haha, even some of the smartest people i know have their moments:

coworker: hey can you look at this? last time i had this problem i ended up reformatting because i couldn't get it work.

look at system and see that as he tries to move the text cursor around the body of an email the body is scrolling around rather than the cursor moving.

me: you reformatted your workstation the last time this happened because you couldn't fix it?

coworker: yes

press the "scroll lock" key

me: there you go

coworker: FUCK

2/27/2008 4:46:00 PM

bumping up for more funny

3/22/2008 9:05:22 PM

I've had a few calls lately from some clients who got confused with MB and MP. I emailed them the high res jpeg images that are between 1-3MB and around 6-8MP each. They email me back saying "we require the high res jpeg images, theses only turn out to be 1-3MP each." I respond with "... they are high res images..."

3/23/2008 3:09:14 AM

http://englishrussia.com/?p=1836



wow.

3/31/2008 2:29:49 PM

"so, if I link to other people, then it's like a connection right?"

"yeah, you can jump from your page to their page without clicking on a search like google"

"and if they link back then it's like a a web... like a spider web! MAYBE THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE WORLD WIDE WEB!"

3/31/2008 3:02:06 PM

Quote :

""If your code needs documentation then you didn't write it well. There's no reason someone should document any code, reverse engineering well-written code is a breeze.""

3/31/2008 8:33:00 PM

Quote :

"I've had a few calls lately from some clients who got confused with MB and MP. I emailed them the high res jpeg images that are between 1-3MB and around 6-8MP each. They email me back saying "we require the high res jpeg images, theses only turn out to be 1-3MP each." I respond with "... they are high res images...""

Maybe they're so used to dealing with uncompressed image formats they just expect MB and MP to be about the same value? Got to love ignorance combining with mistrust to form them assuming you fucked up.

3/31/2008 8:38:41 PM

Quote :

"We know about the time issue. It was caused by the new operating system that we are running. We should have it fixed this weekend."

4/5/2008 8:00:50 AM

lol

4/5/2008 11:31:52 AM

from some random forum:

Quote :

"What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?"

Quote :

"Google is written in Asynchronous Java-Script and XML, also known popularly as AJAX."

4/8/2008 3:00:55 PM

oh yeah, so our biggest client is real estate company with about 500 agents. i get emails ALL the time from angry realtors wanting to know why their listing isn't showing up on the website. sometimes it's my fault, but most of the time they have checked the box beside WITHHOLD FROM INTERNET when submitting their listing to the mls.

4/8/2008 3:42:38 PM

our server (that contains our project files) is down...

"can i send blahblah file to soandso in an email?"
is the file on the server?
"yes"
no, no you cannot

"hey can i open this file and work on it? it's on my desktop"
yeah
"are you sure? is the server working yet? it won't mess up anything with that will it?"
...no...

i'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. if the file you want to mess with is on the server...and the server is down...then you CANNOT work with it.

hey can you shut down your computer please?
"oh okay (then she just closes everything and sits there)"
(a few minutes later)...okay you can go ahead and shut down now
"log off, restart, or turn it all the way off?"
yeah, turn it off
"are you sure?"
YES

[Edited on April 8, 2008 at 4:35 PM. Reason : ]

4/8/2008 4:30:15 PM

^HAHAHA I have customers who will turn off their screens and then turn them back on thinking that that is rebooting

4/8/2008 5:37:14 PM

Quote :

"oh yeah, so our biggest client is real estate company with about 500 agents. i get emails ALL the time from angry realtors wanting to know why their listing isn't showing up on the website. sometimes it's my fault, but most of the time they have checked the box beside WITHHOLD FROM INTERNET when submitting their listing to the mls"

Sounds like a usability issue the app developers should address.

4/8/2008 8:30:47 PM

^ yeah i agree. luckily that is a task we are not responsible for honestly i don't understand the point of that option anyway, but i'm sure they have their reasons.

4/8/2008 8:54:08 PM

so my friend sent me an email to vote in a contest on snapfish.com for her baby. now i've skewed A LOT of polls, but this just made me carlface

4/8/2008 10:42:03 PM

^ That captcha is unbreakable and 100% fail-proof.

4/8/2008 11:07:42 PM

Looks like snapfish.com employes the best the .Net programming world has to offer.

4/9/2008 12:16:40 AM

Quote :

"oh yeah, so our biggest client is real estate company with about 500 agents. i get emails ALL the time from angry realtors wanting to know why their listing isn't showing up on the website. sometimes it's my fault, but most of the time they have checked the box beside WITHHOLD FROM INTERNET when submitting their listing to the mls"

haha. tales of the technically inept

4/9/2008 2:42:53 PM

So today, I have answered several emails from IT trainers regarding trainer materials. Not really ineptitude but two funny responses to my answers..

Quote :

"You DA Man!!!!!"

Quote :

"Got it! Thanks. You are the Bomb!!!"

Usually they just say thanks. I hope the technology they teach isn't as outdated as their vocabulary.

