Quote :

"we had sex"

/story


[Edited on October 25, 2007 at 10:48 PM. Reason : 2 bitches]

10/25/2007 10:48:00 PM

Considering my parents are alittle younger (all of my parents, including my step mother, are under 40) most of the stories are pretty good.
My dad and stepmom used to smoke alot of pot and do some drugs. He told me about tripping on shrooms with my stepmom's brother while driving down the road in a little z car. They had to stop so they didn't hit Papa Smurff. He said that's when he knew it was going to be a hell of a night.
My father also used to work at a textiles mill and do all kinds of shit there. He said he got high one night and underestimated the weed the guy brought in. Needless to say dad said he was high as a damn kite and ended up watching some hippie dude pull a peach out of his tool box and eat it. Dad was like I was so fucking hungry after that!

10/25/2007 11:39:42 PM

Quote :

"My mom told me a really funny story about my dad after he died (he took it to his grave because he was so embarassed). Once when I was in high school, my parents were convinced I was on drugs (which I wasn't). So, they found a baggie with a green substance that smelled like weed in my room. Obviously they thought that's what it was. So my dad, being the bright one, said "bring me a coke can, I'm gonna find out for sure." He proceeds to craft a bong out of a coke can and, after getting it set up, takes a big hit off of the substance. My mom said he started coughing and choking and said "holy hell! That's fucking catnip!" (which it was )"

lol!!!

10/26/2007 5:11:08 AM

when I was little by dad's gold tooth cap came loose and he swallowed it. He had to shit in a bath tub and dig through it in order to get the cap to get it replaced. Im guessing tooth caps are expensive.

also one time he sliced his ass open with a razor in the shower. He apparently was rinsing the razor behind him and caught his ass on the way up.

once when he was little he was playing war and some kid stabbed him in the nuts with a stick and ripped his junk open.

during college this gigantic horned owl used to land on his dorm window. Every time he spoke it would flip its shit and try to attack him.

10/26/2007 7:48:04 AM

my parents used to tell me that they loved me

lies

10/26/2007 7:52:01 AM

When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad took a trip for work and ended up getting stuck in an airport with Jesse Ventura (when he was just a wrestler).
Apparently they talked about kids and he told me dad he was looking at getting into politics.

Also, (and this happened like a few months ago) my dad snuck into a room in a Hard Rock Cafe to shake Kid Rock's hand.

10/26/2007 7:53:45 AM

alot of effort to meet kid rock.

sounds like a gay to me

10/26/2007 7:56:31 AM

^^ that's disgusting

10/26/2007 7:58:00 AM

Hey, I never said he had any taste. He's just in his 50's and still doing stuff like this.

10/26/2007 7:59:15 AM

my dad and my uncle work together, in the company i now work for.


probably circa 98-99 they had a real hot receptionist. come to find out she used to date Chad Knaus (jimmie johnson's crew chief, this was before he got famous). after they broke up he used to stalk her and sit outside the old office and watch her through binoculars. One day he came in and they got into a fight and my dad and uncle had to shove him down and put him in a headlock and carry him out to his car by his neck and feet and force him to leave.

I always found that story awesome considering my dad and i see his face on tv every sunday

10/26/2007 8:11:50 AM

Quote :

"when they were kids, my dad and uncle were out chopping wood, and since my uncle is older, he was the one with the axe and it was my dad's job to put the wood on the chopping block. Well, somehow, they got pissed off at each other, and my uncle hit my dad in the head with the axe, making a nice gash in my dad's head. After they came back from the hospital, dad was still mad, so he shot my uncle with a bb gun. My uncle turned right around and shot my dad in the legs with a shotgun (it was only bird shot). After the second trip to the hospital, they both got their asses kicked by my grandpa. "

w t f ??

10/26/2007 8:49:59 AM

my parents told me just the other day how when they were younger, my grandma had found a bag of weed in the bathroom at the convenient store they owned...called em up and asked if they wanted it. they said yes of course.

