Take that mom!

Take that dad!

Send me to a psychiatrist!

Take that Dr. Sally Waxler!

12/4/2002 12:54:56 PM

Do you need a best friend? I've been looking for someone to boss me around!

12/4/2002 12:57:29 PM

Wow, Jiffy Lube!

12/4/2002 11:01:37 PM

Jeebus Bless You, Kevin.

12/4/2002 11:06:39 PM

I wash myself with a rag on a stick

12/4/2002 11:06:44 PM

"we're here! we're queer! we don't want anymore bears!"

12/5/2002 3:01:55 PM

naw, theyd cratch up the topless dancing floor

12/5/2002 3:51:30 PM

Stole this from gossard's away message:

Stealing?!?! How could you?!?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church, Captain whats his name?!?! We live in a society of laws! Why did you think I took in those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didnt hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy that makes those sound effects...(zoom woo woo pfft pfft pfft pfft honk honk powwww) heeheehee! Oh God! Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze!

12/10/2002 5:38:51 PM

It's the musical with the old stars in Branson, hahaha

12/10/2002 6:20:13 PM

Fat tony in the future i would appreciate a non-descript breifcase as opposed to the sack with dollar sign on it.

12/10/2002 6:50:00 PM

the first step to faliure is trying

12/10/2002 7:16:39 PM

"we are the knights of ni, ni, ni"

"mister simpson dont you have a chemistry exam to study for"
"pfft ill copy the periodic table on my hand"
"hah, all the lanthanides and actinde"

"ill just hide under a blanket during the exam and hope everything turns out okay"

"ahh, this is like that dream where Im naked, ahhh"

*self reminder.. i have a chem 101 exams tomorrow at 8am.... shiet.. NO ONE TAKE DR WARREN FOR CHEM.. ever.......*

12/10/2002 8:10:06 PM

No.... it's trying is the first step towards failure.... I should know, it was my senior quote

12/10/2002 8:15:57 PM

mmmm 64 slices of american cheese. sixty-four. sixty-three....... twwwwoooooo. ooooooonnnneeee.

12/10/2002 11:18:53 PM

the leprechaun (sp?) told me to burn stuff

12/10/2002 11:24:41 PM

now, chew through my ballsac

12/10/2002 11:41:14 PM

to the tune of Sweetdreams:
" He's a loser Marge, dump him... I've traveled the world and the seven seas... I AM WATCHING YOU THROUGH A CAMERA!!!"

12/11/2002 2:58:26 AM

doh!

12/11/2002 3:01:18 AM

" I could walk up to the President and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face. And he'd have to just sit there greeewvin' on it."

" Dad I thought you didn't like her saxophone."
" I didn't, but now daddy's special medicine, which you must NEVER use, because it will ruin your life, lets daddy see and hear magical things you will never experience... EVER!"

lol, this episode makes me have doubts as to which one is my favorite of all time...

12/11/2002 3:40:17 AM

"i once had to give a speech, so i pictured everyone in their underwear....the judge, the jury...."

"did it work?"

"im a free man aint i"

12/11/2002 8:22:08 AM

Moe to Barney w/ears on his chest "Are those Ears?"
Barney "AHHH!!!!.. not so loud"

12/11/2002 10:42:51 AM

Skinner is on computer
Skinners Mother: Seymour are you looking at naked ladies?
Skinner: No mother
Skinner's Mother: You sissy

12/11/2002 2:53:46 PM

12/11/2002 3:37:49 PM

"ho ho ho... merry...... line?"
"Christmas!"

12/11/2002 10:11:04 PM

" Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately. But I think they're necessary to hunt today's modern "super-animals", like the flying squirrel, and the electric eel."

" And thats how, with a few simple modifications, you can turn one gun into five guns... thank you."

12/11/2002 10:22:05 PM

wat r u g0nna do.. release the hounds? or da bees... or the hounds with bees in there mouth.. so when they bark they shoot bees...............

12/12/2002 1:59:47 AM

"DuffMan...can't breathe! OH NO!!!"

12/12/2002 2:24:15 AM

Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that, too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

God bless America!

12/12/2002 10:16:54 AM

im looking for.. amanda hugandkiss
ivana tinkle
homer sexual
uhh.... something something.... mybuttstinksandiliketosmellmybutt
B. Oproblem
Alli Abooger

12/12/2002 2:50:51 PM

burns ~ "dogs are stupid, what would u think if i started sniffing at ur crotch?"
smithers~ "if you did it, sir?"

homer~ "hello im mr burns, i believe u have some mail for me"
mailman~ "okay mr burns wats ur first name?"
homer~ "i dont know"

12/12/2002 3:48:39 PM

"Alright family, who can guess what's different about dinner tonight?"
"Eh, same old garbage."
*laughs*
"This guys always on (high five)."

