just.... to all of this.

you need to get with the other bridesmaids and make a mom-of-bride drinking game for the shower & refine it for the wedding. anytime she does something tacky, the first person to notice takes a drink, and then everyone else takes two drinks.

5/14/2008 5:43:46 PM

Quote :

"MeatStick: Count yourself lucky. My mother has decided that since she's helping pay for the wedding (They offered) that she can now say anything she wants and make comments as if they are law, or "i'm not paying for this wedding." Great...don't."

hahaha, are you related to my boyfriend?! lol His Mom was like this for his sister's wedding. But shes ALWAYS like that about money. Her Mom wanted a 4 piece brass band to play during the ceremony, his sister hated the idea and thought it was really tacky. The mother insisted on it, sister gave in - the band ended up sucking, they were way off most of the time, and the mother was disapoinetd. Basically, it was a power struggle. His sister had in her mind what she wanted and she was really easy to please - both mothers tastes were a little 'fru-fru', but her mother would just say she didn't like something just to try to change the brides mind to know that she had some say in what was going on. It was a mess, but not classless like this situation. The wedding was nice though.



About invitations to the bridal shower: I've gotten a couple invitations with a little slip of paper from the store that says "The happy couple are registered at ____." I didn't really think that was tacky though.

I think you should talk to the rest of the bridesmaids too just to see where they stand in this. I didn't really think you would have a hard time making her mom understand where you were coming from. I mean, she's known you for a long time too, she knows your financial situation, and I doubt she would want money to come between you.

[Edited on May 14, 2008 at 6:11 PM. Reason : ]

5/14/2008 6:07:33 PM

Y'know....okay, look, I'm not a fan of ruining suprizes
But somebody should clue the bride in i think. The eggtimer just...A FUCKING EGGTIMER?
I'm speechless. If it's going that far, tell the bride!

5/14/2008 10:24:46 PM

with more than 100 guests why in the world would you even attempt to open presents at the party?!? and a party favor basket at the front door for people to grab as they walk out the door is just fine

5/14/2008 10:48:26 PM

^^ Yeah, that sounds like some retarded crap she read in a bridal magazine and thought OMG I SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!

I would be embarrassed for the bride if there was egg timer nonsense going on.

Quote :

"For my bachelorette I'm even renting a beach house in SC with my own money and just asked them to take a week off work to relax with me before all the crazy stuff happens. "

I might have to steal this idea in the future

5/15/2008 12:23:57 AM

So has this bridal shower happened yet? I've been curious what happened in the end.

6/2/2008 9:56:27 AM

I don't think the whole saying where the couple is registered is tacky, but telling people they will only accept what is on the registries is.

About the gift receipts: most places are no longer accepting registries as receipts (Target). When my sister got married and when she had her baby, she got several repeat presents (cashier didn't take item off, registry system crashed). She actually got about 4 welcome mats and they all appeared on her registry. For her baby shower she received several crib toys (all the same) and she couldn't take them back. Luckily it was close family and friends who bought them and gave her the original receipts.

6/2/2008 10:19:23 AM

It goes down at the end of June. And get this, one of the bridesmaids called to ask me to chip in for a $400 Coach purse the bride wants for a bridal shower gift. I said, "Wasn't us pitching in for the reception enough of a bridal shower gift???!" She sounded flabbergasted, but then I politely told her I had no more money to contribute for the rest of the bridal events until the wedding. Felt good.

6/2/2008 1:41:19 PM

My one bridesmaid's experience taught me a valuable lesson. You know that whole "Groom and bride aren't supposed to see each other before the wedding" thing? THAT MEANS CELL PHONES, TOO. It is the bridesmaid's duty to confiscate the bride's cell phone. Same goes for groomsmen and the groom's phone. Riding back late from our hair and nail appointment only to get the irate groom whining because we weren't back on time and leading to a fight between the couple mere hours before the wedding is not a good thing.

6/2/2008 1:56:12 PM

$400 for a coach purse?!

At this point I'd not even go, pay the $100 to change your ticket and take a vacation. If the bride is asking for an obscenely expensive purse from her friends she has already put through a ton of shit she's obviously a greedy bitch just like mom and you are better without them.

This is why I'm against weddings. It's an excuse to abuse the friends more often than the happy low stress celebration it should be.

6/2/2008 2:54:39 PM

My brother just got married this weekend. My wife did the bridal shower, and the bride showed up late. Not a good thing to do to my wife when you have something scheduled.

To make things worse, at the rehearsal, we got there at 5:30. The bride was "getting her hair done" and got there about 7:20. She and my brother got in an argument about her tardniess as well. After the rehearsal, they were the last ones to show up at the dinner. Was scheduled at 6:30, but we ate about 9:15.

She was even an hour + late the wedding day! Again, getting her hair done. Supposed to get my wife to do her makeup at 1. Showed up at 2:15. Wedding at 4:30. They got her down the aisle on time, but that was a fun day.

6/2/2008 4:11:16 PM

Quote :

""Wasn't us pitching in for the reception enough of a bridal shower gift???!""

you had to pitch in for the reception? what?