10/26/2007 8:55:52 AM

shit, i bet my grandfather has a bunch of stories

he's been in and out of the hospital these past few years and he tends to hallucinate because of the drugs they give him. one time he insisted that my uncle was running a brothel in France, and recently he's been asking my parents to get him the phone numbers of the call girls in the ceiling so he can talk to them.

my dad was an ass in high school, him and his friends sat at the back of the bus and on the way home one time they took some kids math book, tore it apart and threw it out the window while going over a bridge. they also snuck into a convenience store one night but got caught.

10/26/2007 9:34:37 AM

when my dad was like 14, his parents would go out to dinner every wednesday, so he would take the other car, pick up his friends and drive around town (my dad was 6'2" in the 6th grade, so he looked old). One wednesday their reservations were cancelled for whatever reason, so when he pulls back in the driveway, his parents are standing right there waiting. He said the doors flew open and everyone but him just bolted, while his dad proceeded to kick his ass up and down the stairs.

He has a couple stories about tripping mescaline in Yosemite national park, but they're really long

One time, when he was in college at Ohio University, he was at a party in a dorm/apartment, and they're on like the 10th floor. Well I guess there was another dorm about 50 yards away, and there was another party going on that they could see. So a bunch of his drunk friends decide to heat up potatoes in the oven and then try and throw them through the open sliding glass doors of the apartment. Everyone is coming up short, so finally, my dad, who was a pitcher, take one throw and launches it, right through the sliding glass door, off the television, and nails some chick right in the head. Turns out the dudes were all Rugby players and run over to kick everyone's ass. When they get there though, my dad and them just apologized and gave the dudes a beer and they all partied together after leaving the girl who got hit in the head alone at the other apartment.

[Edited on October 26, 2007 at 10:41 AM. Reason : .]

10/26/2007 10:40:44 AM

Quote :

"One time, when he was in college at Ohio University, he was at a party in a dorm/apartment, and they're on like the 10th floor. Well I guess there was another dorm about 50 yards away, and there was another party going on that they could see. So a bunch of his drunk friends decide to heat up potatoes in the oven and then try and throw them through the open sliding glass doors of the apartment. Everyone is coming up short, so finally, my dad, who was a pitcher, take one throw and launches it, right through the sliding glass door, off the television, and nails some chick right in the head. Turns out the dudes were all Rugby players and run over to kick everyone's ass. When they get there though, my dad and them just apologized and gave the dudes a beer and they all partied together after leaving the girl who got hit in the head alone at the other apartment."

ahahaha, great ending.

10/26/2007 10:51:40 AM

hmm when my uncle was in highschool, he got into an argument with my grandpa. somehow they ended up chasing each other around the house, until my grandpa grabbed my uncle's guitar and smashed it over his back as he was running away

10/26/2007 1:22:32 PM

Quote :

"my parents told me just the other day how when they were younger, my grandma had found a bag of weed in the bathroom at the convenient store they owned...called em up and asked if they wanted it. they"

my grandma would not no what weed was even if i brought a 1 oz. bad to her house. She would probably ask what kinda of aromatic herb i brought to her house.

"Grandma his stuff tastes great in brownies!!!!"

10/26/2007 1:32:14 PM

not a funny one but...

when my dad was in college at Davidson, he was very involved in the civil rights movement (protesting a barber shop that didn't cut black people's hair for example). there was a KKK rally in town that he was protesting, when one of the KKK guys came over, shoved a double-barreled shotty under my dad's nose and told him to take off or die

kind of funny...

he met my mom when they were both at Duke (he for PhD, she for nursing - but we're all NCSU fans now thanks to my brother). He drove an austin healey at the time, which always broke down on him. They actually started dating because he borrowed her VW beetle all the damn time. Well, once when they were out on a date, his car broke down and he needed to roll-jumpstart it. And the gentleman he is, he made my mom push it while he popped the clutch

[Edited on October 26, 2007 at 1:54 PM. Reason : .]

