PM me your issues anonymously and i will give you advice in this thread. if you fear a post-stalking significant other or just don't want your name attached to whatever wackadoo that goes on in your head, message them to me and myself and the tww will give you advice.

issues may include: crappy roommates, ways to get rid of loneliness, fun ideas for surprises, gifts for friends/significant others (i am stellar at this and helped quite a few twwers over the holidays), relationship issues, self esteem issues, etc.

6/9/2010 3:40:23 PM

, them.

6/9/2010 3:42:19 PM

only anonymous can successfully submit anonymously

6/9/2010 3:45:07 PM

Quote :

"I'm getting horny as hell thinking about my date tonight, and the epic fucking. What should I do in the mean time? "

well if you've been b0ning this girl for a while then thinking about it is just going to get you all sorts of riled up. if you think tonight is the night, then you really need to stop thinking about it

honestly, i would say masturbate but i don't know how much that might actually help you. i suggest finding something to do to take your mind off of it. go for a run (so you're feeling all sorts of manly later), work out, do some things around the house, GTL, do a puzzle read a book.

hopefully your date isn't too much later this evening.

6/9/2010 3:45:23 PM

are you in any way licensed to dispense this advice you offer so freely? if your advice ruins someone's life do you take accountability?

6/9/2010 3:50:52 PM

Quote :

"I haven't been able to sleep since my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer a couple days ago. I think I am more worried than she is. I also live a thousand miles from home and can't go home until the 20th. "

first off, i am very sorry to hear about your mom. it must be very tough on her and your entire family to find out these sort of news. it's completely understandable to feel worried and anxious. i'm glad you're going to get to see her in a few weeks. the 20th will be here before you know it. i am sure you've probably told your mom a million times over the last few days that you love her but maybe you should send her a card in the mail letting her know that you not only love her but you're here to help her fight this battle (even though you can't be right there all the time) and you're thinking about her nonstop.

this is a tough one and we might need to reach out to other twwers who have had similar experiences with family members being diagnosed with cancer to help give advice.

i think right now what you're feeling is a bit of an overwhelming anxiety. i'm sure a million "what-ifs" are running through your head. i would suggest writing your feelings in a blog or a notebook. sometimes getting them out helps. if you have any friends in your area who have gone though similar things with family members, they might be good points of contact to reach out to. they would be someone to listen to you and you can hear their stories of what they and their families went through and how they worked through this difficult period.

you, your mother, and your entire family is in my thoughts and prayers. i hope for a speedy remission.

6/9/2010 3:52:45 PM

Quote :

"are you in any way licensed to dispense this advice you offer so freely? if your advice ruins someone's life do you take accountability?"

i think it's fairly obvious i am in no way licensed. but i feel that if someone is coming to me on their own to ask for advice, i would treat them and their issue the same as if one of my good friends was coming to me. obviously, if someone has something quite serious going on that is way beyond my realm, i would privately speak to them about talking to someone who is a lot more qualified.

end of story - i give good advice but the disclaimer is that i am not licensed and if you think i'm not the right person to answer your questions then you should find someone who can.

6/9/2010 3:55:12 PM

Quote :

"well if you've been b0ning this girl for a while then thinking about it is just going to get you all sorts of riled up. But, it's a god awful slow day at work "

damn youre at work...that's even worse!

you should find a TPS report to work on or something. find some task that will make the last couple of hours at work go by quickly. or find something that will force you to focus on that task and not your b0nerific girl.

6/9/2010 3:57:38 PM

Quote :

"I have a first date on Saturday night. Dinner followed by drinks. What should I wear? "

is this a first date? do you know what restaurant you will be going to? a safe outfit is always a nice summery (but not too dressy) dress and some cute heels. i would say sandals but i think heels definitely make legs look longer, they make the body look leaner, and you look taller (which makes for less awkward neck titling during the first kiss!). if you're doing something more casual, then i would suggest some nice dark skinny jeans, a cute top, and heels.

and don't forget the clutch!!!!

good luck!

