Quote :

"Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML"

Quote :

"Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML"

4/23/2009 9:47:02 AM

Quote :

"Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML"

4/23/2009 11:06:21 AM

Quote :

"Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML"

4/23/2009 11:32:48 AM

Quote :

"My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML"

Actually Kratos is not a make believe cartoon character but a person from Greek mythology.

4/23/2009 11:37:11 AM

yea..but the average person is a fucking dumbass.

4/23/2009 11:37:34 AM

too many of these are "i said something dumb and inconsiderate to someone i thought looked like my friend. but they weren't FML"

4/23/2009 3:04:31 PM

Quote :

"Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML"

fail

4/23/2009 3:10:20 PM

Quote :

"When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear"

hahahahaha

4/23/2009 3:52:20 PM

Quote :

"'Today I had a date with an ugly guy from Craigslist but gave him a shot. Took him to a party and someone who knew him said he got kicked of a message board for kicking someone's dog and threatening to rape a girl. Sadly my date's actions made him seem creepier than the stories his friend shared. FML'"

4/23/2009 4:18:09 PM

Quote :

"THE R WORD"

4/23/2009 4:45:43 PM

^^lol reminded me of Kerpal.

4/23/2009 5:04:02 PM

^^ DNL

Quote :

"Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I went shopping at Macy's for swimsuits with my mom. I told my mom that I hated all the suits there, and that I wanted to get them at Dick's Sporting Goods. My mother then said, in a loud voice, "STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH DICKS!" Half the store stared at me. FML"

4/24/2009 7:26:52 AM

^ hm. sneezing while having sex? sounds painful.

4/24/2009 3:26:01 PM

Quote :

"Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML"

4/25/2009 11:11:36 AM

^haha

^^^The sneezing one is from Ron White's Comedy special

4/25/2009 12:22:42 PM

I just found out my daughter has eaten all my tamiflu in order to get high. Swine flu is spreading. FML.

4/25/2009 12:27:49 PM

Quote :

" Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML"

Quote :

" Today, my friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow. We made our own fairies and flew around completing tasks for TinkerBell and her fairy friends. We're in college, and this is how we spent our Saturday night. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML"

[Edited on April 27, 2009 at 1:16 AM. Reason : moar]

4/27/2009 1:12:08 AM

Quote :

"Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML"

haha. I'm almost 24 and still do that. If it says there's a toy, there better be a damn toy in the box.

Quote :

"Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my fiance got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiance will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML"

and zomg, the autopager extension for firefox works with fmylife. Continuous scroll >>>>> clicking each page

[Edited on April 27, 2009 at 10:01 AM. Reason : ]

4/27/2009 9:43:23 AM

what's that extension?

4/27/2009 10:09:28 AM

Quote :

"The AutoPager Firefox extension automatically loads the next page of a site inline when you reach the end of the current page for infinite scrolling of content. AutoPager works with a ton of sites, including Lifehacker, of course, Google ....... Unlike other auto paging scripts, this add-on works well with most other add-ons like adblock plus, WOT and most of the greasemonkey scripts."

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4925

4/27/2009 10:11:10 AM

i have a feeling that could get annoying

4/27/2009 10:12:04 AM

it's awesome. just installed it

4/27/2009 10:14:23 AM

yeah I love it. No more page clicking for Google and fmylife. Not sure what other sites it works with. You can supposedly play around with it and get it to work with sites it doesn't support when you first install it but I haven't had a chance to get it working with tdub yet.

4/27/2009 10:20:28 AM

that will take all of the fun out of set em up posts though

4/27/2009 10:23:50 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML"

HAHAHA

4/27/2009 10:32:00 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML"

[Edited on April 27, 2009 at 11:00 AM. Reason : ]

4/27/2009 10:58:58 AM

Quote :

"Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML"

On the plus side, she's no longer dating a massive pussy.

4/27/2009 3:30:01 PM

i'm tempted to see if they filter it at all or if anyone could put lame ones up.

4/27/2009 3:31:17 PM

I've seen enough lame ones to believe that the filter is either very lenient or non-existent

4/27/2009 3:34:29 PM

omg i bought 10 hot dogs and only 8 buns FML

4/27/2009 3:38:56 PM

Quote :

"Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML"

4/28/2009 8:34:33 AM

Quote :

"'Today I had a date with an ugly guy from Craigslist but gave him a shot. Took him to a party and someone who knew him said he got kicked of a message board for kicking someone's dog and threatening to rape a girl. Sadly my date's actions made him seem creepier than the stories his friend shared. FML'""

haha

4/28/2009 9:02:59 AM

sounds like ragged and dnl combined a post.

4/28/2009 9:10:11 AM

they just found out about this site on the showgram this morning

4/28/2009 9:10:54 AM

it figures.

now someone is gonna email them textsfromlastnight and the influx of crappy ones will be astounding

4/28/2009 9:12:57 AM

ha apparently jon told them about the text one

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 9:14 AM. Reason : ]

4/28/2009 9:14:20 AM

Quote :

"they just found out about this site on the showgram this morning"

lol, a few weeks ago I left my mp3 player at home so I decided to give the local morning radio show a shot on the way to work. They were talking about some high school football player or something, but using his name in Chuck Norris jokes that we all heard 3 years ago. They claimed them to be original jokes.

4/28/2009 9:52:34 AM

maybe someone just linked tww to them.

4/28/2009 11:05:17 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML"

4/28/2009 2:26:45 PM

^already posted
sounds like pttyndal and dnl combined a post.

[Edited on April 28, 2009 at 2:39 PM. Reason : carlface]

4/28/2009 2:37:07 PM

Quote :

"it's awesome. just installed it"

4/28/2009 3:22:06 PM

OK, real FML now

Quote :

"Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML"

4/28/2009 9:32:11 PM

Quote :

"Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML"

4/29/2009 10:21:35 AM

Quote :

" Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML"

Quote :

" Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML"

4/29/2009 12:38:43 PM

haha at the last two

I use TWW as my filter for this site and the test message one

Streamlines the effort or sorting thru all the riff raff

4/29/2009 12:40:33 PM

Quote :

"I was posting on one of my favorite message boards about a really hot topic. Then the douche bag, gestapo, can't get laid but is easily fooled into thinking he will get laid, non-existent, cock sucker of an owner deleted the threads. FML"

4/29/2009 12:43:30 PM

^^^haha I had some friends whose house was broken into, and I believe they stole some of there food


I actually believe JTMONEYNCSU was one of them



[Edited on April 29, 2009 at 12:47 PM. Reason : there ya go]

4/29/2009 12:46:41 PM

Quote :

"thinking LOL stood for "lots of love.""

I think my mom was the same way, I got a few emails with LOL at the end until I told her

4/29/2009 9:21:05 PM

Quote :

"Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML"

4/30/2009 9:47:32 AM

set em up

4/30/2009 12:36:18 PM