6/2/2008 4:32:30 PM

All I asked my bridesmaids to do was pay for their dress (which was only 100 bucks and they were able to wear it somewhere else)! I bought their shoes and made them jewelry, paid for them to get their hair done and even bought them gifts for the bridesmaids luncheon. I just wanted them to be there! Its my wedding, not theirs, it shouldn't put them in a financial bind to be a part of it.

6/2/2008 5:43:26 PM

Quote :

"And get this, one of the bridesmaids called to ask me to chip in for a $400 Coach purse the bride wants for a bridal shower gift"

holy mother of god this family sounds INSANE. and at the bridal shower aren't you supposed to get things off the registry that you and your FIANCE registered for. like shit you need for your house? good GOD ALMIGHTY.

6/2/2008 7:38:49 PM

Let me explain. The bride did not ask for a gift, the girls in the bridal shower just knew she wanted the purse and wanted to get it for her.

6/3/2008 9:34:16 AM

These bridesmaids must be spending somebody else's money. Either that, or they love their friends a whole lot more than I love mine.

6/3/2008 9:44:22 AM

Quote :

"The bride did not ask for a gift, the girls in the bridal shower just knew she wanted the purse and wanted to get it for her."

yeah i thought that was pretty clear...i was wondering what everybody was freaking out about. all the other stuff is crazy inappropriate, but the purse isn't as bad since it was a bridesmaid request and not a family request.

6/3/2008 9:45:05 AM

sounds like someone i wouldn't want to be friends with, expecting 400 dollar purses and whatnot in ADDITION to registry gifts.

6/3/2008 9:49:44 AM

Well, all the other girls in the bridal shower either are married, have great jobs, or have decent jobs with no debt. I'm unmarried, live 1,000 miles away from family, and have crushing student loan debt

6/3/2008 9:50:18 AM

Why give a purse? You are supposed to give gifts that the couple will use together or for their home. I have never heard of giving someone a purse for a shower gift.

6/3/2008 11:25:04 AM

Haha, i would say a purse is a "couple" gift Now, she got it as a gift instead of spending their money buying it

6/3/2008 12:16:57 PM

6/3/2008 12:27:32 PM

[Edited on June 3, 2008 at 12:43 PM. Reason : ]

6/3/2008 12:43:12 PM

I'm just kidding you stupid idiots JEEZ

6/3/2008 12:44:35 PM

you stupid idiots

6/3/2008 12:50:23 PM

She gets a $400 purse, he might get laid one more time before being forced into a life of celibacy, XXL sweat pants, and minivans. Everyone wins.

6/3/2008 2:35:29 PM

You made me laugh and have a good point

6/4/2008 11:06:02 AM

Quote :

"yeah, i would suddenly have a prior engagement i can't get out of."

god, what a bunch of uptight assholes... if it were the bride's idea for all of that unnecessary to-do, i probably wouldn't talk to her anymore, either. i have more important things to do than spend my hard-earned money on an ungrateful, selfish friend.

6/4/2008 11:13:09 AM

this makes me glad i'm a guy....

what happened btw with all of this?

6/4/2008 1:45:41 PM

Quote :

"No, etiquette says you definitely don't contribute to this party. Politely reply that you are too strapped to afford $200 for the party. If she hassles you again about it, tell her to fuck off."

6/6/2008 9:00:04 AM

So has this happened yet?

6/21/2008 11:46:27 PM

I want to know about this one too

7/6/2008 9:06:04 AM

Am I mistaken or isn't it bad etiquette for your parents to throw you a bridal shower anyway?? Seems kind of greedy like "here's my kid, give her gifts!" I always thought that it was given by others.

My sister is getting married and the only thing that all of the bridesmaids are paying for are our dresses. She is paying for our hair to get done, our makeup, and gifts at the bridesmaids luncheon.

By the way, any suggestions for a bachelorette party that I am supposed to throw being the Maid of Honor for a sister that doesn't like to go out and drink? I need tame suggestions!

7/6/2008 10:31:15 AM

^ spa trip... HANDS DOWN.

If you need a local recommendation, feel free to PM me.

7/6/2008 10:57:34 AM

What does she like to do?

I second the spa trip, or maybe a weekend at the beach. If she's outdoorsy go sailing or hiking, or white water rafting. These would all cost way less than the amount to throw a party with alcohol.

Or you can do a lingerie party, that's fun too.

[Edited on July 6, 2008 at 3:20 PM. Reason : ]

7/6/2008 3:20:09 PM

God, don't do the lingerie party unless you 10000% know she would be into that. I went to one of those where the bride was a prude and she was just pissy the whole time. It was obnoxious.

I third the spa day.

7/7/2008 8:38:56 AM

The spa trip does sound good, but am I responsible for paying for everybody's treatments or just my sister's and mine? If it is just the two of us that would be great. Plus, I don't want all of the other bridesmaids to feel like this trip would cost them an arm and a leg.

I'm not sure how she would feel about a lingerie party because I love her to death but she is slightly a prude in that department.

