bttt page 2.

6/14/2010 7:42:44 AM

my topics, adding this to them.

[Edited on June 14, 2010 at 9:46 AM. Reason : .]

6/14/2010 9:45:51 AM

bttt. it's late. i know someone has some issues to work out.

6/14/2010 10:07:16 PM

Quote :

"I've only dated one girl that I wanted to marry. She cheated on me and put me through hell 4 years ago. The other weekend she got engaged to some fat douchebag. Lame. "

i'm sorry that you dated someone that you cared about and it didn't work out. especially someone so compatible that you were willing to wifey her. but it kind of concerns me that you're still a bit hung up on her even though it's been a significant amount of time and she cheated on you. i'm going to go ahead and guess that yall broke up when you found out she was cheating.

it sounds like to me you never got the "closure" you're looking for. because let's be honest here.....it was 4 years ago, she cheated on you, and now she has moved on to some fat d-bag who has given her a ring. i'm not trying to mock you and i don't think you're lame for feeling sad but i'm just trying to get to the root of the issue here.

it could be this girl was the first girl to make you think differently about relationships. or maybe this was the first girl that didn't buy into your machismo bullshit. or maybe she was the first girl that made you realize how much you're worth to this world. either way, you need to figure out what it is about this girl that makes you hold onto the past with her so much. and then (when you are ready) you need to let it go. i think now could be a good start since this is probably holding you back from finding a new relationship with a new girl where you're not comparing her to this old girl.

i suggest defriending her on fb if you are friends with her. i don't think anything good would come from you being able to take glimpses into her life and it would just prevent you from fully moving on.

6/15/2010 7:48:47 AM

Quote :

"I finally met a girl that I'd consider a perfect 10. Personality, looks, etc. I've never said that about another girl before. I've known her for about year or so, she goes to school a few hours out of town, and comes home just over the holidays/summer. Last summer we got to know each other well, right before she left for school. She graduates next May. She's been home for the summer, but a few suggestions to do things alone, or slap a 'date' title on one on one hangouts isn't taken well. Part of me says she doesn't want to get in a relationship and leave for two semesters, and a big part is she just isn't plain interested. I'm concerned that she may start dating someone else if she goes back to school, or stop asking to hang out. How do I handle the situation knowing that the only thing I want in life is standing right in front of me, but she just won't give me the signs back? Should I play the jealousy card and tell her I'm out with another girl? Do I just let it go and distance myself so every hangout doesn't end in a weeks worth of heartache? Or better yet, how do you move past the ''friend'' without ruining a future friendship if it's just a ''no''? "

it sounds like to me that you're really into this girl but it also sounds like you're scared of rejection. why don't you just ask her straight up if she would like to go out on a date? or if you really feel this strongly about the girl and you've gotten to know her a bit and vice versa, what is stopping you from telling her exactly how you feel?

it sounds like you're scared if you do nothing she'll find someone else (which she will....if you don't tell her how you feel) and you're willing to put your feelings to the side just to keep a "friendship" going. would you really want to just keep this girl around as a "friend" if you have to harbor your feelings for her? that doesn't seem very fair to you.

i think you should straight up tell her how you feel. the worst that is going to happen is she is going to say, "i like you as a friend." ok well, then you can say, "ok cool i think i can do that" or "no sorry but i don't think i could ever be just your friend. i'm really attracted to you and i would be letting myself down constantly if i was in the friend zone all the time."

most of the time when a girl decides she wants a guy to be her friend....she means it. and if she's going back and forth and toying with the guy's emotions and making him believe he has a chance, no he doesn't have a chance, yes he has a chance again, oh wait no he doesn't have a chance again.....well then buddy wish her well and run like hell because the girl a) can't make up her mind, and b) likes the attention, end of story.

you might find though that the reason she keeps putting off the idea of making a hang out a "date" is because she's scared of rejection too. put yourself in her shoes. yes she's leaving in 2 months but that means she's going back to school and you'll continue on with your life. maybe at the end of the summer she thinks you'd break up with her because you were only looking for a summer thing.

i think you need to be honest with this girl or you're going to have to get over the fact that you're going to have to let her go. and if she doesn't return the feeling, then at least now you know and you can move onto finding someone who DOES want to be with you and make you happy.

6/15/2010 1:27:58 PM

bttt. new week, new issues.

6/21/2010 9:50:49 AM

I wanna ask my next door neighbor out. She's really hot but almost never at home. I never even ran into her till about a month after I moved in. How do i go about doing this without awkwardly going over there late and ringing her doorbell to ask her out? I can't imagine that ever working.


i don't feel the need to be anonymous with this one.