[Edited on April 14, 2008 at 5:27 PM. Reason : sp]

4/14/2008 5:27:05 PM

ok, so our international firm just redid their website.

it's 100% flash.
it gets better.

the load time is like 20-30 seconds on a broadband connection.
wait... it gets better.

so if you type in an incorrect URL, or follow an old link.
it takes 20-30 seconds until you get a 404 error.

4/14/2008 6:49:42 PM

So I'm working on a data recovery case today.


A woman brings her computer in and asks to recover files for her and her 3 kids.

I get it into the shop, pull the HDD, slave it on my shop system, and adjust the permissions so i can begin the recovery


then i get curious. big mistake.

turns out the kids are 17/18/21 guy, girl, girl

the dude likes hentai porn. (a whole lot, apparently.)
the 18year old girl is somewhat emo and likes to take nude pictures and video of herself
the 21year old girl has professional model pictures stored.



and all three have their passwords and usernames for myspace, aim, email typed into text documents.



Geek squad would've had a goddamn field day with all this stuff.

[Edited on May 15, 2008 at 2:09 PM. Reason : both girls are actually bangable.]

5/15/2008 2:09:03 PM

who doesnt like hentai?

5/15/2008 2:13:59 PM

^^pics or it didn't happen

5/15/2008 2:15:14 PM

he also likes to take nude photos of himself in strange playgirlesque poses.

5/15/2008 2:15:24 PM

^^


hahaha


i like my job, dude.

5/15/2008 2:15:47 PM

that's fucking hilarious.. Obviously chop their heads and post the rest

5/15/2008 2:17:47 PM

Quote :

" Geek squad would've had a goddamn field day with all this stuff. "

and you didn't

5/15/2008 2:28:24 PM

Nope.


I'm fighting the urge to make a backup.



Damn you, moral fiber. DAMN YOU.

5/15/2008 2:29:03 PM

this would be an epic addition to my "Pick a Number" thread, too.

5/15/2008 2:31:20 PM

Post a pic and blur the face!

5/15/2008 2:31:53 PM

just post them in this thread. we promise they won't spread like wildfire across the internets.

5/15/2008 2:33:21 PM

you can post them to the private forum private.snotmonkey.com as anonymous

5/15/2008 2:39:40 PM

if some random pictures happen to show up on ^'s forum, someone please let me know

5/15/2008 2:46:40 PM

5/15/2008 2:49:52 PM

girl: oh you have an iphone, thats cool
me: yeah i'm hoping the new one comes out soon so i can get rid of this busted up one i've been using for a year
girl: oh it's coming out real soon, it's already sold out online
me: if anything they're letting the old one sell out so they dont have a bunch of obsolete shit that they can't sell after the new one comes out, but it's not out yet
girl: i know it's not out but they're already selling them
me: carl face

5/18/2008 5:32:41 PM

they could be doing pre-orders...

5/18/2008 6:18:13 PM

they could be

but they're not

[Edited on May 18, 2008 at 6:22 PM. Reason : it's not even officially announced yet]

5/18/2008 6:22:33 PM

ah ok. i didn't bother to check.

disregard my previous statement.

5/18/2008 6:35:26 PM

not a terribly hilarious story, but my hs computer applications teacher asked not once, but twice in the same day how to make a shortcut.

5/18/2008 6:53:43 PM

I had a user who complained that the R and the L on his mouse rubbed off, so he didn't know which was the right mouse button

6/2/2008 4:44:44 PM

CSI: New York presents your classic TV techno-babble! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni_rAamVP2s

Quote :

" Agent 1: "For weeks I've been investigating the Cabby killer murders with a certain morbid fascination." Agent 2: "This is in real-time..." Programmer Agent: "I'll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic, see if I can track an IP address!" "

Yeeeaa, you get right on that

6/2/2008 5:19:16 PM

^ Good lord that's awful.

6/2/2008 9:58:51 PM

yeah one time i had this kid start trying to talk nerd on me.. (this was on aim)

he was all like "once the IP is complete I'll be able to take over your computer"

...rrrrrrrrrrrrrright.......

6/2/2008 10:01:20 PM

^,^^,^^^ lulz

6/4/2008 10:37:53 AM

Quote :

"I will program an oscillating double-back TCP homing beacon, which should pinpoint the posting computer to a range of 10 meters"

6/4/2008 2:37:10 PM

^ where do I get one of those?

6/4/2008 3:10:36 PM

Quote :

"HAHAHA I have customers who will turn off their screens and then turn them back on thinking that that is rebooting "

hahah

6/4/2008 3:11:31 PM

i had a guy come in today and said his computer wouldn't boot



me: have you had power issues or have any other electronics in your home failed?
him: no, this was the only thing making a squeaky noise, though.
me: what? i thought it wouldn't power on....
him: is was making a bunch of noise, so i sprayed all of the fans with WD40
me: ..... O RLY?

6/4/2008 3:20:06 PM

the stupidity of the average human blows my fucking mind

6/13/2008 12:28:27 PM