I was going to put this in Study Hall, but I am not in a program yet and it's more of a life style issue than anything.

So, I already have my Masters, and the past few years I have been contemplating on getting a PhD. I am not working in the field I'd like, and positions I have been looking at want a PhD.

I talked to a PI I would love to work with and she wants to work with me. I wouldn't start for another year because of funding.

I am in my late 20s. I know people now who are in their late 30s, working on a PhD. Are there any other late-bloomin' graduate students out there? Are you married? Do you have a family? How have you managed things? Do you have any advice for the quarter-life crisisee? If you're married, how supportive is/was your spouse?

5/4/2011 4:29:29 PM

i'm getting my doctorate of pharmacy in 2013 (started in 2009) and getting married this year.
lemmetellyou planning was FUN.

in my head even though i am in school and i have all of this other stuff goin on (plus a 40 min each way commute ) i knew in my head that failing was NOT an option.

you make sacrafices when nessicary (for 6 am exams i would stay at my friend's wh o lives closer to school, i couldnt work out as much, etc etc)

cody is very very supportive, but luckily me and him both are extremely independent people, therefore neither one of us gets upset if we're giving more attention to one thing as opposed to each other so in that regard i have no advice me and him are just naturally that way





i know several (like maybe 10-15%) of the students in my class are either pregnant or have children and they get by just fine.
include married/getting married-more like 40%....


this probably didnt help much considering im only getting married and not much else but i thought i'd put my .02 in.



[Edited on May 4, 2011 at 4:40 PM. Reason : dtgf]

5/4/2011 4:39:46 PM

I'm getting my masters degree in about 10 days, and there were several people in my department (both MA students & PhD students) who had families and kids and jobs. There were lots of late 20s to mid 30s people, and a few 40 to 50 somethings in my department.

My husband is a PhD student, so there was no shortage of understanding for the time it takes there.

But overall my experience was that its not unusual at all to be married or to be coming to grad school after working for a few years either as means of advancing in your career or switching career paths. So I'd say, if you're financial situation can handle it, you've given it serious thought, and if it gets you to where you want to be in life, go for it!

5/4/2011 5:28:00 PM

Thanks Joie for your input. I feel like I need to do this, but my biological clock is ticking. I suppose I could go get married while I am working towards a PhD. I am not too worried about kids yet. I think I may put that off as long as my body will stand it.

anyone else out there? I need [old] people input...

Oh yeah, and congrats on your steps towards a PhD. You seem like a bright and motivated girl; we all know you can do it!

Man I am so bored and tired of my job. I kept wondering whether I should do it, got some good experience, and now I know I am smart/capable of putting in the work for a PhD. Plus, I got two fortune cookies that read "The best thing in life is doing what others say you can't," and something about doing what I love. I think those are a sign

^ thanks... its nice hearing that these things can be managed. I think by the time I start a program, I should be pretty financially set as long as I can get the funding.

Plus, as much time I put into my current job, I might as well be working on a PhD.

[Edited on May 4, 2011 at 5:50 PM. Reason : yippee]

5/4/2011 5:48:10 PM

I started my masters degree (Systems Architecture & Engineering) right about the time we found out we would be having our first child.

I only take 1 course at a time, and I'm about half way done now. It's not fun and I very often regret starting the degree, but it's not unbearable.

5/4/2011 6:13:07 PM

^I did hear a similar sentiment from many of the part timers in my grad program, that doing it that way can be a little overwhelming and take a long time.

I definitely quit my old job to go to grad school, with the plans of getting a new and somewhat different job afterward (speaking of, I have a job interview tomorrow). I had the band-aid philosophy, rip it right off, don't do it slowly. And that has worked well for me as a full time student, but I guess it depends on everyone's individual situation and preferences.

I think part time probably works better for advancing your current career at your current place of employment, and full time is better for finding a new job or changing careers.

[Edited on May 4, 2011 at 6:51 PM. Reason : .]

5/4/2011 6:51:05 PM

grammar nazis are gonna getcha, Joie

5/4/2011 7:04:44 PM

haha, i've been really bad about not going back and editing lately.


usually i read over my post two or three times to make sure everything looks ok.....not so much lately.


oh well. you guys know what im saying

5/4/2011 7:16:38 PM

My girlfriend is getting her PhD in Psychology currently and apparently a handful of the women in the program are expected/have newborns because the grad student life is apparently conducive to pregnancy/child raising.

I never would've thought so, but at least some of them seem to think differently.

