I ran across this arcticle and was amazed... I'll copy and paste it here:

Reporter Tim Brown recently sat down with amateur screenwriter Jerry Smith. He then shared with us his plan for a Rated R Turtles film...

Tim: How are you this evening?

Jerry: I'm excellent, and yourself?

Tim: Couldn't be better; tell us about your proposed rated R TMNT film.

Jerry: Well, this would be the Ninja Turtles like no one has ever seen them before. They wouldn't be complete *beep* idiots like in previous installments. There would be no craving pizza, popping off with lame jokes or shouting out "Cowabunga dude!" every 5 minutes. My story is a very dark and serious representation of the Turtles... much like how there were in the 1980's comic book version.

Tim: So this wouldn't be for children?

Jerry: Nope, not for the kids. It would be very adult oriented. It’s just like what Christopher Nolan did with Batman Begins back in 2005. It would be really dark and gritty. The turtles would all have much more depth.

Tim: So why the R rating? Couldn't you maybe bring it down to a PG:13?

Jerry: Oh hell no. This would be a pretty strong R rating. I don't want to go back on it one bit. I'm telling the true story of the Turtles, the way it was meant to be done. I'm doing it right.

Tim: Why would something as silly as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles be taken so seriously? How could it have such a strong R rating?

Jerry: Well, the thing is... they're called TEENAGE Mutant Ninja Turtles. Teenagers are *beep* Trust me, I have two of my own and I've been around plenty more. They all smoke pot and have tons of pre-marital sex. I want these characters to act less like pre pubescent boys and more like actual kick ass rebellious teens.

Tim: Is it true that this film will contain strong nudity?

Jerry: Well, I don't know about strong nudity, but yes there will definitely be some. I want to have a love making scene between April O’Neil and one of the Turtles that will more then likely contain some nudity. I want this April O’Neal to be drop dead gorgeous... nice smooth legs, full lips, great round little booty, and some big ole' breasts. I want each of the Turtles to be very well hung. It’s more realistic that way. Turtles really do have great bit tally whackers. Next time you see a turtle, go take a peak. I'm not *beep* you.

Tim: Whoa! Don't you think a love scene for a Ninja Turtles movie is taking it a little too far?

Jerry: Not at all. It’s more realistic, it’s what teenagers do. I would like there to be maybe a love triangle between April, Raphael and Leonardo. There has always been a bit of a rivalry between those two characters that I'm really going to bring out in this movie. Don't be surprised if one of the Turtles gets killed off in this movie.

Tim: Oh my God! You're going to kill off one of the Ninja Turtles?!

Jerry: Its like I keep telling ya Tim, people die. This *beep* is real. I'm not going for goofy and cheesy here. More then likely one of the characters... I'm not going to say who... will die in a car crash. More then likely because they were driving while intoxicated. Don't be surprised if you maybe see the Turtles smoke pot or snort cocaine... One of them will have a pretty bad drug addiction. They will all cuss excessively. These kinds of things happen to every 8 out of 10 teenagers... its no secret that teens are complete *beep* dumb *beep*

Tim: You are probably right there. Enough about the Turtles. What about Master Splinter? Has his character changed much?

Jerry: He’s more of a hard ass. Kind of a neglectful father that never really spends time or knows there kids. I had a dad, and believe me... that’s pretty much how almost every dad is. Splinter would be the father figure to the Turtles. He would constantly be running them down and bitching at them. He actually causes Michelangelo to develop an eating disorder. He’s a little bit chubbier then his brothers. As a result Splinter will constantly give him a hard time and call him a fat ass.

Tim: Okay then... how about the villain? Will Shredder appear in it?

Jerry: Yes, he will be the main villain. In my version Shredder will be a homosexual. Don't be surprised if he actually molests one of the Turtles... and yes, I know it’s shocking... but hey, these kinds of things happen every day. I think making Shredder a fag is a bold new step that will make the movie all the more cerebral.

Tim: So when should we expect to see this new movie?

Jerry: It’s hard to say. It’s a long complicated process. If all goes well we should see it hit the big screen in about 2010 or 2011.

Tim: Okay then, I'm afraid that’s all the time we have. Thank you very much for your time Mr. Smith.

Jerry: No problem, it was my pleasure.

