You get dumped by your bf and see him out his new interest shortly thereafter. is it more hurtful/bothersome if he's with some one more attractive or less attractive?

8/2/2009 2:09:30 AM

nvm

8/2/2009 2:10:18 AM

fucking duh dude...less

8/2/2009 2:10:22 AM

girls will always try and play that card.

"WTF I look so much better than her"

8/2/2009 2:21:51 AM

girls will always try and play that card.

"WTF I look so much better than her"

8/2/2009 2:21:51 AM

I can't really answer since I'm not a chick, but if I saw one of my ex's out with a less attractive dude after I dumped them I would probably laugh at them.

8/2/2009 2:25:04 AM

girls may say they think they are more attractive but we arent stupid, we definitely know when our ex's new chick is hotter. i think the hurtful part is that hes there with someone else, regardless of her hottness compared with our own. but in the long run, id be more pissed if he was with a girl that was hotter cause that means he knew he could have done better all along and he finally did. an uglier girl is better in the long run cause we are like "psh you left me for her???" haha

thats just how i see it that is

8/2/2009 2:32:47 AM

most hurtful when you wear this shirt:

8/2/2009 3:04:13 AM

the girls i see my exs with are usually much more heinous then i.
it makes me feel better about myself

8/2/2009 3:06:22 AM

after a guy dates me, the next girl he dates is always short/petite

so when I see them out, it makes me feel big (in a bad way)

attractiveness is not the issue

8/2/2009 6:00:31 PM

If I saw a guy out with someone less attractive: I'd be glad: if he dumps me for someone who is somehow even uglier, he has major issues, and it's good to be rid of him.

Someone more attractive? No change in response, as it doesn't take much to be prettier than me.

8/2/2009 6:12:24 PM

Less attractive.

That means that she has something real that I don't have, not something as superficial as looks. That's the real sticker.

8/2/2009 6:18:24 PM

I agree with BottomBaby.

as a guy, if my ex- hooked up with someone significantly less attractive (uglier) than myself, that would be more difficult to process.

that sounds kind of shallow. but i guess it's like this:

(1) she's with a super good looking guy == "she's the shallow one, fixated on appearances."

(2) she's with someone more or less at my level == "meh, whatever. we didnt work out, okay."

(3) she's with a total dog == EITHER: "i'm more of a dog than i think i am" ... OR: "i've got something seriously wrong with my personality"

8/2/2009 6:25:47 PM

^ my thoughts exactly
yea lets get the guys in on this too and compare . guys which is worse ex's new man being more attractive or less?

if new dude looks like brad pitt i know its bc dude looks like brad pitt.on the other hand if he looks like flavor flav it would fuck w/ me forever not know what made her want him over me.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 7:07 PM. Reason : .]

8/2/2009 7:04:30 PM

Dumb question. All of my exes' gfs look better than me. I'm the girl who gets dates because I have a sense of humor. And a job.

But most of my exes tend to trade up for prettier, in the long run. Irrelevant question.



[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 7:08 PM. Reason : .]

8/2/2009 7:07:01 PM

lol, nice

8/2/2009 7:08:37 PM

Quote :

"uglier girl is better in the long run cause we are like "psh you left me for her???""

and then you think...

Quote :

"That means that she has something real that I don't have, not something as superficial as looks"

humph

8/2/2009 7:11:16 PM

im not a lady but i just wanna say that ive noticed on about 3 occasions that girls have dated another guy with my name after me. and thats weird cause its not like my name is bob

8/2/2009 7:18:13 PM

Quote :

"EITHER: "i'm more of a dog than i think i am" ... OR: "i've got something seriously wrong with my personality""

seriously. nothing gives me that punched in the gut feeling worse than seeing a girl i've dated with a less attractive guy. can't help but think "wtf did i do wrong?"

8/2/2009 7:18:34 PM

ive never had to wonder what i did wrong. "being a dick" is a pretty easy concept to grasp

8/2/2009 7:20:38 PM

Insecurity ITT.

Quote :

"(3) she's with a total dog == EITHER: "i'm more of a dog than i think i am" ... OR: "i've got something seriously wrong with my personality" "

Or he makes more money and she places too high a value on that.
Or he's better in bed.
Or something else.

Yall assuming the fault lies with you...the distribution of fault/responsibility/cause of breakup is not 100%/0% in relationships. You're not the only people with shortcomings.

8/2/2009 7:22:51 PM

haha. Same goes here. The whole "cynical asshole" thing kind of gets in the way of me being a good girlfriend. I'm working on it though.

8/2/2009 7:23:18 PM

^^that makes no sense whatsoever, except the distribution of relationship failure responsibility part.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 7:27 PM. Reason : .]

8/2/2009 7:26:57 PM

Sure it does.
Some chicks would rather date an ugly-ass dude who makes more money or is better in bed than not-so-ugly dude.

8/2/2009 7:34:20 PM

that still means that it is was due to my own shortcomings for not being able to meet her expectations, regardless of the legitimacy/shallowness of those expectations.

i'd be lying if i said there was no insecurity involved, but no likes to get the boot and you can't help but take a look back at yourself whenever it happens. the more it happens, the more you think "hey, maybe its me"

8/2/2009 7:40:40 PM

really though, when it doesn't work out it is mostly attitude or personality related. I can't think of anyone that has broken up with their bf for someone who makes more money or has a bigger dick.

8/2/2009 7:47:45 PM

Jen, I know girls like that. Several who have dumped their man strictly because they met someone else who makes more money. But I think these girls have their priorities confused.

