ftl

4/9/2008 7:01:55 PM

*calrface*

4/9/2008 7:14:04 PM

I did it and don't regret it as long as there is an agreement between the two of you. I think it's a good idea to live with someone before marriage because of all the lovely shit you discover about someone you wouldn't know about unless you were there all the time in the same area. Just cover your ass financially, do not put both names on the paperwork if you aren't married, that's asking for punishment.

4/9/2008 7:40:24 PM

Don't do it


Do not fucking do it until you're married

4/9/2008 8:04:25 PM

fyi

DON'T FUCKING DO IT

*experienced in this realm

4/9/2008 8:09:56 PM

If I'm ready to buy a house with my girlfriend then I think I'm ready to ask her to marry me.

Thats just me though...

4/9/2008 10:11:44 PM

^but isn't it obvious that he ISN'T ready to do either of these things? otherwise he wouldn't have come here so that people could talk him out of it.

4/9/2008 10:15:46 PM

Quote :

"I did it and don't regret it as long as there is an agreement between the two of you. I think it's a good idea to live with someone before marriage because of all the lovely shit you discover about someone you wouldn't know about unless you were there all the time in the same area. Just cover your ass financially, do not put both names on the paperwork if you aren't married, that's asking for punishment."

did you put both of your names on the paperwork? you mentioned not to but at the same time said "i did it" - if you didn't put both of your names on the paperwork then you didn't do it...

4/9/2008 10:16:17 PM

Just man it up, get her pregnant and ask her to marry you.

problem solved.

4/9/2008 10:27:03 PM

Quote :

"buy it and make her pay rent"

Damn straight!

Quote :

"why pay half to rent when you could pay half and own?"

You let the renter pay less than half.

4/9/2008 10:31:59 PM

^ so the lender would be getting a better return on the investment than you.

4/9/2008 10:34:20 PM

come again?

4/9/2008 10:35:59 PM

Has she expressed any interest in buying? You could always call her bluff, and offer to pay rent if she buys it.

4/9/2008 10:49:20 PM

Yeah I would just go ahead and knock her up if you are considering this.

4/10/2008 12:43:04 AM

Why are you not thinking of proposing?

It seems like you have the income to be a husband and start a family. It is just odd that you all are going to buy a place without getting married.

4/10/2008 12:53:13 AM

Quote :

"Until yall get married and combine finances "

if i ever get married, i'm pretty sure that i still will keep my finances as seperate as possible.

sure, have a joint account for joint expenses (utilities, vacations, probably mortgage, etc) but that's it.

4/10/2008 2:50:41 AM

Quote :

"Why are you not thinking of proposing? It seems like you have the income to be a husband and start a family. It is just odd that you all are going to buy a place without getting married."

Some people do not see the need to pay higher taxes just so they can have a scrap of paper called a marriage certificate.

And holy fuck, definitely not everyone wants to start a family! Wait as long as possible before you start popping out those financial black holes, put the money into a retirement account now and compound interest will be your friend while the kids are sucking up every last penny you earn.

+1 for separate finances. Makes things so much easier.

4/10/2008 3:12:15 AM

higher taxes just to be called married = silly.

4/10/2008 4:08:20 AM

one of you should just buy it, not both

it saves a lot of legal headaches and if you get married later on down the road you can both own it then

there is no reason for it to be in both of your names now, you are setting yourself up for trouble

4/10/2008 8:59:32 AM

I personally would have one of you buy it and the other one rent at a less than half the mortgage rate.
that way its nearly even and if the house does happen to appreciate or depreciate there is no fighting over equity or who keeps the house or anything like that if you break up.

4/10/2008 9:09:00 AM

Quote :

"Don't do it Do not fucking do it until you're married"

while being married doesn't automatically make it an infallible proposition (as noted earlier), it at least shows a level of commitment that being just bf/gf doesn't...my parents bought their first house together 6 months before their wedding, but being engaged is still a big leap from just being bf/gf

Quote :

"be a man and buy it on your own....make her pay the rent"

this is funny, and yet, as messed up as it is, i really kind of agree...if you can buy it on your own, do it...if she wants to live with you, make her pay less than half the mortgage...if you two see a future together, then she shouldn't mind, because when you get married you can just add her to the deed...if y'all don't see a future together (or it's dubious), then buying the house together would be a bad idea, and this way everyone saves money and instead of throwing away rent money, you put it towards equity

4/10/2008 9:17:57 AM

Except the fatal flaw with that plan is its a 2 bedroom town home which he would most likely outgrow in a few short years.

4/10/2008 9:38:27 AM

Yes ... fatal flaw... that he could rent it to someone else and continue building equity when he buys another place...

