Guy is married. Girl is married. Guy meets girl. Guy and girl hook-up and subsequently fall in love. Guy divorces wife. Girl divorces husband. Guy marries girl.

Is this relationship destined for failure, or can it actually work? Will trust issues run rampant, or is it possible to have a normal, healthy relationship after such a dubious beginning?

I will not reveal the television show that has prompted these thoughts.

6/6/2009 5:16:59 PM

I have heard of it working out in real life...but guess it depends on how trusting each person is. Like me for instance...I couldn't help but think that it's possible that he could do the same to me.

6/6/2009 5:18:46 PM

TOO

MUCH

MAURY

6/6/2009 5:19:09 PM

Of course, the whole "what if he cheats on me" question will creep into your mind. But you have to remember, you were a cheater too. You cheated as did he. So I guess those two things could cancel out. Or it could just lead to even worse trust issues.

This is what I'm curious about.

6/6/2009 5:20:17 PM

Life is not a television show.

6/6/2009 5:22:01 PM

I think it could work, but that's just because I believe in finding someone who's absolutely right for you. Who's to say that they had good marriages before, or that their partnership now isn't on a different, higher compatibility level.

6/6/2009 5:22:08 PM

well I mean if it happens and you know the love is real then I don't see why it couldn't work..

but generally speaking, I think it's always a bad idea for anyone, married or just dating, to go from one person to the next with no break in between. It totally annoys me when ppl do that...people who can't be alone seem weak to me.

6/6/2009 5:22:33 PM

once a cheater always a cheater

6/6/2009 5:24:03 PM

Quote :

"once a cheater always a cheater"

see, i'm inclined to feel this way. but i just don't know if it applies in this situation. maybe since they are both cheaters, they will understand the desire to cheat and they'll make sure each other is happy in the relationship thus not wanting to cheat? hah, this is thread worthy, i promise.

6/6/2009 5:27:19 PM

if your significant other first fucked you while they were with someone else, then they'll eventually fuck someone else while they're with you. The only thing that can change between circumstances is the time it takes for the cheating to commence and whether or not you find out about it.

6/6/2009 5:29:33 PM

this sounds familiar. but there are spies all around. so i can say no more.

6/6/2009 5:29:50 PM

I had 2 teachers in high school that did this.

They divorced their spouses and married each other.

6/6/2009 5:48:49 PM

the question is, are they still together?

6/6/2009 5:50:42 PM

This was 10-ish years ago, and i'm pretty sure they're still together.

6/6/2009 5:51:23 PM

This is why we need to make polygamy socially acceptable. Polygamy -> cheating not a big deal -> no more drama.

6/6/2009 5:51:49 PM

^most ppl already think it's not a big deal...that's why they do it

6/6/2009 5:54:29 PM

Quote :

"I think it could work, but that's just because I believe in finding someone who's absolutely right for you. Who's to say that they had good marriages before, or that their partnership now isn't on a different, higher compatibility level."

truth

6/6/2009 5:55:07 PM

this kinda thing happend to a kid in my brothers middle school, a married female teacher and a 6th grade boy started bone-ing, the kids girlfriend was mad at him, or maybe it isnt the same thing

6/6/2009 5:57:56 PM

i'm not talking about kids in middle school

6/6/2009 6:00:11 PM

My neighbors did this. She's batshit effing crazy and he's a pretty good guy but sleeps with one eye open

6/6/2009 6:01:07 PM

Quote :

"most ppl already think it's not a big deal...that's why they do it"

But then the people being cheated on get mad about it when they find out. And I'm willing to bet that most cheaters never actually admit that they're cheating. If it's not a big deal, why don't they admit to it in advance?

So I'm saying that society should make into a genuine non-issue. Just be open about the fact that you're fucking people on the side and don't try to hide it, and in turn be cool with your SO doing the same thing.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 6:04 PM. Reason : blah]

6/6/2009 6:03:39 PM

^ they realize there are consequences but they still choose to do it...so it's not big enough of a deal to them to keep their genitals in their pants ( i was gonna say dick but I caught myself)

6/6/2009 6:05:08 PM

all i gotta say about polygamy is this:

Big Love is a fucking awesome show.

6/6/2009 6:05:54 PM

or everyone could just stop freaking cheating! why can't people just talk when they are having problems or don't feel the same way??? break it off if it's not working and THEN go fuck someone else

6/6/2009 6:06:12 PM

I think in this scenario the couple would have the foresight to institute a once-a-month infidelity clause in their pre-nup.

6/6/2009 6:08:56 PM

^^Because that goes completely against human nature.

There is an evolutionary advantage to cheating. A male that mates with multiple females increases his number of offspring, and in turn the probability that his genes will continue to be passed on. While a female doesn't quite get this advantage, being in a relationship with multiple males means that she will secure more resources with which to raise her offspring. A woman definitely knows when a child is hers, but it's impossible (without modern testing) for a man to know if the child is his, so all of the males will have an incentive to hang around.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 6:11 PM. Reason : blah]

6/6/2009 6:11:13 PM

yea but as we have evolved...our reasons for having sex with multiple people have evolved...we don't do it to increase our chances of having babies...it's all about pleasure and lack of self-control

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 6:18 PM. Reason : g]

6/6/2009 6:18:39 PM

amen

6/6/2009 6:19:26 PM

^^Sex as an experience and social bonding may have also emerged, but only because it somehow increases the success rate of genes being passed on. It has nothing to do with "pleasure and lack of self-control" and everything to do with gene propagation.

