one liners or short ones and go.....

If a Seagull is a Bird that flies over the Sea, What is a bird that flies over the Bay?

a Bagel.

haha.

4/28/2011 1:04:19 AM

http://vodpod.com/watch/964947-this-man-is-for-the-birds

/thread

4/28/2011 1:05:34 AM

What do you call it when penis is inside vagina?




VApenisGINA!!!

4/28/2011 1:08:22 AM

What's blue but smells like red paint?

Blue Paint...

4/28/2011 1:10:44 AM

^^LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111one!11

4/28/2011 1:28:46 AM

So there's two muffins, sitting in an oven baking.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "it sure is hot in here"

The other muffin looks over and says, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

4/28/2011 1:30:40 AM

what did cinderella say when she got to the ball?







































(gagging noises)

4/28/2011 1:30:58 AM

Two blondes walk into a bar. Ouch.

4/28/2011 1:34:23 AM

Two guys walk down an alley and a mugger appears demanding all their money. Both men take out their wallets and one of them says to the other, "Here's that $20 I owe you."

4/28/2011 2:22:06 AM

norm is the winner of this thread

4/28/2011 2:23:54 AM

A woman's doorbell rings and she answers. A telegram delivery guy is outside.

"Ma'am, telegram for you."

"Ooh, is it a singing one?"

"No, ma'am, I'm afraid it's normal."

"Oh, but I've always wanted a singing telegram! Will you please sing it for me?"

"It really not in my job description..."

"Pleeeeease? I'll tip you!"

"Well...if you want..."

"Yes, please!"

"OK....bum bum bum, Danny and the kids are dead."

(really works better when spoken)

4/28/2011 3:36:42 AM

^win.

4/28/2011 3:52:37 AM

A soccer ball walks into a bar.

The bartender kicks him out.

4/28/2011 5:53:32 AM

Why shouldn’t you take a pokemon into the bathroom?

He might Pikachu.

4/28/2011 7:41:50 AM

What has 4 legs and says "boooooooooooo"
A cow with a head cold

4/28/2011 7:44:51 AM

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poke her face.

(Probably gotta say it out loud to get it)

4/28/2011 7:46:38 AM

how do you keep a puppy from walking in circles?


















































nail another paw to the floor

4/28/2011 8:04:53 AM

megalolz at norm

4/28/2011 8:21:50 AM

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

4/28/2011 9:46:14 AM

Quote :

"Your face looks like cauliflower"

4/28/2011 10:18:39 AM

I don't think clean jokes have made it to the east coast yet.

4/28/2011 10:20:31 AM

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, stop right there. Listen. Stop right there a minute. A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; "Is there something wrong with the soup?" He says; "Taste the soup." He says; "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?" He says; "Will you taste the soup?", "What's wrong is the soup to cold?", "Will you just taste the soup?", "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?", "Ah-ha!"

"Ah-ha!"

4/28/2011 10:25:21 AM

What's the difference between a corvette and a pile of of dead babies?
I don't have a corvette in my garage.

4/28/2011 10:25:24 AM

Dead baby jokes are so lame. You can't just turn a crappy joke into a good one by adding dead baby on the end of it.

4/28/2011 10:27:25 AM

come on more clean jokes! I like telling my 1st graders jokes and i think I can only use 2-3 in this thread.

4/28/2011 10:31:20 AM

What do you know from funny, ya bastard?

4/28/2011 10:32:42 AM

Why did the math teacher crash his car? He was grading on a curve.

4/28/2011 10:34:09 AM

What do you call a black dinosaur?

Tyroneasaurus Rex


-Courtesy of Steven at Divebar

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

4/28/2011 10:39:39 AM

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?








Just 2, but the better question is how they got in there.

4/28/2011 10:45:44 AM

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.

4/28/2011 11:09:38 AM

Where do all the black jews go?























To the back of the oven

4/28/2011 11:47:17 AM

What do you give a sick bird?














Tweetment

4/28/2011 12:00:19 PM

why didn't the pirate go see the movie?

because it was rated AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

4/28/2011 12:19:03 PM

A proton walks into a bar, all dismayed. The bar tender asked what's wrong, the proton said "I lost my electron "... the bartender asked, "are you sure?". The proton replied, "i'm positive"

4/28/2011 12:34:24 PM

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

4/28/2011 12:43:24 PM

an electron walks into a bar and... something Heisenberg uncertainty principle. make your own damn punchline.

4/28/2011 12:50:53 PM

Argon gets punched in the face at the bar, he doesn't react.

4/28/2011 1:04:28 PM

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy shit, it's a talking muffin!"

4/28/2011 1:15:46 PM

I get all my best jokes from Popsicle sticks.

4/28/2011 1:18:30 PM

What do you call a chicken and a cow all in mud?


Brown Chicken, Brown Cow.

(Say it out loud like bow chicka wow wow)

[Edited on April 28, 2011 at 1:30 PM. Reason : s]

4/28/2011 1:30:02 PM

^^^ I already said that one!

4/28/2011 1:32:05 PM

So there's these 2 meatloaves in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other meatloaf replies "Holy shit, it's a talking meatloaf!"

[Edited on April 28, 2011 at 2:11 PM. Reason : .]

4/28/2011 2:11:39 PM

What do you call a blind dinosaur?


Donthinkysaurus.

4/28/2011 2:16:34 PM

what does a gay horse eat???

4/28/2011 4:34:06 PM

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

4/28/2011 4:42:12 PM

So there's these 2 dead babies in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other dead baby replies "Holy shit, it's a talking dead baby!"

4/28/2011 5:07:06 PM

the gay horse gets me everytime hahahahaha


How does Lady Gaga like her meat?

Raw-raw-raw-ah-ah!

4/28/2011 5:11:21 PM

What happened when the butcher backed into the meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.



WHat do you give a sick pig?

OINKment

[Edited on April 28, 2011 at 5:22 PM. Reason : .]

4/28/2011 5:19:49 PM

A grasshopper hops into a bar, jumps up onto the counter and orders a beer. While pouring the beer, the bartender says to the grasshopper "Hey, we have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?"

4/28/2011 5:25:39 PM

Check it out, check it out. There was this blind man, right? He walked by the fish market, right?

He took a big whiff and said, "Wooooh! Good morning, ladies".

4/28/2011 5:32:05 PM