6/9/2010 5:01:39 PM

http://thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=596214

6/9/2010 5:09:04 PM

Quote :

"My roommate is infatuated with a girl who keeps canceling on him, including tonight. What course of action would you recommend he take. "

castrate him. hahah kidding.

i would probably sit down and have a serious talk to your roommate about his feelings for this girl. what is it about her that makes him think that it's a) okay for her to cancel on him multiple times, and b) she would be a good girlfriend to him. it sounds like it's not so much the girl that he is interested in but the possibility of a relationship and having a companion. i feel like there is a deeper root here and i think if you sat down and listened to what he has to say, you might be able to make him see (by him realizing himself) that this girl doesn't south worthy of his time.

6/9/2010 5:13:27 PM

^^

Quote :

"ask a question about the sig other just assuming they have one 1) they do, and you dont come off as hitting on them 2) they dont and they arent interested so it opens the opportunity for them to lie to you 3) they dont and they're interested"

this is pretty good except that i feel like that's been used so much in the past people can kind of tell if you're fishing for information.

i would also suggest taking the initative. if you know you both have a common interest (you like soccer and are excited about the world cup, enjoy baseball, like going to museums, surfing, getting your nails done - hey i had a cousin who met her boyfriend in a nail salon) then ask him if he would like to go do sometihng with you. if he says yes and doesn't bring up having a girlfriend, then you should be safe but like people have mentioned in the thread before you always have to beware of jerks. if he says no, then take it as he has a girlfriend and move on to the next guy!

but who knows, worst come to worst you become friends with this guy and chances are that if he's good looking, he probably has some good looking single friends he can set you up with!

6/9/2010 5:19:32 PM

Quote :

"I hate soccer so much! Which is a better eye-gouging-out utensil -- spoon or bottle opener? Also, should I move to Boulder City, Nevada? I received the follow up email last night. "

i suggest finding a safe haven for the next few weeks/months (how long is the world cup)? avoid mexican restaurants and avid high school soccer players.

if you really get to the spoon/bottle opener dilemma, then i suggest that the spoon might not be as bad (or bloody) as a bottle opener.

concerning the move. if this is for a job let me first congratulate you. secondly, have you done any research on this area? is there anything for you to do out there (bars, hang out spots, casinos, people your age)? how far would you be from the bunny ranch? i kid. how close are you to your family.....would you miss them and would they miss you? being that far away always sounds fun because its a bit of adventure and it's something new but you have to realize that if you're close with your family, being that far away means it will be tougher for you to see them and come home to see friends. you might end up missing out on more than you think you will.

concerning the job - is this the path you would want to take? to really consider a move like this you have to make sure this is the kind of job that you think would make you happy and enjoy your life.

and at the end of it all, if you don't like it there, at least you tried it and you can move back. i say go for it. you might never get this opportunity again.

6/9/2010 5:26:37 PM

Quote :

"What ages should a young minded 34 year old consider dated? Not immature, mind you, just young minded. "

i would say if you are successful, possibly own your own home, but definitely live on your own, you would want someone who is equal to that. age does matter but to an extent. i would suggest you could go as young as 26 or 27 but obviously if you meet someone who is younger but fits your qualifications then you should go with what your heart (and your penis) says.

6/9/2010 5:32:48 PM

sounds like that guy should think long and hard about moving that close to Vegas. lots of temptation out there and the modest pay he'd be getting from the US Forest Service might go quickly. BUT...yeah, sounds like it might be a good decision. being a world away from his family and friends might be the best thing for him right now. starting off fresh in a new place, with new friends to make and new girls to meet might be just what he needs.

6/9/2010 5:33:01 PM

for the person who emailed me about the job in nevada.....just think.....new girls who don't know your past = very easy to b0ne.

but beware.....girls in small towns out there could be touch and go. you might find yourself surrounded by hippos and rhinos and some weird mix breed stegasaurus.

