hi-fucking-larious

2/29/2008 12:56:31 AM

This could be long, but is funny (and im gonna tell it to the best of my recollection):

I believe it was fall 01, i was a freshman and of course i was hardly mature and quite mischievious. Well, one night me, my roommate, and another friend came across a large stack of phone books in Owen hall. No one was taking them so we decided something must be done with them..After some brainstorming we decided to take all the phonebooks from that dorm, some surrounding dorms, and our dorm (Bowen hall) and stack them in front of a door of a fellow student who was rooming with one of our other friends across the hall. In this time, we made the mistake of asking our RA for his phonebook for whatever reason(my roommate asked him)...more to come from the RA later...Well we have prob collected somewhere in the 300s of phonebooks and have stacked them in front of the door, i cant remember if all of them but it was hilarious. Recently we had been playing pranks with this guy, so this just added to it, and his roommate calls him up while hes still in the room to try and start a fight with some made up guy named Leroy...Finally we get him to come busting out of his room and right into the stack of phonebooks that come crashing down...about 10-20 of us by now had gathered around trying our hardest to not laugh until he came out...but silence soon erupted into laughter in which ive never experienced before...this guy had no idea what him and were all rolling around on teh ground and shit laughing all over hte place and he finally smirks i think but seems a bit mad.

Surely we werent done with the phonebooks yet... So a few of us take all the phonebooks and stack them in front of one of the elevator doors on our floor(8th floor). Before its all stacked me and my roommate go downstairs to ride the elevator up with random people...well some guy got on going to the 8th floor and we start snickering, but then our RA hustles into the elevator right before it shuts and were like "oh shit" as we both look at each other. at the same time we are trying not to laugh. so when the door opens at the 8th floor, and all you see is a wall of phonebooks, me and my roommate start dying in laughter and the RA just looks at us, shakes his head while sorta laughing and kicks it down saying get this mess outta here. Well my roommate starts to take them and chuck them down the trash chute, since obv that would be the easiest way to get rid of them. and for some reason the original guy who got pranked threw them down there too. me and another friend went down to floor 7 to open the chute and watch the books come flying down

this is where the night goes haywire: after aobut half the books are thrown down, we hear a THUMP! FSHHHHHHHHHHHH! Then the fire alarm goes off and were all like OH FUCK WHAT DID WE DO!? Well, apparently one of the books nailed the cover piece blocking the water sprinkler in there...and so it started shooting water inside, 5th floor i believe...and from what i remember all the sprinklers 5th floor down went off...So we run downstairs like everyone else not sure what to think of the situation, and we go out back and see that water control room gushing out water from the pipe, im not sure why it was doing that but it was making the parking lot flood i think...And obv the RA knows it was us and we are immediately in trouble...

Punishment: Roommate and the original pranked guy get 15hrs comm service plus have to split the fee of the sprinkler...like 300 bucks
Me: just 15 hrs comm service, cause i didnt participate in throwing the books down the chute.

i still think its funny that that guy had to pay for the damages even though he really never did anything wrong.


and for anyone who might be on here who lived on the floors below and your stuff was ruined...i apologize, for we were never really told how much damage outside the sprinkler occurred.


(i also think some pics were posted on this website before i joined, id love to find them again. shit was hilarious)

[Edited on February 29, 2008 at 1:01 AM. Reason : d]

2/29/2008 12:58:58 AM

ahahaha that was a pretty good story JT

i laughed when i got the visual of the phonebooks after the elevator door opened.

2/29/2008 1:07:24 AM

haha man, if you could have only seen it...i mean, they leave phonebooks by the hundreds out in the hallway...what the hell did they think was gonna happen with them

2/29/2008 1:09:29 AM

2/29/2008 1:18:38 AM

That story started off like a Nancy Drew mystery.

2/29/2008 1:20:33 AM

yeah, phone books come in handy

I used one to sop up someone's spilled drink the other night because we were out of paper towels

2/29/2008 1:20:37 AM

I don't get how throwing the books down the garbage chute set off the alarm.

