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6/9/2008 6:49:47 PM

ooo ooo time for another story

so im with my gf in hs at the beach with her family

her dad is a massive, massive man.. like 6'7" 275+, but just jacked up

well anyways, we went up to the condo for "a drink and more sunscreen" and i'm plowing her on the floor of the living room, trying to keep an eye over the beach, monitoring the family to make sure no one left... as more information, she's wearing one of the tube top binkinis, titties flopped out the top, with it kinda rolled down, bottoms pushed to the side for quick reclothing if need be. i've got my board shorts ~my knees, doing my thing

well of course, i wasnt doing a good job as lookout, and we hear a jiggle on the door.

with the speed of a million ninjas i stand up and bolt to the sliding glass door, with no idea wtf im going to do... but i did manage to get my pants up to my waste, and im standing with my hands on my hips looking out the door like im just takin' in the scenery...

dad realizes his little girls tits are out and she's on the floor, and im at the door not turning around or looking

he screams and starts running at us, im damn near crying with my cock out thinking i was going to get speared through the door and off the balcony with a huge throbber getting cut off by the glass door, and he makes a right into the bedroom, storming off

she gets up, and tries to explain that she was stretching, and that when she startled when the door opened her tits must have fallen out and i was turned away out of embarrassed modesty.

pretty sure it didnt fly, i basically just got my shit and left and couldnt look at him in the eye again for a few months, but i didnt die with my cock out

6/9/2008 6:57:16 PM

^ i lolled like 5x as i read that. good story.

good thread

6/9/2008 7:02:39 PM

it'd be a better story if you were fast enough and got away with it

6/9/2008 7:03:46 PM

but even better if he had killed you or something.

10/10, keep the stories comin

6/9/2008 7:36:12 PM

Quote :

"fight-or-flight mode put me into a lying-out-my-ass-mode I have yet to top. She bought it, burst into tears, and went to hug me. "

dude what did you say?

6/9/2008 7:52:01 PM

the worst is getting a random boner on the wolfline right before your stop comes up

6/9/2008 7:57:43 PM

god i get mine all the time

its like since 7th grade they just happen sometimes, for no reason.
especially if i was tired and then start doing something.

uhh, its straight redic.

6/9/2008 8:09:26 PM

Quote :

"One week before my chemistry final freshman year- My ex-gf(who was a senior in hs)'s psycho-bitch-mother found a used pregnotest that wasn't negative. She never wanted to see my face again. My ex hid this from me and I would continue to come over to flabbergasted stares and slammed doors (from mom). Night after chem final - Came back to pick up gf, honked the horn (I didn't want to go inside anymore), greeted by the father who sat in my car and basically told me how fucked I was. He went back inside, I went after to "steal" my ex away, only to be greeted by a hulk-mode mom. Her anger evolved into a form of hate so pure that I still get the shivers thinking about it, today. Having never had to deal with a life-threatening situation before, fight-or-flight mode put me into a lying-out-my-ass-mode I have yet to top. She bought it, burst into tears, and went to hug me. Bonertime- The talk of my ignorance of subject of sex somehow throttled a massive boner to biblically scale so large, only Mary Magdalene can contest. It was so solid that it would surely have speared her in the abdomen if I hadn't acted quickly. I arc'd my ass back, swung it back, and squeezed my thighs to "grip the shit" and was able to recess it seconds before her mother fell sobbing, heavily, into my arms."

I played a proverbial royal flush of the "I grew up in a strict christian family," "I have never loved anything as much as I love your daughter," "I didn't know what we were doing," "I never would have done anything to disgrace her," and "if I had known what I had done, I would have confronted you as I am now" cards. Oscar-worthy tears sold it though.

6/9/2008 8:16:19 PM

Quote :

"pants up to my waste"

6/9/2008 8:42:45 PM

Quote :

"pants up to my waste"

6/9/2008 8:46:37 PM

^^So what happened to the girl? Did she have the baby?

6/9/2008 8:47:22 PM

Nope, I'm not actually sure what happened with that

6/9/2008 8:50:23 PM

^^^

well mother fucker

6/9/2008 8:55:41 PM

I can't wait for volume 2.

6/9/2008 8:57:59 PM

we havent even finished this one

6/9/2008 9:17:31 PM

Quote :

"with the speed of a million ninjas"

6/9/2008 9:57:17 PM

8th grade algebra class my boner came like clockwork

6/9/2008 10:53:35 PM

Quote :

"the worst is getting a random boner on the wolfline right before your stop comes up "

i'm a little boggled by boners on the wolfline. i mean the WOLFLINE. have you ridden on one of those recently. i'm not a guy but...my wolfline experiences have all been very nonsexual. and if anything libido decreasing. then again, i'm not a big fan of smells.

6/10/2008 12:03:25 AM

you shut your mouth you slut

6/10/2008 12:07:20 AM

^^sometimes the vibrations, or if there is a particularly hot girl on the bus

it happens

6/10/2008 12:31:22 AM

i guess i was never riding the right bus

6/10/2008 12:32:04 AM

^ hence the hot girl on the bus.....

6/10/2008 12:33:25 AM

guess not,
it doesn't happen to me so much on the wolfline as it did when they had the old buses

6/10/2008 12:33:32 AM

Mr. Burgundy you have a massive erection.

