I can't contribute to this thread. Not because I didn't have roommates. Not because I don't have wild stories. But because I'm not exactly sure about the statue of limitations.

as a side note, I sexored my roommate today. It was hot.

2/27/2008 11:13:05 PM

TenaciousC has the best stories.

2/27/2008 11:23:39 PM

ttt

i need more

2/28/2008 1:53:09 PM

loller to the R2D2 story

2/28/2008 1:55:31 PM

Quote :

"WHY IS R2D2 SPITTING ON ME?! "

2/28/2008 2:18:34 PM

i think i AM the roommate that generates these stories

luckily i live alone now. but my glory days in college will go down in infamy.

2/28/2008 2:19:59 PM

I once needed a roommate so I posted an ad in TWW classifieds, and I got a reply from a chick. I lived with her for 3 months and in that time she fucked at least 10 dudes that I knew about (including at least one that was engaged and a couple more that she knew had girlfriends) and probably countless more that I didn't know about.

I guess 10+ dudes in 3 months might be normal for some people, but I call those people "whores".

2/28/2008 2:31:49 PM

you didn't hit it, b?

2/28/2008 2:33:30 PM

no, thx.

2/28/2008 2:37:18 PM

Haha. That sounds like the roommate of a buddy I know. Apparently she was pretty unattractive but seemed to always find normal looking guys via craigslist who stopped by on a weekly basis.

2/28/2008 2:37:32 PM

ReceiveDeath sublet a room in my apt one summer.

no real crazy stories, just an asston of megaman and frozen dinners

I think i missed out on any real crazies

2/28/2008 2:41:28 PM

This makes me wish my bad roommates had been bad in a hilarious way, not bad in a boring, dirty, bitchy way.

2/28/2008 2:44:03 PM

i'll have to think about some stories for when i lived with DROD900. And i guess i could tell some about the 30 guys i lived with in the frat house.



my roommate that i had fall freshman year dropped out the first month in the spring semester. I knew him from high school before he moved away. He was kinda dorky. Big counterstrike kid. That was when i was smoking a lot of dope so we got along real well. Used to smoke a ton in our room at Lee. that fall semester was pretty awesome i'll admit, smoked some great great great ganja. oh to be young again

2/28/2008 2:48:36 PM

I shared a house with two guys junior year, Mark and Dusty. Actually, it's the second skinniest house in America, according to most accounts. If you've ever driven down Method Road, you've seen it.

Anyway, Mark and I were pretty big fans of alcohol, and one night walking back from the bar we got into some kind of minor fight that escalated quickly. By the time we were back at the house, it was on.

At one point, I hit him in the face with the "house for sale" sign that was in the yard. His head popped through it, and he wore the sign like a necklace for the remainder of hostilities because he never had time to pull it off. Eventually, though, he ran inside and locked me out. While I was fiddling for the keys, he took two empty kegs and used them to block the door, because the house was narrow enough for that to work.

I tried a number of things to force entry and had eventually resorted to using very large tree branches to kind of pry the thing open. While I was doing this, he went upstairs and started playing an 8-second porn video on loop, with the volume at maximum. I eventually got in, we continued to beat each other mercilessly until we forgot why we had started this at all. We decided to clean up the tree branch and keg mess as best we knew how, and then we passed out wherever we happened to be standing.

It was thus that Dusty, my other roommate, came home the next morning to find:

1) Pornography blaring so loudly he could hear it in the driveway (never did take it off loop)
2) Two kegs and a very large pile of branches, mulch, and leaves on his bed
3) His two male roommates laying on the floor suspiciously close to each other, one with his shirt ripped off and another wearing a "for sale" sign around his neck.

It was quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever been involved in.

2/28/2008 3:01:17 PM

what was the point of the porn on the continuous loop??

quite entertaining though

2/28/2008 3:05:22 PM

^HAHA

2/28/2008 3:06:06 PM

i imagine Grumpy's story with the "Boo-Yah" video in continuous loop

2/28/2008 3:09:36 PM

im just so fucking pissed off at my roommate right now! fuck it, im gonna find a porno and put that shit on blast and repeat. what now, bitches.

2/28/2008 3:14:43 PM

This story requires a little background. As some of you know, I did not attend NCSU but rather a smallish state run military college. Two of the perks of attending a military college were 1) the lack of distraction of females (they were roughly 10% of the total student body) and 2) the care the faculty took in ensuring we were all in our rooms by 11pm.

Well to remedy the mammary deficiency one night, my roommates and a few other guys decided to go to the nearest Hooters which was about an hour away down a major highway. Due to some problems with the check, we didn't leave the parking lot till after 10pm . . . with only 1/8 a tank of gas in a 96 Suburban . . . we still had 50 miles to go.

