I have an office party tonight that I really don't want to go to. I hate when the dudes get totally trashed and try to pick me up

4/17/2009 3:59:22 AM

I'm not going to get all of my shit done in time, but I no longer give a fuck.

4/17/2009 4:36:03 AM

^^useless without pics

4/17/2009 4:39:24 AM

I fell asleep last night wearing a tooth whitening tray that was only supposed to be in 30 minutes.

4/17/2009 8:09:49 AM

i guess you're going to have very very white teeth

4/17/2009 8:43:16 AM

I took all the popcorn, strawberry jam and lemon lime jelly beans from the bag before sharing with my coworkers.

4/17/2009 2:59:45 PM

which means you touched damn near every jelly bean in the bag with your [more than likely] unwashed hands and then passed around your filth to the whole office?

4/17/2009 3:01:10 PM

This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep shit. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. Shit Pudding!

4/17/2009 3:09:39 PM

^^ Actually no! I used chopsticks that came with someone's chinese food a few weeks ago

and I haven't accomplished anything since noon today at work

4/17/2009 4:42:32 PM

I have gotten really really shameless with regard to cleavage of late

when I pass a girl where any sort of cleavage is visible, I look down her shirt as I pass, craning my neck or tilting my head if necessary

4/17/2009 4:44:03 PM

i'm fighting the most futile battle of my life


and it hurts

4/17/2009 4:44:52 PM

^^i thought that was normal

[Edited on April 17, 2009 at 4:45 PM. Reason : ^]

4/17/2009 4:45:20 PM

im musty as hell right now

4/17/2009 4:46:12 PM

I've recently come to care that I'm not going to get all of my shit done. Unfortunately, it's much too late to even start feeling sorry. I have no choice but to accept the consequences.

4/17/2009 8:23:25 PM

i just spent 10 minutes seeing just how fat and ugly i could make myself look on webcam

4/17/2009 8:31:19 PM

gonna cha cha my first ? ever

4/18/2009 12:23:29 AM

I really like this guy. He's so smart and witty and kind, not to mention attractive with a nice body. And such a gentleman. I can't help but wonder what he sees in me, but I'm glad he sees something! I usually go for the guys with a bad boy streak and this is just so new to me.

4/18/2009 2:05:11 AM

Im drunk

4/18/2009 2:18:21 AM

i came

4/18/2009 3:19:48 AM

the food, it's coming

4/18/2009 3:26:18 AM

I wonder if I sound as loud as my roomated does now singing in the shower.

4/18/2009 8:55:40 AM

4/19/2009 3:11:20 AM

drunknloaded

4/19/2009 3:15:02 AM

my bathroom is ever-so-filthy

a friend came over and used it, came out and said "Well, congratulations Jeff. You have the dirtiest bathroom I have ever seen."

time to go take a shower and make it dirtier

4/19/2009 3:18:06 AM

i'm not going to take a shower today

4/19/2009 2:14:48 PM

i took a shower with my dog

4/19/2009 2:18:22 PM

^ I dunno why, but that made me giggle outta control.

4/19/2009 2:36:14 PM

sometimes when i orgasm, i accidentally shout out "CONNECT FOUR!!!"

4/19/2009 4:49:39 PM

^i can confirm this

4/19/2009 4:50:51 PM

my laptop just hit my nose. ouch. hopefully no bruise...

4/19/2009 6:10:21 PM

^

4/19/2009 6:11:18 PM

I take showers with my parrots.

4/19/2009 6:22:21 PM

gonna cut off a few japanese maple branches and try to grow some trees

4/19/2009 6:26:04 PM

I fail at life.

4/19/2009 6:34:55 PM

unless you are tying from heaven or hell... you are mistaken.

4/19/2009 6:43:36 PM

I'm here for the gangbang.
No, really.

4/19/2009 6:47:09 PM

4/19/2009 6:47:35 PM

EMCE is barfing because I just kicked him in the nuts.

4/19/2009 6:48:31 PM

true...

4/19/2009 6:54:16 PM

Still looking to organize that gang bang.

4/19/2009 7:30:26 PM

i want bigger boobies

4/19/2009 7:30:45 PM

^^I'm in. I can host. PM me!

[Edited on April 19, 2009 at 7:31 PM. Reason : .]

4/19/2009 7:30:56 PM

*lawl*

Too bad you aren't serious.

4/19/2009 7:31:32 PM

How many guys do you know that can handle a gang-bang? I don't know any.

[Edited on April 19, 2009 at 7:34 PM. Reason : .]

4/19/2009 7:34:19 PM

yo, where is this going down?

4/19/2009 7:34:23 PM

In Cary, PM for address!

4/19/2009 7:34:58 PM

Funny enough. . .I know more gangbang worthy and *willing* chicks than dicks.ne

[Edited on April 19, 2009 at 7:36 PM. Reason : need to find a babysitter ]

4/19/2009 7:35:09 PM

i'd be down for a gangbang, but not with you two winners, sorry. there's gotta be an equalizer somewhere.

4/19/2009 7:36:18 PM

^Hey fuck you, bottombaby and I are two pretty cute chicks.

Sorry, I think Gang Bang and I think one guy and multiple chicks. Is that not right? I'm sure it's easy to find women, but to find a guy who can perform under that kinda pressure?

[Edited on April 19, 2009 at 7:37 PM. Reason : .]

4/19/2009 7:37:02 PM

^Sup.

4/19/2009 7:37:41 PM