I 2 find this concept interesting.

[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 5:29 PM. Reason : page 2]

1/27/2010 5:28:44 PM

I had a couple of gay dudes that lived in the apartment next to my old apartment.

Really REALLY thin walls. That was an uncomfortable year.

1/27/2010 5:30:08 PM

a likely story

1/27/2010 5:30:46 PM

Quote :

"then again i only see women who have things goin on in their lives, so it tends to cut down on the amount of free energy they have to create problems out of thin air"

1/27/2010 5:35:23 PM

I really want some other women to contribute to this thread.
You know, since a thread by me asking for the monogamy-minded people to help me understand it is pretentious, and makes me a poseur of some sort.

[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 5:51 PM. Reason : ds]

1/27/2010 5:49:50 PM

I doubt there are very many more that agree with your stance on the subject.

Which further proves my point.

1/27/2010 5:52:24 PM

Oh, I don't care how much most women care agree.

I just want to understand monogamy completely, because it is so fucking alien to me. It's kinda like how I wish I had a penis, just to know what it's like (in addition to peeing standing up and getting head).

1/27/2010 5:54:37 PM

Quote :

"I doubt there are very many more that agree with your stance on the subject. Which further proves my point."

Who gives a shit how many people agree with something

Why do people hold that up as evidence of anything?

1/27/2010 5:54:50 PM

I firmly believe that it is possible to have multiple loving relationships simultaneously with all parties being aware and consenting. Unfortunately, very few people want to be the secondary relationship. It's human nature to want to be the top dog -- to want your partner to "love you best." There are a lot of very basic human emotions that complicate these types of relationships. I think that the most successful polyamorous relationships are those that are also polyfidelitous because it mimics what we're use to in monogamous relationships.

Personally, I don't recommend polyamory because it's fucking complicated. My husband and I were both separately involved in weird little love triangles before we dated one another. Someone always liked someone best and 9 out of 10 bitches just cannot handle it.

1/27/2010 6:19:17 PM

Quote :

"Who gives a shit how many people agree with something Why do people hold that up as evidence of anything?"

1/27/2010 6:20:44 PM

1/27/2010 6:23:00 PM

I'm gettin too old for this shit

1/27/2010 6:23:52 PM

Quote :

"AmbrosiaI just want to understand monogamy completely, because it is so fucking alien to me. "

oh, yes, we know ... you're so Indie.

i call bullshit. Monogamy is the standard in in our society. Polygamy is highly unusual though has had its moments on the stage of western civilization. Polyamory, OTOH, is a complete and total fucking outlier.

now whether or not you like this fact is irrelevant, because polyamorists are the weirdos. and unless you were raised by polyamorists in an isolated cave or compound filled with other polyamorists, you know it's weird. seriously, just look around

i have some neighbors who are poly. and it's quite apparent to anyone that they are all fucked up and have some serious family issues.




[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 6:34 PM. Reason : ]

1/27/2010 6:27:54 PM

Quote :

"whether or not you LIKE this fact is irrelevant, because polyamorists are the weirdos. unless you were raised in an isolated cave filled with polyamorists, you know it's weird. seriously, just look around. I know a number of practicing polyamorists. and it's quite apparent to anyone who looks that they are fucked up and have some serious issues."

hey look a fake-ass progressive

1/27/2010 6:28:54 PM

Quote :

"then again i only see women who have things goin on in their lives, so it tends to cut down on the amount of free energy they have to create problems out of thin air"

In other words, you know a couple of girls that basically only have time to fuck you because they have stuff they'd rather be doing than actually hanging out with you?

1/27/2010 6:32:25 PM

Quote :

"oh, yes, we know ... you're so Indie. i call bullshit. Monogamy is the standard in in our society."

Actually, you're right.
Alien is not the correct word to use, precisely because of the social exposure.

I was trying to avoid repeating what I've said before: that I don't get it; understand it.

Silly me.

Quote :

"Polygamy is highly unusual though has had its moment on the stage of western civilization. Polyamory, OTOH, is a complete and total fucking outlier. "

Shit, I'd say you have it backwards, since polygamy is illegal, and so, by definition, is not as common as polyamory - the state in which most 'polygamists' exist. Kinda hard to be polygamous when you can't even create those plural marriages.

Quote :

"whether or not you LIKE this fact is irrelevant, because polyamorists are the weirdos. unless you were raised in an isolated cave filled with polyamorists, you know it's weird. seriously, just look around."

