5000 replies

9/11/2012 1:11:15 PM

^^ I agree that $650 for photography is pretty friggin cheap...but I think flowers/decor is normally much higher than the photographer. I know ours is budgeted to be slightly higher and we're not trying to do a lot with flowers and stuff, but our planner said she just had a wedding go over $30k with flowers!!! She budgeted like $15k...but the girl kept picking the most expensive shit and wouldn't say NO when the wedding planner told her to.

I think our photographer is in the $4 to $5k range.

[Edited on September 11, 2012 at 1:58 PM. Reason : Yeah...just checked and she's $4,800.]

9/11/2012 1:30:19 PM

Quote :

"Congrats if you found an amazing deal, or have a super skilled friend willing to do it for dirt cheap ($650 is dirt cheap for GOOD wedding photography)."

This is what we did. Have an aunt photographer who charged us basically cost for the photography. Didn't charge anything for her time. We had to *make* her take $500. But, she normally costs ~$5k for her work. I would not have skimped on the photography area.

I had a friend who chose the "package" photographer, and thought it wouldn't matter. He took only a handful of the important pictures. Didn't get pictures of the family coming into the wedding (mothers, grandmothers, etc), sat down and ate during dinner (no pictures of dinner), and left before dancing/cake cutting, etc.

9/11/2012 1:40:49 PM

Quote :

"I had a friend who chose the "package" photographer, and thought it wouldn't matter. He took only a handful of the important pictures. Didn't get pictures of the family coming into the wedding (mothers, grandmothers, etc), sat down and ate during dinner (no pictures of dinner), and left before dancing/cake cutting, etc."

Man that would really piss me off. I'm glad we paid for professional photographers. The photography actually ended up being the most expensive item in our budget but that's because we had a friend do the catering.

9/11/2012 2:06:09 PM

It's a friend of ours. That's why it was so cheap.

9/11/2012 2:27:53 PM

This is what my ceremony package included in Las Vegas:

Quote :

"Marry Me Amenities include: •Bride’s hand tied bouquet of 16 fresh roses in your choice of color. •Groom’s boutonniere. •7 rose bouquet for Maid of Honor and boutonniere for Best Man. •Classic wedding music. •DVD video of the ceremony •Professional photography session will include: – Candid shots taken during the ceremony – Photo session in the chapel following the ceremony to include bride and groom and bridal party – Outdoor photo session with the bride and groom in our exclusive outdoor setting. •A minimum of 50 photos will be taken. You will receive all of your candid ceremony photos on a photo cd with copyright release. •Custom designed certificate holder •Complimentary limo service for up to 6 adults –major hotels on “The Strip” only Does not include $100 Minister fee. Photography is permitted by friends and family during the ceremony from their seats."

Was $800 w/o the minister fee back in 2008. Now its like $975.00 w/o the minister fee. We also added on extra flowers for my bridesmaids and groomsmen. The photographer was all "Ok, you and you pose like this. You over there pose like this. SNAP SNAP SNAP...Ok all done...Go over to the office and get your CD of pictures made".

And LOL at the "Exclusive outdoor setting"...If you looked right or left, you'd see other bridal parties lining up for their wedding. One wedding every 15 minutes. Ceremony only took 5 minutes but the minister needs time in between the ceremonies to memorize the names

Now our reception in Las Vegas was ~$9k. But it was seriously one of the best meals I've ever had. We had it at an off-strip restaurant called Rosemary's. Its since closed down

[Edited on September 11, 2012 at 3:05 PM. Reason : f]

9/11/2012 3:03:52 PM

Has anyone done barbecue for a wedding reception? How did it go over? Who did you use as a caterer?

We are kicking around the idea of having the pit cater our reception.

9/11/2012 9:36:48 PM

We are doing whole hog barbecue and barbecue chicken, both grilled on-site. Catering by Design is the company doing our catering. As wedding favors, we are doing personalized bibs and wet-naps to go with the barbecue theme. I don't see any issues with The Pit. They do great with catering events.

9/12/2012 8:06:22 AM

^^ I'm sure the Pit would be awesome.

I went to a wedding a couple years ago that did barbecue. It would have been great but the barbecue was dry and had no flavor. And they didn't provide any extra sauce to dress it for some reason. It was done by one of the caterers at Duke Gardens.

^ We had some of their barbecue at our wedding for people to make barbecue nachos for the cocktail hour and it was awesome. People gobbled it up

9/12/2012 8:35:48 AM

We got in our first big "wedding fight" last night.

So about a month or so ago she asked me to ask my mom to make a list of people she wanted to invite and divide the list into categories of "must invites" and "would like to invite." My mom's list came back in the high 60s (I think 67 or 68) and I was like, "holy fuck...that's a lot of people." And that was all "must invites." So the second category is already been asked.