6/21/2010 10:04:24 AM

have you conversed with her ever before? it could be creepy/awkward if you've never conversated (in the parking lot or outside of one of yalls places) and you're attempting to ask her out.

if you have talked to her before, you could leave her a note on her door saying you find her interesting and was wondering if you would like to hang out sometime and then leave your number. i did this once before a long time ago and the guy called me because he was flattered.

6/21/2010 10:45:16 AM

yea, we met last week, i was using my grill and she came out on the balcony and we chatted for ~20-30min. She never mentioned a bf or husband or anything (although didn't mention she was single either) and at the end of the conversation she said 'come over anytime' which i enjoyed hearing but also could've just been a courtesy thing

so i've pretty much established in her mind that i'm not psycho and pretty awesome, but still I wanna be able to do this and look cool at the same time

6/21/2010 11:03:56 AM

dont &*%$ where you sleep.

6/21/2010 11:05:35 AM

sorry, this girl is way too hot to be following that advice. I will be asking her out I just gotta get the timing right. Plus i don't sleep there i sleep next door.

6/21/2010 11:07:04 AM

there are hot girls all over this town.

6/21/2010 11:08:05 AM

I agree with Quinn - it goes sour and then you don't even want to go to your place. She knows when you come and go. If she's crazy and jealous, then any time you try to bring a new girl over she's going to be causing havoc.

6/21/2010 11:09:34 AM

no one says "come over anytime" to someone unless they want to see them again

"nice meeting you" suffices... i think you have a shot

but i want to hear what cass says, good advice!

6/21/2010 11:09:46 AM

ill go looking for them after i ask this one out. I don't usually mind skipping out on an opportunity with a girl for that reason but every few years or so you meet a girl that you genuinely feel like you need to say something. This is one of those moments. I wish i had a picture to show so you'd be like 'oh ok, ur right dave this needs to happen'

6/21/2010 11:12:10 AM

actually not really if i had a picture it would be pretty creepy to do that. plus someone might know her.

just take my word for it

6/21/2010 11:18:36 AM

You should totally make a picture collage of her as a gift. [/big4creepy]

6/21/2010 11:21:17 AM

lol

6/21/2010 11:27:01 AM

well if you've spoken to her and she's said "come over anytime," that is an invitation that she enjoyed talking to you and would like to do that again. do you have any bbq's coming up that you plan on throwing? maybe you can make an impromptu one and invite her to that. it's a good way to get to know her better and sees how she interacts with others in an open and friendly environment.

i would go with throwing a bbq (you could say that a World Cup team that you favor is playing and you're going to do an afternoon bbq with friends to watch and hang out if you like soccer). if you do end up doing something along these lines, then leaving her a note on her door wouldn't be weird. just keep it open and friendly. say something like, "hey i invited some friends over on X date to bbq and hang out. i was wondering if you would like to join us." make sure you do that a few days in advance so its not a last minute thing.

this way, you can hang out with her more. i would suggest asking her to join you and friends out at a bar but that can be a bit sticky when youre first getting to know someone. you (or her) dont want to get drunk and say or do something that would be stupid.

good luck and let me know if you think this is a good idea.




[Edited on June 21, 2010 at 11:50 AM. Reason : edit]

6/21/2010 11:47:11 AM

that's about exactly what i had in mind


i was also thinking inviting 1-2 friends over and then inviting her over for some wine. I have a couple leftover bottles from a recent party and usually girls like that. Plus it's low key, gives us a chance to talk and get to know each other

6/21/2010 11:53:36 AM

yeah you can say you are inviting some friends over to bbq and didnt know if she would like to join.

6/21/2010 11:55:28 AM

actually i got an even better idea. I have a married couple im good friends with and we were talking about cooking dinner at my place. I'll invite her over for that. It'll be as close to a date as can be w/out actually saying date. Plus alcohol


<----can cook

6/21/2010 11:55:39 AM

well there you go!

but like others said, just be wary about pursuing something with her.....look out for crazy girl signs. you don't want a stalker or a clinger on your hands.

but then again, my friend met her now husband because they were neighbors and he invited her to hang out.

6/21/2010 11:58:09 AM

meh, i get the feeling she's not. My main concern is getting her interested in me. It's been >year since i've dated anyone so im a bit out of practice.

6/21/2010 12:06:27 PM

you'll be fine! i think by planning something casual it will take the heat off any pressure you might feel. and be yourself! make her laugh. woo her with your mad kitchen skills.

6/21/2010 12:56:18 PM

Quote :

"MAD KITCHEN SKILLS"

6/21/2010 1:00:13 PM

back to work...