12/12/2002 4:32:52 PM

12/12/2002 4:35:16 PM

"MY EYES! DE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!"

12/12/2002 5:15:00 PM

I get knocked down, but I get knocked down again, and you're never gonna knock me down...
I take a whiskey drink, I take a chocolate drink.
And when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!
I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy...

12/12/2002 6:08:38 PM

the plastic makes everything shimmer.. u dont know how that sunset looks to me
thats not a sunset, thats a bird on fire


homer~ "no tv and beer make homer something something"
marge~ "go crazy?"
homer~ "Dont mind if i do.... habblabllaba .. voot voot..."

milhouse~ which sprinklers do u like... the ones that go.. swoosh..swoosh.. of the ones that goes pft pft pft pft.. swssshhh... up yours krappable...
krappable~ im glad some students remember class ended after 3 o clock

homer~ krappable.. i thought her name was krandle.. was hasnt anybody told me this..

12/12/2002 7:08:08 PM

our new dance will make sex look like a CHURCH!

12/12/2002 7:31:58 PM

some guy~ its called the penetrada


ralph~ "i like revengence"

12/13/2002 12:14:42 AM

"Uh oh. We drew Judge Schneider."
"Is that bad?"
"Well he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog."
"You did?"
"Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'."

12/13/2002 12:40:34 AM

Homer - "so who won? The LOSERS?"
Bart - "no, they lost."
Homer - "Ha ha. Losers."

12/13/2002 9:30:13 AM

homer~ "five dollars... thats the largest tax increase in state history"
lisa~ "no.. its the smallest tax increase"
homer~ "let the bear pay the bear tax... i pay the homer tax"
lisa~ "no, u pay the home owners tax"

12/14/2002 12:17:35 AM

some of them are cobras
and some are robot cobras filled with venom

12/14/2002 1:51:05 AM

moe: whatsa matter homer? you're drunk, but you're not like sloppy drunk.
homer: going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds.
moe: look, i'm really glad you're off the wacky tobaccy.
lenny: yea, you were gettin all spacey and everything. we were gonna have an intervetion.
carl: but at the planning party, i got alcohol poisoning. heh, i nearly died.
(laughs)
moe: i was already making excuses not to go to your funeral.
(more laughing, and the best spit-take the simpsons has ever done)

damn, if i keep it up i'm going to quote this entire episode

12/14/2002 1:49:24 PM

willy: theres narry ananimal alive that can outrun a greased scottsman.

12/14/2002 4:10:09 PM

from tonights episode:


"Uhh if you two country heads are finished clucking, I'd like to buy a copy of Jugs and Aammo."



Homer: Look Junior, I expect this car to be fixed with quality GM parts.
Junior: But your car was built in Croatia. Its made from old soviet tanks.

[Edited on December 15, 2002 at 10:47 PM. Reason : doh!]

12/15/2002 10:46:21 PM

Homer: "What country is this car from?"

Auto Dealer: "It no longer exists."

*car struggles to start*

Auto Dealer: "Put it in 'H'. "

12/17/2002 10:36:51 PM

22 Short Films About Springfield.
funniest episode ever. holy shite

12/17/2002 11:22:58 PM

^very, very good episode, but not the best.

Homer Gets a Gun wins, in my opinion.

" But Marge... I swear, I never thought you'd find out"

"Theres a three day waiting period."
"Awww, but I'm mad now!!"

"Whoa, whoa! Easy there Annie Oakley."
"I don't have to be careful... I have a gun."

Stands the test of time...

[Edited on December 17, 2002 at 11:36 PM. Reason : .]

12/17/2002 11:35:58 PM

"extended warranty? how can i lose?"

12/18/2002 12:42:34 AM

"ok we were out buying our wives gifts"

"whats the occasion?"

"cause we love them jackass, so when we walked out of walmart 100 spaceships...."

"100?"

"ok 50 spaceships beamed us aboard, the aliens gang-probed you while i invented a machine that blew up their heads and saved america"

"do i have to be gang-probed"

"do you want to tell them the truth"

"sigh, ok what did the aliens look like?"

"well i only saw them from the back cause they were so busy gang-probing you....."

12/18/2002 7:20:48 AM

The South shall come again!!

12/18/2002 3:39:01 PM