One pit stop later, we were doing 105mph up the highway with Ham driving, Tony in the right front, Scott on my left, yours truly in the bitch seat, Ryan on my right, and Aaron rolling around in the back.

We made our exit at 10:52 and headed towards town. Now, mind you, the downtown area we had to go through has existed since the early 1800s, so the streets are just wide enough to fit two cars across. This, and the rain that had begun halfway into our return trek necessitated reducing our speed from 105mph to 60. It did not, however, prevent us from running three red lights in a row.

I guess I should point out at this juncture that Ham is a 5th year senior and is one serious offense from being kicked out of school.

We finally make the turn where we can see the school at around 10:57 and go flying down the hill into a Y intersection where we have to come down one arm, and back up the next . . . we don't make it.

Midway through the turn, Ham gets the Suburban sideways, skids over a Yield sign, up a curb, through some bushes and into the yard of the visiting professors housing. For a split second we're all stunned, looking around when you hear Aaron shout from the back seat,

"YOU'VE STILL GOT THIRTY SECONDS!!!!!!!!"

and Tony from the front,

"THE ENGINE 'S STILL RUNNING!!!!!"

kkkkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssssscccccccccccccreeeeeeeeeeecchhhhh,

We jump back on the road (over another Stop sign), clip the mirror on the college president's official car, almost hit a campus policeman running out to stop us, and haul up in front of the entrance to the barracks as taps is playing. Hamel, Tony, Ryan, and Scott all run inside while Aaron and myself (both actually authorized to be gone for the weekend) jump in the driver and passenger seat respectively.

We start to dive off and get, maybe, 100 yards when one campus police car, two city cops, two state cops, and a county mountie all surround the truck. Before I really realize what is going on, I'm snatched out of the passenger seat.

"Were you driving at all?"

No sir.

"How old are you?"

21.

"I'm done with you, go away."





Aaron isn't so lucky. He's had one or two beers, but it was several hours ago and he is clearly not intoxicated. He is arrested nevertheless and spends the night in the county pokie before being released with only a leaving the scene of the accident charge.


Hamel, on the other hand, hides in the woods for 4 hours before turning himself in. His license is revoked in the state for five years and his truck has over $5000 worth of damage to the frame and front end. He wasn't kicked out, but he still didn't graduate when he failed a PE class.


good times

2/28/2008 3:17:49 PM

MOAR

2/28/2008 3:55:34 PM

Quote :

"He wasn't kicked out, but he still didn't graduate when he failed a PE class."

2/28/2008 3:56:24 PM

Quote :

"I shared a house with two guys junior year, Mark and Dusty. Actually, it's the second skinniest house in America, according to most accounts. If you've ever driven down Method Road, you've seen it. Anyway, Mark and I were pretty big fans of alcohol, and one night walking back from the bar we got into some kind of minor fight that escalated quickly. By the time we were back at the house, it was on. At one point, I hit him in the face with the "house for sale" sign that was in the yard. His head popped through it, and he wore the sign like a necklace for the remainder of hostilities because he never had time to pull it off. Eventually, though, he ran inside and locked me out. While I was fiddling for the keys, he took two empty kegs and used them to block the door, because the house was narrow enough for that to work. I tried a number of things to force entry and had eventually resorted to using very large tree branches to kind of pry the thing open. While I was doing this, he went upstairs and started playing an 8-second porn video on loop, with the volume at maximum. I eventually got in, we continued to beat each other mercilessly until we forgot why we had started this at all. We decided to clean up the tree branch and keg mess as best we knew how, and then we passed out wherever we happened to be standing. It was thus that Dusty, my other roommate, came home the next morning to find: 1) Pornography blaring so loudly he could hear it in the driveway (never did take it off loop) 2) Two kegs and a very large pile of branches, mulch, and leaves on his bed 3) His two male roommates laying on the floor suspiciously close to each other, one with his shirt ripped off and another wearing a "for sale" sign around his neck. It was quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever been involved in."

knowing at least 2 of the 3 parties involved in this story, it doesn't seem at all shocking.....100% entertaining, yes....100% believable, yes....100% homosexual, yes....shocking...not hardly...

i have some similar stories involving mark....only without the fighting...

but there have been massive amounts of beer, chainsaws, kudzu, missing teeth, and various other assorted props involved

2/28/2008 4:14:41 PM

ahahaha these stories are great

2/28/2008 4:48:33 PM

Moar.

2/28/2008 4:48:35 PM

haha. I just lol'd in class at grumpy's story. Professor thought I was laughing at something he said.

2/28/2008 4:53:35 PM

^ fuck are we in the same class?

2/28/2008 4:55:12 PM

lol JCASH

2/28/2008 4:56:26 PM

One of my room mates and I also work together, and frequently travel together also.... So this story takes place in Orlando, on the saturday night, his 21st birthday, while we also have to be at the airport at 5:30 the next morning to fly back to Raleigh...