6/10/2008 1:14:43 AM

Quote :

"Fuck, I wish I had made a boner-log. I'd love to look back at that and see if I remember any of the specific ones, ahaha."

such a logbook would be a fire hazard

either that or require a second hard drive (so to speak) if it was an electronic copy

6/10/2008 1:21:20 AM

BIG TRIUMPHANT VEINY BASTARD

6/10/2008 1:26:11 AM

Quote :

"a guy "sporting" one in public"

Fashion statement?

6/10/2008 1:31:12 AM

My husband ALWAYS gets a boner when I cry. I tease him endlessly about what a mean little sadistic fuck he is.

6/10/2008 9:26:48 AM

Haha, I get that sometimes too, its a thinking you have won and make up sex is on its way.

6/10/2008 9:57:31 AM

This thread gets a 10!!!

6/10/2008 10:01:16 AM

Yikes, I left out one of my better boner stories....

2006-Just finished school and had a job interview in Seattle. Left LA at 6:00 AM after I partied all night and slept for maybe an hour. Had Bball shorts on with boxers on the plane and didn't sleep. Company arranged for a shuttle to take me from the airport to my hotel ~30 miles away. I was the last one on the shuttle so I had to sit in the back on a bench seat between a young lady and an old man. Started to get drowsy right away and nodded off. I woke up in the hotel parking lot and was still drowsy. Stood up and I was half-staff, no time or privacy to tuck it. I did a manage a quick tuck as I stepped down, only to notice a drool spot the size of a CD on my shirt.

6/10/2008 11:53:19 AM

I'm going to add this thread to .

Best shit I've read in awhile...rollin.

[Edited on June 10, 2008 at 12:14 PM. Reason : n]

6/10/2008 12:14:16 PM

Hilarity!

6/10/2008 12:15:50 PM

Quote :

"1999-2007- Too drunk to get boners"

6/10/2008 12:29:53 PM

loose fitting boxers and gym shorts...a curse when it comes to boners

6/10/2008 2:16:23 PM

ok i have a recent boner story. so i was flying back home from seattle, a long ass flight, sitting first class so i was wearing a nice white button down dress shirt and slacks. well any guy will tell you that the absolute worst thing to get a boner in is dress slacks. you can't use the waist band tuck method and any sort of chubby is clearly visible. so i'm sitting there and get a raging pee boner like no other. in hopes that it will go away i hold it but this just perpetuates the problem making it worse. it gets to the point where i have such a throbbing hard on that it feels like there is literally a bone in my dick that wants to burst its way out alien style. so i did what i had to do...i stand up to make my way to the bathroom pitching a circus tent. i walk to the bathroom like nothing was wrong, trying not to make eye contact with anyone or bump some one with my boner. on the way back to my seat this older business professional woman smirked at me, i blushed

[Edited on June 10, 2008 at 3:50 PM. Reason : a]

6/10/2008 3:49:20 PM

6/10/2008 3:54:30 PM

^^haha I forgot about the dress pants boners, those are the worst by far.

BTW, there is always discussion across the boards on whether or not to wear a suit jacket on job interviews. As this thread is a clear indicator, boners can rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times. To hide a ill-timed boner, always bring a suit jacket-you can take it off if you are flaccid.

6/10/2008 4:05:32 PM

If you want to be extra-secure, make sure to wear two pairs o' tighty whiteys at the same time

6/10/2008 4:33:31 PM

Every time I see this thread title, it reminds me of The Todd from scrubs for some reason.

6/10/2008 4:41:49 PM

boxer briefs do wonders for halfchubs. i wish i had discovered this in middle school.

6/10/2008 4:46:13 PM

ok this is probably a really dumb question but if a girl is grinding on me at a club should I hide the boner or do they like that

6/10/2008 6:16:41 PM

I remember being in some class in Bostian hall my Sophomore year. It was my final class of the day and typically there are a decent amount of good looking girls in the biological science type classes. Well I was doing really well that day and hadn't gotten a boner in any of my classes. I was a note taking machine and was fully entrenched in the subject matter. Two minutes before the end of class I get a raging boner. Luckily I had a light jacket with me. It was your typical start off cool but get warm by the afternoon day. I put the jacket on while sitting down even though it's warm outside and I had previously took the jacket off around 10 or 11 and stored it in my book bag. I zip up the jacket put my hands in the pockets and proceed to inconspicuously tuck the boner in the waistband of my boxers. I then leave and walk all the way back to Sullivan Hall with a raging boner and me trying to hold the jacket low enough that no one notices that I'm walking funny. I stayed stiff all the way up until I got to my room on the 11th floor. It seemed that I was being punished for something b/c along the way I passed a bunch of hot girls and there were another two in the elevator with me.

6/10/2008 7:19:34 PM

^^ the sole purpose of grinding is to check out how big your dick is.

6/10/2008 7:28:26 PM

^^There is neither rhyme nor reason when it comes to boners. Realization of this fact is a long, hard journey.

6/10/2008 7:58:40 PM

^^

unless our hand is on you crotch dont poke us in the back. Its disturbing

6/10/2008 8:03:23 PM

Quote :

"with the speed of a million ninjas"

Classic.

6/10/2008 8:04:14 PM

it doesnt poke.... it grinds on your ass.

6/10/2008 8:04:51 PM

^^^^ FACT.

6/10/2008 8:04:56 PM