4

7/2/2008 2:24:22 AM

Quote :

"Being revisited by seaweed is like giving birth to monsters from your mouth"

7/2/2008 3:10:03 AM

7/2/2008 3:13:51 AM

bttt. tdub needs some entertainment

8/24/2008 8:41:53 PM

bttt

7/16/2009 12:58:26 PM

chixnhed

7/16/2009 1:00:26 PM

My freshman year at State, I lived in 65 Owen Hall with a guy named Derek Boxwell. Derek was an obnoxious, filthy loudmouth. I have a lot of stories about this guy.

One of the tamer stories: He would all the time drink my Tropicana orange juice that I kept in our mini-fridge. I got pretty sick of that and told him to quit it, but he didn't. At one point, I stopped drinking my last jug of it, and after a couple of days, he'd nearly drained it.

While he was out of the room one day, I pissed a little into the bottle and put it back into the fridge. It was a particularly hot day, so I knew he'd hit up a drink as soon as he got back. (This was before Owen got air conditioning.)

Sure enough, he came right in, pulled out the orange juice, and turned it straight up. Took it right out of the jug, chugged that last bit of it. Then, he set it down and said to me, "Dude, I think the OJ is bad. Did it taste funny to you?"

I just shook my head. Didn't buy any more orange juice after that.

7/16/2009 1:42:58 PM

One time I fucked El Borracho on the top bunk while my irish roommate fucked this other bitch on the bottom bunk.

Unfortunately for him, his bitch only did that once. My bitch did that every single day and it started to make him kind of angry after a few months of her spending the night because the bed was always moving around.



Then he left and I got this Korean roommate who was extremely catholic. He would get angry when El Borracho was in the room and he would tell on me if she was there after 2am or whatever. He would even tell on me if he just thought she was there. So on a number of occassions I actually had this huge bitch of a female RA from another floor come down and literally search my room for El Borracho at 3am when I was just trying to sleep.

7/16/2009 1:46:57 PM

My freshman year at State, I lived in Bowen with a guy whose name I can't remember. He didn't live in my room, but he lived in the suite. This guy smelled so bad that his roommate often chose to sleep in another room in the suite on a futon just to avoid the stink. He'd show up begging for food at any room if he could smell something, we had to keep the door closed if we ordered pizza. The suite collectively told him several times that showering wasn't optional, he chose to ignore that. His flyer on how to reserve the same room for next year was hidden from him until the date passed where he could no longer claim that room again, and he moved out. He now works as a security guard at the Super Target in Durham.

The end.

7/16/2009 1:48:48 PM

With Derek, I wanted 65 Owen for the next year, and so did he. So while he was out of the room the night before the room reservations opened online, I taped over his network cable and plugged it back in.

7/16/2009 1:52:38 PM

LOL, you do what you gotta do, man.

7/16/2009 1:54:06 PM

Exactly son.


I had to start hanging coathangers on my door whenever I "had a girl over." It was interesting because the Korean roommate simply ignored the hangers and would walk in anyway. So I was like, "Whatever son. YOU DO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO SON."

7/16/2009 1:56:08 PM

Three months ago, I received the following email from my roommate:

Quote :

" Lucy, Good morning! Sorry for the late and suprising news last night. First I want to say you are welcome to stay as long as you like at the current agreed upon rate level. I am going to be gone for a month. I am entering an in-patient treatment center for cocain addiction. I thought I had arrested this issue but it has resurfaced with recent personal problems and I have to do this to better myself. I do need to ask a couple favors from you if you do not mind. First I need you to collect any mail for me, especially the bills, and send them to my father at the address below. You can just collect them once a month and send them all together so that you dont' have to do it repeatedly. You can also send him your rent check. The bills usually arrive towards the end of each month. If anything goes wrong at the house or breaks you can also let him know so he can work on it. I had the broken window panes replaced this past weekend. Once I'm out I will be in touch with you and go from there. Also, Dawn has a key to the house and I may be asking her to stop by from time to time to do some things for me. Just wanted to give you a heads up on that. Thanks, Keith "

7/16/2009 1:59:40 PM

My freshman year I lived in Sullivan. You all know about the characters that lived (and probably still live) in there.

