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 Message Boards » » If you're a Christian Page [1]  
IMStoned420
All American
15485 Posts
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you're kinda like a zombie

10/4/2008 5:03:57 PM

Airbag
Suspended
12921 Posts
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k

10/4/2008 5:04:03 PM

chembob
Yankee Cowboy
27011 Posts
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this hasn't been done before

Quote :
"Hi. You're probably new to the Wolf Web. In fact, I'm willing to bet you're new to college in general.
It's an exciting time, isn't it? I'm sure that you have been exposed to many ideas and perspectives
you'd never realized existed, and you're just bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of sharing a
few ideas of your own with your peers now that you find yourself in an academic environment that
seems perfectly suited to such an exchange.

Why don't we go a little further? Odds are you consider yourself very intelligent. In fact, you're
probably so intelligent that you've figured out all the quirks and kinks of organized religion--or at l
east Christianity. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? You were probably raised in a Christian household and
resent that upbringing for limiting your personal freedoms, so it's only natural that you'd seek to
undermine Christ's teachings and save others from having such a faulty belief system for their own
good. Pretty cool of you, isn't it? You've really got it together.

FUCK YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING FAGGOT COLLEGE KID

LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET

NONE OF YOUR THOUGHTS ON RELIGION ARE RADICAL OR EVEN THOUGHT-PROVOKING

IT'S NO SECRET YOU GOT THEM OFF A FUCKING WEBSITE

WE'VE ALL READ THE PROSELYTIZER QUESTIONNAIRE TOO

NOTHING YOU CAN SAY IS GOING TO LEND A FRESH OUTLOOK

DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND

THAT FOR SEVERAL FUCKING CENTURIES NOW

SOME OF THE MOST EDUCATED PEOPLE IN THE ANNALS OF HUMAN HISTORY

HAVE DEVOTED THEIR LIVES TO ANSWERING DEEPER THEOLOGICAL CONCERNS

THAN YOUR PETTY BULLSHIT

ABOUT THE DISCREPANCIES IN THE GENEALOGIES OF CHRIST IN THE GOSPELS?

I MEAN

HOLY FUCK

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY COCKSUCKER WHO EVER NOTICED THAT OR SOMETHING?!

WAKE THE FUCK UP

YOU'RE STILL JUST A STUPID KID

AND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IS SHAMEFUL

INCONSIDERATE

AND DISRESPECTFUL

BECAUSE MAYBE YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY

TO LIVE ACCORDING TO A STRICT MORAL CODE

AND MAYBE YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY

TO ACTUALLY TRY AND DEVELOP A STRONG, HONORABLE CHARACTER

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT

FOR YOU TO ATTACK MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO PLAY THE VICTIM

TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY "FORCE THEIR BELIEFS" ON YOU

BY HANDING OUT A FUCKING PAMPHLET

I MEAN HOLY FUCKING CHRIST

WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IS TEN TIMES WORSE

GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY

THIS REBELLION AGAINST MOMMY AND DADDY ISN'T IMPRESSING ANYONE

WE'VE SEEN IT BEFORE

YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST

YOU ARE NOT EVEN REMARKABLE

STOP ARGUING WITH GARY

HE IS MAKING A FOOL OF YOU

I SWEAR UPON THE BODY AND BLOOD OF THE PIERCED FUCKING JEW KING

THAT IF YOU PULL THIS SALISBURYBOY, SYLVERSHADOW KIND OF SHIT ON ME

YOU WORTHLESS WICCAN PANTYSTAIN

I WILL SPLIT THE TENDER TISSUES OF YOUR WEEPING ASSHOLE

WITH A HARDCOVER EDITION OF THE NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION

OF THE HOLY FUCKING BIBLE

YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING SMART

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO THE SAME SHIT WITH ANY RELIGION

BESIDES CHRISTIANITY OR JUDAISM

WITH SOME BOOK BESIDES THE BIBLE OR THE TORAH

YOU AIDS-FELCHING CUM FLAKE

SO PUT THAT IN YOUR FUCKING PIPE YOU JUST BOUGHT FROM BUDDHA'S BELLY

THE FIRST WEEKEND YOU WERE UP HERE

AND SMOKE IT

YOU FUCKING FAGGOT COLLEGE KID

and that's my word."


-FroshKiller

10/4/2008 5:09:05 PM

AndyMac
All American
31922 Posts
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Because we die and are reborn in the spirit?

10/4/2008 5:13:08 PM

IMStoned420
All American
15485 Posts
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Also because you eat human flesh

10/4/2008 5:25:33 PM

AndyMac
All American
31922 Posts
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Metaphorically speaking, yeah I guess so.

Also, we are all incestuous because we consider everyone "brothers" and "sisters," even our spouses.

10/4/2008 5:27:50 PM

vinylbandit
All American
48079 Posts
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^^^^ I was trying to recite that to Jen last night and failing miserably, but I couldn't think of a place where it was posted.

