I am ashamed of living in Greenville after today's presidential visit.

[Edited on July 17, 2019 at 10:49 PM. Reason : Next page! ]

7/17/2019 10:48:55 PM

^ oof - glad I moved away

7/18/2019 12:48:23 AM

Does anyone else ever wonder if someone is thinking about you right now and why? Does anyone else ever wonder who took the picture when you see a picture of someone?

7/21/2019 11:50:30 AM

r/im14andthisisdeep

7/21/2019 12:08:29 PM

just walking the streets of downtown Dallas for my normal afternoon stroll, and I see and get to shake hands with Brian May. Still processing.

7/23/2019 4:28:06 PM

you don’t want to be the one that accidentally diagnoses a rectovaginal fistula

7/24/2019 9:28:56 PM

I haven't seen my son now in three months.

I don't know why, but all I can do in my mind is fixate on the two moments where I lost my temper and raised my voice at him. All I can see are his eyes tearing up and me dropping to the floor to tell him that papa was very sorry.

I wish that I could just focus on the happy moments, like the first time that he managed to swing on his own, or when I got him front row seats to my friend's ballet debut and he tried to ask him a question during the show.

7/25/2019 6:51:17 PM

What is the purpose of baby-on-board bumper stickers?

8/3/2019 12:09:03 PM

Sometimes I like to run into random cars, but only if they're full of adults

8/3/2019 3:54:35 PM

Lettuce refresh chit chat

8/12/2019 3:47:23 PM

carolina chocolate drops are much better than the Avett Bros

8/12/2019 4:01:02 PM

My ex husband committed suicide and I am sad and tired. Suicide is a lot of work.

[Edited on September 22, 2019 at 6:54 PM. Reason : Also I still listen to the Carolina Chocolate Drops regularly ]

9/22/2019 6:52:40 PM

I'm sorry to hear that cddweller, I hope you're doing ok <3

I've had a few close people commit suicide as well. It's a real epidemic in this country over the last 20 years that has really gone under-reported









[Edited on September 22, 2019 at 7:18 PM. Reason : one of the reasons I appreciate Andrew Yang so much. one of the few to tackle this issue directly]

9/22/2019 7:11:08 PM

no one would kill themselves if the government gave them $1000 a month

9/22/2019 7:32:27 PM

Damn those are high stats. Not sure how a society can address it. He always blamed the medical insurance system. He also had mental problems, as a veteran with PTSD and diabetes. I carried him for a long time even after our divorce and eventually let him go, so he let himself go, in the car he borrowed from me, right outside the AA hall we go to in Cary. Codependent relationship in sobriety. None of his other ex wives would take him either. Man could not be a friend; he had to be your soul mate or bust. Which meant kicking his feet up on your couch for free for long periods of time. Lesson learned...

Still actively grieving too much to be fit for duty at my job, but I am looking into ways to volunteer to help prevent veteran suicide.

9/25/2019 3:57:39 PM

9/25/2019 4:01:04 PM

I have a fiancé now

10/24/2019 10:27:12 PM

congrats!

10/25/2019 10:36:16 AM

thanks, man

10/25/2019 2:32:12 PM

Don't PM me about marital advice, because, why the fuck would any dude get married these days?

[Edited on October 25, 2019 at 7:32 PM. Reason : a]

10/25/2019 7:31:53 PM

^^^^ congrats man

10/25/2019 7:40:49 PM

How I went from stay at home mom to founder of a non profit in less than a year. One that is up for a WRAL Voter's Choice Award. It still boggles my mind. And I still feel like it is going to come crashing down any minute. Feel good...but also full of anxiety.

10/31/2019 1:15:22 AM

Keep up the good work!






[Edited on October 31, 2019 at 8:27 AM. Reason : applies to both parenthood and non-profit work]

10/31/2019 8:13:56 AM

Thanks, man. Had an meeting tonight that went well. Still scared I'm screwing everything up. But less so maybe?

[Edited on November 1, 2019 at 10:17 PM. Reason : I can't type good.]

11/1/2019 10:16:12 PM

11/2/2019 4:22:28 PM

I am thinking I want to kill myself

11/3/2019 1:13:49 AM

You should call someone.

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

11/3/2019 11:38:39 PM

^

11/4/2019 6:28:14 AM

^^ , ^

Thanks guys.

Feeling better... won't actually ever do it, but what I am going through makes me feel like that a few times every month.

Decided to take life by the horns and paid $475 for a gym membership today... hope that helps my mood and makes it easier to go through the shit.

P.S. What makes it worse is that I have no friends where I am, no one to confide in, and no one to talk to about such things, I mean, no one I know. Well, I could talk to a colleague, but it won't help.

P.P.S. I am not in the US anymore (since Aug. 2018), so I can't call that number. But I should see if there is a similar service where I am. Thanks elise, appreciate it.


[Edited on November 5, 2019 at 1:32 PM. Reason : But someone from here reached out to me (via PM) so I am talking to him now via PMs ]

11/5/2019 1:31:28 PM

Don't hesitate to reach out to me privately if you ever feel the need. 4 srsly.

11/5/2019 1:41:37 PM

Glad you're feeling better opie. I think exercise will definitely help.

11/5/2019 3:37:07 PM

^^^Ralphie May was the shit. If you don't know about that guy and need a laugh, look him up on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UPGimyfCxM


[Edited on November 5, 2019 at 6:40 PM. Reason : ^]

11/5/2019 6:35:48 PM

hey opie add me to the list of folks who have offered to chat should you ever need someone to lend an ear

this shit sucks sometimes man but we can help each other through it

11/5/2019 11:24:47 PM

I'm quite awkward and not so good with the chatting but I have lots of resources I can help with.

11/5/2019 11:54:24 PM

^, ^^, ^^^, ^^^^, ^^^^^

Thanks y'all.

