All squabbles in our household are settled with the strict sex for breakfast policy. I put out, I get a good breakfast in the morning, he quits being a little bitch. Works like a charm.

2/21/2014 9:54:11 PM

The wife and I had another argument. I decided to be by myself. She came after me and threw my banjo off of the balcony (it is 1,000 bucks in USA, no telling what it will cost in Europe to buy another one). I yelled at her, she called the police saying taht she feels threatend (will I get deported?), and now I just want this relationship over. Please let it be over I don't care what it costs.

3/9/2014 9:56:57 AM

yikes. hopefully you got the part about your property being thrown out the window in a statement or something to document that.

[Edited on March 9, 2014 at 10:54 AM. Reason : cray]

3/9/2014 10:53:36 AM

Nope, I just panicked and left when I heard her calling the police saying that she felt threatened. I went straight to a bar, and of course they bitched about me drinking before 12 but I did it any way. Once I was drunk enough not to give a shit, I went to the atm, took out moey for the week, and left the card for her.

3/9/2014 11:01:29 AM

I have cride many tears already over my banjo. I will prolly never have one again for at least a year or so. Those things are expensive.

3/9/2014 11:02:42 AM

if there is anyway for you to photograph what is left and the window it was thrown from and collect some of the pieces, it will help you in the future.



Document everything from this point forward. If she is seriously mental she could try and make you out to be a wife beater and you wouldn't see your kid again. You need anything to counter whatever she tells police. Evidence that she has rage issues or isn't all there. Obviously this is worst case scenario, and hopefully it never comes to that... but you need to start protecting yourself because this could get very very ugly.

Sorry you are dealing with all this, especially with a kid involved, that always makes it so complicated.

3/9/2014 11:08:33 AM

If she gets crazy drunk or into a fit of rage and trying to hurt you or kill you or herself you should film it.

3/9/2014 11:10:01 AM

I did not document anything because I did not think that she would go this far. Unfortunately I am screwed. I have been stuck in this relationship for years now. I have said several times that I want out, but she refuses to look for a job or a means to support herself. And, now that she has called the police and gotten her family involved, hopefully she will put some effort into it. But, I have made it very clear for a long time that we will seperate as soon as I can afford to support her being alone, and yet she will not even look for employment.

I am just super tired of taking care of somebody that hurts me and does not appreciate the things that I provide.

[Edited on March 9, 2014 at 11:24 AM. Reason : d]

3/9/2014 11:23:29 AM

Why are you worried about supporting her if she has family?

3/9/2014 11:39:23 AM

stop worrying so much about her and protect yourself. Tell her directly she needs to find employment now if that is what you expect of her. A relationship is supposed to be a 2 way street. You don't have to wait for her to be employed to go through a divorce.

Have you sat down with her to talk about her actions and how much they hurt you? Sometimes you need a sober look at your actions.

[Edited on March 9, 2014 at 12:05 PM. Reason : .]

3/9/2014 12:03:41 PM

Sorry dude. You can always refer back to this thread if you're trying to recreate a timeline with dates and events that transpired I guess

3/9/2014 12:42:57 PM

^^ She doesn't have family. She has nothing without me. Basically my only option is couch surfing untill I can find a super cheap room to stay in.

3/9/2014 1:49:34 PM

Have you sat down with her to talk about her actions and how much they hurt you? Sometimes you need a sober look at your actions.

Have you calmly explained to her that it hurts the family when she doesn't appreciate anything you do? Start having these sobering conversations with her until 1. she realizes she needs to figure her shit out and get some help and save your marriage or more likely 2. realize you two will not stay happy together but that you both need to find separate and at least semi-independent lives so that your child does not suffer so much.

If your wife is throwing your shit out windows constantly and trying to jump off the building, drunk or not, eventually your son is going to realize this and he will need at least his dad to have his shit together. Maybe she will see that it's not good to live like this for the sake of your son and get motivated, but either way you two made a baby and you are the sane person in the equation, hopefully, so you better be looking out for him.




[Edited on March 9, 2014 at 2:00 PM. Reason : .]

3/9/2014 1:56:56 PM

I have had this conversation with her many times, but she refuses to acknowledge it. I think that she is happy knowing that she will never work again, because what can I do? Leave her homeless? How is that right? I am the one homeless now. I pay her rent and sleep in my fucking work space.

3/9/2014 2:02:56 PM

just fucking stop. you are no better than one of those women who go back to their abusive husbands.

[Edited on March 9, 2014 at 2:06 PM. Reason : ]

3/9/2014 2:06:09 PM

^exactly

3/9/2014 2:07:40 PM

go to a support group or a counselor as your first step. They often can lead you to the right resources and help you take the steps you need along the way, you sound confused.

3/9/2014 2:14:23 PM

Right now, I just want to ease into this period and get some help in terms of where to stay. The problem is that she has come to my work before and vented to my boss when we have had a dispute. I would like that not to happen again, and I don't know if I should tell him what's up or not.

3/9/2014 2:56:06 PM

^ aparrently your boss already knows if she comees bursting in all the time with your drama.