You know who you're talking to, because you've specifically addressed me. So I'm a little confused as to why you're bringing up 'weird'. You're around enough to know just how much I care about what's deemd 'weird' vs not.

1/27/2010 6:32:43 PM

Quote :

"In other words, you know a couple of girls that basically only have time to fuck you because they have stuff they'd rather be doing than actually hanging out with you?"

No, we usually hang out too but thanks for playing

1/27/2010 6:33:15 PM

Sure chief.

We're all cool.

On the internet.

1/27/2010 6:34:02 PM

No, we're not all cool on the internet

People like you leave bags of shit on other peoples' lawns

1/27/2010 6:38:33 PM

Quote :

"a couple of girls that basically only have time to fuck you"

And the problem with this is...?

1/27/2010 6:38:39 PM

it's pretty much the goal, no idea why it'd be viewed as a problem

i have my own things going on. i don't need somebody depending on me emotionally. i do need sex though, and so do some other people. funny how that works out.

1/27/2010 6:40:04 PM

Quote :

"hey look, a fake-ass progressive"

i used to think i was solidly 'progressive', but living out here on the west coast, has exposed me to a number of people who are so liberal they've about lost all their goddamned sense.

as for Polyamory, I'm not talking about college students and 20-somethings doing the experiment thing. Im fine with that. I mean, who hasnt done the 3-way or orgy thing in college, right?

But I know a number of practicing polyamorists, people who are neighbors. I know their children. it would be okay if it were just the adults, but the problem is these young children cant help but being damaged by their parents assgrabbery and dramatics. I

because, like other people have said, it just doesnt work. people cant exist in these consensual multi-partner relationships, for a number of reasons. It becomes totally ego-centric and selfish, and people cant see past their own wants. they think they can deal with it, but normal human emotion and biology takes over.

go on and have your flings and shit, thats fine, but when you start damaging children it stops being okay. Life stops revolving around your petty bullshit, and you need to do what's right for the kids.

1/27/2010 6:41:19 PM

Quote :

"And the problem with this is...?"

I got nothing I guess

1/27/2010 6:42:04 PM

just because you know a bunch of irresponsible hippies doesn't mean polyamory is a bad idea

dig your head out of your ass, joe

1/27/2010 6:44:24 PM

i like how you dismiss them as hippies. they happen to be tech professionals.

but yeah, communes aren't a "bad idea" either.... except for the fact that, other than a few isolated cases, they're not sustainable and don't work for the long term.




[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 6:48 PM. Reason : ]

1/27/2010 6:45:36 PM

Lets be honest here, neither of you have fucked anything resembling doable in a poly relationship.

1/27/2010 6:47:32 PM

Quote :

"Lets be honest here, neither of you have fucked anything resembling doable in a poly relationship."

imagine whatever the fuck you want

Quote :

"yeah, communes are a "good idea" too. they just don't work for the long-term."

tell me more

[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 6:48 PM. Reason : .]

1/27/2010 6:48:09 PM

yeah, im sure its working out great for you mcD. you don't have kids. fucked up relationships are easier to blow off like that.

1/27/2010 6:49:45 PM

Quote :

"imagine whatever the fuck you want"

No way am I imagining the skanks you may or may not be fucking.

1/27/2010 6:50:18 PM

Quote :

"yeah, im sure its working out great for you mcD. you don't have kids. fucked up relationships are easier to blow off like that."

and surely i'll be living the same exact lifestyle when i have kids

Quote :

"No way am I imagining the skanks you may or may not be fucking."

Quote :

"Lets be honest here, neither of you have fucked anything resembling doable in a poly relationship."

lol

[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 6:51 PM. Reason : .]

1/27/2010 6:50:31 PM

The benefits of monogamy as I see them:

1) Disease/pregnancy/the scary sex stuff. Two people who only fuck each other are a closed system. No STI's or questions about paternity enter the equation. Safety is still important, but there's less to worry about.
2) It's what most people do, which means it's easier to find a partner. The pool of people willing to enter monogamous relationships is larger than the pool of people willing to enter into other kinds of relationships.
3) You're emotionally invested in one person rather than several, which means that there's no disparate levels of investment. There's no concern that the other person likes someone else more than they like you. To a lot of people that's important. I'd rather be the big show in one relationship than be the poor relation in several.
4) Reliability. If you've got one partner then you know that, in a crisis, you've got their full attention. In polyamory, even if you're the "favored" relation, there's no guarantee that any of their lovers won't be occupied with one of their other lovers when you need them.