5/4/2011 9:13:21 PM

i honestly think its a great time if you have the balls (hehehe).
meaning that you think youre up for the challenge.....

but i have my reasons for thinking that

5/4/2011 9:23:47 PM

Quote :

"grammar nazis are gonna getcha, Joie"

No worries, at least we still know we're human

Well the plan is to try to finish as much of it as I can before any little GRITS are running around, and that's pretty much guaranteed at least for the next five years

5/4/2011 9:44:03 PM

yes

5/4/2011 9:44:48 PM

I'm in a master's program now and I know a lot of people that have families that are either pursuing master's or PhDs. It's feasible but just make sure your significant other can work with you.

5/4/2011 10:16:13 PM

i'm finishing up my masters in august (started at 26, now 28) and i've been married the whole time. basically my wife has been awesome as far as not only supporting us financially (along with financial aid obviously), but understanding when i had to study. there were some minor issues along the way, but basically she understands this will make a better life for us. definitely possible

5/4/2011 10:33:29 PM

No. That's the short answer.

My wife just finished her PhD. I'm past the half-way point on mine. Our kicker was different schools in different states. That sucks, and I do not recommend it. Sans different states, I think it would be a question of losing income and freetime to a degree.

Just the school part? Maybe. I did my master's part time, while working full time and getting married (and living in the same state!). That worked tolerably well, with no free time. We have no kids, which made it a bit easier. Friends of mine with kids have commented on losing hobbies to parenthood. I lost my hobbies to grad school.

5/4/2011 10:40:36 PM

I'm 23 now and I'm finishing up my first year of my civil eng masters and my wife and I have a 8 month old baby. She's a stay at home mom and I'm on a half time assistantship and taking about 9 hours a semester. I graduated undergrad in May '10 so I haven't worked a full time permanent job yet and she hasn't either.

Obviously money is super tight, but we were lucky that I'd been able to save a lot for the unexpected bills. Now I put $50/mo in a college fund for our son and my IRA each and the rest is fully budgeted out.

We do get some help from my parents (a couple hundred a month) because they wanted us in a 2 bedroom apartment instead of 1 which has been really helpful. My dad and I track how much they've given and I'll pay him back interest free once I work full time.

I have also applied for a lot of scholarships, at least in my field there are many worth $1-3k that only a couple people apply for so the one I've gotten so far has helped.

When I graduated with my bachelors my son was already on the way but I talked a lot with my wife and we agreed that I would do grad school. She originally planned to start working at least part time once the baby was 3 mo old or so but hasn't found a job with hours that complement grad school hours. She is still very supportive of my schooling and knows that I am probably going to go straight through my PhD.

We have both been living a college lifestyle so we just kept being frugal and switched the liquor budget for formula and nights at the movies for diapers. It is tough and I know I work too hard for too little right now but I really want to teach and I love my research. It would probably be different switching back from a full time working lifestyle, I have more research work to do at home than actual class homework. I know my wife feels like I don't spend enough time with her and the baby, but her perspective is from a stay at home mom so I try to make sure it is quality time when I can be home.

Hope that helps! (and sorry if it was too much )

[Edited on May 4, 2011 at 11:48 PM. Reason : oh and as a timeline, son born in August, we got married in November but still managed a 3.0 in fall]

5/4/2011 11:45:39 PM

I don't know man. If I had got pregnant during grad school I think I would have a stroke. Then again, most programs in my field don't pay for your school and scholarships are hard to come by. And with the amount of work we have to do, especially clinical rotations coming up, I would probably not be able to handle it.


I think one of my classmates is pregnant. If she isn't, she needs to have her stomach checked for a tumor. I'm not sure what she's going to do when we get really into the clinical rotations. But then again, seeing as how genetic counseling is a female-dominated field I wouldn't be surprised if they were open to raising children during school.

But anyway, back on topic. I'm planning a wedding while in school and it is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

5/5/2011 12:12:15 AM

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1381

5/5/2011 5:57:36 AM

my friend (who is in her 2nd year law school) had a baby her first year and planned her wedding this year.
and she maintained dat 190% A average.

situations are as hard as you make them.
granted their are certain situations that are inherently harder than others but in the end it boils down to what you will and will not do, and what sacrifices you will make, and what kind of demeanor you will have.

there are people who are gonna tell you planning a wedding is really really hard (sam)
and people who tell you it's hard, but not that bad (me)
people who tell you NO to kids (stryver)
and people who say its doable(rtc40)


all of us have differing situations and it would be kinda hard to compare our answers to each other.

its more or less up to you to decided what you "can" and "can't" do

5/5/2011 7:53:25 AM

Quote :

"I'm 23 now and I'm finishing up my first year of my civil eng masters and my wife and I have a 8 month old baby."

Holy crap! That is intense... I give you a lot of amazing points for pulling this off.

