Quote :

"Thank god, college football returns tonight!"

And variations for the next week or so. We know dipshit. We fucking know godammit.

8/29/2013 11:52:22 AM

Quote :

"We should all stand in solidarity with our minimum wage working brothers and sisters. http://www.citizen-times.com/viewart/20130829/NEWS/308290061/Fast-food-worker-protests-underway"

8/29/2013 4:29:55 PM

actually this one made me laugh

Quote :

"One day our kids will go to a middle school dance and the theme will be the 2010's. They'll wear leggings with Ugg boots and twerk to "Call Me Maybe"."

9/4/2013 1:43:49 PM

and dozens of other similar messages with random pictures of bugs bunny, tweety bird, betty boop, etc.

9/5/2013 9:35:59 AM

which is ironic because the person who posted this dates very abusive men and keeps them in her life, even after multiple times of abuse... but whatever she's the CEO of her life!

9/5/2013 9:40:48 AM

people who post that stuff probably do it because they can't follow through with it

9/5/2013 9:47:34 AM

Quote :

"We lost a high school classmate yesterday...I am going to take the day off of Facebook in his honor."

[Edited on September 5, 2013 at 10:05 AM. Reason : .]

9/5/2013 10:05:16 AM

Quote :

"WRITTEN BY A 21 YEAR OLD FEMALE. PUT ME IN CHARGE . . . Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job. Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job. Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place. In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good.." Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem. If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices. AND While you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov't welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job. Now, if you have the guts - PASS IT ON...I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GET THIS BACK, IF EVERYONE SENDS IT, I WILL GET OVER 220 BACK!!! I WOULD KNOW YOU SENT IT ON!!!"

9/5/2013 12:10:41 PM

Andrew Jackson looks like he's ready to nope the fuck out of there.

9/5/2013 2:47:03 PM

What does nope the fuck out of there mean?

9/5/2013 8:51:06 PM

9/5/2013 10:13:11 PM

ewwwwwwwwwwww Dad

this is why parents shouldn't be allowed on facebook

9/6/2013 10:05:27 AM

Quote :

"The quiet ones are the most hurt and has more to say than the talkative ones."

9/7/2013 8:50:35 AM

If you're going to post a pic of your feet I think you should be required to have cut your toe nails in the last 3 months. At least. Grossssssss

9/9/2013 8:53:04 PM

Quote :

"Everyone needs to take a moment and remember what happened to our country 12 years ago today. It saddens me that this country does not have a rememberance for it anymore. Never forget 9/11."

This one is surrounded by every one else's posts on my feed saying "never forget", likes of other's 9/11 posts, cover photo changes to the Twin Towers etc. What are you talking about, kid?

9/11/2013 11:29:08 AM

Quote :

"Never Forget...that a minimum of 120,000 civilians have been killed in the "War on Terror". You know how you're feeling today over the 3,000 innocent lives we lost on 9/11? Just imagine, if you can, the amount of pain the Iraqis and Afghans must constantly be in."

9/11/2013 2:36:30 PM

my whole feed has been more than usual today. i may just stay away.

9/11/2013 4:24:41 PM

Quote :

"JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT A Conservative, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Conservative looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Conservative requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.... The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Progressive on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Progressive directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Conservative, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Conservative felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and began to praise the Lord. Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, and he too began to praised the Lord. Then, Jesus walked towards the Progressive, just smiling. The Progressive jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm on disability." For Those Who Understand, No Explanation Is Necessary. For Those Who Do No Understand, No Explanation is possible."

9/14/2013 5:08:22 PM

Quote :

"People who think I'm self centered are a real joke"

9/17/2013 8:02:05 PM

Quote :

"Dear friends. I am no longer making plans with you. If you want to see me, I suggest 1) Answering texts ever 2) Not making up lame last minute excuses for why you can't hang out. 3) Not saying no to my requests to hang out for weeks at a time and then inviting me to something that you know I don't want to do. I'm deleting numbers. If you are ever interested in actually being a friend, a guess you'll text. If not, this bitter, childish message will be the end of our friendship, though maybe you'll never see it."

Posted by a friend of a friend on Facebook. Can't stand when people do this shit. "You haven't been able to hang out lately so you have to prove to me you are still my friend!"

9/19/2013 12:39:38 PM

Quote :

"I have never been so relieved to be changing poopy diapers! After almost 4 days of no poop, Austin has finally gotten back to normal! Yay!!! -S"

why the fuck are you posting about baby shit?