We go out saturday night, and people are buying Dan drinks. Many drinks, enough that he is black out drunk by about midnight, having to be at the airport in 5 hours for our flight home. I go back to the hotel and sleep, but Dan stays out about 2 more hours. At about 2am, I am awakened by this pounding on the door. I get up and open it, Dan is there, room key in hand, and he can't figure out how to get the key to work in the hotel door. (no tricks it was a simple slide it in, let the light turn green). He accuses me of locking him out. So Finally, dan gets in bed and shuts up, and I pass back out in the other bed fast.

My alarm goes off at 4:30am. I wake up, and Dan is no where to be found. I look in the office (yea we had a nice hotel room), I look in the bathroom, no Dan. I call his cell phone, it rings, in his bed... I turn on all the lights and pack all my stuff. Then I hear banging on the window, I open the door and look out, there's Dan, in socks, and Boxers, on our out door walkway, knocking on my window, yes he locked himself out in his boxers in downtown Orlando for 3 hours, becuase as he puts it, he couldn't find the bathroom and he had to pee, so he peed off the walkway of our building....

-----------------------------------------------
Same room mate,

we go out and party, and get home about 1am, and pass out, every one in their own room. At about 4am, I get woken up by loud pots and pans clanging against each other, and the living room light is on. Pissed that I'm awake at 4am, I open my door about to tear into whoever is making noise... Before i get out of my room, from the kitchen i hear...

"uhhhh, It's not a good Idea to come out here...."
Why I said
Dan: "I'm naked..... I'm makin romen, I'm hungry"


------------------
Also, Dan did this

Get's drunk, goes looking for the cat, and is searching under another room mate's bed. At some point while looking under the bed, he passes out, head under the bed. Room mate comes home, and says, DAN what are you doing.

Dan is awake enough to answer, "shhhh I'm not dan, I'm Xena"

Where the hell he got Xena, we will never know

[Edited on February 28, 2008 at 5:02 PM. Reason : xena]

2/28/2008 5:00:26 PM

I once lived with a guy I found through an add in the student newspaper. He seemed normal enough until one day I lost my pet ferret. I couldn't get a hold of him on the phone to ask if I could check his room, so my friend and I went in.

I was checking under the bed when my friend goes "Your roomie must have bad feet. This is the thickest Dr. Scholes thing I've ever seen." I look up to see him holding this HUGE, DRIPPING fake pussy.

I started screaming "DUDE, that's his pussy!" and my friend freaked out and threw it against the wall and it freaking stuck there for a few minutes then squished to the floor.

Needless to say I had to use tongs and tossed it back into my roomates closet. Worst part is...it said "Microwavable" on it, so he must have been using it in our microwave where I heated up my ramen.

2/28/2008 5:11:02 PM

sounds like a flesh light insert to me


and most of these are great...when Slave gets some free time in the next day or so, he'll have to share a few of his own

2/28/2008 5:12:59 PM

It's better when told in person

[Edited on February 28, 2008 at 5:42 PM. Reason : ]

2/28/2008 5:40:52 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


bring it back

2/28/2008 5:45:28 PM

This one time, I roomed with this chick named Casey, and she was all like, "I've never gotten head or had an orgasm before." And then I gave her head and 78 orgasms. Then she said, "You are living proof there's a God. Hopefully someday I can somehow turn you into a nickname on an internet forum."

2/28/2008 5:49:57 PM

I had to share a room with my old roommate. There was a door that led to our bedroom and another that was the actual bedroom door. I came home one day and the first door was shut, which was weird. I opened, heard a quick commotion, and noticed the second door was shut. I opened that and the roommate was at his computer acting like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he was jerking it. Same thing happened like a week later, I opened the first door and heard a commotion again. I waited a ~15 seconds and I came in. He was standing in our closet with the door shut. I just pretended that nothing happened and he came out a couple minutes later.

After that, when I'd leave to go to the store or something, he'd ask when I'd be back every time, haha.

Had another roommate that used to leave his porn tapes in the VCR by accident. When I'd leave the house, I'm sure he started jerking right away without fail. Every once in a while, I'd leave, stand outside for 5 minutes, and then bang the shit out of the door.

2/28/2008 6:07:08 PM

Quote :

" By the time he came back his porn collection had been restored. By me. With copious amounts of gay porn. He didn't say anything." "

How did you have copious amounts of gay porn lying around?

2/28/2008 7:10:39 PM

He addressed this. He went to gay porn sites which are apprently veritably as abundant, if not more so, than straight porn sits.

2/28/2008 7:14:57 PM

Oh I didn't see that.

So he went to gay porn sites and just started downloading lots of material, for the specific purpose of pranking his roommate?