Quote :

"all of us have differing situations and it would be kinda hard to compare our answers to each other. "

Yeah, it seems in my situation, its very much doable. My SO is a civil engineer for a pretty good company. He is working towards his PE and I figure this would be a good time for me to get my PhD. He seems very supportive; told me to do it, and he would be behind me all the way. I wouldn't start my program for another year, which would be perfect to get anything that needs to be order taken care of.

I hope to have enough money saved up to buy a decent house so I have a place to stay and I can dump my money into that instead of paying rent. I really don't plan on leaving the Raleigh area either; RTP is amazing!

5/5/2011 10:17:58 AM

I guess I should point out thatwhat makes the wedding planning REALLY hard for me is that I'm 8-9 hours away. :/ that makes a difference. But, I will say it's doable if you have your priorities straight

5/5/2011 10:25:18 AM

And its possible to pay for this wedding too?!

Mad props to you guys doing all of this. It'll be worth it when its all said and done though

5/5/2011 10:28:40 AM

Ooo yeah, don't ask me about paying for it. My parents and his parents insisted, so at least we don't have to worry about that. :/

5/5/2011 10:31:05 AM

Quote :

"It'll be worth it when its all said and done though"

thats the attitude worth having


people looked at me like i was insane when i told them i was gonna plan this bad boy during school.
but i told them - i WILL NOT let wedding planning stress me out too much. it won't be fun then.
and i haven't.
there have been 43893084209 things go wrong but i brush it off and go to plan b.


but i'm steering off topic

5/5/2011 10:37:06 AM

this thread is relevant to my interests

my wife is planning on going back for her phd soon, and we're thinking about having kids in a couple of years, before she's finished

seems like asking for trouble/stress, but meh

5/5/2011 10:47:02 AM

How old r you and your wife if you don't mind me asking?

5/5/2011 10:55:49 AM

we're both 28

5/5/2011 11:29:15 AM

Joie makes a valid point. It really isn't fun if you let it get to you.


I guess my main problem right now with letting things stress me out is a) so much stuff has happened recently it feels like I'm overwhelmed with everything, and b) my sister is getting married in October and is kindaaaaa being a bridezilla. So, I feel bad asking anyone for help and try to do everything myself. :\

But, if you have a good support system you can make it through!

5/5/2011 11:56:37 AM

of course it is possible; thousands of people do it around the world. and many have jobs as well, so they are juggling 3 things.

whether you can do it or not, only you know.

5/5/2011 12:08:07 PM

i have neither a husband nor kids but i have been through a phd program, and i had several friends who had children during grad school

i'm not sure what field you're in, but in the sciences the phd process is actually pretty conducive to having kids because of the flexibility -- you'll work a lot but usually (depending on your advisor) you can work whatever schedule necessary as long as you get your work done

5/5/2011 12:19:53 PM

Quote :

"Joie makes a valid point. It really isn't fun if you let it get to you."

I know, I am actually pretty psyched about it...

Quote :

"But, if you have a good support system you can make it through!"

Well, that kinda what I am worried about. I know I can do it, but my parents are pretty clueless and helpless. They were really like that when I worked on my Masters.

I am also kinda hoping to get blessing from my SO's mom, whom is very close to me, but she hasn't been reacting very supportive since I started doing the research to find a suitable program.
I probably value her support more than my own parents because she has been otherwise supportive of everything else I have done/accomplished. It really makes me uneasy, but I think I just need to not think about it like that and try to surround myself with the people who are more supportive.

5/5/2011 1:13:07 PM

Quote :

"I am in my late 20s. I know people now who are in their late 30s, working on a PhD. Are there any other late-bloomin' graduate students out there? Are you married? Do you have a family? How have you managed things? Do you have any advice for the quarter-life crisisee? If you're married, how supportive is/was your spouse?"

Im 26 and have a year and a half left for my chemistry Ph.D. I will be getting married this summer, no babies yet.

I would think that it all depends on the P.I. that you chose. My advice would be not to trust what the PI is telling you, because they can stretch the truth or flat out lie to your face to get you to work for them. Ask around, and ask their former students.


Another thing to keep in mind is that academics can be very different for the female versus male.
It can be very hard, no doubt, if it is just the two of you on your own without parental support because grad students in general have shit for income.

[Edited on May 5, 2011 at 1:33 PM. Reason : gf]

5/5/2011 1:30:27 PM

I met with the PI I am interested in working with. Not only is her work interesting, and I would be moving into a different side of my field, but we get along really well, and my gut feeling tells me that if I get a PhD, I need to do it with her.

I think you are right about asking her students what they think. I just don't want her to feel offended. I don't think she would, because any PI would probably want a student with the right mindset and confidence with every aspect of the program.