4/10/2008 9:43:33 AM

Quote :

"Some people do not see the need to pay higher taxes just so they can have a scrap of paper called a marriage certificate."

most people pay lower taxes after being married - there are a few exceptions though

Quote :

"+1 for separate finances. Makes things so much easier."

i'm glad that all of our money goes into the same pot - we never fight about money - never "pay each other back" - it does take some maturity and responsibility though i guess

4/10/2008 9:45:42 AM

How does separate finances make things easier?

4/10/2008 9:46:43 AM

Quote :

"i'm glad that all of our money goes into the same pot - we never fight about money - never "pay each other back" - it does take some maturity and responsibility though i guess"

agreed....we have a small "allowance" each month that goes to our seperate accounts, but the vast majority of it gets pooled together.

4/10/2008 9:49:16 AM

How does separate finances make things easier?

BF and I both use debit cards, and neither of us keep a detailed log of every transaction. I just check every week or so to see if the acct needs more money, and to make sure there's no charges on there that shouldn't be. BF checks his less often. I think you could see how this could be a bad idea if we both made a few large purchases at the same time. Since my interest checking makes .75% (really need to see if I can find a better one, but I'm lazy) I keep most of it in a different account. I don't see a joint account working out under those circumstances.

Explain things? Having separate accounts doesn't mean you have to obsess about if you've both been spending the same amount and splitting the bill every time you go out to eat. I have a big bag of stuff I've bought for him right now.

4/10/2008 10:21:53 AM

Quote :

"BF and I"

You could have stopped right there. I was referring to married couples.

4/10/2008 10:25:40 AM

^^ for one, it would be silly to have a joint account unless you're married...second, you would definitely need to be more responsible in your finances and more communicative with each other regarding them if you wanted it to work...the problem these days is that so many people go into marriage thinking it might not work out (which is a valid concern, but still) and so they keep everything separate

if you really throw everything in together, because you are, after all, a couple and are building a life (and possibly a family) together, having the majority of your money in one pot makes life easier

of course, trust and communication are key, and these days, that's asking a lot of married couples (or any couple in general)

4/10/2008 10:28:52 AM

Quote :

"so many people go into marriage thinking it might not work out (which is a valid concern, but still) and so they keep everything separate"

I never understood this. If you keep everything separate you are still stuck splitting shit in case of a divorce.

4/10/2008 10:32:55 AM

Quote :

"You could have stopped right there. I was referring to married couples."

Yeah, but if there's no intention of changing it after getting married, same thing.

4/10/2008 10:35:19 AM

How is your way easier than putting all your funds in one account?

4/10/2008 10:37:24 AM

^^^ INORITE...i guess i could understand it if one of them is the primary breadwinner and the other (making less money) is a mooch with no fiscal responsibility...i guess in that case, keeping the money under tight wraps might make sense...but otherwise, i just can't see myself wanting to keep everything separate...it's like dating, except eventually it's GOT to get old, figuring out who pays for what (i'm assuming both people make equal amounts and live together, etc)

who pays for the furniture? does one pay for the electric while the other pays for cable and internet? just seems kinda stupid to me...if you want it like that, why not just go ahead and skip the marriage and just live together until the day you die or until you decide you're bored and want to walk away?

*shrug*

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 10:39 AM. Reason : arrows]

4/10/2008 10:38:38 AM

boo on the joint account. never, even if married should you pool all your money in a joint account. I have heard countless stories of people whose spouses cleaned out the joint
account(s) before spliting with a new lover. half of marriages fail. you will be better off if in the back of your mind you plan on the worst case. keep your own account.

4/10/2008 10:46:42 AM

Quote :

"I have heard countless stories of people whose spouses cleaned out the joint account(s) before spliting with a new lover. "

You can go to jail for that and if you are married to someone and willing to do something illegal I feel sure there are ways to get access to your spouse's accounts even if they are separate.

4/10/2008 10:49:11 AM

Quote :

"why not just go ahead and skip the marriage and just live together until the day you die or until you decide you're bored and want to walk away?"

tha's actually what I'm planning on doing. that might change down the road, but as of now the gf and I agree, marriage is overrated.

4/10/2008 10:54:12 AM

Quote :

"boo on the joint account. never, even if married should you pool all your money in a joint account. I have heard countless stories of people whose spouses cleaned out the joint account(s) before spliting with a new lover. half of marriages fail. you will be better off if in the back of your mind you plan on the worst case. keep your own account."

as it was pointed out before, combining finances requires a higher level of maturity. these "countless" people you know were obviously not very mature.