My RA would have us all over on Tuesday nights for a mini-party (pizza, a little alcohol, movies, bad tv). By "us", I mostly mean a group of about 8 of us who were actually friendly with him. He'd buy the pizza. There was this one really globular kid who lived in the back of the RA's suite who was always in there gaming or doing who knows what. Oh, and this kid also liked to jack off while sitting indian-style on the floor of one of the stalls in the bathroom. Thus, he was Indian-Style Guy (there was also Weird Pants Guy, Phone Guy, Mail Guy, and Chi Kwong and his brother Chi Kwong in Sullivan that year, as well.)

Anyway, he would always sneak in and steal like an entire pizza whenever this happened and never actually stayed. That wasn't so bad, since it was free anyway, but this dude would sit in the hall and eat the whole thing.

And this was after his nightly dinner, which always consisted of like 4 burgers stacked on a plate full of fries.

Not that great of a story, but Sullivan attracts the freaks.

Oh, and later on I lived in Alexander, where Jonathan the Preacher would stand outside and shout from the bible at 9pm on Saturday nights. Other than that it was awesome. You could drink and everyone was laid back for the most part and weird and European and awesome. Best part of college, and probably my entire life thus far.

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:03 PM. Reason : .]

7/16/2009 2:00:34 PM

I paid $1000 for damages that were Ashes' fault

true story

so

no more roommates for me because I've been screwed by every single one

7/16/2009 2:02:45 PM

Quote :

"Oh, and later on I lived in Alexander, where Jonathan the Preacher would stand outside and shout from the bible at 9pm on Saturday nights. Other than that it was awesome. You could drink and everyone was laid back for the most part and weird and European and awesome. Best part of college, and probably my entire life thus far."

This is, of course, why I had an Irish and then a Korean roommate my son. The english kids weren't used to american cocaine either son. They must have been getting complete garbage over there in europe son. I guess that big ass ocean presents a bigger shipping issue or something son?

7/16/2009 2:04:54 PM

So how many more pages until someone trolls a bunch of Wolf Webbers with, "I lived in Syme in 2004 and walked in on my roommate dead"?

7/16/2009 2:07:52 PM

That simply wont happen son.

7/16/2009 2:08:43 PM

my japanese roommate and i would be wasted by 6pm most fridays. there was also the time that McDanger came by after him and this Irish dude got kicked out of Mitch's and hung out with us outside and Preacher Jonathan came and berated us. We were drinking from plastic cups when he decided to come start some weird discussion about why wine for communion doesn't mean you can drink. Oh, and he got into an argument with this Spanish girl about abortion and he ended this by revealing he was one of the Jews for Jesus. I always figured he was in a cult.

Oh, my best friend had a roommate die. He had gone home for Christmas and when he returned, one of his roommates had been found dead in the apartment of some sort of seizure-induced thing. He moved out after that.

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:12 PM. Reason : .]

7/16/2009 2:09:37 PM

^^^ My friend walked in on his dead suitemate at the grad student dorm. The body had been decomposing for weeks.

But I get your reference.

7/16/2009 2:10:51 PM

DUDE. Walking in on a decomposing corpse that's been where you live for weeks is a mindfuck, I bet.

7/16/2009 2:13:01 PM

i was standing outside the old police station (outside of syme) talkin to a cop when that guy's roommate walked up and reported it it

7/16/2009 2:13:51 PM

^^ He was messed up for sure. So he moved to an apartment and then apparently got cancer from his apartment. Here's his site that documents the horror:

http://www.apthorrors.com/

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:14 PM. Reason : ^^]

7/16/2009 2:14:04 PM

OH SHIT I'VE READ THIS BEFORE

7/16/2009 2:14:47 PM

This is a fairly short one:

We'd just finished a parade and were changing uniforms before supper. One of my roommates was wearing a long t-shirt and, for some reason I still don't understand, thought it would be funny if he turned it into a onesie. Yeah.

At first he was satisfied just walking around, holding the tails in between his crotch, but eventually he figured it'd be a good idea to tape it shut. Grabbing a roll of duct tape, he proceeded to affix the tape to the front and rear tails of the shirt. Despite his education as an engineer, he did not consider the adhesive properties (or lack thereof) of sweaty cotton shirt-tails.

Proud of his accomplishment he stood up akimbo fashion and grinned. Briefly. He then realized to his horror that, as he stood up, the duct tape had detached from the shirt ends and affixed itself firmly to both his scrotum and the head of his penis . . .