I am hoping that she gets the funding Go Dr. Future Adviser; I am cheering for you You can do it!

5/5/2011 3:25:01 PM

I work for a biology dept., and I have seen grad students pull off marriage/family no problem. There are a lot of couples where both are grad students as well (the lifestyle plays a huge part in who you end up meeting). I will say with kids, that it seems most of the women hold off until their last year of school when they are writing their dissertation to get pregnant, and pop them out right after their defense. A lot of postdocs also are pregnant.

In my nursing program, a lot of women are planning their families around summer deliveries..so a lot are going to try to get pregnant this coming fall. It is a BSN program, but many people seem to manage that with families and other jobs.

5/5/2011 3:46:10 PM

Quote :

"I met with the PI I am interested in working with. Not only is her work interesting, and I would be moving into a different side of my field, but we get along really well, and my gut feeling tells me that if I get a PhD, I need to do it with her. I don't think she would, because any PI would probably want a student with the right mindset and confidence with every aspect of the program. "

Don't you dare fall for this trick, don't you dare. Especially after you have been warned by someone with experience.

5/5/2011 4:19:14 PM

Quote :

"Don't you dare fall for this trick, don't you dare. Especially after you have been warned by someone with experience."

Oh believe me, I learned from my Masters. And not to say that my adviser was not good; I just think my adviser had a lot going on, and I think our personalities didn't clash, but it was awkward. But I was also warned and I didn't listen.

This PI and I share a lot of common interests and before I sign on the dotted line, I am hoping to sit with her and chat some more and possibly talk about her stuff. I honestly want this to be a really positive experience.

Quote :

"I will say with kids, that it seems most of the women hold off until their last year of school when they are writing their dissertation to get pregnant, and pop them out right after their defense. A lot of postdocs also are pregnant. "

If I am married by then, I am planning on doing this. And take some time for family for a few months, and look for jobs in between baby mess

[Edited on May 5, 2011 at 4:43 PM. Reason : add]

5/5/2011 4:42:15 PM

So I have decided to take the GRE since my old scores wont work. Has anyone taken the test lately? Has any one taken this new revised GRE? Has anyone taken both? What do you think about them? I have been out of testing practice for a long time, so how much time before taking the exam would you recommend before taking the exam to study? I am a horrible horrible standardized test taker. I blow any sort of essay question out of the water. YOur advice would be quite helpful :-) k thanks

5/27/2011 12:54:43 PM

took 6 years on and off start to finish my masters. Married the whole time, have a 2 yr old and a baby due in sept. Wife has been working on her phd the whole time. Both of us working full time except for a semester I took off work and just did class. I would highly recommend that anyone considering grad school do it concurrently with undergrad or take a year in between. Grad school and family life does not mix well. A good portion of it is out of your control. As an institution grad school is set up for full time students with access to on campus resources and the ability to work 2 days straight. Meeting with professors outside of work hours is about impossible. Working with other students (likely full time) is about impossible as well due to schedule differences. It is also very hard to stay motivated taking 1 semester at a time, and online classes are conducive to internet surfing or work at the same time.

5/27/2011 1:02:55 PM

With all that going on, its amazing you found time to bang 500 guys.

5/27/2011 1:38:11 PM

I know I'm a little late to this thread, but I went back for my Ph.D. in Chemical Engineering when I was 27. I'm not married and don't have kids that I know of, but several people in my department are in that boat, and it seems to work.

I would look into family housing - I'm at CU-Boulder, and in this area housing is terribly expensive compared to NC. Family housing is only available for peeps like you, and it would save a ton of money each month. I think if your spouse can work, you'll be fine.

One other piece of advice - I wish I had saved up a lot more back when I was working for a pharma company in Lincolnton, NC, and driving a BMW. I went back to school on something of a lark, and didn't put enough cash in the bank before I headed west.

GRE comments - in to what program are you applying? I've been somewhat involved with our graduate application program here in Chemical Eng, and the GRE isn't really a dealbreaker. Your undergrad GPA and research experience is much more important.

good luck with your decision. i've found it very rewarding.

[Edited on May 27, 2011 at 2:44 PM. Reason : gre]

5/27/2011 2:42:47 PM

Hey thanks for the post... So the program I want to get into is in Biological Sciences with a concentration in reproductive toxicology. I think the minimum for most programs is like 1000. If I went through the Tox program I would have to score an 1100. When I first took it, I only remember studying like the weekend before, but I wanted to take more time to study for it this time. I didn't score as well as I would have liked.

The more I think about getting a PhD, the more confident I am that this would be a good decision.

5/27/2011 3:28:07 PM