2/28/2008 7:41:31 PM

conspiracy

2/28/2008 7:42:13 PM

^^exactly

2/28/2008 7:42:40 PM

and they were only pics, no videos^^^

2/28/2008 8:02:23 PM

Tyrone Biggums says:

"Lemme tell y'all something you might not know I smoke rocks theres nekked people on the internets. For serious."

2/28/2008 8:09:16 PM

bttt

2/28/2008 10:37:13 PM

Quote :

"It was thus that Dusty, my other roommate, came home the next morning to find: 1) Pornography blaring so loudly he could hear it in the driveway (never did take it off loop) 2) Two kegs and a very large pile of branches, mulch, and leaves on his bed 3) His two male roommates laying on the floor suspiciously close to each other, one with his shirt ripped off and another wearing a "for sale" sign around his neck. It was quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever been involved in."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

2/28/2008 11:33:04 PM

My roommate is fucking wasted right now.

Here's a picture:


He has, in the past few minutes, said:
"I don't want to stand on the wall. Gravity will win."
"I stopped drinking after I saw the first drink in the movie."
Whispered: The dog makes noise!

He's already puked, and is on the verge of passing out. I'm forcing him to eat tater tots.

He's effusively thanking me for taking care of him, and counting how many times he says thank you. When I handed him saltines, he said CRACKA PLZ. Then CRACKA TRU. Then CRACKA TRU DAT YO.

And he keeps saying "I wish you hadn't come home, because if you hadn't, you'd be getting some with []. No, wait, that's not right. I wish you hadn't come home because if you hadn't, you'd be getting []. No, wait..."

And yeah this is what counts as a 'story' from hin

2/29/2008 12:02:40 AM

This thread is second to the Monorail Cat thread!

These are awesome.

And I agree with Skwinkle:

Quote :

"This makes me wish my bad roommates had been bad in a hilarious way, not bad in a boring, dirty, bitchy way."

I've had some shitty roommates.

The best stories I have are ones from living with Lucky1. But, he was definitely not a shitty roommate, by far, he was the best. But, unlike this thread, most of the stories have nothing to do with drinking/being drunk. But, being that we are a couple, they may not be stories for everyone.

[Edited on February 29, 2008 at 12:25 AM. Reason : ]

2/29/2008 12:24:33 AM

I once had a roommate that did this all day for three years:

manage the day shift at cary town center arcade
play everquest from quitting time till bedtime
drink soda/eat junk food/create a huge pile of empties on the floor
330 lbs also brought some interesting chair innovations over time

it was disgusting

2/29/2008 12:27:19 AM

i lived in a fraternity house, and i've had a couple other roommates who were...special in their own ways--so I could go on here for a while.

However, I'll just start with this one.


To this day, I never have had sex with a virgin. Part of the reason for that is because of one of my former roommates.

I'd been fooling around on the couch with this really cute girl (who had never experienced the sexytime). Just as we got up from the couch and were almost to my bed, my roommate Steve staggers drunkenly out of bed--inebriated sleepwalked again--and as usual, begins to urinate somewhere he shouldn't.

In this case, it was on the wall. The girl freaked out and went home, and I never got another chance.

2/29/2008 12:35:52 AM

Quote :

"I look up to see him holding this HUGE, DRIPPING fake pussy."

Haha I am pretty sure that one of my old roomies fucked a blow-up doll a few times.....We bought it as a gag gift and stood it in our living room like a stripper on a lamp and put a cigarette in its mouth. Well anyhow it mysteriously got a hole in it and disappeared.

2/29/2008 12:36:04 AM

ok ill bite, i have a shitload of stories from my 2 years living on campus (fresh/soph years)...ill post the best one first...some of you might remember this night(if you lived in central campus around 01/02)

post to come up in a bit after i type this story out

[Edited on February 29, 2008 at 12:42 AM. Reason : lol]

2/29/2008 12:41:57 AM

ok next roommate:

this guy was the type who had to do the same thing at the same time everyday
if you got him off schedule, he got pissed, and if he wasnt such an asshole, i wouldnt have fucked with him so much

at some point during the semester, he unofficially declared himself master and commander of our suite, and started saying when who could play music, take showers and when as well

i would set my alarm to go off at 6 AM every saturday morning, when i wasnt there

anyway, a few months into the semester, he gets a new gf, and she has to be one of the most stuck up bitches i have ever met

but that didnt bother me until they started "giving the business" while i was in the room
i set up a webcam, but then i lost the video when my computer crashed, it wasnt very good anyway, i did send it to a few people, but i dont talk to them anymore

what bothered him the most was this (note this is his account of the story, i dont really remember if or how this happened): i went to some sort of halloween party and got totally drunk, i was dressed as Sting the pro wrestler, with the mask and everything. he said he woke up in the middle of the night to see me standing over his bed reciting the whole "a dark hero rises against an army of darkness..." speech

he moved out a few weeks later

2/29/2008 12:55:17 AM