Don’t let Red Rage get you down
By Nate Harrison | The Daily Tar Heel

http://www.dailytarheel.com/index.php/article/2011/07/dont_let_red_rage_get_you_down/?cp=2#comments

With the summer heat in full swing and the sound of fireworks still burned in our brains, it makes sense to shed light on an important topic of relevance to the UNC-N.C. State rivalry… or lack thereof.

Over the past few decades, a chronic affliction has developed within the confines of Raleigh’s Beltline that causes excruciating pain among tens of thousands of North Carolinians. I am talking, of course, about Red Rage.

I know that many of you are blissfully unaware of what Red Rage is, being completely free of its pernicious symptoms. Count yourself fortunate; you’ve been unintentionally conditioned to ignore this phenomenon due to an abundance of winning.

Red Rage is a psychological disorder commonly found among N.C. State fans. It has been slowly and indelibly forged as a result of abiding feelings of inadequacy relating to the futility of N.C. State athletics, particularly over the last quarter century.

The Wolfpack faithful are suffering from deep-seated insecurities about their lack of athletic or academic accomplishments, especially relative to the much older and more venerated state flagship institution in Chapel Hill. This insecurity leads them to detest anything and everything Carolina blue.

State fans are angry, but they shouldn’t be. There’s nothing to get upset about. After all, every superstar needs a hapless foil to allow their brilliance to shine. Would the Roadrunner be nearly as hilarious without Wile E. Coyote to abuse? Who can’t appreciate that the Washington Generals have made the Harlem Globetrotters look that much better all these years? Where would Michael Jordan be without Craig Ehlo to eternally posterize?

N.C. State is UNC’s Craig Ehlo.

During the summer, very little is as important to me as the proper functioning of my air conditioner. And thanks to a team of dedicated N.C. State engineers trained in the art of climate control, my apartment stays at a pleasantly frigid 65 degrees at all times.

So next time your high school buddy who went to NC State references “UNC-CHeat,” don’t respond in kind. It may not be a secret that Charles Shackleford, the famously “amphibious” State basketball player, took over $60,000 in impermissible benefits during his time in Raleigh (more than the combined value of impermissible benefits for all of the players implicated in UNC’s investigation). And it’s a matter of public record that State has had five cases of major NCAA infractions, placing them on the same level as Miami and Alabama in the NCAA’s cheating hall of fame. But don’t bring any of that up. The best way to fight Red Rage is to focus on the positive.

Instead, take a moment to appreciate the impressive animal husbandry techniques that put that delicious, grass-fed, 12-ounce sirloin on your grill for the Fourth of July. Our country cousins from Raleigh should understand that they are appreciated for their invaluable contributions to our way of life.

Go Heels. Go America.

[Edited on July 11, 2011 at 5:55 PM. Reason : .]

7/11/2011 5:54:17 PM

thought this was about something like cars with NCSU stickers cutting off cars with UNC stickers

7/11/2011 5:57:58 PM

deflect and deny

7/11/2011 5:58:18 PM

Lack of winning? That's a fair argument in basketball...but we've got more right to talk when it comes to football than they do. And when the NCAA is finished with UNC, they'll be pretty high up on that list of the "cheating hall of fame".

7/11/2011 6:02:04 PM

message_topic.aspx?topic=598655&page=164#14856198

7/11/2011 6:02:25 PM

Lol look at these queers with their misplaced superiority complex

[Edited on July 11, 2011 at 6:03 PM. Reason : It's quite funny. Reminds me a bit of the French]

7/11/2011 6:02:49 PM

This was posted in the other thread, but it deserves repeating.

Quote :

" He is a junior peace, war and defense major from Durham."

7/11/2011 6:04:21 PM

Quote :

"Nate Harrison is an editorial board member for The Daily Tar Heel. He is a junior peace, war and defense major from Durham. "

you left out the best part of the article HA



[Edited on July 11, 2011 at 6:08 PM. Reason : just to reiterate the above post doh]

7/11/2011 6:07:42 PM

ATTN USERS WITH <1000 POSTS

7/11/2011 6:11:41 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY_0QReTPkc

7/11/2011 6:19:44 PM

Quote :

"THIS HELPS NOTHING"

7/11/2011 6:20:02 PM

Quote :

"From : Daropack To : Talage Received : Monday July 11, 2011 at 6:42 PM Subject : users with less than 1k posts you have something to say? "

Is that ATTN USERS thread still in the system? I can't find it.

