2

1/7/2009 3:43:52 PM

what about fostering a child?

I've heard of a lot of people that have fostered infants/children and eventually adopted them.

------
She said 5 -10 years from now, not tomorrow!

Some people just prefer to adopt. It personally breaks my heart to think of all the unwanted, neglected children in this world. I have students who bounce around from one foster/group home to the next. They have no stability and are unsuccessful in school.

The reality is far too many people bring children into this world without considering everything "wolfchica" has. She is for one educated and is giving this serious thought. She can probably give the child a better life and more opportunities than the average "walmart' or whatever you want to call it woman living off state aid and food stamps.



A second cousin of mine's girlfriend (who is 19) is due with her 2nd child next month. She already has a one year old and neglects the poor kid. She's a 3rd generation product of welfare and sees having babies as a way to get more money from the state. She's lazy, refuses to work, and literally stays on a couch 23 hrs/day while her one year eats donuts and sits in filthy diapers. Both parents have pretty bad learning disabilities and can't drive. My cousin is now refusing to work as well now that he realizes he can get welfare.
They move from relative to relative, taking advantage of them, destroying their house, etc... Right now my cousin's mother has taken them in (for the 2nd time) and is miserable. Loves her grandson and wants so badly to report them but can't bear the thought of the child being taken away.
I guarantee the girl will be pregnant within months of giving birth.
/rant

[Edited on January 7, 2009 at 4:09 PM. Reason : good luck with your search]

1/7/2009 4:08:42 PM

I think if I had to choose between spending a bunch of money to adopt or losing a bunch of money by getting preggers and not being able to work I'd go for the second option. Seems like it'll work out the same financially, but option 2 lets you lay around getting fat for a few months.

1/7/2009 4:36:32 PM

Dude, where have you been for the past 20 years? Nowadays, bitches work up until pretty much the day they give birth, and they take a month TOPS for maternity leave (which a lot of the time is paid) after the kid is born. Shit, some of them are back to work in a week.

[Edited on January 7, 2009 at 4:41 PM. Reason : a]

1/7/2009 4:38:19 PM

<--- adopted

so can say 100% that 99.9% of this thread is full of the dumbest stuff i've ever read.

congrats to those of you who are semi informed.

1/7/2009 5:08:38 PM

You can adopt me.

I'm house trained and won't go through your mail.

1/7/2009 5:14:21 PM

bad idea.

1/7/2009 5:17:19 PM

Quote :

"Loves her grandson and wants so badly to report them but can't bear the thought of the child being taken away. "

why not file for custody? your story doesn't make sense.

1/7/2009 5:18:05 PM

because if she loses in court, which is likely unless there is blatent abuse, then she just fractured the relationship most likely and may never see the children again.

1/7/2009 5:19:17 PM

Quote :

"so can say 100% that 99.9% of this thread is full of the dumbest stuff i've ever read. "

I'm not anti-adoption. Shit, if I married a woman that couldn't have kids, I would definitely adopt. I am just against adoption for the wrong reasons.

1/7/2009 6:03:10 PM

My grandmother did foster care for many years and then adopted the final girl they fostered. She worked entirely with "high risk" infants. Anyway, fostering kids is a good first step in adoption if you want to adopt domestically.

I would never adopt a kid from overseas unless it were a country like Japan or England or something. Way too many of the orphanages in countries like China and Russia are shady as hell and you have no idea what you might be getting yourself into.

1/7/2009 10:21:40 PM

I've heard that when you get off the plane in China, they pretty much throw babies and fortune cookies at you.

1/8/2009 12:06:43 AM

Quote :

"I would never adopt a kid from overseas unless it were a country like Japan or England or something. Way too many of the orphanages in countries like China and Russia are shady as hell and you have no idea what you might be getting yourself into."

most of the kids that are adopted out by the state are fucked up too

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 12:29 AM. Reason : atleast you get money for it i guess]

1/8/2009 12:27:22 AM

Yeah but you're less likely to adopt a kid where as soon as you bring them home the doctor goes, "oops this kid is dying of cancer that should have been treated months ago lolololol." You'll instead end up with a kid where the courts later go, "oops this kid has some serious psychological issues I guess that's why he murdered the girl lolololol."