I think what you mean to say is that our biology has not yet caught up with our civilization. It's similar to how there's an obesity epidemic; we're hard-wired to eat high-calorie food when we find it, but this is no longer a necessary trait now that food is much more plentiful, and in fact it's causing us some inconvenience. Back on topic, cheating being a socially unacceptable practice doesn't change the fact that you are programmed to do it. Which isn't to say that you can't be conditioned by culture to resist the temptation, however.

6/6/2009 6:28:25 PM

yea well despite how true the theoretical bs may be...everyone is capable of NOT cheating...and whether it's socially acceptable or not...I would hope that the majority of people would consider cheating to be immoral when you have confessed love and made promises to someone else.

6/6/2009 6:31:12 PM

People change, much as relationships change. Sometimes they change in a way that makes them undesirable to be around, or they want to do different things, or they simply get tired of one another. That's not to say that monogamy is impossible, you could very well find somebody that you're so compatible with that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, but this isn't some kind of universal constant. People can move apart just as easily as they can stick together. Your ideas of eternal love are out-dated and immature.

6/6/2009 6:35:57 PM

umbrellaman...if you reread what I've said you'll see I have never claimed to believe in eternal love. In fact, I think if there is such thing it's EXTREMELY rare. I have had many many many failed relationships.

What I am talking about is cheating while you're with someone. I realize people break up all the time. But why do people have to linger in a relationship that's already bad until they find someone else? Break it off and then find someone else.

6/6/2009 6:39:26 PM

i'm just adding fuel to the fire here, but what makes you think people who cheat aren't happy in their relationship? maybe they just like to fuck alot.

6/6/2009 6:41:19 PM

you can still fuck a lot with one person.

6/6/2009 6:43:03 PM

yea true...but those people I have yet to understand. I know such people. It seems to me that they either aren't ready for a committed monogamous relationship or they are just not relationship people.

I do think there are people out there who until the day they die will never be the "relationship type". I've dated one.

6/6/2009 6:43:10 PM

Alright, I misunderstood you. But I'm not understanding why monogamy is superior to polygamy. Or rather, what harm does polygamy cause that is avoided by monogamy?

6/6/2009 6:48:37 PM

A guy I went to school with did this. He has two kids with his wife, who he married because she got knocked up. He fell for another chick who was her really good friend and married with a little baby. He said he never felt as strongly in love with his wife as he does for this girl. They are both in the process of getting divorces right now. I understand if you aren't happy, but it seems really fucked up and selfish to destroy your spouses lives and fuck up your childrens future too. 5 other peoples lives have been forever altered so he could bone down this chick.

6/6/2009 6:52:08 PM

Emotional stability.

6/6/2009 6:52:29 PM

^^^well obviously I think it's superior and I hope that most ppl do...

but really my point is that if you commit to someone, especially in marriage (I'm pretty sure that in traditional vows it says something about loyalty), that you should honor that commitment.

Also if you really want to have sex with mutiple people and can find a partner who is cool with that then I think, by all means, orgy yourself out.

But I think it's wrong to lead someone to believe they are your only one and secretly get jiggy physically or emotionally with someone else.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 6:56 PM. Reason : d]

6/6/2009 6:56:23 PM

And that's what I'm saying. Make it acceptable so that people don't have to be secretive about it.

6/6/2009 6:58:37 PM

i don't know what harm polygamy causes in general. but i know the harm it would cause others if i were involved. if i were a cat or a dog, my cage would probably say "does not play well with others"

at first i do. but then i'm all like, ok what about me. and i don't care for that many other girls (usually. yes i am one of those crazzzzy biatches). i just don't think i could handle it. not that monogamous relationships have any less drama, i guess. i'm just assuming more bitches equals more drama equals me scratching out someone's eyes.

yes i have seen big love. i'm just saying. i don't think i would be a good candidate for polygamy.

a threesome may be a different story, however.

6/6/2009 6:58:43 PM

Quote :

"see, i'm inclined to feel this way. but i just don't know if it applies in this situation. maybe since they are both cheaters, they will understand "

or maybe they'll both cheat

again

6/6/2009 6:59:10 PM

this thread makes my head hurt

6/6/2009 6:59:15 PM

Quote :

"LAW STUDENT THREEWAY"

6/6/2009 6:59:56 PM

society can dub it as "acceptable", put signs out, declare it in a presidential speech, whatever...but I assure you that is not going to change the mind/feelings of a lot of people. I for one wouldn't give a shit what society says. If my bf/husband cheats it's over.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 7:01 PM. Reason : f]

6/6/2009 7:01:03 PM

serious moral discussions itt

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 7:02 PM. Reason : and no one has asked me what show it was ]

6/6/2009 7:02:19 PM

thumper.. WHAT SHOW!??

I got sidetracked...as you can see I am passionate about the subject.

6/6/2009 7:03:42 PM

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 7:05 PM. Reason : dammit, nevermind]

6/6/2009 7:04:56 PM

Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood

This is the story of how they met. They were both married to other people, they met while filming a made-for-TV movie, fell in love, cheated and subsequently divorced their spouses and married each other. They now have 2 children together, and Tori's crazy jealousy over every woman that Dean ever encounters is just so obvious to me in the show. It's a reality show, it follows their lives. And it just got me thinking - would she be that jealous if they had met under more normal circumstances?

6/6/2009 7:05:21 PM

SET EM UP

6/6/2009 7:05:54 PM