10/4/2008 5:43:37 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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Quote :
"that would work

IF THERE WAS A GOD"

10/4/2008 5:45:07 PM

JBaz
All American
16764 Posts
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I eat bread, does that make me a bad person?

10/4/2008 6:18:22 PM

zxappeal
All American
26824 Posts
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Any religious zealot comes off as being an opinionated, rabid prick.

Of course, pot zealots come across the same way.

Flaming liberals.

Rabid republicans.

gay people.

black people.

rednex

white people

Muslims

Christians

Never really heard Jews be that way

Mechanics

Lawyers

Doctors

shitdiggers

jizzmoppers

and so on and so on

and scooby dooby dooby

10/4/2008 6:23:31 PM

quagmire02
All American
44225 Posts
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^

10/4/2008 6:33:13 PM

redwop
All American
1027 Posts
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Mindless zombies who live their whole life driven by fear. Sorta like the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. He was so obsessed and afraid to question the existence of the Great Pumpkin he did not go trick or treat and missed out on all the fun.

10/4/2008 7:48:59 PM

puppy
All American
8888 Posts
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Quote :
"
Mindless zombies who live their whole life driven by fear.
"

sadly, that's true.

but yeah, this "zombie" theory is nothing new. I was sitting in church the other week thinking the same thing. (yes, my mind wanders and I don't really pay any attention to anything being said. I only go for the illusion of a "good girl")

10/4/2008 8:21:56 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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^ STOP THAT SHIT SON. YOU'RE ONLY PERPETUATING THE CYCLE.

10/4/2008 8:23:11 PM

sawahash
All American
35321 Posts
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Quote :
"Also because you eat human flesh"


that depends on which denomination you are.

10/4/2008 8:23:17 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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YOU VEGGIE FAKERS THINK IT'S NOT REAL. ONLY THE REAL NON-FAKERS EAT THE MAN FLESH.

10/4/2008 8:24:34 PM

puppy
All American
8888 Posts
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^^^ I'm not a son, but yeah, you are probably right.

10/4/2008 8:38:13 PM

sawahash
All American
35321 Posts
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I think the best way to be a Christian is to constantly ask questions and search for the true answer.

10/4/2008 8:39:12 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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^^ LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE A SON, SON.

^ THE BEST WAY TO BE A CHRISTIAN IS TO QUIT.

10/4/2008 8:40:19 PM

tromboner950
All American
9667 Posts
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^^[/thread]

[Edited on October 4, 2008 at 8:40 PM. Reason : .]

10/4/2008 8:40:24 PM

puppy
All American
8888 Posts
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Quote :
"I think the best way to be a Christian is to constantly ask questions and search for the true answer.
"


that may be the real reason I'm still hanging in there. But I've been going "LOL WUT?" to most of what christians say.

10/4/2008 8:42:22 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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YOU'VE REALIZED IT'S A HUGE PILE OF BULLSHIT AND I'M VERY GLAD.

NOTHING THEY SAY MAKES SENSE BECAUSE IT'S 100% SPECULATION.


"GOD HAS A PLAN" = "I HAVE NO EXPLANATION FOR WHAT HAPPENED AND I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN"

"GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS" = "I HAVE NO EXPLANATION FOR WHAT HAPPENED"

"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" = "I HAVE NO EXPLANATION FOR WHAT HAPPENED"

"YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH" = "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN"

[Edited on October 4, 2008 at 8:46 PM. Reason : ]

10/4/2008 8:44:16 PM

sawahash
All American
35321 Posts
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^^I do that a lot. But you know too many Christians actually believe the Bible literally...I mean when I meet someone who does that I just do :carl face:

10/4/2008 8:46:16 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
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SO NOW YOU ADMIT THAT YOU CANNOT TAKE IT LITERALLY, WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO INTERPRET IT, A PROCESS THAT IS COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE, WHICH IN TURN MEANS IT'S COMPLETELY FUCKING WORTHLESS.

[Edited on October 4, 2008 at 8:48 PM. Reason : ]

10/4/2008 8:47:37 PM

tromboner950
All American
9667 Posts
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Saab, refer yourself to the chunk of copy-pasted text from FroshKiller.

You're sounding just about as fucking stupid as him right now. Seriously, kill the caps.

Also, kill the 100% absolute certainty... typically people who express complete and total certainty in an idea aren't really that smart.

[Edited on October 4, 2008 at 8:52 PM. Reason : .]

10/4/2008 8:49:45 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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I'VE MET THAT RETARDED FAGGOT AND THAT COMMENT IS NOTHING SPECIAL.

10/4/2008 8:50:59 PM

Str8Foolish
All American
4852 Posts
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Quote :
"SO NOW YOU ADMIT THAT YOU CANNOT TAKE IT LITERALLY, WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO INTERPRET IT, A PROCESS THAT IS COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE, WHICH IN TURN MEANS IT'S COMPLETELY FUCKING WORTHLESS."


haha nope

10/4/2008 8:51:56 PM

SaabTurbo
All American
25459 Posts
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YEP SON.


YEP.

10/4/2008 8:53:32 PM

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