2/29/2008 1:28:05 AM

it hit a sprinkler in the trash chute...which was supposed to be covered with some metal housing thing...but it broke that right off and i guess when the sprinkler goes off it thinks there is a fire..hence fire alarm going off

2/29/2008 1:30:08 AM

Oh so there are sprinkler heads in the trash chute?

It seems like BS that you all get punished for a flawed or unmaintained system... unless there's some rule about not dumping phonebooks in the garbage.

2/29/2008 1:31:42 AM

well at the time we thought the same thing, with all the trash bags that go down there, someone was bound to break it...but anyway, i still felt we got off quite lenient.

2/29/2008 1:32:57 AM

^ That's because throwing phone books down the laundry chute isn't an NC State tradition. Had it been Stafford would have led a personal crusade against you and your phone books.

2/29/2008 1:37:41 AM

i'm gonna be a good roomate from now on

2/29/2008 1:38:22 AM

^^lol...i shouldve made it a tradition

2/29/2008 1:41:30 AM

so i hung out with Mark from GrumpyGOP's stories last night....

however...there was nothing exciting to tell

[Edited on February 29, 2008 at 9:46 AM. Reason : there's an r in there]

2/29/2008 9:45:51 AM

JTMONEYNCSU

nice work

i remember that. one of my good friends that semester lived in owen and told me about it

2/29/2008 10:03:18 AM

I once had an ex-marine live with me while living on maiden ln - section 8 discharge, former 1st exhibitionary, force recon guy, pretty crazy when drunk. I was basically his support, keeping him in a productive state of mind when he got depressed/enraged/drunk etc. anyways, the last month he lived with me, he put a gun to my head when i would get home from work, and ask me for a reason to live - any reason, im sure i said toilet paper at one point...a month of this shit goes by and I grew tired of coming up with reasons, so i snapped one day and said, "you know what john, i don't have a fucking reason today!" CLICK! he had just pulled the trigger, but forgotten to chamber a round. He moved out that same day never to be heard from again.

this guy, and I were the ones who expanded college beverage to the size it is now, and built the cash register riser. stripping floors with a marine that you live with in august = learning to drink at a whole new level...my dad still doesn't believe that i could have possibly quit drinking based on the empties he used to see at that place back in '00-'01. 5 cases and a 1/2 gallon was normal for him and i to drink after work...looking back now, i am amazed i survived that place.

2/29/2008 10:09:06 AM

craziness

2/29/2008 10:11:19 AM

Quote :

"1st exhibitionary"

2/29/2008 11:44:57 AM

Lived in Sullivan at the beginning of my sophomore year and had a suite mate that was a furry(Canis Lupis). Shit was all kinds of weird. Apparently he also carved sticks for people. One day this girl from down the hall comes by and asked if he was there and that he was supposed to be carving a stick for her.

Hilarity really ensued after I moved to Wolf Village for the spring semester. He was apparently in his room whacking it to god knows what and his roommate starts to open the door and he's like "no". Then all of a sudden, you hear him yell "It burns, it burns". Guess he used the wrong thing for lube.

2/29/2008 11:49:36 AM

lol, this thread is great.

2/29/2008 12:20:39 PM

Quote :

"YOU'VE STILL GOT THIRTY SECONDS!!!!!!!!"

LMAO

2/29/2008 12:44:48 PM

2/29/2008 12:51:07 PM

JTMONEYNCSU

ha I remember this happening thought it was hilarious

2/29/2008 1:20:48 PM

When I was in the Army we had rooms like dorms that had 1 or 2 people in a room and two rooms shared a bathroom. My girlfriend at, one point, had no roommate, so I stayed in her room often and experienced the shit she went though went through with her bathroommate.

The girl was a huge slut and at least once a week we would hear her next door begging someone to come fuck her. She would be like "you can put in in my ass," "I'll lick your asshole", etc. When the guys came over to fuck her, we could hear everything. The worst part though was sharing a bathroom with her. She CONSTANTLY left (poop stained) condoms floating in the toilet, jizz rags all over the floor and one time fucked some dude in the shower for like an hour while my girlfriend was banging on the door to let her take a shower. When she finally let her in, there was orange shit all over the shower. While cleaning it up she found a DOUCHE BOTTLE with a little orange shit left in it.