[Edited on June 9, 2010 at 5:34 PM. Reason : in nevada]

6/9/2010 5:34:29 PM

Quote :

"girls in small towns out there could be touch and go. you might find yourself surrounded by hippos and rhinos and some weird mix breed stegasaurus. "

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

6/9/2010 5:39:31 PM

assuming he's a zoologist, perhaps he has a passion for hippos and rhinos

6/9/2010 6:52:39 PM

lolololoolololol at the hippos and rhinos

6/9/2010 6:56:32 PM

i'm glad i can provide some entertainment.

Quote :

"MY DOGS HAVE TO SHIT AND I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM OUT. "

get them a litter box. teach them to use it. clean it frequently. profit.

other than actually taking them out, i would suggest taking the 5 minutes to let them poop in the grass so you aren't picking up poop off your floors.

6/9/2010 7:05:15 PM

Quote :

"What is the best way to pick up one of these Russian girls that works at the Harris Teeter in the outer banks. "

i think taking her to mcdonalds would be more than enough for her to drop her panties and want to be with you forever. or bring her a 1/5 of vodka. both would work equally well.

i guess if you're a customer at HT your first move would be to try to chat her up. is she a cashier? if so, then try to check out in her line. you can ask her something simple, how her day is and go from there. you can ask her how long she's been in the outer banks and knowing that she's working, she probably wouldn't be able to chat long so you can say, "hey would you like to hang out? here is my number." if she calls = profit.

6/9/2010 7:18:05 PM

^offer to take her to The Pit for Taco Tuesdays. All the foreign girls I worked with at Kitty hawk kites freaking LOVED the cheap tacos there.

[Edited on June 9, 2010 at 7:29 PM. Reason : yeah]

6/9/2010 7:28:48 PM

I like your advice Cass, but how do you feel as far the girl v.s. the guy making the 1st move. but i guess if you are trying to be friends first it shouldn't matter.

6/9/2010 7:29:23 PM

Quote :

"i love my boyfriend and used to think he was "the one" but now i'm not sure how i feel anymore. i know i love him but for some reason (and this has only recently started) i can't get over the feeling that i could be missing out on someone or something else. i think its a "the grass is always greener" problem but how can you ever be 100% sure you aren't settling? "

i would like to quote Randy from Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. stay with me for a minute. Randy is the fashion director for Kleinfelds in NYC. it is one of the most popular bridal boutiques in the US. when girls come in to buy a wedding dress, sometimes they're on the fence and aren't sure if the dress they love is "the dress." so Randy will step in and say, "well getting a wedding dress is very much like choosing the right man to marry. you could keep looking. there will always be another dress, there will always be another guy. but at one point you have to stop and say, 'no this is the one' and trust that you are making the right decision."

with that said, i think it's natural to feel the way you do. after you've been with someone for a while you start to think the whole "maybe the grass is greener." you could also be second guessing your judgement. if you really feel stuck, make a list of all the things you love about your boyfriend, all the things he does for you that would make him the guy you couldn't live without, and all the things that maybe he does to annoy or bug you. trust me, there are things my boyfriend does that annoys me, if i couldn't name one thing, i would second guess myself.

i think this is just the way i think because i feel more logical than romantic but relationships are real, they are not fairy tales. you can't expect everything to be perfect all the time. you and your boyfriend will go through ups and downs, good times and bad times. it doesn't mean the relationship itself is bad but you should feel confident that both of yall would buckle down and work together to get out of the bad time and back into the good times.

the problem is that none of can predict our lives. so i don't know if it's settling. i guess only time would tell. i would say this, if this really is bothering you a week from now, talk to him about it. ask him how he thinks the relationship has been going and where he sees the relationship is heading. be honest with him. don't blame him for anything but there is nothing wrong with showing your feelings.

i think your using the relationship to cover up possible other things that are going on in your life. you could be unhappy with your job, you could be unhappy with your living situation, you could be unsure where you want your life to go and its easy to pick a constant (in this case the relationship) and start to question what is going on.

i hope this helps.