Then her mom made a list that was somewhere around 80 (same thing with first category). My fiance mentioned that hers was around 30. Knowing that we were shooting for a wedding of around 150, I did the quick math and made the comment, "fuck it, I guess it'll just be my groomsmen and that's it. I guess I only have room for like 10 people."

Before that time she had asked me to make a list, but only once or twice...while she hounded me about getting my mom's list. Our fault for not discussing it, but I was under the impression that both of our parents would have to trim their lists a little.

I was wrong....

While we're making dinner last night she mentions that her parents are fighting over her dad wanting to invite this random couple and I brought up the fact that I haven't even made my list yet....which leads to "the look." A mix of , , and ....with a lot of emphasis on the .

Apparently my comment of, "Looks like I'll have room for about 10 invites" was taken as set in stone. I realized my fuck-up, but at the same time I was a little peeved that she actually thought I would only invite 10 people. She knows that I have a ton of friends, but also a few really really close ones. But there are still some people that I would like to invite....and it's definitely over 10. And I was like, "you hounded my mom for a list, but I never provided one and you asked me like twice." To which she responded with a, "I didn't want to be one of those nagging brides."

I talked with my mom about it and she's all about trimming her list so I can make room for my friends but my fiance is just like, "Don't let your mom trim her list...just make yours and we'll figure it out." Should be interesting. I'm almost scared to make my list.



[Edited on September 12, 2012 at 9:04 AM. Reason : .]

9/12/2012 9:04:05 AM

why don't you allow a 70/30 compromise for your side vs. hers? that would be 105 for her and 45 for you with 150 people. you also want to invite more people than you want as some people won't show. we invited 175 with the hopes of being at 130 and ended up with 118 as the final committed count.

you're not going to please everybody, so just prepare for disappointment. just understand that ultimately, it's your day, not your parents and the goal is to have fun. Good luck!

9/12/2012 9:16:09 AM

Quote :

" we invited 175 with the hopes of being at 130 and ended up with 118 as the final committed count. "

We're sitting at 180 without my numbers and are trying to get to 150. The problem is, they invited 180 for her sisters, and 161 showed up and they were really surprised. And all her family is from the NE (she's from Connecticut)...so it was a shock that everyone made it down to Charleston for the wedding (which is where ours will be as well).

So they're extremely cautious with the numbers this time. The groom at her sister's wedding was from Charleston, so they weren't surprised with most of them showing up...but it will be interesting to see if my poor ass family from SE North Carolina will show.

We're not going to be able to get her mom to come down. Both her and my mom are social butterflies and really big in their communities and have tons of close friends. And as much as it is "our day"....I'm not the biggest wedding person and I'm not dropping the $65k to pay for it. With footing that kind of bill, she can invite whoever the fuck she wants, IMO. I'll just see who I can squeeze in on my side.

9/12/2012 9:23:30 AM

Jesus I'm glad my parents are introverts. Other than family they didn't give a damn. His mom wanted to invite a few random people but the wedding being out of town took care of that.

9/12/2012 9:28:17 AM

We had the rehearsal dinner at The Pit for the wedding I was in last weekend. Everyone loved it.

[Edited on September 12, 2012 at 9:29 AM. Reason : ^ Ditto. ]

9/12/2012 9:28:50 AM

well, with them paying that much, sure....let them bring whoever they want. it's their wedding then. just focus on the marriage. lots of couples forget to do that.

most of our guests are out-of-towners since she's from Maryland and neither of us have family in NC.

[Edited on September 12, 2012 at 9:48 AM. Reason : ]

9/12/2012 9:47:01 AM

We invited 191 people (I didn't realize it was that high - I think it creeped up there).

108 said they were coming.

100 actually showed up.

Woo out of town family.

9/12/2012 10:43:25 AM

Quote :

"Has anyone done barbecue for a wedding reception? How did it go over? Who did you use as a caterer? We are kicking around the idea of having the pit cater our reception."

We are having a pig too! With brisket and turkey breasts with all the fixin's . Bib's from downtown Winston will be catering. We tried it a few months ago and it was amazing: the smoke it the night before then grill it! We are having a bride's cake and grooms cake. We decided on a groom's cake because when we went to meet with ole Manfred (Manfred's Cakes in Winston Salem) we saw the groom's cake with a massive NC State sign on it!

9/12/2012 1:32:02 PM

Quote :

"Has anyone done barbecue for a wedding reception? How did it go over? Who did you use as a caterer? "

My best friend had Sticky Fingers BBQ for her wedding. The BBQ, chicken, and ribs were delicious as well as the sides of mac & cheese, potato salad, etc.


jbrick83 - Is her family paying for the wedding? If so and they're willing to pay for that many people, so be it. If you're paying for the wedding, you may want to stand your ground with your 150 maximum.
We paid for our wedding and looking back, I wish I would have cut out the people we had never met but were on his parent's list. That's the only day my hubs and I have ever seen them.
Of course now, I wish I would have had just had close friends and close family... not crazy extended families.