The next 30 minutes were the funniest of my life to date. Me and my other roommate were literally in tears rolling around watching him attempt to detach the duct tape from his dick in between howls of agony. He wound up collapsed in the fetal position on his bed screaming, "it's not fucking funny guys! It's not funny!"

Of course . . . it was.

He finally just had to yank it at the last minute or he'd have been late for supper.

He hates it to this day that I still bring that story up

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:33 PM. Reason : fuckit, rough draft.]

7/16/2009 2:15:04 PM

there was this guy from Grace Church who played on our basketball team in Sullivan and he kept asking me to go to lunch with him. I kept putting it off and then one night this older guy shows up at my door inviting me out for "pancakes". i declined of course, but this didn't stop him from showing up every night for the next 2 weeks to ask the same thing.

eventually he started sending me emails about how i really needed to get involved with Grace Church and it was soooo important to spend lots of time with them every day, because there are so many bad influences in college. eventually i got rid of them, but only after one of my suitemates got a call from him (he thought he was calling me) at 6am on a Saturday, so my suitemate yelled at him and he never came by again.

Grace is a creepy cult.

7/16/2009 2:19:07 PM

So what happened in Syme in 2004. I'm a newb

7/16/2009 2:20:29 PM

NOTHING HAPPENED

7/16/2009 2:21:14 PM

my dad lived in the Syme basement

Sophomore year was the best year of my life. That said, my roommate that year decided not to move in until March. Once he did, he insisted on keeping the place as hot as possible all the time (this was Alexander, all it takes is shutting the window), and even got it written into the contract that the window or the door could be opened, never both. he slept from 7am to noon daily and stayed up the rest of the time playing Yahoo! games and watching baseball. when it came time to move out, he left the dorm for the entire period of moving out. the RA called me a week after move out looking for him. This was 2004.

I wonder if they found him?

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:26 PM. Reason : .]

7/16/2009 2:23:04 PM

^^^^^ I'm having a hard time understanding this due to some grammatical errors and me not having any idea what the fuck a "onesie" is.


^^^ I assume they're talking about this Paccione guy whose name I probably spelled incorrectly.

7/16/2009 2:23:52 PM

"onesie"

7/16/2009 2:24:45 PM

R.I.P. AntiJester

Good night, sweet prince.

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:28 PM. Reason : Learn your CrazyCode!]

7/16/2009 2:25:55 PM

I'm missing the grammatical errors, point 'em out and I'll fix them.

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:28 PM. Reason : Moth covered the onesie]

7/16/2009 2:25:55 PM

onsie is what babies are clothed in - snap/buttons to give access to the diaper.



and I have nothing to add to the thread.... my roomies were always fantastic.

7/16/2009 2:26:44 PM

^^ beat you

7/16/2009 2:27:10 PM

Quote :

"I'm missing the grammatical errors, point 'em out and I'll fix them."

Two I can think of offhand, but the onesie explanation helped more than fixing these ever would son:

Quote :

"he did not consider the adhesive properties an textile such as cotton would posses"

Quote :

"he proceeded to affix the tape the front and rear tails of the shirt"

7/16/2009 2:29:05 PM

My roommate freshman year was single for 3 months... he dumped his gf of 2 years then got back together with her 3 months later...

During that time he went on a rampage of fucking I'd never seen the likes of. He would just have girls, for a lack of a better term begging for his nuts...

But my favorite time was he fucked a girl one night in her room came back at like 4am drunk and turned the lights on stumbling around. I wake up and when I'm about to say wtf is with the lights I say, " HOLY SHIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BACK?? "

bitch had scratched him so hard in the back his shirt was covered in blood, when he tried to take it off it was stuck to his back... when he finally got it off it looked like my boy JC's back in Passion of the Christ... I'd never seen so much blood in my life, his drunk ass had no idea he was bleeding. Then he went on to fuck this girl in the grass median of Western at like 3am, on the concrete floor in her room so she could be in front of the mirror... in the back of my truck on the way to a concert...

Lets just say, I hope I dont get to drunk when he gets married and give a speech about him

7/16/2009 2:29:29 PM

Man I've had some pretty ridiculous roommates...

