Quote :

"No, it's not 'wrong,' unless you have a Pollyanna, Victorian era view of sex and think that the only 'moral' way to have sex is to practice monogamy. Horseshit."

I don't necessarily think that monogamy is the only moral way, but anything else should be explicitly made clear beforehand.

If there is an expectation of monogamy -- like there is in the vast majority of relationships -- even though there has been no official discussion about it, then monogamy should be adhered to. If you want to have someone else also or if there is already someone else in the pic from before, then that should be declared. Not doing so is wrong and infidelity in my view, and indeed, in the view of a majority of people.

What the other person might be doing or getting away with has no bearing on what one should do themselves. That's using a logical fallacy.

7/25/2017 12:45:39 PM

UJustWait84, you have an unhealthy attitude about sexual relationships, my dude. Anyone wanna co-sign his opinions?

7/25/2017 12:56:02 PM

i agree with him that at a certain point you should stop sleeping with other people even if you haven't explicitly discussed being exclusive yet (and you should talk about being exclusive before too long after that)

7/25/2017 1:04:20 PM

^^I never even stated what I would do in this situation or what my own true attitudes/feelings about monogamy are, so I'm not sure how you arrived at this conclusion.

FWIW, I'm a fairly strict serial monogamist when it comes to being in a relationship, but I recognize that monogamy doesn't work for everyone. It's a nice gesture, but not everyone has the self-control or discipline to practice it. For some people, open relationships or even semi-open works way better.

This thread is a pretty glaring example of why people cheat on each other in the first place when monogamy is the default expectation for relationships. People are scared to even bring up how they really feel about the issue because it's so complicated.

Attitudes like yours and OPIEs just make it more difficult to even have a productive conversation about it, so I'm glad we have the internet to hash these things out.



[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:09 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 1:06:19 PM

How do you figure that my attitude makes it more difficult to have a productive conversation when my attitude is that you should be up front that you are sexually active with other partners and not fuck around waiting for your partner to ask you that specific question in the hopes of skating on what you consider an ethical technicality?

7/25/2017 1:27:28 PM

Quote :

" I talk to her throughout the day/until bed every day that I don't see her"

You're either her exclusive partner or her gay bff. Pick one.

7/25/2017 1:27:56 PM

^^^ Huh? My post was full of proper and productive argument without resorting to fallacies or ad hominems.

Quote :

"For some people, open relationships or even semi-open works way better. "

And where did I say anything to the contrary? Let's read again what I said:

"I don't necessarily think that monogamy is the only moral way, but anything else should be explicitly made clear beforehand."

And open means? It means declaring everything, right? So do you consider it to be an "open" relationship when you are sleeping with two people at the same time without declaring it? What?

Quote :

"This thread is a pretty glaring example of why people cheat on each other in the first place when monogamy is the default expectation for relationships. People are scared to even bring up how they really feel about the issue because it's so complicated."

Again, I agree with that! Let's read again what I said:

"If you want to have someone else also or if there is already someone else in the pic from before, then that should be declared."

I am all for the couple talking about it. You are the one saying he can get away with the "technicality" [sleeping with another behind current partner's back] if he wants to because the talk hasn't taken place.

[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:29 PM. Reason : READ WHAT I SAID]

7/25/2017 1:29:07 PM

Here is a handy list of some of the gross shit UJustWait84 has said in this thread:

caught feelings
female
free pass for banging other chicks on the side
one those few technicalities you can actually get away with
keep your mouth shut
'technically' he didn't do anything wrong
doling her snatch out like a revolving door at Sears
a logical 'cop-out' for him to justify his behavior later on

7/25/2017 1:30:43 PM

Quote :

"You're either her exclusive partner or her gay bff. Pick one."

we have been fucking. I have a dick. She has a vag, and we talk throughout the day. So I don't know how "gay" that is?

