#9.Exodus 2:11-12

11 One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. 12 Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

#8.II Kings 2:23-24

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

#7.Ezekiel 23:19-20

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

#6.Judges 3:16-23

16 Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half [a] long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. 17 He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. 18 After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it. 19 At the idols [b] near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, "I have a secret message for you, O king."

The king said, "Quiet!" And all his attendants left him.

20 Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace [c] and said, "I have a message from God for you." As the king rose from his seat, 21 Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king's belly. 22 Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. 23 Then Ehud went out to the porch [d] ; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

#5.Numbers 16:31-33

31 As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart 32 and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, with their households and all Korah's men and all their possessions. 33 They went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community.

#4.Deuteronomy 25:11-12

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

#3.1 Kings 18:24,38-40

24 Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD. The god who answers by fire—he is God."

Then all the people said, "What you say is good."

38 Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

39 When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!"

40 Then Elijah commanded them, "Seize the prophets of Baal. Don't let anyone get away!" They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there.

#2.Judges 15:15-16

15 Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.

16 Then Samson said,
"With a donkey's jawbone
I have made donkeys of them. [a]
With a donkey's jawbone
I have killed a thousand men."

#1.1 Samuel 18:25-27

25 Saul replied, "Say to David, 'The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.' " Saul's plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king's son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

[Edited on January 10, 2009 at 2:23 AM. Reason : X]

1/10/2009 2:08:21 AM

i am 100% certain that everyone will do that

1/10/2009 2:18:52 AM

Which is the one from "Pulp Fiction"?

[Edited on January 10, 2009 at 2:22 AM. Reason : you know that's what you were watching when you made this thread]

1/10/2009 2:21:49 AM

^^yeah, i know--that's why i did it myself

[Edited on January 10, 2009 at 2:25 AM. Reason : ^actually, no--you find the most intriguing things on GIS...]

1/10/2009 2:23:52 AM

lolter

1/10/2009 2:24:48 AM

it's an interesting story book

1/10/2009 3:25:14 AM

lol, religion

1/10/2009 3:28:36 AM

is it bad that every time i go to christmas eve service i end up reading revelations?

1/10/2009 3:31:22 AM

the only badass bible passage is the one that happened a few hours after bill brasky ate the old testament.

1/10/2009 3:32:26 AM

Quote :

"26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king's son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage."

PRESERVE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE

GAYS: NO, DEAD GUY CIRCUMCISION: YES

1/10/2009 4:05:42 AM

i just thought about it

and that meant at some point two or three guys were sitting in a room flipping through dead-guy-dick-skin

"...197...198...199....eh....199?"

"HE'S TRYING TO SHORT YOU ON THE DICKSKINS, DAD"

1/10/2009 4:07:25 AM

Quote :

"Don't believe everything you hear in the movies. The verse on the movie is fake. The real Ezekiel 25:17 says: "I will execute great vengeance on them with furious rebukes; and they shal know that I am the Lord. When I lay My vengeance upon them." The fake verse in the movies said by Samuel Jackson is: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." "

[Edited on January 10, 2009 at 4:11 AM. Reason : Pulp Fiction]

1/10/2009 4:10:55 AM

The Old Testament has some crazy stuff in it.

1/10/2009 10:09:10 AM

what's that wacky religion who only believes in the Old Testament?

1/10/2009 10:18:00 AM

3:16 !

1/10/2009 10:42:46 AM

Quote :

"Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."

word.

1/10/2009 10:46:55 AM

does not compute

1/10/2009 11:01:40 AM

I thought they said don't ask the LORD for favors cuz you can't test him? Next time some kids are calling me bald i'm gonna ask the LORD for bears. If I get none, he doesn't exist officially. I'll post that shit on youtube for proper documentation.

1/10/2009 11:06:49 AM

the pulp fiction one is Ezekiel 25:17

1/10/2009 11:10:33 AM

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

1/10/2009 2:33:40 PM

http://www.lolcatbible.com/

I'm Big Business and i approved this message.

1/10/2009 2:37:18 PM

^not nearly as cool as i expected and hoped

and i say this as a guy with like 650 lolcats saved on his computer

[Edited on January 10, 2009 at 3:05 PM. Reason : ^much cooler than i expected, and i say this as a christian]

1/10/2009 3:03:00 PM

Quote :

"The verse on the movie is fake. The real Ezekiel 25:17 says..."

Tarantino used the same quote from some old karate movie, maybe it was some Japanese to English translation error. Also the guy from that old karate movie helped with the Kill Bill movies I think.

1/10/2009 3:07:36 PM

Quote :

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. "

1/10/2009 3:08:56 PM

Quote :

"Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."

42

1/10/2009 3:12:20 PM

#4.Deuteronomy 25:11-12

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.


i'll remember this one.

1/10/2009 3:34:51 PM

http://www.amazon.com/Illustrated-Stories-Bible-Paul-Farrell/dp/1578849225

1/10/2009 3:48:47 PM

Quote :

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!""

Ras Trent?

1/10/2009 3:49:50 PM

Acts 19-20:
Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city.

Holy shit.

1/17/2009 12:59:01 AM