2/29/2008 1:30:26 PM

So guys and girls can go into each other's dorms in the army?

Also, gross story, but funny, but gross.

2/29/2008 1:40:56 PM

Quote :

"So guys and girls can go into each other's dorms in the army?"

Not during basic or A.I.T. but at your normal duty station. If you are unfortunate enough to be in a unit with women in it, you can try to hump all the heinous broads available.

2/29/2008 1:45:24 PM

Quote :

""uhhhh, It's not a good Idea to come out here...." Why I said Dan: "I'm naked..... I'm makin romen, I'm hungry""

Best thread ever.

2/29/2008 2:33:10 PM

bttt

3/9/2008 10:03:44 PM

Freshman year in Owen my roomate was a huge druggie (pretty much every kind I think, he had Requiem, Fight Club, Trainspotting, and Donnie Darko playing on loop 24/7 on his computer). So one night he comes in completely high on something, sits in his chair and stares straight ahead. He leans back too far and falls in the floor.

I'm like "You ok man?"

He grunts in acknowledgment and falls asleep on the floor.

So then like an hour later, I'm still at the computer, he gets up, walks to my folding camp chair in the middle of the room (which also has my bookbag on it, empty thank God), unzips his pants, and starts pissing on it.

I'm like "Dude, what the hell are you doing?!" but he's completely out of it. I don't want to touch him because piss would get everywhere, but I also don't want to be in the room while he's got his dick out (turns out he was bisexual). So I leave the room, when I go back in the faggot is already in bed.

So I drag my chair down the hall to the shower, pour shampoo all over it, turn the hot water on full blast, and leave it there for like 30 minutes. Then made him clean the floor the next day.

I just left my empty backpack in the bathroom, and someone stole it.

3/9/2008 10:14:29 PM

Quote :

"He leans back too far and falls in the floor."

Are you sure you weren't high when it happened?

3/9/2008 10:19:50 PM

Ok, this is the weakest story I've posted so far, but I don't want to leave my thread completely unattended by its creator.



So, my junior year, I live with this alcoholic named John. Now John wasn't a violent, abusive, sloppy, or irresponsible alcoholic, he just loved the buzz. This was a problem, because alcohol was prohibited where I went to college. Consumption under 21 or possession on school grounds netted the strongest punishment short of dismissal and two offenses got you kicked out.

This did not deter John. Nor did the fact that at 11:45 on a weeknight, he was supposed to be in his room our studying in an academic building. No sir, the intrepid John puts on his uniform (why he didn't just leave in civilian clothes, I'll never know, it only increased his chances of getting caught) and drives to the town's only Wal-Mart. At this point, the clerk refuses to serve him. She says he still has 10 minutes to go and tells him to wait or pound sand. John is in no mood to wait and returns to his RAV4. Finally, two more stops later he purchases 4 cases of beer dumps them into his backpack, and hikes back up to the room.

John begins drinking immediately upon getting back to the room. About an hour later he is passed out asleep. Every day for the next week, he wakes up, has a beer, goes to class, has a beer, goes to eat, has a beer. He also makes a few runs to the ABC store in between, so he's stockpiled a healthy supply of liquor as well.

This goes well for about a week or so until, one morning, we're being randomly inspected. I don't know this until I walk out of my room to go take a shower. I burst back into the room screaming to John he has got to get rid of his shit.

Next thing you know, everything he's got is going out the back window. Beer cans are exploding in the parking lot. Maker's Mark? Nice clean arc and smashing on the rocks next to the stream that ran behind our place. Midway through all this panic the inspector comes in, and we both freeze. He looks around, says, "Well, at least you guys are trying" and walks out. Never came back.

John probably destroyed $200 worth of alcohol that day. He never drank again.