Edit: Oh wait, this guys account has been around forever. Fucking alias.

[Edited on July 11, 2011 at 6:51 PM. Reason : .]

7/11/2011 6:50:01 PM

Don’t let Carolina Blue Balls get you down
By Some Guy | The Wolf Web

http://www.fakearticle.com/index.php/article/2011/07/dont_let_blue_balls_get_you_down/?cp=2#comments

With the summer heat in full swing and the sound of fireworks still burned in our brains, it makes sense to shed light on an important topic of relevance to the UNC-N.C. State rivalry… or the one that Carolina fans insist doesn't actually exist yet write articles about, or it exists when they win, or when it is basketball season, unless we win, but during football season we aren't their rival, unless they win..then we are......

Over the past few decades, a chronic affliction has developed within the area that surrounds that one road I know in Chapel Hill, that causes excruciating pain among tens of thousands of North Carolinians. I am talking, of course, about Carolina Blue Balls.

I know that many of you are blissfully unaware of what Carolina Blue Balls is, being completely free of its pernicious symptoms. Count yourself fortunate; you’ve been unintentionally conditioned to ignore this phenomenon due to an abundance of getting tail.

Carolina Blue Balls is a physical disorder commonly found among UNC fans. It has been slowly and indelibly forged as a result of being huge douche bags, that are slowly realizing "The Carolina Way" is in fact the same way everyone else does it, just with much less coed relations and a few more forfeited college football season.

The Tar Heel faithful are suffering from deep-seated insecurities about the fact they didn't actually go to school at UNC. They jumped on the bandwagon in the 90's when they found out that is where Michael Jordan went to school, and have been buying those shirts from the discount rack at Wal-Mart ever since.

UNC fans are angry, but they shouldn’t be. There’s nothing to get upset about. After all, every peace, war, and defense major needs a hapless tissue to allow their brilliance to "unload" on. Would the Roadrunner be nearly as hilarious? Probably. Who can't appreciate some lube and a dirty sock. Where would Jason Biggs have been without a warm apple pie with a hole carved in it.

UNC is NC State's Apple Pie.

During the winter, very little is as important to me as the proper functioning of my local baristas. And thanks to a team of dedicated UNC Romance Language and Literature Majors trained in the art of water temperature control, my coffee stays at a pleasantly warm 92 degrees upon purchasing.

So next time your high school buddy who went to UNC references "Rawlee" don’t respond in kind. It may no longer be a secret anymore due to PackPride that the paper in the McAdoo lawsuit shows obvious signs of plagiarism(UNC's legal council claimed it really was his work, when 20 seconds using google would easily prove otherwise). And it’s a matter of public record that UNC has had 9 major infractions directed toward them by the NCAA, that will eventually place them on the same level as Miami and Alabama in the NCAA’s cheating hall of fame. But don’t bring any of that up. The best way to fight Carolina Blue Balls is to focus on the positive.

Instead, take a moment to appreciate the impressive.........well I couldn't think of anything UNC has done that would have helped contribute to an enjoyable Fourth of July. In fact, most of their fans didn't even graduate from there, or at all...The steak was delicious though. Our Wal-Mart shopping, wannabee college graduates from Chapel Hill should understand that they have offered nothing to our way of life.

Go State. Go America.

7/11/2011 7:26:44 PM

Doesn't our baseball team have a winning record against UNC in the years since he's enrolled there too?

7/11/2011 9:14:24 PM

Quote :

"UNC fans are angry, but they shouldn’t be. There’s nothing to get upset about. After all, every peace, war, and defense major needs a hapless tissue to allow their brilliance to "unload" on. Would the Roadrunner be nearly as hilarious? Probably. Who can't appreciate some lube and a dirty sock. Where would Jason Biggs have been without a warm apple pie with a hole carved in it. UNC is NC State's Apple Pie. During the winter, very little is as important to me as the proper functioning of my local baristas. And thanks to a team of dedicated UNC Romance Language and Literature Majors trained in the art of water temperature control, my coffee stays at a pleasantly warm 92 degrees upon purchasing."

Zing!

