God you may as well have just typed "become a huge pussy"

5/6/2013 8:04:13 AM

My situation is a little different because not only did I move in with her but also with a child and two pets. So some of these things like cleaning sound nice to me because once there is a child/pets involved nothing will ever be clean again... ever!

I think in the end you just both need to communicate and figure out what works best for the both of you. As others have said you will have to give up some of the things you enjoy you just have to pick the important battles and give up on some.

She had a house already so I moved out of my apartment. I could care less about decorating and what not so she mostly got to keep everything the same. We cleared out her guest room and she basically told me I could do whatever I wanted to with that room and I was fine with that. So I now have my black leather sofa and large tv and and all my man stuff in there. Its pretty cramped for space but its at least a place I can go and feel like its all my stuff.

As far as free time goes we have one night a week set aside where she goes out with her girlfriends and I stay at home and relax in a quiet house and play video games or something which allows us to spend some time apart doing things we used to do a lot and dont have as much time for anymore. Other than that living in a two story home can help as when you are on seperate floors you kinda feel like you have some free time as well.

I agree with the laundry situation generally when I do some I throw in my clothes along with the kiddos because I know I cant mess any of those up. I will throw a few of her obviously washable things in as well but if there is any question in my head I just leave it.

Finances are always a tough hurdle to deal with. For right now I just cut her a check every month for what we determined was a reasonable amount of money until we get married. Then we will decide how we want to handle it going forward after we get married.

Other than that just take things as they come and dont be afraid to bring things up that may be bothering you when it is a good time. Honesty, communication, compromise, and acting like an adult are pretty much the most important things for making a relationship work over time. Good luck and have fun!

5/6/2013 9:02:43 AM

Quote :

"overall, I don't think it's important to have a guarantee of marriage or engagement before moving in together"

First off...a lot depends on your view of marriage. Obviously you don't put a lot of value in it, so this shouldn't be a requirement for you.

But in general, I think the point is that if you're going to move in with someone, you should have a pretty good notion that you're in it for the long haul. If you're engaged or have seriously talked about it, then it's a pretty good sign that you're both committed to the relationship and you can probably take the next step of living together.

I've just seen a lot of couples that are "in bliss" in the first 6 months of a relationship and move in together before they get out of the honeymoon stage. Then the honeymoon stage ends and they realize they aren't right for each other but are stuck in a miserable living situation.

I would like to add that it is WONDERFUL having someone in the house that actually likes to clean and cook. I like having a clean house (don't enjoy the act of cleaning) and I enjoy cooking as well, but not all the time. Knowing that you're going to have a home-cooked meal most nights and not having dust bunnies all over the house is a huge boost to your overall mood.

5/6/2013 11:48:31 AM

^You definitely wouldn't want to move in somewhere that both parties couldn't afford on their own or couldn't find a replacement tenant. I mean, splitting up is a pain, but I hope people realize there's no reason they should be "stuck" in a living situation. Move out, get a storage unit, and find a room for rent until you can decide on a new place for yourself.

[Edited on May 6, 2013 at 12:38 PM. Reason : This is America!]

5/6/2013 12:31:47 PM

Every woman is different, so make sure to communicate. Other than that, just respect each other and don't be a douchebag and everything will be fine.

5/6/2013 12:35:29 PM

^^ I think a ton of people move in together because they are infatuated with each other AND it would make good economic sense. Not saying that they couldn't afford a place if there's a break-up...but the break-up usually puts pretty bad financial hardship on one, if not both people.

Or maybe that's just what I've seen with my relatively poor friends.

5/6/2013 12:44:30 PM

I dont frown as much on people moving in together after they have been together at least six months as long as they have a way out. What baffles my mind is how many people I see buying houses together before they are even married. Thats really crazy in my opinion.

5/6/2013 12:53:50 PM

I would not consider engagement/marriage before living with someone for an extended period of time under any circumstance. I also wouldn't move in with a girlfriend if I had no intention of moving forward with the relationship. I don't really buy the argument that being engaged/married forces you to "work things out" when it would be easier to leave the relationship. If it gets to a point where we're having to "force things to work out", then I'd rather end it.

We're well beyond the infatuation/"honeymoon" phase of the relationship, I would say. I've seen friends move in with S.O. way before I thought they were ready, and obviously (in my judgment, flawed as it may be) I think that we are ready.

5/6/2013 1:08:54 PM

Quote :

"this just proves that all women are crazy in some way"

Lol, yeah, I was kidding. He cleaned the carpet because he left the dogs out and they shredded everything they could be. He knew I'd flip a shit if I came home to a significantly dirtier house. He cleaned the bathroom because he accidentally flooded the bathroom sink. Lesson here is you better leave the house in the same shape or better when she goes out of town. And don't even lie as to why it's in better shape with an "I was just trying to be nice"

5/6/2013 10:08:15 PM

Kodiak did a day-long deep clean of the house last year

and I was like OMFG I LOVE YOU

someone doing more than you expect is never a problem

5/6/2013 10:23:46 PM

Quote :

"acting like an adult "

probably the most important piece of advice in the thread.

holding things in, holding grudges, becoming resentful... etc etc etc.

Many problems can be fixed if you just act like adults and have productive conversations about the shit that is irking you.

5/6/2013 10:32:06 PM

I'd say the number one thing is to still keep your own separate lives. My gf and I moved in with each other way too early and were around each other 24/7 and it just spoiled things. I she fought with me just to keep things interesting for her. You end up getting comfortable escalating the arguments because the costs of exiting the relationship are much higher (having to move stuff out, splitting up your things, telling friends/family who have assumed you were marriage bound, etc.).

Ultimately, the fighting got worse and worse to where she would get violent. Eventually, she moved her stuff out. We took a break for a month and are together again, but it's so weird finding a couple nights a week to see each other when we used to live together. Not to mention the damage to our relationship and our friends/family's perception of it...

tl;dr - keep your individual lives, if you have doubts, don't do it.

5/8/2013 4:48:30 PM

wasn't long; read it all

not sure why you're still with her. she sounds fucking nuts

5/8/2013 6:01:35 PM

Oh, just got engaged, so you can throw that in the equation for what it's worth. Nothing changes except now I have to plan for wedding stuff, as in:

a) make dress
b) pick ring design to be milled
c) decide what beer to have for keg party
d) decide how crazy the mamas get to be in the process

5/8/2013 6:48:40 PM