1/8/2009 12:31:27 AM

haha, true enough

1/8/2009 12:33:44 AM

Quote :

"<--- adopted so can say 100% that 99.9% of this thread is full of the dumbest stuff i've ever read. congrats to those of you who are semi informed."

at first, it seems like you're coming from a place where your opinion on the matter carries loads more weight than everyone else's...then you realize that you don't know jack shit more about her or her situation than anyone else (unless she's shared privately with you something she hasn't put in this thread), and you're just spewing that children are better off adopted than not...which no one is disputing

i am, without a doubt, 100% pro-adoption, for many of the reasons other people are - no need to bring more children into the world, since there are so many without families (be it for "green" or humanitarian reasons), people who cannot have children deserve the chance to be parents, since they could be good at it (be it because they're gay or otherwise biologically incapable of having children), and a child in a home has a good chance of having a more normal life than one raised in orphanages/foster homes (assuming the adoption family is stable, of course)

i am, without a doubt, against people adopting when their reasons are not sound and when they have failed to FULLY consider the entire thing (the OP has begun the process, but she still seems ridiculously naive and poorly informed)...let's not forget that she references wal-mart mothers with 5-6 children as a reason she deserves one, and that she PLANS on having money so she can hire someone to take care of her child

i don't think anyone is anti-adoption here...they're anti-bad reasons and anti-poor planning

1/8/2009 10:19:00 AM

My buddy adopted 2 kids from Russia. $60k each, not counting the numerous expenses they incurred from the various times they had to travel over there. Those blond haired blue eyed babies are expensive.

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 10:21 AM. Reason : a]

1/8/2009 10:21:06 AM

adopting a child is the next best thing after abortion imo

1/8/2009 10:22:43 AM

It's sad, but for alot of countries, their orphanages/adopted children are a significant source of revenue.

1/8/2009 10:24:43 AM

thanks for the feedback...

fostering is something i'd like to learn more about as well.
a friend of my family fosters Sunni children, 4 siblings.
i just wonder how that works though, if they are refugees, etc.

to answer the ongoing speculation/question- there is nothing wrong "biologically" that would prevent me from havin babies, but.... that's like going to get a puppy from a puppy mill when you could go to the humane society instead.

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 11:49 AM. Reason : ..]

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 11:49 AM. Reason : *~]

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 11:50 AM. Reason : damnit]

1/8/2009 11:48:23 AM

Did you just compare your vagina to a puppy mill?

1/8/2009 11:49:31 AM

i guess i did

1/8/2009 11:50:51 AM

quagmire & blah, you're lame.

i didn't say i "deserve" in the wal-mart reference, i was saying...

think about this holistically- only 1% of people on this ENTIRE planet have a 4 yr degree.
think of alllll of those people out there reproducing and raising children.

i'm not going to defend myself by giving you my resume.

as some have pointed out already- this is not about "do you think i'm cut out for it?"
the question was "any of you out there have any experience with the process of adoption?"

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 12:12 PM. Reason : insult intended for more than one ]

1/8/2009 12:08:21 PM

you are definitely not cut out for it.

1/8/2009 12:38:36 PM

1/8/2009 1:05:38 PM

I just don't get it. If you can have kids, why wouldn't you? I mean, don't you want your child to be part of you, instead of potentially the offspring of some crackhead?

or is it as I suspected and it would just be too much of an inconvenience in your life to be pregnant?

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 1:16 PM. Reason : a]

1/8/2009 1:14:23 PM

Quote :

"quagmire & blah, you're lame. i didn't say i "deserve" in the wal-mart reference, i was saying... "

i didn't say anything about the wal-mart reference.. and i didn't make any comments about whether or not you "deserve" anything. i just said you seem to have a lot of plans, maybe you should wait until after your plans are reality.

i think it's great that you're trying to get information early... but seriously.. this is the wolf web, don't get pissy.

1/8/2009 1:32:59 PM

I can't help but think you haven't thought this through. A single parent's life (no matter how noble adopting a child is) is extremely trying. And you can kiss your personal life goodbye. If you haven't met a spouse yet, the chances will drop dramatically after you have a child. Yes, the process can take a very long time (my parents were on the list for 8 years), but it all depends on your preference. If you want a white baby, you're going to pay thousands of dollars and wait a loooong time, if you are okay with and older black child you can probably pick them up today and the government will pay you. However, I know a lot of states simply will not adopt a child out to a single parent (especially over seas adoptions). Just please think this through, talk with all of your family, see what they think (since they would presumably know you better than us).