9/12/2012 1:39:25 PM

Yeah...her family is paying for the whole thing. I guess I wasn't clear enough on that earlier. I've got the rehearsal dinner, but that's it.

And I've got no problem with their number of guests/invites/whatever. I just want to make sure I get a decent amount of my friends there.

9/12/2012 1:53:03 PM

That's one thing that your and your fiancee have to remember... it is YOUR wedding and everyone that you want there should be invited, even if that means cutting out parental friends.

9/12/2012 2:36:20 PM

what is a standard attendance percentage?

we want the wedding to be around 120 and currently have 150 invited. is there a guideline for this?

9/12/2012 2:57:51 PM

If you really want to make sure a decent amount of your friends get to come, then make your list. Stop delaying, and get it done - or else this will continue to be a problem.

If, after all lists of potential guests are gathered, y'all are still worried about the headcount, then pare down by choosing to remove the people you and your fiance think don't need to be present.

And if you're very concerned about her parents being miffed over some of their friends not getting invited, tell them you would be willing to invite more people if it turns out enough from your initial list cannot attend. Or just tell them you don't want over 150 people, and your best friends get priority over people you've never met.

9/12/2012 3:01:39 PM

I've heard of using an "A" list and a "B" list. The A list is the must invites, unsorted. The B list is the "would like to invites" sorted by priority. Send out the A invites first, on the early side, maybe 2.5 months ahead. Every time you get a "not coming" response from an A-lister, send out an invitaition to the highest ranked person on your B list. Repeat until you have a yes or no from everyone on your A list. Then you run the numbers to see if any other B-listers make the cut.

Quote :

"We paid for our wedding and looking back, I wish I would have cut out the people we had never met but were on his parent's list. That's the only day my hubs and I have ever seen them. Of course now, I wish I would have had just had close friends and close family... not crazy extended families."

We're paying for the majority of ours, with my parents helping out (hers want to contribute too but we know they can't afford much) so I've had the ability to be relatively firm about things like that. We're just doing family and close friends; there is only one couple even getting invited that are friends of my parents, and Dawn has met them and we've stayed at their home. The only people on my side she hasn't met will be aunt/uncle/cousins from Jersey, and on her side I've never met will be an aunt and uncle from Georgia. It's nice knowing that we're not paying to include anyone that neither of us have met.

9/12/2012 4:07:42 PM

Quote :

"I've heard of using an "A" list and a "B" list. The A list is the must invites, unsorted. The B list is the "would like to invites" sorted by priority. Send out the A invites first, on the early side, maybe 2.5 months ahead. Every time you get a "not coming" response from an A-lister, send out an invitaition to the highest ranked person on your B list. Repeat until you have a yes or no from everyone on your A list. Then you run the numbers to see if any other B-listers make the cut."

That's a good idea. We're still 13 months away from the wedding so I think we can even do this much further in advance. Thanks.

9/12/2012 6:09:06 PM

Quote :

"I've heard of using an "A" list and a "B" list. The A list is the must invites, unsorted. The B list is the "would like to invites" sorted by priority. Send out the A invites first, on the early side, maybe 2.5 months ahead. Every time you get a "not coming" response from an A-lister, send out an invitaition to the highest ranked person on your B list. Repeat until you have a yes or no from everyone on your A list. Then you run the numbers to see if any other B-listers make the cut. "

Be careful if you're on facebook. You'll most likely get at least one "Received your wedding invitation...so excited!" comment so anyone on your B list who is also your friend on facebook will know they're on the B list. I didn't have a B list, but I could see this being awkward for anyone who does.

[Edited on September 14, 2012 at 3:21 PM. Reason : .]

9/14/2012 3:20:55 PM

^This can be explained away if you lead people to believe the invites aren't being sent out in one large batch. Regardless, it is something to think about.

9/14/2012 3:26:14 PM

Quote :

"what is a standard attendance percentage?"

I've heard typically around 70% RSVP "yes". That's where our list currently is although we've only heard back from around 1/3 of the total list. It also depends on how far people have to travel. If you have lots of out-of-town guests the percentage may be lower.

9/14/2012 3:42:10 PM

Yeah for destination weddings you can count on a RSVP rate of about 50%. We were somewhere around 60% and only two of the guests were local to the wedding location, everyone else was driving or flying down to the beach.

9/14/2012 3:51:07 PM

Good thoughts to egyeyes today!

9/16/2012 12:40:53 PM

Thanks. The more I think about it the more I want to invite less people.

I am worried about the place being empty but if it is just good friends and family, who gives a shit.

9/16/2012 8:32:50 PM

My big day is Saturday!!!!! Still hard to believe it. Thanks for all the input TWW!