6/9/2010 7:44:33 PM

Quote :

"I like your advice Cass, but how do you feel as far the girl v.s. the guy making the 1st move. but i guess if you are trying to be friends first it shouldn't matter."

personally i dont see a problem with a girl asking a guy out. if you don't feel comfortable asking him out in a 1:1 setting, invite him to something that you know a group of people will be at as well. you can then say, "hey, me and some friends are going to check out this new restaurant, would you like to come with us?" or "hey me and some friends are going to check out X, would you like to join?" this way you can spend some time with him but it's not a "date." it's a good way to feel him out and figure out if he has a girl or not.

6/9/2010 7:46:33 PM

bttt. new day, new issues. let's discuss.

6/10/2010 8:01:24 AM

Quote :

"I can't get a date with a girl and I don't know what my problem is. I'm not fat. I'm rather fit. I'm intelligent. I have a decent job. I am perpetually in the friend zone and my penis is chafed. Can you advise on a sex lube that isn't too greasy,has no smell, and leaves no residue? "

1. this is the most awesome PM i think i have ever received in the 9+ years i have been on this message board.

2. i don't know much about lube in terms of something a guy would like that would meet the qualifications that you mentioned above. i have gay friends who swear by astroglide but i think that's for other things. i know trojan came out with that hot/cold lube which is supposedly pretty popular but i read somewhere recently that people complained the hot part of it actually felt like burning (it tastes like burning - ralph wiggims).

3. i would suggest you go to priscilla mccalls. if you don't feel comfortable going by yourself, round up one of the girls that keeps throwing you in the friend zone to go with you. tell the girl that you're about to bang one out with a hot broad and you want to make sure there are no dry spells if you know what i mean. i believe priscilla's or any sex shop would have samples of lube that you can try. i don't know if they would give them to you for free but it would be cheaper to buy a few of the small sample sizes and see which makes you (and your chafed penis) happy. good luck friend.

6/10/2010 9:16:10 AM

Quote :

"I have a problem...it's not often that I meet a woman that I'm seriously interested in or just taken with, and when I do, inevitably, I fuck it up. Get really nervous. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or just be a buffoon. I just got the axe from such a woman, and it kills me when this kind of thing happens. I don't have this problem with women that I'm not interested in (no matter how much they are interested in me). WTF??? "

i feel like this is a common problem with a lot of people. when they find someone they're interested in, they get nervous and tongue-tied and tend to blurt out things and they could be misconstrued. never fret, you are not alone. a lot of this i feel like comes from confidence. even the most confident person can become a rambling fool when they're smitten with someone.

this might sound corny but it sounds like you need to build up your confidence. maybe do a practice run through with a good girl friend (or a friend of a friend)....specifically someone hot so they can constructively critize anything that you might be doing that would make the potential girl uninterested.

another thing you might want to look into is any sort of mingling/5 minute dating type things. the fees are usually pretty cheap and this could help you build up the confidence and downplay any anxiety or nervousness in meeting new women. specifically, the more new people you talk to, the easier it feels.

i can understand that when you meet someone you want to get to know them and vice versa. it could be you're giving out too much "personal" information upfront. obviously you don't want to lie. if you just got out of a serious relationship, that is something you should tell the girl. it could help them to explain why you might feel nervous because you've been out of the dating circle for a while. but in absolutely no case - DO NOT talk specifically about exes or batshit crazy girls you might have dated/encountered, even if the story is hysterical, interesting, and/or could be a made-for-tv movie on Lifetime. girls do not like hearing these stories on the first date.

keep me updated. i would like to see if any of my advice seems logical and/or works.

6/10/2010 10:35:46 AM

CassTheSass knows all my issues

6/10/2010 10:39:04 AM

that means you not listening to her advice or her advice sucks!

6/10/2010 10:39:47 AM

well patrick can give his 2 cents on if he thinks my advice is good and whether he takes it. i call it like i see it. sometimes i'm not right but that's ok.