1/8/2009 5:40:07 PM

look, if 9 months of pregnancy is too much of an inconvenience, imagine 18 years of having a kid.

marinate on that

1/8/2009 6:04:04 PM

Quote :

"My buddy adopted 2 kids from Russia. $60k each, not counting the numerous expenses they incurred from the various times they had to travel over there. Those blond haired blue eyed babies are expensive."

I had a coworker who did the same.

Good thing my dad didn't know I was worth that much as a kid or I would have been sold in a heartbeat.

1/8/2009 6:13:54 PM

^ Whenever I was annoying as a kid my dad would either threaten to sell me to the circus or return me to Sears

1/8/2009 7:10:14 PM

my mother told me to go play in the street

1/8/2009 7:11:44 PM

One of my neighbors was always threatening to sell her kids to gypsies. Then I told them that gypsies live an awesome life just traveling around and doing whatever they please without ever having to work. They'd be like "YAY GYPSIES!!!" when she threatened them from that point on.

1/8/2009 7:27:36 PM

Yeah I think the gypsy threat can only really work on European children lol.

1/8/2009 7:36:23 PM

Quote :

"at first, it seems like you're coming from a place where your opinion on the matter carries loads more weight than everyone else's...then you realize that you don't know jack shit more about her or her situation than anyone else (unless she's shared privately with you something she hasn't put in this thread), and you're just spewing that children are better off adopted than not...which no one is disputing"

i don't know how you got any of this from my 3 line post. damn, was there microscopic print up there?

i wasn't even commenting on the OP. or her situation. and it wasn't about being pro-adoption, either. it was just a statement that A LOT of the posts in here (prior to when i posted) were just stupid (like ignorant comments). but i guess that can be said about every thread on here.

oh well!

edit: but to respond more to the meat of your post, i too am pro-adoption for SOUND reasons. and i think that people should be VERY aware of what they are getting into. a) a kid--kind of a lot of work b) adoption is different because it can have psychological effects on both family and child. i mean not like huge problems, but i think a lot of adopted children go through a harder "finding yourself" stage than a lot of people. like "who am i" etc. i mean everyone asks those questions, but they are always easier to answer when you can look at your parents and be like "oh i look just like you" or grandparents or whatever. its hard to explain.

but i am also probably more pro nontraditional adoptions than a lot of people are (ie single parent adoption, gay couples, older couples, etc). i mean yes, they still need to have good reasons, etc, but the short explanation is families can be fucked up even if they are "normal" and people can be loved in situations that aren't "normal." i can elaborate further if people really have a hard time comprehending.

[Edited on January 8, 2009 at 8:35 PM. Reason : .]

1/8/2009 8:29:54 PM

Quote :

"it seems like you're coming from a place where your opinion on the matter carries loads more weight than everyone else's"

i told her that in the breastfeeding thread the other day lol

1/8/2009 8:37:32 PM

well, like i said before, dnl, my statement up there wasn't an "opinion on the matter"

it was an opinion on the idiocy of tww. it had nothing to do with being proadoption or the OP.

but this is the thing about opinions. i usually give more credibility to people who have experience/similar experiences and those who are knowledgeable about the subject. they sometimes know what they are talking about.

and then there are comments like this, for instance, which i desperately hope aren't serious

Quote :

"I just don't get it. If you can have kids, why wouldn't you? I mean, don't you want your child to be part of you, instead of potentially the offspring of some crackhead? or is it as I suspected and it would just be too much of an inconvenience in your life to be pregnant?"

so my comment was in reference to statements like this (the ignorant statements). i'm not saying my opinion matters more than anyone else's. i'm just saying i know a lot about the subject and posts like that suggest that the people making said posts do not really have a clue what they are talking about. or just haven't thought things through very hard.

i don't even get why i need to justify calling someone uninformed anyway. i mean you look down on people that wear glasses and have warts.

1/8/2009 11:29:17 PM

^ allow me to point out this part of my post, before you continue to call names like a little girl.

Quote :

"I just don't get it"

I did not say my OPINION was right or wrong, I just said that I PERSONALLY do not understand it. I PERSONALLY would want a child to have my bloodline, if in fact I was able to have children.

