dont put the p on a pedestal!

4/28/2009 8:21:33 PM

hmmm. interesting. ^ ^

guys? agree?

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:23 PM. Reason : hjf]

4/28/2009 8:22:05 PM

4/28/2009 8:23:53 PM

ugh. but WHY? why wasn't he interested? i don't get it. i'm so sick of dating.
it's so dumb.

i posted a thread a while back that i'm interested in adopting and yall gave me a hard time, saying to give it time, the right person will come along. that's bs. i don't have time for all the bs that comes with dating.

i am smart, attractive, and i think my "life story" is fairly/somewhat interesting.

i know they make fun of this in "he's just not that into you" but sometimes i really do think it scares men off when i act so aggressive about my life goals and stuff. who knows. fuck it.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:43 PM. Reason : okay, i know it sounds narcissistic ]

4/28/2009 8:28:05 PM

Well, in my case it was behavior just like what you're exhibiting now

"BUT WHY? BUT WHY?"

Get out of my face with that shit.



I hate to sound harsh.

But really.


If you're so smart and attractive, and don't need anyone else, you won't need to cling. It's seriously the most annoying shit ever.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:34 PM. Reason : .]

4/28/2009 8:32:54 PM

Quote :

"are they interested but really just too busy???"

a man (or woman for that matter) is NEVER too busy to get what they want

this mantra has served me well

have you tried online dating? maybe you're running guys off bc you seem too into "you" with you aggressive goals and interesting life story

focus on getting to know other people, you already know you

4/28/2009 8:36:26 PM

^^^ it seems like you are already ready to settle down and have children asap.

Quote :

"Age : 25"

Most guys don't really want to settle down at 25. You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you, quit trying to rush things into permanancy.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:37 PM. Reason : .]

4/28/2009 8:37:30 PM

well, then why can't people just say "i don't like you"

it would leave much less room for ambiguity and make it much easier to say "peace out"

when they say "not the right time" it kind of leaves room for false hope.

4/28/2009 8:37:34 PM

Quote :

"sometimes i really do think it scares men off when i act so aggressive about my life goals and stuff"

Its always appropriate to blame everyone else in these sorts of situations.

4/28/2009 8:38:13 PM

^^^^ good point

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:39 PM. Reason : dfghsd]

4/28/2009 8:38:42 PM

some people find it difficult to outright reject someone

4/28/2009 8:38:49 PM

^^ 99% of the time people won't be blunt with you. It's like human nature not to want to be looked upon as "mean" and people think they can get around it by giving a vague response and hoping you get a clue. (not saying i support this because i hate that it has to be this way).

4/28/2009 8:39:28 PM

kiljadn, i don't cling.

i've been single for three years. i do my own thing & i'm cool with that.


it would be NICE to have a partner though, what's wrong with wanting that?

4/28/2009 8:41:12 PM

you don't sound cool w/ it.

4/28/2009 8:47:18 PM

if you posted a pic, I think I could explain exactly why you have such a problem landing a partner

4/28/2009 8:48:10 PM

.... are you the girl I just dumped?



because she had deluded herself into the exact same line of thought.




I told her it "wasn't the right time" because she fed me the exact same line you just did. I was thinking that she'd be like "ok cool, I'll go do my own thing again," and that I was being straightforward enough that I wasn't interested and not being ugly about it.


Unfortunately, in her mind it meant "send jadn 16 paragraph long text messages and piss him off to the point where he's forced to be ugly about it."



When a guy says "it's not the right time," he has made up his mind that you are not right for him. He is leaving the door open, but on his own terms, not yours. Forcing the issue makes you seem clingy, and that is a total turn-off.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 8:49 PM. Reason : .]

4/28/2009 8:48:14 PM

she can get the dick whenever, she's talking about holding someone down

4/28/2009 8:48:52 PM

this is pretty much an issue both sides deal with (guys and ladies), and it happens very often.

4/28/2009 8:52:40 PM

great, based on this feedback i'm too full of myself and also clingy.

psychologically though- aren't those two things at odds with one another?

i'm not perfect, i know that. and i'm not "blaming it" on the guys... i can understand how hard it would be to outright reject someone... our society is (for the most part) one of manners and decorum....