9/16/2012 10:43:04 PM

We had BBQ from SpiceCubed, aka fckwad's hubby

Was amazing

9/16/2012 11:32:46 PM

Spoke with the pit: 2 entrees, 3 sides, alcohol + lenins are $27 per plate. Includes service before, during and after the meal.

9/17/2012 9:20:04 PM

Never mind. I'm dumb.

[Edited on September 17, 2012 at 9:32 PM. Reason : N]

9/17/2012 9:31:42 PM

Lenins?

I do hope you mean linens, else you might be confused as to why there are Bolsheviks at your wedding

9/18/2012 8:32:44 AM

hahaha

9/18/2012 8:38:14 AM

$27 per person *including* alcohol and service? Damn, catering around here is reasonable.

Finally have a caterer and a baker lined up for ours after visiting around 2 weekends ago. (In case anyone is thinking of the OBX area, we're going with Enchanted Cuisine for the catering and Carolina Cupcakery for the baked goods). Our catering looks like it's going to run $40-$45 per person, not counting alcohol, service, or tax/grat, and we could have easily spent $20 more than that had we the means and the inclination. (And the menu isn't finalized yet...)

We had been at an impasse regarding the cake--I was more of a "traditional cake" kind of person, and she wanted to do cupcakes or a dessert bar. So we visited one shop that did cakes, and one that did cupcakes, and the cupcakes were absolutely fantastic. Blew the cake away taste-wise. And they will do the top tier of the display as a small cake so we still have something to ceremonially cut. Sold.

9/18/2012 11:49:24 AM

Yeah $27 seems really reasonable. I'm guessing that's for beer and wine, no hard liquor?

9/18/2012 11:53:49 AM

We're apparently having a Bananas Foster station as part of our desert area...sounds like it could be dangerous.

I think we're getting close to $100 a head for food and drink.

9/18/2012 11:54:15 AM

^^beer and wine only

[Edited on September 18, 2012 at 5:48 PM. Reason : ^]

9/18/2012 5:48:39 PM

3 days! almost there....

9/19/2012 11:45:16 AM

Congrats to all you married folk!

9/23/2012 10:16:37 AM

13 days

9/23/2012 8:57:55 PM

Booyah!!!!!!! It happened!!!!!!!

Best.

Day.

Ever.

I'll follow up with more detail and pics, but the weather was PERFECT and everything (minus very minor details) went exactly as planned. Thanks for all of the advice / input fellow T-Dubbers taking the plunge and good luck to all of you doing it in the future! It's totally worth all of the headaches and frustration.

[Edited on September 23, 2012 at 11:42 PM. Reason : ]

9/23/2012 11:42:29 PM

Congrats! And you'll totally forget about the minor details I know we had a few things that didn't go as planned but I couldn't even tell you what they were anymore.

9/24/2012 8:43:20 AM

We meet with the florist saturday, and mom is meeting with the cake people sometime this week, or with me on saturday and then the big details are done. Ive let my mom do a lot of the ground work because she lives in the town where we are getting married, lots of people owe her favors, and she enjoys it. I hope I'll be pleasantly surprised!

9/24/2012 8:49:38 AM

Back from the honeymoon. YAY WEDDING PLANNING IS OVER!

Thank you guys for all of the support/suggestions/advice and well wishes you've given me over the ~2 months total I spent planning.

Snewf and JBaz were our videographers (and they went all the way to NY for us.. love you guys). They were absolutely incredible and I can't wait to see our video when it's finished. If you don't have a videographer, or if you're debating even having one at all, you really should take the plunge and hire them. You will not be disappointed.

9/24/2012 12:55:39 PM

Yo, Snewf and JBaz...you mind sending me some examples of your videography skillz??

My fiance is all about having a videographer and we've run into some pricey ones down here in Charleston.

9/24/2012 1:10:09 PM

here's a highlight reel that Snewf posted a couple pages ago:



as a result of this video we are considering this venue for our reception (The Sutherland in Wake Forest), so thanks guys! I might be getting up with one/both of you about doing our wedding

[Edited on September 24, 2012 at 1:29 PM. Reason : congrats egyeyes!!!]

9/24/2012 1:22:04 PM

I have seen major ranges in terms of prices for photography: $900 -$5000. I want quality photos but I don't want to pay $5000.

Currently, my photographer wants 1800.00 for engagement and wedding and +500.00 for bridal if I decide to go that route. This is suppose to cover a CD and some photo book. But I was thinking it should also cover prints if I wanted them.

I don't know; maybe some of your photography people can explain how mashin' a shutter and contributing time at about $400/hr is reasonable. I just want to understand why it would be so much for a CD full of pictures with out prints. Your thoughts are very much welcome :-) Thanks

9/24/2012 5:28:44 PM