6/21/2010 1:13:22 PM

in the kitchen?

6/21/2010 1:15:48 PM

i like the impromptu cookout thing better than the "trick date" thing

a sit down dinner with a married couple might feel like of awk for the girl esp since she doesnt know anyone.

my opinion is that a casual bbq thing with a group of people is more comfortable and gives you guys a chance to talk and make plans for later or exchange numbers

in fact you could leave your number on the note inviting her

6/21/2010 2:07:38 PM

I agree with ^ and the cookout idea. Plus you can encourage her to bring a friend, in which way she could feel more comfortable going with a buddy rather than alone.

Though then you run the risk of her bringing a guy friend and that may not go as well

6/21/2010 2:12:22 PM

that just makes it easier...

if she brings a dude, he knows shes not interested

no girl that is interested in a guy would bring another guy to an event he invited her to

unless shes the head games type. and in that case...

and i agree... encourage her to bring a friend if she wants

6/21/2010 2:14:11 PM

wow ur right i am trying to trick someone into going on a date with me. I have sunk to new lows

6/21/2010 2:14:23 PM

True, and you can minimize your losses by having a bangin cookout even if the girl falls through.

6/21/2010 2:15:35 PM

Quote :

"no girl that is interested in a guy would bring another guy to an event he invited her to"

been there. You wouldn't believe how incredibly confusing that was

6/21/2010 2:17:06 PM

invite her to your cookout, then ignore her.

and make sure she "finds" your photo collage shrine of her pics next to your elmo costume [/big4creepy]

6/21/2010 2:19:27 PM

the old trick date, hahahaha. too bad she can walk home.

6/21/2010 2:23:24 PM

The next time you see her, ask her whether she'd like to go out.

I mean....

6/21/2010 2:30:53 PM

yes that would be much simpler

6/21/2010 2:38:45 PM

lol, this situation reminds me of that old How I Met Your Mother episode where Ted has a party so he has a reason to invite a girl over. Then she cancels but they reschedule for the following night so Ted has another party...his roommates were not amused lol.

good luck man

[Edited on June 21, 2010 at 2:47 PM. Reason : k]

6/21/2010 2:46:51 PM

i agree with NCSUWolfy. now thinking about it, it could be a bit forced and awkward for her.

go with the cook out. invite a bunch of people. invite her to come and tell her she's welcome to bring a friend.

Quote :

"I really want to ask out this guy that comes into my job. I fantasize about having raunchy sex with him "

hmmm interesting. let me think about this on my drive home and i'll get back to you. i need to think this one through.

6/21/2010 2:51:45 PM

i don't know shit!

[Edited on June 21, 2010 at 3:02 PM. Reason : wdfds]

6/21/2010 2:58:45 PM

good to know

6/21/2010 3:41:16 PM

Quote :

"FORCED AND AWKWARD"

6/21/2010 3:43:45 PM

k now im all self conscious.



this is why i can't have nice things

6/21/2010 4:18:55 PM

Quote :

"I really want to ask out this guy that comes into my job. I fantasize about having raunchy sex with him"

ok i thought about this for a while. i'm going to be honest with you.....this guy comes into your store so unless he's flat out said that he's single, you don't know. i suggest asking him out or asking him if he would be interested in hanging out. he'll do 3 things....be flattered, thank you and say he has a girlfriend (to which you will know and can move on), tell you yes and you guys can exchange numbers, or he can tell you no. i think any of those would be suitable because if he tells you he has a girlfriend, he's being honest and not a creeper. if he tells you yes, SCORE!!! if he tells you no, then you can move on to the next guy who would want to be with you.

just remember, like Patti Stanger says: "coffee is cheap, drinks are an audition, lunch is an interview, dinner is a date."

6/21/2010 5:48:16 PM

Quote :

"On a whim, I auditioned for The Bachelor. I was surprised to find that the producer really liked me. She says she'll call me back in a month when they start doing their callbacks. It would be really fun to be on the show ... what should I do to help improve my chances of getting cast? "

yay congrats! that's so exciting. i have a friend who has been on survivor twice and she loved it.

i would definitely suggest being yourself but with a bit more pizzaz. you can tell your life story and answer questions all dull and drab but you can answer those same questions with confidence and a pop of personality. the thing is, they're looking to see how comfortable you are being around people you don't know and answering questions and talking about yourself to complete strangers. they also want someone who can "captivate" on the camera because that's why people watch. also, if you have any good stories or can show case your favorite part of your personality (your charisma, your intelligence, your wicked sense of humor) that will make them favor you more. you might want to sit down with a good friend in confidence and have them ask you some questions and then tell you what they think are your "shining points." it would help you focus on those things when you get your call back. good luck!