10/26/2007 1:53:54 PM

my dad showed me some place here at state that he had sex with "some random girl" when he was in college

haha the funny thing was that I had hooked up with some random chick there about 2 months prior to him telling me the story

10/26/2007 1:55:10 PM

Quote :

" Dad: What are you doing Me: Drinkin' Moonshine with my friends Dad: What? What are you guys trying to do, fuck a fat girl?"

ha!

Quote :

"And the gentleman he is, he made my mom push it while he popped the clutch"

he couldn't help it that your mom was a bad driver.

[Edited on October 26, 2007 at 2:00 PM. Reason : d]

10/26/2007 1:58:54 PM

Mom: your dad and I met at a disco up in NYC
Me: I don't want to hear another word...

10/26/2007 2:02:51 PM

My mom and dad weren't even married a year when he ended up in the hospital on the verge of death. He had gotten into a motorcycle accident coming home from the hospital (still wearing scrubs). Apparently, the cop stated that he had started measuring the distance from where my dad was to the beginning of the accident (had hit a sand patch on the highway while speeding and lost control); quit measuring after half a mile. Ended up with something like 75+% of his skin being damaged, and still has some spots on his skull that he can't feel anything due to this accident.

He also claims (to this day) that my mom only visited him once or twice over the months he was at the hospital.

Mom's side: I was there every day. They had him on so much morphine that he was never really conscious because they were trying to keep him from feeling any of the pain.

10/26/2007 2:38:56 PM

that's pretty crazy..^

10/26/2007 2:41:01 PM

my dad told me how he and my mom didnt like their neighbors because they were all snooty and shit.

they were trying to breed their basset hounds and the male just wasnt interested in the female.

they shared a fence with us and our wire haired fox terrier (rusty) would run back and forth along the fence chasing the female dog in heat.

one day my dad saw the neighbors car pull out of the driveway so he ran out back, grabbed Rusty, and threw him over the fence. He siad that dog was on the bitch before his legs hit the ground. as rusty is raping their basset the wife comes running out screaming r. grace what do you think youre doing!!??


he had to go over the fence and pry them apart and they didnt end up with retarded looking puppies.

10/26/2007 2:48:13 PM

god damn some of this shit keeps me lol'ing at work

i think it's 50% the story, 50% picturing my dad do it himself

10/26/2007 4:01:32 PM

bttt

11/13/2007 1:29:17 AM

My mom's reason for me not doing drugs was "Well, pot just didn't work for me: you may as well not even bother."

And my dad apparently cheated on my mom before they got married, which is sorta fucked up to think about now that they've been together for over 32 years.

11/13/2007 1:50:06 AM

your dad sounds like a real douche

11/13/2007 1:51:40 AM

He's not.

11/13/2007 1:54:32 AM

oh, ok
I'll take your word for it


that just seems like a douchebag thing to do

11/13/2007 1:55:57 AM

what a pimp

11/13/2007 2:10:30 AM

this one time, at band camp...

11/13/2007 2:10:55 AM

like father, like daughter

11/13/2007 2:41:52 AM

Comes from the future father-in-law. COMPLETELY off the cuff.
"Did you know that you can buy a hooker in Turkey with a brand new t-shirt?"
The guy was in the military for I don't even wanna know how many years, and toured on 5 continents.

As for my own mother, well, she went to graduate school at Cornell for Biochemistry. Put a bunch of science geeks together in ITHACA, where there's fuck all to do, and some crazy shit results.
The winner was the slingshot they made on the roof of the stadium dorm, using industrial-grade rubber tubing they had stolen from the chem labs. Apparently there were markings on the ground where they had calculated and tested it out, pull it back to THIS point, and the canteloupe'll go two blocks. THIS point, it'll go five blocks. THIS point, it'll go ten blocks.
When the atmosphere is "Foot of snow under a bridge in June" cold, you'll do some crazy shit.
I'll ask Mom for the details again and post the alcohol poisoning story.

11/13/2007 2:54:35 AM

bttt

12/14/2007 10:38:21 AM