In the next 24 hours.

By the weekend he was re-stocked.

3/9/2008 11:06:45 PM

Quote :

"He looks around, says, "Well, at least you guys are trying" and walks out. Never came back."

Sounds like the other guys being inspected would have a good story.

3/10/2008 12:30:13 AM

Quote :

"He looks around, says, "Well, at least you guys are trying" and walks out. Never came back."

That's crazy.


Actually, that whole town in nuts. Washington and Lee students are downright nuts, and it sounds like yall were, too.

3/10/2008 12:43:00 AM

Quote :

"last month he lived with me, he put a gun to my head when i would get home from work, and ask me for a reason to live - any reason, im sure i said toilet paper at one point...a month of this shit goes by and I grew tired of coming up with reasons, so i snapped one day and said, "you know what john, i don't have a fucking reason today!" CLICK! he had just pulled the trigger, but forgotten to chamber a round. He moved out that same day never to be heard from again."

Is this real?

That's pretty crazy. I'd hope though that he didn't "forget" to chamber a round, and instead he was messing with you. That's nuts though... i think i'm going to have nightmares now.

3/10/2008 1:56:26 AM

^^^ I think most of them were in class. That is part of the problem with having gone to a military college, most of my stories don't translate well .


That same roommate and I had rooms next to each other at Fort Sill. One night we were both watching TV and I heard him bust out laughing at the same time as I did. (The walls were pretty think, we had a Peter / Lawrence thing going on there). So I go over and knock on his door to see what he was watching. Sure enough, we were watching the same episode of Real Sex on HBO and it was one of those "ask the guy on the street" questions.

The question was, how do you eat a woman out?

Kinda metro white guy: "You've got to treat it like a peach, caress it, lick it . . . "

At which point the black guy says, "Nah, nah man, you got to grab that thing like a watermelon and just go to town" and proceeds to motorboat his hands in a visual demonstration.


But I digress and we're getting off track. I know more folks have got stores so post up.

3/10/2008 1:51:19 PM

i think any of my old roomates probably have some great stories

i know i do, but im not trying to incriminate anyone!

3/16/2008 10:54:09 AM

ttt

3/29/2008 4:33:03 PM

I was living in the dorms at UNCA. My roommate was a grizzly vegan anarchist that played in a death metal band. I had schemed a bunch of free drinks out of a local apartment complex and gotten hammered. I passed out in my bed and my roommate started having sex with his gf in the bunk above me. The combination of too much beer and liquor and the seasickness that results from the rocking motions of coitus above me proved too much for my stomach which promptly ejected the seaweed salad I had eaten for dinner. Being revisited by seaweed is like giving birth to monsters from your mouth. It's terrifying. I managed to vomit out the window. The best thing is that I thought it might be important to let my roommate know that I was going to hurl but all I managed to croak out was "STEVE!" Over and over I called his name and vomited. He paused for a minute and then continued to have sex. It was metal as fuck.

3/29/2008 4:36:30 PM

Ok, this isn't so much about a roommate as it is about the house I live in, but it is a pretty good story.


So, one evening after work, I'm getting ready to go to the gym when my weird neighbor knocks on my door. It isn't shutting properly and I tell her it is because the frame is sagging, so she'll need to get our half-wit landlady to have it fixed. She says thanks and as I'm walking to my truck, a ragged early 90s Accord pulls into the driveway. I counted at least 4 guys in there when the driver jumped out. He was probably 200lbs of muscle and gut with filthy shorts and a t-shirt held together by nothing more than the surface tension from his sweat and an unidentified brown stain.

As my neighbor retreats quickly into her house, he puts his hands up and skips a step towards her saying "don't worry man, I'm not going to hurt you just because I'm black."

Okay.

I look at him and say, "whats up man?"

"Look brother, my girl, she got . . . she got . . . she got cut up real bad, she got stabbed."

Now I realize, that its blood on his shirt.

"I need a ride to the hospital, they wouldn't let me go in the ambulance."

"What about these guys," I ask, looking at the Accord, "can't they drive you?"