Quote :

"Basically, I was told that I have a emotionless face. I've never been that great around new people, and I feel as though that could be part of the problem. Once when people get to know me, I don't really have any problems, but it's hard to break through that. What can I do to help this. It's not particularly comforting to hear this from a girl I don't know very well, and then have other people I know agree and mock me, especially since I've been largely unaware of it until now. "

it could be that you're "emotionless" because you're a bit shy around new people. some people are chatty and friendly but a lot of people are more quiet and shy when they meet new people. i don't think it's necessary for these people to be mocking you, it's kind of rude in my opinion as everyone is different when it comes to new social settings.

i've been told i'm "insensitive" before because i'm not one to show a lot of emotion. i'm more of a "cry myself when no one is around" kind of girl. i'm sorry i'm not a wail my heart out over a glass of wine but that's who i am and i accept it.

if you really are concerned about your "emotionless" face, try to be a bit more conscious about it when around new social settings and change it. laugh a bit more, seem a bit more interested. people might think you're not interested in hanging out with them because you're not showing emotion or "being involved with the group." i feel like the only way to change this is to become more self aware.

otherwise, i would ditch those "friends" who mock you and find people who understand we're all created differently and accept that you might be a bit more stoic or quiet in new settings.

6/10/2010 1:07:48 PM

Quote :

"my girlfriend thinks i dont appreciate her enough when in fact, i do a lot for her. i take her out to dinner at least twice a week, pay for her bar tabs every time we go out, spend all of my free time with her, and i show that i care for her all the time. in the rare instance she cooks breakfast or dinner i always say thank you and help clean up. what more do i need to do? "

um nothing but could you talk to my boyfriend? lol just kidding!

have you sat down and talked to your girlfriend face to face? find out exactly what it is that she is expecting you to do for her to be appreciative. it sounds like to me you do an awful lot for her and you sound like a good boyfriend (kudos). be prepared, she might be one of those where no matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough for her.

relationships should be 50/50. you should get in what you put out. in certain instances there are going to be times where one side might do more than the other but that should be temporary and go back to more of an equal balance between the two.

i suggest sitting down with and listening to her. ask her specifically what it is she would like for you to do so that it is "enough" for her. don't say anything....let her talk. when she is done, then you explain that you do all the following things above. it might become nit-picky but you might have to make a chore list if this means she'll get off your back about helping.

let her say what she wants to say, and explain to her kindly what it is you do. like i said, be prepared that she might be the type where nothing is ever good enough for her.

good luck!

6/10/2010 1:19:29 PM

She sounds like a petty bitch.

Sever.

6/10/2010 1:20:24 PM

Quote :

"my chick is on the rag, and will only give me bj's until she is done... "

why are you complaining? at least you're getting some and not asking me on lube recommendations.

you got a good girlfriend there. she's a keeper.

6/10/2010 1:20:37 PM

^agreed....the only other alternative is to turn gay.

6/10/2010 1:24:55 PM

Quote :

"you got a good girlfriend there. she's a keeper."

6/10/2010 1:26:16 PM

Quote :

"i'm going to be best man at a friend's wedding soon, and I haven't really come up with a speech yet. I'm a little nervous just because there will be literally no one there that i know. It's also a catholic wedding and I'm not catholic and neither is the groom. Can i make a bunch of catholic jokes? Are they okay with that? It's mostly old people. Or should I be serious and do the whole 'what a great couple' speech. I'm torn here "

ah lucky you, i'm catholic.

1. do not make catholic jokes. the catholics are already pissed (or in denial) about all these priest/little boy issues that is going on. it's a sensitive subject.

2. this is a weird question but is the wedding in the south or in the north? i ask because i was raised up north as a catholic and catholics up north tend to be more "old school" whereas the catholics in the south are more "new school." the southern catholics are a bit more "cut loose, we don't kneel in churches, our priests try to be hip" kind.