4/28/2009 8:52:46 PM

this entire fourth page is evidence of the fact that you can't quit talking about yourself.

4/28/2009 9:00:40 PM

i'm just engaging in conversation/debate.

i said i wanted to start my own thread about this, but figured i'd talk about it in here since the topic was dating

4/28/2009 9:03:42 PM

I like how you conflate debating and conversation. Perhaps that's an indication of what your problem is.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 9:05 PM. Reason : s]

4/28/2009 9:05:37 PM

& Solinari- you seem like a total tool if you think you can explain someone's life based on their looks.


pretty shallow if you ask me

4/28/2009 9:05:44 PM

& also you're 21, and a dude. your frontal cortex isn't fully developed.


maybe THAT's my problem, there's too many dudes like you in this world

4/28/2009 9:07:38 PM

well you had just filled 3/4 of a page describing how your personality was not to blame and how you were so perfect, you even knew that you weren't perfect.... That means appearance is the next biggest factor that could be screwing up so many first dates.

P.S. its more "decorous" (as you would say) to edit your post to add comments, rather than double/triple posting.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 9:10 PM. Reason : s]

4/28/2009 9:08:43 PM

best thing for you to do is move on and not talk to the guy again. same thing to do if you get the just friends line.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 9:11 PM. Reason : ...and ignore trolls.]

4/28/2009 9:10:09 PM

Quote :

"i'm just engaging in conversation/debate."

you started the page out w/ three consecutive posts.

4/28/2009 9:10:29 PM

^haha right, edit maybe?

Quote :

"i posted a thread a while back that i'm interested in adopting and yall gave me a hard time, saying to give it time, the right person will come along. that's bs. i don't have time for all the bs that comes with dating."

you are a 25 yr old grad student who is focused on her career, but not only are you giving up on dating you think you are ready for kids??

Quote :

"i am smart, attractive, and i think my "life story" is fairly/somewhat interesting. "

look, if you are attractive at nc state, you should be having cock thrown at you constantly. furthermore, if you are smart and interesting, there shoudl be a decent percentage of that cock that is interested in sticking around to find out more.

either you are lying about your qualities or you are too goddamn picky (or i guess you could have no life and never be in social situations, in which case i guess you are lying about being interesting)

4/28/2009 10:12:10 PM

she just sent me epic PM rage over all of the humiliating insults that I apparently leveled at her in this thread.....

4/28/2009 10:14:30 PM

Quote :

"& also you're 21, and a dude. your frontal cortex isn't fully developed. "

haha i just saw this shit

first of all, i am 98% sure that solinari is over 21 and just hasnt edited his info in a while, he may even be older than you.

2nd, wtf?? "your frontal cortex isnt fully developed???" your listed age is 4, FOUR, FOUR, years older than that, you really think you have the high ground of life experience to talk down to someone like that?

i'm sure guys love it when you talk down to them.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 10:24 PM. Reason : and if your profile is accurate, i'm older than you too, undergrad and grad!=life experience]

4/28/2009 10:20:00 PM

^ after talking with her over PM, I've realized that the purpose of her question here is to garner affirmation, like on an Oprah show, not to get actual feedback on how she could reduce the [fail] in her life.




.... I do kind of feel bad that she landed on TWW looking for affirmation. Nevertheless, there is some good commentary in this thread that she should pay attention to. Third party criticism is sometimes the most valuable.

4/28/2009 10:23:57 PM

PM me your photo I too am single and hate dating so if you are attractive like you say you are then maybe we can talk and if you arent well that may explain the reason this guy blew you off, or this whole clingy aggressive thing you guys are arguing about

4/28/2009 10:28:13 PM

Quote :

"from a MALE perspective- what does "not the right time" mean???"

the fact that it comes from a male makes no difference--he doesn´t want anything, let it go
people go on plenty of good dates that don´t end up leading anywhere

4/28/2009 10:35:19 PM

While on the subject of blind dates the last girl I went on with we went out once or twice more until she decided that our personalities didnt mesh. She said she wanted to try to be friends but wasnt sure if it would work because I was so hot, which proved true this past weekend and now she has decided for both of our own goods we should no longer see one another . Ill admit I like the excuse that I am too hot to be friends with at least haha.