9/23/2013 2:37:14 PM

Because that's the highlight of their sad sad lives.

9/24/2013 9:10:25 AM

My first response was "Where's OJ?"

[Edited on September 24, 2013 at 2:40 PM. Reason : .]

9/24/2013 2:39:47 PM

whoever made that awful attempt at whatever that is must have made it from the future, because James Holmes hasn't even gone on trial yet

9/24/2013 2:43:36 PM

Yeah I pointed that out too in my response

9/24/2013 2:44:32 PM

yeah there's no way that theater guy is getting off. he'll either get the needle or spend the rest of his life in a 1x1 meter box.

9/24/2013 2:58:34 PM

Quote :

"Anything with Kid Rock is all good!!"

9/24/2013 3:28:18 PM

Any status that says shit like "My life is in such a good place right now!" or "I'm so happy to be with my perfect boyfriend and spending the day doing nothing!"

Really? I don't believe you. Why do you have to keep posting status updates to affirm this? I don't think you believe you either. Just keep lying to yourself and it will come true!

9/24/2013 5:06:02 PM

Quote :

"MUST READ.. WORTH IT..!! During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called ..."Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!" This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do! When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got." The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage! The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job. The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!" The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! So who are the real robbers here? Share This.............. like Useful info for more stories Follow us on Pinterest : http://www.pinterest.com/onlyinfo4u "

9/26/2013 2:18:16 PM

Girl#1: I wish I could see you with all long hair

Girl#2: Girl I am letting it grow out now in the back. My hair is below my shoulders.

Girl #1: I meant long in the front too.

Girl #2: I don't think that would look good on me

9/26/2013 2:21:02 PM

Quote :

"Even though I am part of an indian ..........I still prefer american food .............I have never tried indian food .......other than corn ........."

9/27/2013 8:02:08 PM

motherfucking bttt

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

10/1/2013 9:00:38 AM

Quote :

"Obama Care. Just wait to see what happen in 2013 & 2014! Age 76 Today, I went to the Dr. for my monthly B12 shot that I have been getting for a number of years. The nurse came and got me, got out the needle filled and ready to go then looked at the computer and got very quiet and asked if I was prepared to pay for it. I said no that my insurance takes care of it. She said, that Medicare had turned... it down and went to talk to my Dr. about it. 15 minutes later she came back and said, she was sorry but they had tried every-thing they could but Medicare is beginning to turn many things away for seniors because of the projected Obama Care coming in. She was brushing at tears and said, "Some day they too will get old", I am so very sorry!! Please for the sake of many good people. . . ..be informed please . YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS... At age 76 when you most need it, you arenot eligible for cancer treatment * see page 272 What Nancy Pelosi didn't want us to know until after the healthcare bill was passed. Remember she said, "We have to pass the Bill so that we can see what's in it." Well, here it is. Obama Care Highlighted by Page Number THE CARE BILL HB 3200 JUDGE KITHIL IS THE 2ND OFFICIAL WHO HAS OUTLINED THESE PARTS OF THE CARE BILL. Judge Kithil of Marble Falls, TX - highlighted the most egregious pages of HB3200 Please read this....... especially the reference to pages 58 & 59 JUDGE KITHIL wrote: ** Page 50/section 152: The bill will provide insurance to all non-U.S. residents, even if they are here illegally. ** Page 58 and 59: The government will have real-time access to an individual's bank account and will have the authority to make electronic fund transfers from those accounts. ** Page 65/section 164: The plan will be subsidized (by the government) for all union members, union retirees and for community organizations (such as the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now - ACORN). ** Page 203/line 14-15: The tax imposed under this section will not be treated as a tax. (How could anybody in their right mind come up with that?) ** Page 241 and 253: Doctors will all be paid the same regardless of specialty, and the government will set all doctors' fees. ** Page 272. section 1145: Cancer hospital will ration care according to the patient's age. ** Page 317 and 321: The government will impose a prohibition on hospital expansion; however, communities may petition for an exception. ** Page 425, line 4-12: The government mandates advance-care planning consultations. Those on Social Security will be required to attend an "end-of-life planning" seminar every five years. (Death counseling..) ** Page 429, line 13-25: The government will specify which doctors can write an end-of-life order. HAD ENOUGH???? Judge Kithil then goes on to identify: "Finally, it is specifically stated that this bill will not apply to members of Congress. Honorable David Kithil of Marble Falls , Texas All of theabove should give you the ammo you need to oppose Obamacare. Please send this information on to all of your email contacts."