7/25/2017 1:33:43 PM

^^ I agree with part of what you said. People should definitely be upfront and have a conversation about what their expectations are when they start having a sexual relationship, but I disagree with the moral judgments you're making against people who don't value monogamy the same way you do or see it so black and white. You're effectively trying to shame people into practicing monogamy 100% of the time, when maybe there are times where it depends on the situation (i.e casually hooking up and not looking for anything serious at first, but then it gets hazy later)

Quote :

"Huh? My post was full of proper and productive argument without resorting to fallacies or ad hominems."

Quote :

"Do not agree. That's mean and ugly. And wrong. "

wat?



[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:40 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 1:37:11 PM

not there's anything wrong with that

7/25/2017 1:37:33 PM

Quote :

"You are the one saying he can get away with the "technicality" [sleeping with another behind current partner's back] if he wants to because the talk hasn't taken place."

Did you not read this post:

Quote :

" Even if you can technically get away with it, she will NEVER let you forget it or live it down as long as you are together. Fifteen years and two kids later, I still like to give my husband hell about it. Just because I can and it amuses me."

He technically could get away with it.

Quote :

"caught feelings female free pass for banging other chicks on the side one those few technicalities you can actually get away with keep your mouth shut 'technically' he didn't do anything wrong doling her snatch out like a revolving door at Sears a logical 'cop-out' for him to justify his behavior later on"

This is TWW and chit chat, so forgive me if I'm using the language people on this website use to communicate their thoughts/ideas. I mean synapse got the context of the thread right away when he said:

Quote :

"I think this is the broeist thread in TWW history. Someone prove me wrong."

[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:44 PM. Reason : .]

[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:46 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 1:42:18 PM

Don't fuckin' fill your diaper over the fact you're getting called on being scuzzy. Don't backpedal now. Either own that you're scum or face it down and say something sincere. Don't do this lame half-measure shit, mew mew it's just Chit Chat guys.

7/25/2017 1:45:53 PM

Quote :

"But as I said, the fact that he'd feel guilty about it shows that there was an unspoken expectation of monogamy. Why? Well, because they probably have feelings for each other and violating that tacit agreement would be a selfish, fucked up thing to do. Life is filled with 'technicalities' and people get away with them all the time. He actually did the 'right' thing in this case, because he knew if she found out, it would probably hurt her. I even provided a logical 'cop-out' for him to justify his behavior later on if he wanted to and he still didn't"

And don't try to tell me the rules of freaking Chit Chat. I can write ridiculous shit and be hyperbolic if I want while also partaking in a half assed discussion about the complexities of monogamy.

[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 1:52 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 1:51:31 PM

VEGETA, WHAT'S HIS DEFENSIVENESS LEVEL?

7/25/2017 1:55:58 PM

Quote :

"we have been fucking. I have a dick. She has a vag, and we talk throughout the day. So I don't know how "gay" that is?"

Defensive reply. Must be the gay friend. Don't worry, sometimes gay dudes have intercourse with women too.

7/25/2017 1:59:14 PM

Lots of edits going on, but I'm a respond to this one:

Quote :

"And open means? It means declaring everything, right? So do you consider it to be an "open" relationship when you are sleeping with two people at the same time without declaring it? What?"

That's the thing, even 'open' means different things to different people. For some, it means fucking whoever you want, whenever you want, and not keeping it a secret from anyone. For others, it could mean going to swingers parties on the weekends and not telling anyone else about it, but you both agree that you'll only go to the parties together. It could also be a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement where you fuck other people, but you promise not to bring up the details. Even still, it could be one person is totally allowed to do whatever they want and the other partner doesn't care, but said partner doesn't want to be with anyone else and effectives practices monogamy. It could be some combination of any of those that depends on the day/time/person you're 'dating' and could change at any given moment. None of those sound like a great situation to me when in a relationship and I'd rather be single and fuck whoever I wanted instead because it sounds like less drama/work.

What tends to happen is that a lot of people *think* they want a monogamous relationship, or feel guilted into having one, but later they decide that they'd like to open it up, but they're scared to discuss it with the other person and risk ruining the relationship. So they cheat.