"I don't even know them man, I just caught a ride over here and the car won't make it to the hospital."

"You mean you don't know them and they let you drive their car?"

"Yeah man, can you take me to the hospital?"

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't make a practice of chauffeuring random blood stained men who roll up in my yard at 5 in the afternoon driving someone else's car. If you don't know anyone else, you're not riding in my truck. But I'm feeling generous. "I can't drive you guy, but I'll call you a cab."

"Man, I ain't go no money for a cab. Can't you just take me?"

"I tell you what, I'll call the cab and give you the money."

"OK, ok, ok, ok, that'll work."

Now call me what you will, but I don't mind helping people out. And like most middle class white people, that involves throwing money at the situation. So that is what I do. I arranged for the cab to pick him up, gave him the money, and away he went.

I felt alright about myself. Maybe I was a sap, maybe this guy was on his way to finish the job he started when he stabbed his girlfriend in the first place, but gosh-darnit, I'd rid myself of a little of my white guilt.


-- At least for a few days. --


About three nights later at around one in the morning, I hear a knock on my door. I look out the window and see a Chrysler sedan parked in my driveway. Now, Spring Lake isn't the nicest town, so I grab my .38 revolver and tuck it in my waistband. The problem is, I'm wearing boxers. By the time I get to the door, I've now got a steel turd hanging between my legs. I reach in and pull it out, shine my flashlight in his face, as I ask the man what he needs.

"Remember me man? I'm not just some crazy guy, I'm the guy you helped the other day."

"Yeah, I know who you are, what do you want?"

"Hey man, my girl, my girl left me man, and my brother is overseas, I need a place to stay.

"YOU WHAT!?!?!"

"I need a place to stay man, can I crash on your couch?"

My principle from before applies. If I don't know you, and no-one who does know you will let them stay with you, you're not staying in my house. I tell him this and we argue for about five minutes before he walks away. Well, that was fucked up, but I think he got the point.


-- nope --


About a week later sometime around 8:00AM I get another knock on my door while I'm in the shower. I hear the knock a few more times, but by the time I get out, I get to the window just in time to see the same guy walking away and getting into a green Chevrolet pickup truck. Mind you, this is the third car I've seen him with, and he has driven all three. WTF I think to myself? If this guy shows up again I'm calling the cops.

Well, you guessed it, about one week later, I get another knock on my door around 3am. I go to the door, shine my Surefire in his face and ask him, "just what the fuck do you think you're doing man? Goddamn it, I know you won't understand this, but I've got a fucking job and I've got to be up in two hours so you've got sixty seconds to get off my fucking property before I call the goddamned cops!"

"But, but"

"Fucking Sixty!"

"Come on man, don't . . . "

"Fifty fucking nine man, fifty fucking eight, fifty fucking seven!"

"But man . . ."

I pull out the phone and start dialing 911 while counting down through the bottom of the fifties. He finally sees I'm serious and takes off about as fast as a fat man can run. This time he had no car.


Anyway, I never saw him again and it has been 8 months with no break-ins. All's well that ends well I suppose, but the moral of the story is don't help weird strangers when they ask for a ride to the hospital and they're covered in someone else's DNA.

4/7/2008 7:34:31 PM

thats funny.

i think you did the right thing. I'm willing to help anyone that needs it at least once, and to a certain degree.

You cant judge a book by its cover, but at the same time you cant be made to look like a sucker.


I think the biggest lesson there, is that everyone should have a .38

4/7/2008 7:50:35 PM

^^ That's so crazy, I find it hard to believe.


But why would you make that up just for some notoriety on TWW?

4/7/2008 9:31:51 PM

oh its true... incredibly creepy situation

4/7/2008 9:39:45 PM

Quote :

"I tell you what, I'll call the cab and give you the money."

I expected a "And when it came near, the license plate said 'fresh' and it had dice in the mirror."