6/28/2010 7:50:51 PM

yeah summarize

6/28/2010 7:54:12 PM

lol

sounds like the more "adult" he tries to make it, the more juvenile it becomes

the whole thing has got to be fictitious

[Edited on June 28, 2010 at 8:05 PM. Reason : they wouldn't risk the kiddie cash cow on this garbage]

6/28/2010 7:58:35 PM

i stopped at "serious representation of the Turtles"

lol

6/28/2010 8:00:09 PM

6/28/2010 8:04:22 PM

I stopped at what becomes essentially bestiality between April O'Neill and various turtles

6/28/2010 8:19:37 PM

yeah, that and "well hung"

6/28/2010 8:27:35 PM

is this an article from The Onion?

6/28/2010 8:37:18 PM

Quote :

"Tim: Okay then... how about the villain? Will Shredder appear in it? Jerry: Yes, he will be the main villain. In my version Shredder will be a homosexual. Don't be surprised if he actually molests one of the Turtles... and yes, I know it’s shocking... but hey, these kinds of things happen every day. I think making Shredder a fag is a bold new step that will make the movie all the more cerebral."

haha, now it's obviously a joke...the first 25%, though, wouldn't have surprised me

6/28/2010 9:07:43 PM

Quote :

"sounds like the more "adult" he tries to make it, the more juvenile it becomes"

QFT

While I would like to see a more mature version of the turtles that's closer to the original, this is NOT it.

6/28/2010 9:27:13 PM

are we still actually debating the authenticity of this?

[Edited on June 28, 2010 at 9:30 PM. Reason : amateur screenwriter Jerry Smith.]

6/28/2010 9:30:35 PM

Casey Jones would benefit the most from this shift of focus as his collection of baseball bats, golf clubs, hockey sticks and cricket bats could be utilized in a variety of S&M subplots

6/28/2010 9:37:53 PM

i hear Krang shows some brain in the script.

6/28/2010 9:43:54 PM

Well, this thread really separates the wheat from the chaff.

6/28/2010 9:44:09 PM

filming begins next month in Narnia

6/28/2010 9:47:06 PM

I would totally see that movie.

6/28/2010 10:18:08 PM

Sounds legit to me

6/29/2010 3:44:14 AM

Sounds legit to me

6/29/2010 3:44:14 AM

I honestly like the cheesy turtles that eat pizza, tell lame jokes, and shout cowabunga.

6/29/2010 9:18:29 AM

This guy's impression of teenagers leads me to believe he has some seriously fucked up kids, or he spent his childhood in a flophouse.

6/29/2010 9:37:37 AM

I would like the cheesy turtles that eat pizza, tell lame jokes, shout cowabunga, and actually stab and kill ninjas in a bloodthirsty frenzy. It would entirely change how they were portrayed from friendly, fun-loving mutants into Deadpool-like psychopaths.

6/29/2010 10:04:51 AM

I could go for a serious TMNT movie, like the old Eastman & Laird with lots of blood and stuff (one of the old issues I had, Raph did die)... but this sounds very much retarded.

6/29/2010 11:09:56 AM

Well, this thread really separates the wheat from the chaff.

6/29/2010 11:20:25 AM

The first turtles movie is about as good as its going to get fellas. It was good, and I still like it. Just accept it and move along.

6/29/2010 11:37:04 AM

I'd be all for a dark, serious TMNT movie. Hell, give me CyberDon, bring it on.

But this sounds like some

Quote :

"AMATEUR SCREEN SLASHFIC WRITING"

6/29/2010 3:31:48 PM

Quote :

"This guy's impression of teenagers leads me to believe he has some seriously fucked up kids, or he spent his childhood in a flophouse."

Are you telling me that when you were a teenager, you didn't smoke pot, snort cocaine, have a neglectful father, have a threesome with a tv reporter and one of your brothers, develop an eating disorder, or get molested by a homosexual who runs an army of shitty ninjas?

6/29/2010 3:51:36 PM

Hell, I am surprised that they haven't rolled out with some sort of prequal that focuses more on the relationship between Shredder and Splinter and how the Turtles came to be. Yes, yes, we ALL know the back story, I am just saying that it isn't beyond Hollywood to throw something like this together and try and capitalize on our nostalgia.

6/29/2010 3:52:18 PM

hahahahahahahahhaha good thread

6/30/2010 12:35:26 AM

Quote :

"Yes, yes, we ALL know the back story"

We do? I must have left that knowledge behind somewhere in 5th grade.

And lol at this thread.

6/30/2010 10:40:12 AM

I almost believed this article until the Shredder comment.


There is no way the franchise would allow itself to be represented this way.

Good laughs tho.

6/30/2010 11:42:52 AM