8/2/2009 7:50:56 PM

Quote :

"that still means that it is was due to my own shortcomings for not being able to meet her expectations, regardless of the legitimacy/shallowness of those expectations. "

Failing to meet the expectations of someone else does not constitute a legitimate shortcoming. The other party may view it as such, but that's their own damn problem.

Quote :

"but no likes to get the boot and you can't help but take a look back at yourself whenever it happens. the more it happens, the more you think "hey, maybe its me""

I agree completely.
But taking a look doesn't always mean that the fault lies with you. The "maybe it's me" part could be at the very beginning, with the type(s) of people one chooses to date. Or one's role could be 12%, and the other party shoulders the rest.

I was just specifically addressing joe's #3.

^They do. I know of girls who have done that, but I make it a point to not know that kind of person.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 7:52 PM. Reason : dfgh]

8/2/2009 7:51:47 PM

It's hard NOT to know that type of person in Orlando, Florida. It's a little more of a superficial, consumer-driven state. Breast implant-getting, flashy car-loving people are everywhere here.

8/2/2009 7:55:33 PM

i don't really give a shit about who any of my exes date. even for the ones i've remained friends with i'm not going to waste any time comparing myself with the new guy. if we ended on ok terms i'll just look at it that we had fun and made some good memories but didn't work out, and if it ended badly fuck it... even more reason not to give a shit who they are with.

8/2/2009 8:01:19 PM

^^^^ is interesting to me. I have personally not experienced that with my broad of broads. Judging people on looks or wallet size is good way to end up with a asshole in a hurry

Quote :

" Failing to meet the expectations of someone else does not constitute a legitimate shortcoming."

I disagree. There are some things that i consider basic expectations such as not driving around drunk, paying your bills within a reasonable length of time, not sleeping on a mattress on the floor, not leaving your dog locked up in a kennel 12 hours a day, ect. There are a good deal of expectations that if not meet might signify that the other person does have some legitimate shortcomings that your not willing to put up with

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:04 PM. Reason : ada]

8/2/2009 8:01:20 PM

Those aren't expectations of someone else.

That's being a decent person. Things you should be able to handle whether or not someone else expects them of you.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:03 PM. Reason : girl, you know how much I love you <3]

8/2/2009 8:03:05 PM

^^yeah, that's what i was getting at. the very fact that you didn't meet their expectations and they found someone else that does legitimizes your short comings, at least on a per individual basis.

since this has turned in to a "between us girls" conversation, i'm bowing out now.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:05 PM. Reason : .]

8/2/2009 8:05:03 PM

ok, perhaps thats true. I think i might have misunderstood your definition of expectation

8/2/2009 8:06:22 PM

Quote :

"^yeah, that's what i was getting at. the very fact that you didn't meet their expectations and they found someone else that does legitimizes your short comings, at least on a per individual basis. "

No. Way.

K, so, say Jen and I have begun dating. I expect her to have dinner ready every night at 5pm, no matter what. I don't give a damn about anything that might happen to prevent that. It is what I expect.

Failure to meet this expectation does not constitute a shortcoming on her part. Even if I find me a new chick who does do this. Different priorities, values, or time management skills between the two parties do not shortcomings make.



[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:08 PM. Reason : clarification matches with ^]

8/2/2009 8:07:25 PM

wait wait wait. We also have to assume the expectation set by the person is unreasonable because otherwise the person in question would (or at least should have) sent them packing

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:12 PM. Reason : dont bow out, i like man input]

8/2/2009 8:11:16 PM

i guess this depends on how hot the girl thought she was

8/2/2009 8:11:42 PM

8/2/2009 8:13:39 PM

Quote :

"We also have to assume the expectation set by the person is unreasonable because otherwise the person in question would (or at least should have) sent them packing"

Yes and no.
Yes:
Because otherwise, what you said in your earlier post does apply, and basic decency doesn't isn't a given.

No:
See what I said about misaligned priorities.

[Edited on August 2, 2009 at 8:14 PM. Reason : sd]

8/2/2009 8:14:12 PM

^^ THAT IS QUITE POSSIBLY TRUE MY SON.

8/2/2009 8:16:32 PM

misaligned priorities could potentially be synonymous with unrealistic expectations. What constitutes unrealistic changes from person to person

8/2/2009 8:19:08 PM

Who bought Jen a dictionary?

8/2/2009 8:20:19 PM

...And that's why expectations aren't directly tied to shortcomings.

8/2/2009 8:20:22 PM

yeah, i think you guys are splitting hairs over semantics here

8/2/2009 8:20:29 PM

Ok. I'll stop:

Life's too short to assume blame when the blame doesn't matter

8/2/2009 8:21:12 PM

Also, beauty is so relative. How accurately can one judge their attractiveness vs the new girl's?

One of my exes tended to like bigger girls. He tried to force-feed me junk food. Another kept trying to get me to lose 30 lbs. Prettiness is very hard to gauge sometimes.

8/2/2009 8:24:58 PM

It's terrible that they're all trying to change you in some way son!

8/2/2009 8:28:12 PM

and then there are the dudes that dont care if your pretty, they would rather have someone smart and witty

8/2/2009 8:29:53 PM

It just goes to show that with some people, you will never be pretty enough and they'll always try to change you. These folks are to be avoided.

Find someone who loves you for your personality, brains, sense of humor and bedroom skills. Those things will make a relationship thrive.

8/2/2009 8:31:17 PM

set em up

8/2/2009 8:31:32 PM