And furthermore, PEOPLE DO ADOPT FOR THE WRONG REASONS. You were probably not one of those adoptions, but it does happen. Hence why adoption is such a long drawn out process. And from the posts that the OP has made throughout this thread, I get the feeling that she is looking to adopt for the wrong reasons.

And for the record, I, too, wear glasses. Don't have any warts though

And what exactly don't you think you know a lot about? You seem to be the expert on just about everything.

Quote :

"but this is the thing about opinions. i usually give more credibility to people who have experience/similar experiences and those who are knowledgeable about the subject. they sometimes know what they are talking about."

you cannot be serious about this post. that is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever heard. so since I am not adopted I don't have a right to an opinion on the subject? get over yourself



[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 10:10 AM. Reason : a]

1/9/2009 10:02:03 AM

get some baby batter and bake up a kid already...

1/9/2009 10:10:52 AM

Quote :

"but this is the thing about opinions. i usually give more credibility to people who have experience/similar experiences and those who are knowledgeable about the subject."

Quote :

"i'm not saying my opinion matters more than anyone else's"

DOES NOT COMPUTE

1/9/2009 10:19:22 AM

^^^ i wasn't. glad you picked up on it

^ and yes it does. even if i was being serious, it does. i will break it down like your post. i PERSONALLY pay more attention to people who have gone through similar experiences as me (for personal issues) or who are experienced in their fields (for professional things). this does not mean that YOU PERSONALLY have to do the same. that was MY PERSONAL OPINION. as such, not everyone does this. therefore MY PERSONAL OPINION doesn't matter anymore than YOUR PERSONAL OPINION. this is tww at it's finest really. people with a holier than thou attitude bashing me because my opinion was allegedly holier than thou. i mean, i feel like i want to use the the phrase "this is retarded" here, but then it would just start this vicious cycle all over again!!!

besides, once you clarified your statement it made more sense than your post which i commented on that used the term "crackhead baby" or something.

i mean that doesn't really sound like you are genuinely trying to convey your personal opinion, know what i mean? it isn't ignorant to say that you don't understand it, and wouldn't want it for yourself, but when you start saying things that are like "i wouldn't want a baby that is a crackbaby" you make yourself sound really, really uninformed. i mean even if that is true, you conveyed yourself better in your "clarity post" or whatever.

and if you read my post above, you would see that i already acknowledged and am fully aware people adopt for the wrong reasons. but i don't know if you read it. because if you did, you might not have made the comment.

Quote :

"And what exactly don't you think you know a lot about? You seem to be the expert on just about everything."

likewise. hey, you're even an expert on me and what i think i know a lot about

besides, everyone in here is doing the same thing i am. giving their opinions. but somehow mine is the only one that doesn't matter at all because my first 3 line post, which stated that some people in this thread are uninformed, was interpreted as me knowing everything about everything and thinking that i was better than everyone. clearly that is wrong. you guys that get all this shit out of that one post are clearly better than everyone else. how did you get your mind reading abilities? i would like to have those.

1/9/2009 11:05:53 AM

I actually agree 100% with quagmire02.

Not to mention the phrase:

Quote :

"I'm more responsible than the average 25 yr old."

Throws up a HUGE red flag in my book.

1/9/2009 11:06:39 AM

well you didn't have to call me names

1/9/2009 11:09:36 AM

ok i take back the names!!!!

but i think if you throw out my first comment and the mayhem it has caused

you will see that we agree on a lot

^^ i agree. but in a non-judgmental way. in a personal opinion way.

[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 11:11 AM. Reason : .]

1/9/2009 11:10:52 AM

you just want to make out with me, tell the truth

[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 11:39 AM. Reason : your silence speaks volumes]

1/9/2009 11:16:31 AM

why do you say it throws up a red flag??? is there something i'm missing?

1/9/2009 12:07:35 PM

^^ its true, i do.

but we are going to have to stop e-flirting in the lounge or we might get in trouble

1/9/2009 12:12:52 PM

bttt

1/9/2009 12:17:40 PM

thanks for starting this thread wolfchica05. you are helping young e-love blossom.

then maybe we will show you the right way to make a baby

1/9/2009 12:58:24 PM

then you can sell it to wolfchica05

1/9/2009 1:04:10 PM