3. if you are the groom's best friend and best man, you could always start the speech out with the kind of friend he's been to you over the years. what a wonderful person he is and how his family raised such a great guy. from there you can move into his now marriage with his wife and how his wife is very lucky to have such a great husband and friend.

4. but please seriously no "a priest, a rabbi, and a sheep walked into the bar..." jokes.

6/10/2010 1:26:38 PM

The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't."

[Edited on June 10, 2010 at 1:31 PM. Reason : ANYTIME.....]

6/10/2010 1:31:11 PM

lolz

6/10/2010 1:36:33 PM

The other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, "Y'know I'd like a little pussy". She said, "Me too, mine's as big as a house!"

6/10/2010 1:37:03 PM

Quote :

"my chick is on the rag, and will only give me bj's until she is done... "

The reason brides smile on their way down the isle is because they know they have given their last bj.

6/10/2010 1:37:20 PM

i got 20 minutes, send me your issues

6/10/2010 6:21:48 PM

Quote :

"yeah probably not gonna get answered til later, its all good My girlfriend is 7 mo pregnant and the emotions are getting harder and harder to deal with. We're keeping the baby and I have told her that I intend to marry her within the year pending counseling which she seems all on board with. Yet we have this one singular issue where we fight about how much time to spend with her. I currently live in an apartment in cary and she lives at her parent's house in N Raleigh, about 25 min apart. I am doing research for the summer but its only like 15 hr a week and to her this means all other time should be spent with her at her parents or doing errands for them/ babysitting her little brothers (9 and 11). I don't mind spending a very large chunk of my day with her (got up early to go to an OB appt then went to a elem. graduation and then built a crib for her bedroom, total of 9 hours) and then I left around 6 when she was going to get her nails done with a friend. When it turned out she got done with her nails earlier than she thought, she called and asked for me to come back. I told her I had made plans with one of my friends (a female) and she flipped shit. I have worked hard to limit my friend time lately and cut off friends that weren't positive about my life changes/her and I, but I guess she wants all other females eliminated from my life. She said since the girl was coming to my apartment (with two male roommates and one other girl) it was a date. I can't figure out how to approach the subject any more. I don't want to lie/withhold, but I just don't know what to do as friends are an extremely big priority in my life and I have still tried to compromise by bringing weekly friend time to ~5 hours per week all while she is asleep except today for the past month. If too long, to be posted: tl;dr- pregnant gf wants all free time (non sleeping/work) and no more female friends (not even when she is present). what do? "

first off congrats on your baby to be. i know this is a very exciting time in your life but its natural for it to be a stressful and it's a scary time as well. it sounds like the past year and into the next few years is going to be quite crazy with you and your girlfriend having a baby, raising the baby, and eventually getting married.

i can see where your girlfriend is coming from in how she got upset about finding out that you were hanging out with some friends that were girls. put yourself in her shoes for a minute. she is living at home with her parents and is 7 months pregnant. with the heat and humidity and her growing belly, i'm sure she feels a bit less than beautiful at times and a bit more swollen. she's probably worried that because she's not feeling her most beautiful, she's worried you might not find her beautiful and possibly cheat. not saying that you will go out and cheat on her or that you are even considering it but as a girl, if i wasn't feeling my best and then i find out that my boyfriend is going to hang out with friends that are girls and guys, i would naturally be jealous that he has the freedom to do so while i'm home knocked up and also not feeling that great to begin with.

i think you're doing a wonderful job from what you have said in helping out your girlfriend. you are spending a considerable amount of time helping her out and spending time with her.

i will warn you, knowing friends who have had kids, they felt uncomfortable in their bodies while pregnant and right after they had their child. except now after they had their kid, they're so concerned with taking care of the baby, that the lack of sleep and the focus, that they don't have time to take care of themselves....wash their hair, go for a run, brush their teeth, put on make up. as a girl once you have a child, you don't automatically go back to your pre-baby weight right away. it takes time.