I'll start with the first one:

My freshman year I went to Lenoir-Rhyne, a small private school where I knew no one. This girl was to be my freshman year roommate, so of course we had never met. She called me (as is customary) with the intentions of figuring out who would bring what to the dorm. This conversation turned into a two hour long life story about how she'd never had a boyfriend before, but she just met this guy who was an IT man at LR (she was there for the summer).

Fast forward two months.

I arrive at LR with all my stuff and the appliances I was to bring - basically everything except for a refrigerator. I walk in, she's already moved in, but no fridge. So I ask, "Jen, where's the fridge? I thought you were bringing it."

She proceeds to tell me about the past two months of her life, in which she got pregnant, married, had an abortion, had the marriage annulled, all by the same IT guy, who is now holding her mini-fridge hostage.

This girl also had seven Def Leppard t-shirts, and she wore one for each day of the week (like, Monday is the green one, Tuesday is the gray one etc). She would listen to music through her headphones, but would moan along with it loudly.

I stayed with her for two weeks, then had my room changed. On the day I was moving out, she got up at 5 am, left the lights off, and proceeded to take all of her text books up to her lofted bed and drop them, one by one, on the floor. Then she would climb down and start over. I watched her do this while pretending to be asleep for about 45 minutes. Weird.


More to come later.

7/16/2009 2:31:46 PM

^^^ fixed it. New draft as follows:


This is a fairly short one:

We'd just finished a parade and were changing uniforms before supper. One of my roommates was wearing a long t-shirt and, for some reason I still don't understand, thought it would be funny if he turned it into a onesie. Yeah.

At first he was satisfied just walking around, holding the tails in between his crotch, but eventually he figured it'd be a good idea to tape it shut. Grabbing a roll of duct tape, he proceeded to affix the tape to the front and rear tails of the shirt. Despite his education as an engineer, he did not consider the adhesive properties (or lack thereof) of sweaty cotton shirt-tails.

Proud of his accomplishment he stood up akimbo fashion and grinned. Briefly. He then realized to his horror that, as he stood up, the duct tape had detached from the shirt ends and affixed itself firmly to both his scrotum and the head of his penis . . .

The next 30 minutes were the funniest of my life to date. Me and my other roommate were literally in tears rolling around watching him attempt to detach the duct tape from his dick in between howls of agony. He wound up collapsed in the fetal position on his bed screaming, "it's not fucking funny guys! It's not funny!"

Of course . . . it was.

He finally just had to yank it at the last minute or he'd have been late for supper.

He hates it to this day that I still bring that story up

[Edited on July 16, 2009 at 2:36 PM. Reason : hard to edit your own work son.]

7/16/2009 2:33:26 PM

I like how in my stories I'm always the abusive roommate rather than the victim.

7/16/2009 2:33:29 PM

Quote :

"This girl also had seven Def Leppard t-shirts, and she wore one for each day of the week (like, Monday is the green one, Tuesday is the gray one etc). She would listen to music through her headphones, but would moan along with it loudly. "

That's pretty wyckyd!

7/16/2009 2:33:34 PM

dammit sons tell me what happened in syme in 2004 sons!!!!

7/16/2009 2:36:15 PM

We did....

Paccione, the dude who frosh just posted about (Antijester or whatever) is the dead kid. Seems like he died of like some kind of rapid onset pneumonia or something supposedly.




AntiJester

7/16/2009 2:37:12 PM

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/110330/

7/16/2009 2:38:07 PM

thank you sons

7/16/2009 2:39:23 PM

I went Pot Luck on a roommate freshman year (bad idea) and got a virgin from Charlotte who had just gotten her first kiss over the summer before school started. Our first night together, she asked me if I'd ever had an orgasm and what it felt like.

7/16/2009 2:43:42 PM

Quote :

"PEED ON BED"

7/16/2009 3:07:44 PM

I generally win this battle.

message_topic.aspx?topic=509336


I have after further reading decided that does not even top some of the stories in this thread.

[Edited on July 17, 2009 at 2:22 PM. Reason : a]

7/17/2009 2:17:30 PM

^

7/17/2009 2:23:42 PM

I used to have this room mate name joey and i would fold his pillow in half and fuck it on numerous occasions....don't worry, i fluffed them up when i was finished

[Edited on July 17, 2009 at 2:25 PM. Reason : e]

7/17/2009 2:25:31 PM