4/7/2008 10:18:45 PM

Quote :

"But why would you make that up just for some notoriety on TWW?"

ahah, yeah I can't blame you for thinking that and clearly you've never been to Spring Lake, NC if you don't think that could happen, but I could really care less about my e-notoriety.

But, as LeVar Burton says, don't take my word for it, ask LunaK, I told her that story long ago and I'm pretty sure I told ambrosia1231 and might have told zorthage as well. They've all been to my place and can attest to the shadiness of the surrounding area.

4/8/2008 5:10:34 AM

So, driving down the road the other day, I remembered a story from when I went to Savannah last year for St. Patrick's Day.

We got there the night before and wound up staying on Hilton Head because everywhere else was booked. Got there the night before went out for a little bit at some shitty clubs, helped a drunk driver who had plowed into a tree to stop the bleeding on his forehead, and wound up turning in around 4am. Sometime around 5, we heard a bunch of giggling in the hall and, being red-blooded American men, Jason got up and looked out the door to see what was going on. He didn't see anything and closed the door. About half a minute later, we heard a knock at the door and opened it up to see who it was (ladies? maybe? please?).

Jason got up again, opened the door, and shouted, "what the fuck!" as he slammed it back. Before we could ask what was going on, the subject of his explanation started knocking again and I sleepily got up to see what the commotion was all about. Jason was laughing too hard to open it again, so Sean and I pushed him out of the way and cracked it a little bit.

There was a college aged man standing in the hall with nothing on but brown briefs and dried blood, both oozing from a cut on his head and on his bare feet. He put his arm up to force his way in and Sean and I started leaning against the door again to push it shut while Andy grabbed the hotel room iron and plugged it in (he was exceptionally hungover, probably not a good idea. Jason starts shouting that he needs to back off (none of us actually wanted to touch a nearly naked blood encrusted dude) while Andy is waiving the iron and screaming that there are 4 guys in the room and he needs to get his ass out of here. This only seemed to excite him more until we smashed his arm once in the door. He backed off but wouldn't leave, standing there kind of confused and asking us where he was. I told him he was in Hilton Head.

"What? where am I?"

"You're on the second floor."

"Where am I?"

"You're at the Comfort Inn on the second floor."

"I'm at the Comfort Inn? Fuck."

And with that, he left. We never did find out what was up with the girl-laughter. Three hours later, around 9:30am, we saw our first DUI of the day. Quality.

5/4/2008 3:55:59 PM

Last year at UT I had a similar situation with the roommates fucking in the shower. On some weekends my roommate would go home and my girlfriend would stay over. Well most weekends she stayed apparently in the next room they were fucking like crazy. The best was when it was in the shower. You would hear them banging against the walls and all and moaning. The best was when I heard the shower door bang out and sounded like someone slipped onto the floor of the bathroom. Luckily I never found the condoms, but the noise was for sure that of sex.

Oh and these same guys (different moans, we could always tell which it was), would take hour showers solo, it was fucked up, most times I just wanted to shower and never could.

And freshmen year I had another winner. Most times I would go home on the weekend and he would start playing World of Warcraft at about 1PM on Friday. I would come back on Sunday at about 5pm and he'd be in the same clothes and same position as when I left him. This same guy also when he went upstairs to eat, would rush back down to get into the bathroom. Me and my suitemates would hurry back to beat him and make it so he couldn't go before he had to go to class as he used to annoy the hell out of me.

I'm glad I'm out of UT, what a pain in the ass that place was.

5/4/2008 9:07:02 PM

Oh I got a good one that is my brother's too. When he was in college about 7 years ago his suitemate's printer ran out of ink. He was drunk at the time and was trying to print his paper, but when it wouldn't work he assumed it was broken. Well, instead of asking someone to print it off for him, he gets furious and rips his printer out of the wall and throws it from the 8th floor stairwell and lands on the ground shattering.

5/4/2008 9:08:55 PM

Quote :

"eww, nigga--you gay"

7/1/2008 1:36:48 PM

Rome's call screener Jay Stew used to watch porn with like eight other dudes in his room on Friday nights.

7/1/2008 1:37:38 PM