A trip to the beach would be good too, except that the wedding is in November! Might be cold, but would still be relaxing.

7/7/2008 6:41:33 PM

Well, think of it this way, if you were having the party in a bar, the girls would be paying for their own drinks and stuff right? So I don't think it's unreasonable for them to pay for the spa. Just make sure to pick a reasonable package, and they can even opt out of some of the things. Some spas will even give you group discounts.

My mom and I looooooooooooooooove this place: http://www.skinsense.com

If you go to the one in Brier Creek, you guys could just do a half day or something at the spa, go get lunch at the Thai place right next to it, and maybe see a movie or something

7/7/2008 7:59:39 PM

So the party was great in that the bride was completely surprised and burst into tears when she saw I had flown in. However, the bride's mom was friggin ridiculous- all uppity and anxious. The party started at 2 and when we got there at 12 to set up the banquet hall told her that we'd need to be out by 6:15 so they could set up for a wedding reception. She threw a tantrum that we'd ONLY have the hall for 4 hours. The bride opened over 60 presents (took over 2 hours) and I just thought it was ridiculous. We're talking fire pits, full cooking sets, appliances....the registry has already been cleared out. I had fun and I'm glad my friend was surprised and everything, but the whole event was over the top and I now recognize that my friend's mom is a wolf in sheeps clothing.

7/8/2008 10:09:50 AM

Whoa, the party was in a banquet hall That's insane!

7/8/2008 10:25:54 AM

from Elizabeth Anne Designs (http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/) (all fabulous wedding stuff):

Quote :

"Other registry, shower, and gift-giving etiquette: * Under no circumstances should cash ever be listed, mentioned, or hinted to in printed materials. * If you are doing a fun honeymoon or other lifestyle registry, be sure to also register for tangible things to be opened at your showers - these are the ooh and ahh parties and you want to have fun packages to open! * Other than your wedding party and the mothers, if you are having multiple showers, each guest should only be invited to one. * Immediate family should not host showers. * If you are the host, consult with the bride on the guest list - you may not be aware of other showers that are being held in her honor! Always invite both mothers and the wedding party to each shower (or both sets of parents if you are throwing a couples shower). The exception is an office shower, where only co-workers should be invited. * As a guest, if possible, send your gift to the couple prior to the wedding. The less packages that the couple has to arrange transport for, the better! * Brides, it’s just plain nice to give a small token of appreciation to your shower hostess. "

and

Quote :

"The spa trip does sound good, but am I responsible for paying for everybody's treatments or just my sister's and mine?"

All of the girls attending should just plan to split the cost of the bride's package (possibly everyone throws in an extra $10-15)?

You shouldn't feel it necessary to pay for everyone for this spa outing - each person is responsible for their own (minus the bride). If the bride is particularly sane and not materialistic, she may favor just the attendance of you all at the spa event in lieu of presents, too.

I second the lunch after and a movie too if you want to make a whole day of it.

[Edited on July 8, 2008 at 8:54 PM. Reason : spa]

7/8/2008 8:50:05 PM

That's interesting about the immediate family thing because the two showers I've attended the family hosted.

Actually one of the showers was really bizarre. Her older sister worked at Victoria Secret, so decided they should have a lingerie party. But her sister is SUPER conservative when it comes to sex stuff, so she was pissy. And her mom who's the same age as my grandmother was there, making it more awkward. And then her sister got mad that a friend and I went in together on our gift so we would get her something nice rather than Target shit.

And THEN, the same sister, who was the maid of honor, decided we should all go downtown to a pool hall, but didn't consider the fact we couldn't drink if she was making us all DRIVE down there. And then she kept pulling my friend and I aside going, "You know, YOU TWO should plan the bachelorette party."

"Uh why?"

"You just SHOULD."

She almost had us convinced to do it until we overheard the bride being super bitchy about the concept of a bachelorette party to begin with. "That crap is stupid blah blah blah."

Fast forward to after the wedding and the bride is bitching that none of her friends planned her a bachelorette party

[Edited on July 9, 2008 at 6:43 AM. Reason : .]

7/9/2008 6:43:03 AM

^ Bitches aint shit but hos and tricks. Or in this case a bride and her sister.

7/9/2008 9:31:05 AM

^^ maybe they were bizarre b/c the family hosted

7/9/2008 7:13:33 PM

haha, well the other one wasn't bad. Kind of a stereotypical bridal shower. I can't even remember much from it.

7/9/2008 7:20:04 PM

The only thing about "etiquette" that I would disagree on is the immediate family member hosting a shower thing. I mean, if bridesmaids are all straight out of college (or sometimes still in college/grad school) and just getting started they can't afford to throw a bridal shower. Those things are freaking expensive, even if you take it easy. I just hosted a baby shower for my close friend and it almost broke the bank. So, in a lot of cases I wouldn't judge someone if their mom/sister/aunt/cousin threw a bridal shower for them.

I think that as long as people use their best judgment then "etiquette" will fall into place. Of course, there are always exceptions to this. Some people just don't have good judgment.

7/10/2008 9:00:01 AM