petition the FCC to ban these words during sports broadcasts. Activists like Dr. Marco and Mike Sembler say that they hope to save the next generation of lanky white athletes, but at least one casualty won’t be coming back from the disabled list of athletes hurt by the harsh language of predjudice: Ernest Thompson, who left the Emory and Henry team shortly after being labeled “deceptively fast.”

“I can’t deal with it anymore,” he said, lacing up his running shoes before practice, the sound of Coldplay playing on his stereo in the background. “I’m going to where I’m wanted, where I feel accepted. Some people say Ultimate Frisbee isn’t a real sport, but I’d challenge them to come out and try to hang with us for thirty minutes.” He smiles, pauses.

“And no one ever called me possession receiver out there.”

8/22/2008 5:10:15 PM

i love when needlessly long fake articles are written just to pay off one line

10/10 sir

8/22/2008 5:14:48 PM

Quote :

"Ethan Albright, Worst Player in the NFL, Strikes Back October 23rd, 2006 by Michael Stephens Washington Redskins lineman Ethan Albright may have worked his tail off to make it to the NFL, establishing himself as one of the league’s best and most consistent long snappers, and a special teams player who has appeared in all 16 games for each of the past 10 seasons (Buffalo, 1996-2000; Washington, 2001-05). But that’s not enough to win any respect from John Madden and EA Sports, the makers of Madden NFL 2007. Upon realizing that he had been saddled with the video game’s worst overall rating, 53, Alright unleashed his wrath against Madden in a highly-amusing, sometimes-profane tirade. Here’s what he had to say: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ethan Albright: The RevengeHi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is f**king bullsh!t and you should kiss my mother-f**king a$$. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80. You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-d!ck. Go do Al Michaels or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard. It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly sh!t and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. F**k, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your a$$. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of sh!t teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60? I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. F**k, man, there are some sh!tty players out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst. I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut. John, you are such a f**king d!ck. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a f**king zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my f**king face. F**k that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a -4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns. Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). F**k me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide. I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by 30 yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a f**king lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pu$$y-ass f**kwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man. F**k you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you f**k with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder. Rot in Hell, Ethan Albright"

8/22/2008 5:33:34 PM

Quote :

"F–k It. I’m Throwing It Downfield. Is that Berrian? I think he’s triple-covered. You know what? Fuck it. I’m throwing it downfield. Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But fuck that. Dumpoff passes are for faggots. I’m fucking Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can’t, I bet I’ll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard. What’s that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That’s gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking football. You can’t just expect wins to come to you. You can’t massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You’re a pussy. This ain’t John Shoop running this offense. Sexy Rexy’s got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon. Okay, I’m throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious. Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn’t one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I’m gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I’m gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can. This is Rex Grossman we’re talking about here. We’re talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I’m not just a gunslinger. I’m a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I’ll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I’m gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it’s worth. It tells them I throw like I fuck. That’s how we do things in the sexy business. Tell me you’re not turned on right now. I am."

[Edited on August 22, 2008 at 6:12 PM. Reason : ]

8/22/2008 6:12:34 PM

hahah hadnt seen the Grossman piece before

8/22/2008 7:04:54 PM

i'm going to google "penised" just for the fuck of it

8/22/2008 7:10:05 PM

boy i sure regret the hell out of that

8/22/2008 7:17:33 PM

whats wrong with Bass Pro Shops? I mean, its no Cabela's but hey . . .

8/22/2008 7:19:02 PM

Well I went down to the Grundy County Auction
Where I saw something I just had to have
My mind told me I should proceed with caution
But my heart said, "Go ahead an' make a bid on that!"

?

8/22/2008 8:04:19 PM