The benefits of polyamory, as I see them:

1) More variety (in sex, conversation, whatever). Everybody likes that.
2) If one relationship ends, you've got others to occupy you. It's less risky, in that sense.
3) Presumably there's less risk of cheating (with people that nobody in the system knows) because everyone is getting plenty from different sources.

There are probably more. Feel free to bash the points, it's not going to change my mind.

1/27/2010 6:55:10 PM

look, McD, you're missing my point.

i'm all for consenting adults doing whatever they want. have your polyamorous and other open relationships, i dont' care.... i've been involved in them myself, and they were enjoyable for a time.

but in my experience, and from what i currently see in others, people just can't sustain these types of relationships for a long term, they are not stable.

and in every single case, this fucks up the children that are involved. children need stability, with two committed partners. open relationships are not stable

go on and enjoy your double or triple dipping or whatever you got going on. sounds exciting. but i'm glad to hear you plan to straighten up if/when you have kids.





[Edited on January 27, 2010 at 7:00 PM. Reason : ]

1/27/2010 6:56:09 PM

Oh my god, a parroty thread turned into an actual argument. Sweet. Totally unintended but I'm cool with that.

Quote :

" Who gives a shit how many people agree with something Why do people hold that up as evidence of anything?"

I know you guys went off on your own tangent and every... but really? Fucking really? No one had a response for this hilarious gem?

1/27/2010 9:36:23 PM

Quote :

"I'm going to refrain from commenting on this thread for fear that punchmonk will judge me. "

I know you posted that for attention but if you are serious, you know what you are full of. You should really let people know what you think. To be honest, I try to never think too deeply about people's opinions. I think people should just live... so just live. I worry about myself so therefore I will defend myself when my character is incorrectly measured, judged, and found wanting. Too much pressure when people really care what I think.

[Edited on January 28, 2010 at 8:14 PM. Reason : vanity search]

1/28/2010 8:14:33 PM

Quote :

"I firmly believe that it is possible to have multiple loving relationships simultaneously with all parties being aware and consenting. Unfortunately, very few people want to be the secondary relationship. It's human nature to want to be the top dog -- to want your partner to "love you best." There are a lot of very basic human emotions that complicate these types of relationships. I think that the most successful polyamorous relationships are those that are also polyfidelitous because it mimics what we're use to in monogamous relationships. Personally, I don't recommend polyamory because it's fucking complicated. My husband and I were both separately involved in weird little love triangles before we dated one another. Someone always liked someone best and 9 out of 10 bitches just cannot handle it. "

So being a relationship is natural enough, and okay, but only if all of the people are white?

1/28/2010 8:29:21 PM

...the fuck?

1/28/2010 8:51:14 PM

bump

3/22/2010 10:19:47 PM

3/22/2010 10:23:45 PM

I <3 Fermat

3/22/2010 10:28:22 PM

Just wanted to add that I too know some poly couples, some with kids. No idea how they will turn out but the people are hella cool ans try very hard to minimize drama and hurt feelings. Its not for everyone... the only way I could imagine doing it would be to come into an already established relation as a third who was shared...and even that would be hard. I really admire people who can do it.

And mcd you're not doing polyamory cause you're not really in any emotional bond with your girls. You're just fwb and fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

3/23/2010 12:57:19 AM

Quote :

"then again i only see women who have things goin on in their lives, so it tends to cut down on the amount of free energy they have to create problems out of thin air"

Yep, that's a problem I've encountered on numerous occasions.

A bad day to me is, ohhh, fucking up a $60 million jet, or getting someone killed or severely hurt, or getting myself killed or severely hurt, or compromising some classified information, or going without food for a week, or being subjected to "enhanced interrogation techniques" in a mock-up POW camp, and so on...

So many women I've dated have...ummmm...a significantly different threshold for what it takes to ruin a day.

I think they have a hard time accepting that I view most of their problems as small stuff and aren't as sympathetic as they'd like, and I have a hard time not getting annoyed with them going into crisis mode constantly over fucking nothing.

3/23/2010 1:33:23 AM

girls do not like to share.

3/23/2010 1:53:36 AM

Quote :

"Man enough for >1 woman = man enough to deal with crazy and not be ruined or ballbusted by it."

Ambrosia, you are the most sexist girl I have ever met. It doesn't make me less of a man to only want one woman. As much time, money, and energy as having a single girlfriend takes, why would I ever want more than one?

Unless I'm just misunderstanding the term. Having multiple fuck buddies is one thing, but having multiple girlfriends is another.

3/23/2010 2:48:23 AM