what i suggest you do is to keep doing what you're doing. compliment your girlfriend as much as possible. tell her she's beautiful and even when she's crying she's as big as a whale, tell her no she is beautiful. i think this is just her self-esteem being a bit lower since her body is changing so much. there are women who go on and on about how much they loved pregnancy and felt beautiful the entire time but the truth of the matter is that most women do not feel this way and while they love their baby very much, they are ready to feel comfortable with their own bodies again.

to appease your girlfriend, you might want to back off hanging out with friends that are girls for the time being. i don't think she trusts you less in any way but i think she feels a bit left out considering she is pregnant and at home with her parents. if she is still getting upset about you hanging out with guy friends, then you might need to approach the subject. we are all allowed to hang out with friends and if you're being a good boyfriend and spending a good amount of time with her, then you should be able to also hang out with friends every once and a while. you even mentioned that she's hanging out with her friends still. there's no harm in that.

best of luck to you. and best of luck and love to your baby

6/10/2010 9:53:39 PM

^Holy shit, you gave the same advice I would, except in a positive way.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!?!?

[Edited on June 10, 2010 at 10:54 PM. Reason : ]

6/10/2010 10:54:07 PM

whoa

shit got real in this thread

when i see "pregnant" i run the other way screaming

BUT

CassTheSass gave some awesome advice so good luck, daddy to be!

6/10/2010 10:56:27 PM

if cass had a fan page on fb, i would join it...i think she really gives good advice!

6/10/2010 11:07:35 PM

awwww thanks guys! i appreciate the compliments.

bttt, new day, new issues. holler.

6/11/2010 7:31:49 AM

bttt i'm back.

6/13/2010 1:32:41 PM

PM me your issue, I'll PM you a tissue

6/13/2010 1:39:50 PM

Quote :

"i've been dating a girl off and on for a few months, and i think it has the potential to turn into something serious. unfortunately, she lives a couple hours away. granted, this isn't a huge distance, but my job sometimes prevents me from randomly driving to columbia. that, and she's almost always working or at school. so spontaneity has to be planned a little ahead of time...which sort of defeats the purpose. she's not a big phone talker, and flirting by facebook only goes so far. i've done random date things (drive down for an afternoon/dinner/etc, midnight roadtrip to the beach, and the like), but i just don't know if that's enough. what more can be done to make this work - OR is it doomed to failure? thanks! "

well hello there. from my experience with long distance relationships, it really depends on you and your significant other, how much you care about each other, how willing you are to make this work, and how long this will continue to go on before you two eventually end up in the same place.

i'm kind of concerned about the "dating on and off" for a few months thing. why hasn't it been consistently "on?" i can understand hesitations because it's long distance but you might want to delve into that further within yourself to figure out why yall were together and then not and then together again.

another question you need to think about further is "how long will you really be long distance?" eventually, yall will have to end up in the same place, whether she relocates, you relocate, or you both relocate to a new city. when you figure out realistically how long it would take for the two of you to actually "be together" in one place, then it will help you think through if this is something you really want.

i see you mention with your work and her school its hard to see each other. have yall thought about a plan? kind of like, "well we will try to see each other every other week" or "once a month." obviously you both to make this fair and work out a plan so that one person isn't the only person doing all the work. i'm concerned that you're putting in all the effort. is she into this as much as you are?

i think the biggest thing is yall need to figure out exactly how much you both want this. it will never work if one person puts in all the effort because that person will become resentful of the other. you both also need to make sure you 100% trust the other and am comfortable with the relationship. if one person has the tiniest bit of insecurity, it will be very difficult to have a satisfying and healthy long distance relationship. lastly, like i said above, you need to figure out when you think yall would be together. would she even be able to relocate? would you even be able to move?

i hope this helps some. i'm not one to rightfully say i think the relationship doomed but i think you have some more soul searching to do before you make a decision as to if this is what you would want.

6/13/2010 6:14:43 PM