10/2/2013 11:26:22 PM

Quote :

"Anyone trying to sell some food stamps? Inbox me"

10/7/2013 11:26:24 AM

Quote :

"WTF does this bother anybody else http://www.theonion.com/video/proposed-classified-bill-will-defend-against-flesh,14175/"

followed by the following responses

Fuck yeah let me here the first news report about it

Obama is goin to ruin us

They said flesh eating wtf. Hey I'm going to get my gun payday honey

Why would they even be talking about it if there hasn't been an incident or threat

and several more

10/11/2013 7:50:28 PM

Quote :

"Why is relationships so hard yo?"

I'm Krallum and I approved this message

10/14/2013 3:15:12 PM

dude from my HS just posted this:

Quote :

"See what many of you fail to understand is that I wasn't born into money...I didn't wake up one day and just become rich...I have worked for this. I came from nothing on the South Side of Greensboro, NC...and I had two parents who were dedicated to making sure I had every opportunity I could ever ask for as a child. They sacrificed their present happiness for my future, so that I could have things they didnt have and accomplish things they didnt have an opportunity to accomplish. I graduated high school at the top of my class with honors because I worked hard everyday and it took me 5 years to earn my Degree from UNC, but I did it and I am running circles around the person that graduated Summa Cum Laude with me. Are you hearing me?...You might be smarter, your family might come from privelege, your daddy might own a company, but you will not out work me. You will not have more drive or passion than I have! I WILL OUT WORK YOU!"

lez be honest.....you cheated on tests, copied homework, lied about your extra curricular activities, etc...... congratulations on having a job that pays the bills, but no one is impressed that your parents were middle class and you did well in school.

10/15/2013 1:14:43 PM

yeah i would be hard pressed to not troll the shit out of that status.


ahahaha i know who that is.

what you say is true

and i remember when you poured water all over him in mr nelsons english class.

oh yeah and i remember he wasnt there that day, so when the sub questioned you, you told her to fuck off lol

[Edited on October 15, 2013 at 1:49 PM. Reason : .]

10/15/2013 1:36:13 PM

dammit. after posting that i was thinking to myself "if jay sees this he's going to know! ahhhh" oh well. it's so true.

nelson was freshman year. that incident occurred junior year and i can't remember who the teacher was. i didn't get suspended for that either, which i guess made me a badass. or just really rude.

10/15/2013 1:53:06 PM

yep youre right i forgot about that. nah it was great

10/15/2013 2:11:35 PM

oh wow

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

10/15/2013 2:18:17 PM

Quote :

"The new Capri Sun's have pictures of famous athletes on them....Madelyn got one of them and ran up to me, so excited saying "It's Walking Dead, Mommy, it's Walking Dead!!"....so I looked and there's a guy on there who somewhat resembles Shane hahaha! She was pretty broken hearted when I told her It was not The Walking Dead lol"

10/16/2013 2:00:02 PM

10/16/2013 2:04:56 PM

^^WHO THE F lets their kids watch walking dead?

10/16/2013 2:06:42 PM

someone who had two kids before turning 22 and who has broken up/gotten back together with (one of) the baby daddies at least 10 times

10/16/2013 2:09:27 PM

lol this is the dumbest shit. What idiot would look at this and say "Well that's fair, seems completely unbiased to me!"

Also, they don't just hate liberals, they hate moderates too because they aren't 100% on their side. That is the kind of polarizing attitude that is going to heavily contribute to the deterioration of the GOP.

Quote :

"two-thirds of americans blame the republicans for the shut down"

GEE I WONDER WHY

10/16/2013 9:59:02 PM

"they're so biased, never been anything like that from the our side" and "your beliefs are so dumb, you're close-minded"

hilarious really..

[Edited on October 16, 2013 at 10:10 PM. Reason : grammar]

10/16/2013 10:09:44 PM

I didn't say there has never been anything like that from "the our side" and I don't really consider myself to be on the other side anyway. But when it comes to extreme teabagging conservatives like that, they are by far worse than anyone else. Not to mention they are fucking stupid.

10/16/2013 10:47:19 PM

Quote :

"Very interesting... http://www.realfarmacy.com/how-i-gave-my-son-autism/"

10/16/2013 11:43:14 PM

^that site is so robust with the evidence to support it all (/sarcasm)


scary really

10/17/2013 8:50:15 AM