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 10:57 AM. Reason : e]

4/10/2008 10:56:01 AM

Quote :

"never, even if married should you pool all your money in a joint account."

i'm not advocating just one account, either...i realize that SOME people get married and don't trust or love the person they're with, but i don't intend on that being the case for me...i will, without a doubt, keep my own account, and would encourage her to keep her own, as well...but it's also a very good idea to have a joint, at the very least so you can pay joint bills without having to divide up who pays what

i can think of a number of emergency situations where the benefits of a joint account would be invaluable...your spouse having access to the main source of funds in the case where you aren't physically capable of getting to it yourself can be a safety precaution

again, it goes back to trust and communication...if you can't master both of those, then yeah, you probably shouldn't have a joint account and you're probably going to end up in that tragic 50%

4/10/2008 10:56:08 AM

Quote :

"as it was pointed out before, combing finances requires a higher level of maturity. these "countless" peopl you know were obviously not very mature. "

you'd be surprised how childish the most mature adults become when faced with the bitterness of divorce.

4/10/2008 10:58:22 AM

Quote :

"How is your way easier than putting all your funds in one account?"

No having to talk the other person into approving every purchase. Not having to worry about how much the other person spent before making a big purchase. If you have slightly different financial philosophies, helps prevent disagreements.

4/10/2008 10:59:47 AM

^^i dont agree with that. someone who is actually mature doesn't just turn into a child again. even though they may have portrayed maturity, inside they really weren't.

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 AM. Reason : d]

4/10/2008 11:00:30 AM

Why would those problems arise with a joint account?

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 AM. Reason : arrow ^]

4/10/2008 11:00:32 AM

Quote :

"No having to talk the other person into approving every purchase. Not having to worry about how much the other person spent before making a big purchase. If you have slightly different financial philosophies, helps prevent disagreements."

this makes no sense...all you're saying is that you don't like the idea of a joint account because you want the ability to be as immature, irresponsible, and uncommunicative as possible...which, i guess, are at least REASONS...they're just bad ones

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 11:03 AM. Reason : .]

4/10/2008 11:02:47 AM

Quote :

"i dont agree with that. someone who is actually mature doesn't just turn into a child again. even though they may have portrayed maturity, inside they really weren't. "

then that raises another question, how can you be sure you know the person well enough to trust them to be mature?

4/10/2008 11:03:53 AM

Quote :

"No having to talk the other person into approving every purchase. Not having to worry about how much the other person spent before making a big purchase. If you have slightly different financial philosophies, helps prevent disagreements."

thats called communication. people in a good relationship can discuss those types of things without it turning into an argument or even a big deal. if you're worried about having to talk with your significant other, then maybe the relationship isn't all that great.

^there's no one answer to that. every person is different.



[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 11:07 AM. Reason : d]

4/10/2008 11:04:07 AM

^Agreed. what works for one couple may not work for the other, and likewise, sometimes what you think will work for you turns out not working.....it's a trial and error process.

4/10/2008 11:06:46 AM

i agree with that

4/10/2008 11:07:49 AM

Quote :

"You can go to jail for that and if you are married to someone and willing to do something illegal I feel sure there are ways to get access to your spouse's accounts even if they are separate. "

dude

no you cant. a joint account is just that, JOINT which means either party can remove/contribute funds freely. a seperate accout also, is just that. another person, married or not, cannot withdraw funds from it. you need to learn how shit works before you get fucked over.

Quote :

"you'd be surprised how childish the most mature adults become when faced with the bitterness of divorce. "

EXACTLY

Quote :

"i can think of a number of emergency situations where the benefits of a joint account would be invaluable...your spouse having access to the main source of funds in the case where you aren't physically capable of getting to it yourself can be a safety precaution"

I should clarify...there is nothing wrong with having a small joint account for bills, common expenses, etc...but the bulk of your personal money should stay in your own account.

4/10/2008 11:07:54 AM

meh, to each his/her own...i wholeheartedly plan to have a joint account with my wife, where the majority of our money will reside...buying cars, making mortgage payments, and paying bills will all come out of that account...i hope that we trust each other enough that it's never a question as to where the money's gone, and that if, God forbid, we ever divorce, we're both mature enough not to turn it into an embittered battle over money and possessions

also, in this idealized world of mine, neither of us ever cheats, in any way, and we have a beautiful and healthy family and each day we fall more in love than the day we met

but who am i kidding? most people hate their spouse, and each is only waiting for the other to die first so they can finally be happy

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 11:13 AM. Reason : .]

4/10/2008 11:12:46 AM

Quote :

"No having to talk the other person into approving every purchase."

I feel sure people with joint accounts don't consult their spouses before making small purchases like buying lunch for themselves.

Quote :

"Not having to worry about how much the other person spent before making a big purchase."

If I had a separate account I would still consult my spouse before making a big purchase.

4/10/2008 11:14:19 AM