4/28/2009 10:36:57 PM

BTW Im serious and Im also ok with being brutally honest if you are looking for a reason why a guy doesnt like you

4/28/2009 10:42:39 PM

what is a nice quiet bar to take a girl to on saturday to talk and stuff? Preferably downtown Raleigh since im close by.

4/29/2009 12:11:35 AM

Quote :

"She said she wanted to try to be friends but wasnt sure if it would work because I was so hot"

you sure she was being serious?

4/29/2009 12:16:44 AM

Hey I had my doubts too but I hadnt heard that excuse before and well other things pointed to it being true that I wont go into lol, also that picture is 10 years old haha I should probably update my photo gallery one of these days huh

4/29/2009 7:45:01 AM

If I had to guess, based on the few things I've read that you have posted, he's not interested because you are too self-absorbed. He probably thinks a relationship with you wouldn't be a relationship at all, but rather an agreement between two independent adults to knock boots. That, or he's judging you based on your inability to maintain a relationship, and feels that their is an emotional iceberg below the surface that he doesn't want his ship crashing into. I don't know what you look like, but most guys wouldn't care about your personality at all if you were hot enough physically. They may discard you after they have had their fill, but they would at least take you for a spin first. If you want to know the truth about your appearance, I will be frank with you.

[Edited on April 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM. Reason : -]

4/29/2009 10:43:11 AM

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1zp0w_katt-williams-discussing-women-weed_fun

relevant to this thread.

4/29/2009 6:51:11 PM

^ "is that plum & red?" lol

4/30/2009 6:03:04 PM

bump to the t

More dating advice needed


I've been hanging out with a new girl recently, been out on two dates already, going on our third tonight. I'm running low on dating ideas though. She usually works 12-8, especially on weekends so my regular ideas are out the window. She is also pretty unconventional when it comes to most "normal" girls. Any ideas for late evening weekday things to do?

(PS - I'm not in Raleigh)

[Edited on July 21, 2009 at 9:05 AM. Reason : ]

7/21/2009 9:04:30 AM

putt putt and go karts are always good.

[Edited on July 21, 2009 at 9:17 AM. Reason : .]

7/21/2009 9:17:03 AM

What does she like to do, have you gotten a read on that yet? Knowing my gf, I could've ordered a pizza and broken out a board game and she would have been in heaven. If you know of something she's interested in, jump on that and play to it.

7/21/2009 9:50:22 AM

She really likes independent horror movies (I do too, one of the reasons we started hanging out) but we watched on on date number two and we have another one scheduled tonight. I know she enjoys them but I don't want her to get bored and think I just do the same thing over and over again.

She's really artistic (she's actually a tattoo artist, hence the strange hours), I would like to take her to museums and stuff but I'm pretty sure they would all be closed by the time she is done at work.

Aside from that she's a typical nerd. She likes video games, comic books, and stuff like that. She's a fan of local music shows but around here they are typically on the weekend so I already plan on seeing if she wants to check some of those out when she's done at work on the weekends.

7/21/2009 10:07:33 AM

Open mic nights are usually pretty fun (and amusing, at times) and typically occur during the week. Nerdy chicks typically love Trivia nights at local bars. Those tend to occur during the week too.

Like previous posters said though, you don't have to go out of your way to have a good time, or do something that seems overly contrived. If she likes you, it won't really matter what you guys do.

7/21/2009 11:35:40 AM

You could always cook dinner for her. I feel like that's generally a good date, especially if you're a good cook. Then maybe hit up a redbox, go out to a bar, or head to one of the shows she sounds into.

7/21/2009 12:28:30 PM

Already made her dinner once but I do appreciate the suggestion .

7/21/2009 2:20:16 PM

What city are you in??

If its decent sized, there's got to be some place with some decent live Music on a Tuesday.

7/21/2009 2:24:52 PM

Take her flying?

Since she's artistic you could hit up an arts supply store with her after she gets off work, grab some supplies and just spend the night goofing off with her painting/sculpting/etc.

Since you've already cooked dinner for her, you could try cooking dinner with her.

7/21/2009 2:46:20 PM