***************************************

TWW is [not] a blog:

Positives since my last post:

- Did aerial yoga after work (2100-2200) on Wednesday. Wow, so challenging and fun!
- Did Hatha yoga after work (2100-2200) yesterday. Some crazy deep stretches but also gentle and relaxing.
- Since I got home late on both days (2330), did not have to deal with any BS as she was asleep, plus the yoga was great for my mood.
- Off day today, but did overtime 1100-1430. Daughter walked to my office at 1515 after she finished school so we could spend the afternoon and evening together in town as I hadn't seen her for past couple of evenings. Had a great time with her till 2130 when we reached home; she was so happy to have spent time with me exploring areas she hadn't seen before and eating crazy new stuff she hadn't tried before.

Negative since my last post:

- Initially it was fine when we got home a couple of hours ago, but around 2200 she got in her usual bizarre Jekyll and Hyde mood, ruined our daughter's happy and content mood and didn't even realize it. A minute later she sees our daughter sulking and with silent tears from her eyes and acts shocked and asks her what's wrong. I say, "What's wrong??? It is because we are arguing and because of how you are acting." Then says some stupid immature shit directly to our daughter which makes our daughter cry even more, and I get really mad and tell her not to talk to our daughter as she is ruining her mood even more. Has the bloody gall to get fucking defensive over that and raises her voice at me and says, "Don't talk to me." And I am just thinking this is so surreal this can't be happening. So I tell her I am not talking to her just telling her not to ruin our daughter's mood anymore. Cuts me off and repeats several times in an aggressive manner, "Don't talk to me", causing even more brain damage to our daughter. I put our daughter to bed, apologized to her, and told her to think of happy thoughts while she sleeps, like the things we did earlier in the day.

Now I don't know what to do on days I won't be going to the gym after work. I want to return home ASAP to spend time with my daughter, but that also means increased probability of conflict. If I stay out and return late, I miss out on seeing my daughter before she sleeps.

*****************************************

Sigh... there is no end to this, ever. How much can a person blame their hormones? Because that's what she does a few days after she acts horribly, every single time, like 2-4 times/month. I am generally very understanding of messed up brain chemistry, but that doesn't give anybody the right to be aggressively horrible to others but also not seek help to try to fix themselves. There is only so much I can take

Anyway, no one has to respond to this. I am just venting to relieve myself, because otherwise I would bottle it up and hasten CVD even more.

11/8/2019 10:48:12 AM

Quote :

"I say, "What's wrong??? It is because we are arguing and because of how you are acting." Then says some stupid immature shit directly to our daughter which makes our daughter cry even more, and I get really mad and tell her not to talk to our daughter as she is ruining her mood even more. "

Hey man, I have been abroad with a kid and wife and went through this exact situation. Tread very fucking carefully. Is your current residence the native land to you or your wife?

11/8/2019 12:33:15 PM

Lost a job I’d had for 6 years back in May. I hated that job, hated what it had done to my stress levels, hated that I felt that I had become such a niche commodity that I couldn’t do anything else and hope to make the money I was making. Even though it really wasn’t all that great.

I decided to try something new, a bit off the beaten path for project engineers: I just started a gig in outside sales for a hydraulic and pneumatic components distributor. So far there’s a lot I like about the job...but I have a LOT to learn, and I have to work on getting past my social anxiety. The first year is salary, but it goes to commission after that. Every now and then I have a little freak-out moment of irrationality to myself, and I have to give myself a pep talk. But hey, I have a home office, a company car, and seriously good benefits after my trial period. I just hope I can kick ass and make this fly.

11/8/2019 4:49:35 PM

Quote :

"Lost a job I’d had for 6 years back in May."

How do you lose a job that you had for 6 years. Do they not have permanent working contracts in the US?

11/8/2019 10:28:27 PM

Quote :

"I don't see the harm in asking her again since she didn't say yes or no."

Almost 6 months later the stars aligned and I straight up asked her the other night if she wanted to go on a dinner date. I guess I must have had a little bit of a crush on her yet. This time she said she has been dating someone for a while. She said she likes to keep her personal life private and not talk about it on social media like most people do. No worries though. It probably would have been fun to go to dinner and visit with her once, but I know it wouldn't have worked out long term. Oh well! Life goes on and closure is nice. I have no clue what will happen to me in the future, but someday when I'm laying on my death bed having "what if" thoughts at least I'll know the answer to that question.

11/10/2019 1:24:40 AM

Goddamnit I have to piss. Where the fuck is the rest area.

11/13/2019 12:39:58 PM

Hey Opie, just now reading this.

Hope you are ok and managing as best you can.

Having a child seems like one of the greatest joys in life, but obviously can come with some overhead too.

Enjoy what you have, and good luck mitigating the rest.

I hope 2020 brings you joy. Keep up with the yoga. I might have to give it a try myself!

[Edited on December 23, 2019 at 9:22 PM. Reason : ^^ good job taking your shot!]

12/23/2019 9:22:04 PM

I think I want AFC title game to be Chiefs/Ravens and NFC title game Packers/Saints

12/23/2019 10:32:52 PM

Although I love the holidays, it's putting a big delay on my military application.

12/23/2019 10:43:13 PM

RIP Eddie Taylor

fuck

12/28/2019 5:22:14 PM

Sushi

1/28/2020 11:35:39 AM

Kobe Steak actually.

1/28/2020 11:37:51 AM

And now I want beef tataki with my sushi.

1/28/2020 11:40:04 AM

RIP Reed Mullin

1/28/2020 1:21:44 PM

RIP^

1/28/2020 1:23:35 PM

Oh, shit! Internal server error!

Plus Nerdchick and CrazyJ in the Chatter Box?

2/24/2020 12:23:23 PM