7/11/2011 9:14:38 PM

^^^noice

7/11/2011 9:27:51 PM

Quite happy with my work. It should have been the OP.

7/11/2011 10:02:38 PM

Hilarious

7/11/2011 10:13:05 PM

92 degrees is a terrible coffee temperature.

7/11/2011 10:13:39 PM

gg

7/11/2011 10:25:42 PM

someone go post that in the comment section haha

7/11/2011 11:09:15 PM

Im an engineer in the hvac industry...doubt he can even spell "psychometrics"...

Ps: that's not related to tyler hansblow

7/11/2011 11:15:38 PM

Neither can you, apparently, assuming you meant "psychrometrics."

7/12/2011 2:08:05 AM

Fml. Fail. Like I said....engineer.

7/12/2011 7:24:04 AM

y'all commenting on a troll column

7/12/2011 9:32:34 AM

Quote :

"pleasantly frigid 65 degrees at all times"

I thought UNC was supposed to care about the environment

7/12/2011 11:04:06 AM

I, too, feel an inadequate amount of futility...

PLZ to share your Futility with me

[Edited on July 12, 2011 at 11:27 AM. Reason : .]

7/12/2011 11:26:38 AM

I emailed the guy who wrote that article to tell him I thought it was really funny. He was actually pretty nice - said he had a bunch of friends who went to state and new it was a good school. Whole article is supposed to be a joke. The HVAC and animal husbandry comments weren't digs (according to him) - just pointing out what we are known for.

7/12/2011 12:46:14 PM

Quote :

"I emailed the guy who wrote that article to tell him I thought it was really funny. He was actually pretty nice - said he had a bunch of friends who went to state and new it was a good school. Whole article is supposed to be a joke. The HVAC and animal husbandry comments weren't digs (according to him) - just pointing out what we are known for."

Hopefully you proofread whatever you sent him so you didn't look like a stereotypical (to UNC'ers) NCSU student.

7/12/2011 12:57:34 PM

^awesome.... I told him I was getting my Ph.D. in chemical engineering and I was one of those kids that could have gone to UNC but didn't since they don't have engineering.

And yeah, there weren't any misspelled words in my email.

7/12/2011 1:48:46 PM

you could've just sent him this message, and watched his head spontaneously combust

01000111011011110010000001110100011011110010000001101000011001010110110001101100001000000100001101100001011100100110111101101100011010010110111001100001

7/12/2011 3:40:56 PM

^ so that's who was on the grassy knoll? really? would've never guessed it

7/12/2011 5:11:20 PM

Where is the Shackleford 60k reference from?

[Edited on July 12, 2011 at 6:56 PM. Reason : nvm, found it]

7/12/2011 6:52:07 PM

that's funny because it was too long ago to claim the '84 championship as relevant, but a player's violations from the 80's are fair game? i call selective enforcement of rivalry trash-talking rules!

7/12/2011 7:28:05 PM

Why would fans from either school care about a championship that Georgetown won?

7/12/2011 7:53:03 PM

Quote :

"y'all commenting on a troll column"

I thought it was funny, gotta keep feeding the flames

7/13/2011 11:21:25 AM

Quote :

"that's funny because it was too long ago to claim the '84 championship as relevant, but a player's violations from the 80's are fair game? i call selective enforcement of rivalry trash-talking rules! "

I think you mean our NCAA championship in '83 was not relevant. Please do not get the '83 and '84 championship confused.

7/13/2011 11:32:00 AM

^oh shit...i don't know how i fucked that one up

7/13/2011 11:43:03 AM

^obvious dumbass

7/13/2011 6:41:20 PM

you can suck my dick, it was a brain fart

7/13/2011 8:09:05 PM

Quote :

"that's funny because it was too long ago to claim the '84 championship as relevant, but a player's violations from the 80's are fair game? i call selective enforcement of rivalry trash-talking rules!"

Seriously, how can any NC State fan fuck this up?

7/13/2011 10:30:37 PM

with the 3 next to the 4, and not caring about editing...

7/14/2011 3:09:58 AM

^lol @ you claiming this was a typo

7/23/2011 2:18:24 PM

sweet, we won a championship in 84 too?!

7/23/2011 3:46:56 PM

and you people question MY Wolvespack fandom

7/23/2011 4:18:31 PM