In theory, it would be way easier if everyone would just talk about these things all the time, but in practice, those conversations don't happen because society doesn't want them to take place.

I guess I just took issue with

Quote :

""Do not agree. That's mean and ugly. And wrong.""

because it sounded like you were trying to shame people who are just having fun and hooking up to see where things go into only being monogamous. I read your later replies and I think we actually agree with the being upfront and having the conversation aspect. JayMcNasty should definitely have the conversation, even if it's awkward and uncomfortable and brings up a bunch of other issues he didn't feel ready to address.


[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 2:13 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 2:08:43 PM

Quote :

"Defensive reply. Must be the gay friend. Don't worry, sometimes gay dudes have intercourse with women too."

MUH TRIGGERS

7/25/2017 2:09:37 PM

Quote :

"That's the thing, even 'open' means different things to different people. For some, it means fucking whoever you want, whenever you want, and not keeping it a secret from anyone. For others, it could mean going to swingers parties on the weekends and not telling anyone else about it, but you both agree that you'll only go to the parties together. It could also be a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement where you fuck other people, but you promise not to bring up the details. Even still, it could be one person is totally allowed to do whatever they want and the other partner doesn't care, but said partner doesn't want to be with anyone else and effectives practices monogamy. It could be some combination of any of those that depends on the day/time/person you're 'dating' and could change at any given moment. None of those sound like a great situation to me when in a relationship and I'd rather be single and fuck whoever I wanted instead because it sounds like less drama/work. What tends to happen is that a lot of people *think* they want a monogamous relationship, or feel guilted into having one, but later they decide that they'd like to open it up, but they're scared to discuss it with the other person and risk ruining the relationship. So they cheat."

Except none of that is pertinent to this thread.

This thread isn't about open relationships.

It's about a dude who knew in the back of his mind he was in a monogamous relationship with a girl and needed us to validate that fact.

7/25/2017 3:08:05 PM

You are only young and hot once. I would get as much pussy as you can manage to bring in. I mean, in all honesty this girl is probably talking to other guys as well.

7/25/2017 3:41:19 PM

Stop, just stop. You really need to talk to a professional about your issues with women.

7/25/2017 3:46:25 PM

I don't think that you understand women that well.

7/25/2017 4:06:34 PM

Bunch of pussy-ass white knights up in here.

Although UJustWait is a bitch-ass Golden State dick-rider...he's being completely reasonable in this thread.

7/25/2017 4:17:58 PM

who needs to be reasonable in a thread about a guy complaining about too much pussy?

7/25/2017 4:24:53 PM

7/25/2017 5:05:36 PM

Quote :

" Except none of that is pertinent to this thread. This thread isn't about open relationships. It's about a dude who knew in the back of his mind he was in a monogamous relationship with a girl and needed us to validate that fact."

I'm not so sure he 'knew'. In fact, I'd say he wasn't even close to knowing for sure, since he made this damn thread to figure it all out. Given his post history, where he has outlined the details of what sounded like a particularly shitty break up with a cheating POS ex-GF, maybe he wasn't looking for anything serious, and then seemingly overnight, he found himself in a situation with hazy boundaries and unclear expectations. It happens, and it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person with bad intentions.



[Edited on July 25, 2017 at 5:14 PM. Reason : .]

7/25/2017 5:10:47 PM

^ damn nice memory. Yea still a little fucked from that and don't want to do to someone else what happened to me

having said that I still love pussy from all directions but don't want to ruin something with someone good so I can fuck someone who is hot but has nothing going for them

7/25/2017 5:18:17 PM

Quote :

"having said that I still love pussy from all directions but don't want to ruin something with someone good so I can fuck someone who is hot but has nothing going for them"

to me, this seems pretty normal and reasonable, but a bunch of people on TWW have already jumped up on their high horses and are trying to tell you to grow up or that you're being selfish/immature for even feeling this way. fuck 'em.

7/25/2017 5:25:14 PM