6/21/2010 5:53:14 PM

my neck has been fucked up for 3 years, please fix it.

k, thx.

6/21/2010 5:58:01 PM

Quote :

"Short summary: 2 girls, 1 me. Long summary (this is really long, sorry): Girl 1: Dated back in October, just for a month. Had a big crush on her, but thought she was unavailable because she was either dating someone, was getting over someone, or just didn't want to be in a relationship. I still pursued and eventually won out. We had a good month, but I could tell something was "holding her back." Suspicions confirmed when she said that she just couldn't do a relationship at the time. This girl is the more stable of the two. She's a teacher and just has her "shit together" a little bit more. She's also two years older. I normally date older women. Girl 2: Ended up dating right after Girl 1. Didn't plan on it, but we hung out with a mutual friend one night, mutual friend went home, we got drunk and hooked up and it kind of went from there. Things went pretty fast. She came home with me for Christmas (her family lives in NYC, she was low on funds, so it made sense), we were spending pretty much every night together, things were going well. About two months ago, things started going awry. I was looking at purchasing my first house (she already owns her first house), and she took it as us taking a step backwards (or even a "lateral" movement) in the relationship. She made a weak attempt at sabotaging the purchase by telling my mom all the things that were wrong with it (my mom had to cosign since I've only had current job for a year) and just in general was very negative towards the purchase. She wanted me to move in with her instead. After telling her that I was going through with the purchase no matter what, she changed her stance and fell in love with the house like I did, but then she mentioned that she would just get someone to rent out her room in her house and move in with me. So I took a step back and looked at the relationship. I would call this girl "raw" compared to other girl. She is from Long Island, so she has a very "northern attitude." Pretty brash and speaks before she thinks quite often. We also fight more than any other relationship I've ever been in (although that's not saying much, because I've NEVER fought in any relationship I've been in). She's also a bit jealous. Not "where have you been!!" or checking my phone-type jealous, but "fuck that bitch" kinda jealous. She also hates Girl 1 because she knows that we dated immediately before me and her started dating, and she thinks that Girl 1 still wants me. Girl 2 is a lot of fun though. She's extremely outgoing and very much the "life of the party." Sometimes it can be a little much, but most of the time she's ridiculously fun to be around. Our relationship moved very fast, but we definitely "clicked", so it's not her or my fault. She's a bartender and makes good money doing it, but I want to see her make an effort to make a career out of something else. She makes amazing jewelry that she sells, but does it on the side and hasn't show me any ambition to take it to the next step. She's also an amazing cook (culinary school graduate) and wants to start her own catering business one day...but again, hasn't shown me any reason to believe that she'll act on that. She's only 26 (my age). So it's not like I expect those things to happen right now, I just want to see something so that I know they'll happen some day. Current situation: Last few months Girl 1 comes back into picture. Its obvious that she's still interested. We talk and casually hang out. I still have feelings for Girl 1, but I'm still in a relationship with someone I love (Girl 2 of course), so I don't act. But things continue to slide downhill with Girl 2 and a couple weeks ago I break up with Girl 2 and start hanging out with Girl 1 again. Girl 2 takes break-up very hard and says she can't have "any contact" with me whatsoever until she is able to "get over it." Things are going great with Girl 1 again. "

so it sounds like things have resolved on their own. or are you looking for some more insight? i mean it sounds like girl 1 is who you're really into but she wasn't ready when yall dated but now yall are together again. girl 2 is fun but it sounds like she's a bit immature and self conscious (especially since she's so critical of other girls she might not really know) and her lack of ambition is kind of holding you back. i also think it's kind of weird that she was expecting yall to move in together, although i am not one to judge because i moved with my boyfriend after 8 months. but i think the biggest warning sign is that she was only thinking about herself when you were trying to buy the house instead of looking at the bigger picture. it also sounds like she's looking to settle down quickly and be "taken care of" hence why she's 26 and still bartending with no ambition to follow her true craft - jewelry and cooking.

my only caution is to watch with girl 1 that she doesn't "flip flop" again on you and decide "she's not ready." although she sounds more grounded and who you care for a lot more.

just take it one day at a time. sometimes people truly are not ready for a relationship when one is presented to them. don't ever hold that over her head. she was willing to give it another shot with you and i commend you for allowing her that opportunity again.

6/21/2010 5:59:55 PM

Quote :

"my neck has been fucked up for 3 years, please fix it. k, thx."

see a chiropractor. buy a heating pad.

6/21/2010 6:00:35 PM

done and done, you will have to do much better than that

6/21/2010 6:01:10 PM