I am telling you right now something very important:

your wife, or whoever's picture you posted on your profile, has a serious crazy face. There is something wrong with her. She needs help, but you are going to have to seek it first. Go to a counselor and talk about your options, even your living situation, they have a lot of experience helping people leave relationships.

She eventually will need to talk to psychologist and psychiatrists at some point, you should start this process sooner rather than latter if you care about your son at all. Some of these illnesses are genetic, you better find out if your son has a potential to require treatment as well.

3/9/2014 3:00:35 PM

She is in therapy, but only rehashes things that I have said to her during arguments. And then she talks about how that makes her feel worthless. She really is a talented scam artist.

3/9/2014 3:13:02 PM

have YOU been in therapy? You may need a calm, neutral third party to help you figure some shit out.

3/9/2014 3:19:04 PM

Yes, but she insisted that I went to a differnet therapist. Which I did for a while. She will not let me talk to hers.

3/9/2014 3:41:22 PM

I don't think you are even allowed to talk to her therapist, there is patient doctor confidentiality for one, so anything your wife discussed cannot be talked about.

Also there is probably a conflict of interest type thing for the therapist, in theory she is supposed to have her patients back and be on her side, that is what builds the trust. If you are talking to her it would make your wife not want to open up and it would become very confusing and overwhelming for the therapist

I still stand by what I say and go find some resources. Are you still a student? they will have student resources like counseling that you can go to. You need to find someone that can help you gain clarity and be objective. They also can help you find things and people to help you, even if money is a concern for you.

You need to go talk to someone, period, that is the best thing you can do for yourself.

3/9/2014 7:10:54 PM

Had a quarrel with wife last night.

3/11/2014 7:30:09 PM

Can someone recommend a marriage counselor in the triangle? If you know the fees please post that as well, thanks.

4/16/2014 12:45:09 PM

t-dub is free marriage counsel. post your problems

4/16/2014 1:02:49 PM

No thanks, I'm leaving this one to the pros

4/16/2014 3:16:33 PM

My wife's job is making her miserable. She tries to not let it affect the rest of her life/day, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. She'll hold it in for a few days, then it will blow up and she'll have a breakdown. She had another job set up for her last year, but it was in the middle of her contract and she didn't want to break it. Contract went up over the summer and there were no jobs to be found (she applied to EVERYTHING).

There are only two solutions to this problem:

1) She somehow finds another job, or

2) I get to the point where I'm making enough money so she can pop out a few kids and be a stay-at-home mom.

#2 is possible, but it's a year or two away at the earliest. Desperately hoping #1 happens or we're going to be in for a really tough year.


Just a "woe" by the way. Not looking for advice as we're not getting divorced or anything. It's just kinda shitty right now.

9/4/2014 1:11:00 PM

When one spouse is not happy at work, it's super hard on the marriage for both sides. Good luck getting to #1. We ended up going the #2 route (except opposite because he stays home).

9/4/2014 2:53:36 PM

^^that sucks, I remember being at a job I despised and having to try and shake off the day before walking into the house. It is tough, good luck

9/4/2014 8:15:34 PM

I'm in a similar situation. I hope my boo still marries me in a few months though before I get really crazy.

9/4/2014 8:25:51 PM

It also really affected my sex drive which was a real bummer

9/4/2014 9:01:40 PM

^i went through this 4 years ago, and again a couple months ago.

I had to really struggle to keep work stress away from home.
The first time, I quit, and we lived off my wife's income.
This time, I was just about to quit when I found a new job.
At some point, it just isn't worth it anymore.

9/4/2014 11:55:29 PM

I think the toughest part is to remember that you're different people. I can easily separate both worlds and just shut shit off...she can't. I've had my share of tough runs during these past few years as well, but I don't bring it home. I know that I'm suppose to be her crying shoulder...and even though it often reaches the point where I'm just like "shut the fuck up and get over it"...I still have to be that punching bag for her.

Also focus on the positive and not the negative. I use to say..."it could be a lot worse"...."at least you have a job that pays 'decent' money"...."look at soandso working two jobs just to get by"...etc. But it's not about other people...its about you and her. So now its, "lets just get to the weekend, we'll take the dog to the beach and then go to the Farmer's Market on Saturday"...."our anniversary weekend in Asheville is only 6 weeks away!" I got home yesterday and I took her and the dog to the local brewery for a couple pints. It wasn't anything crazy, but something to break the every day monotony of having a shitty job and then coming home and making dinner. If things aren't going well, you have to break the cycle a bit.

Oh...and we drink quite a bit. It mostly makes things better...but sometimes pushes that emotional outburst right on out.

9/5/2014 7:40:20 AM

Yeah I am like jbrick in that my job pisses me off a lot, but at the end of the day when I walk out the door I can turn work off and forget about it completely till the next morning. I feel like that is probably much more common in men though.

9/5/2014 8:37:22 AM

I am generally like that. It always amazed my wife, but it is how I operate.
The downside, is I compensate by eating. I put on 45lbs at the last job.

9/5/2014 11:53:11 AM

I think the thing is with some people, in order to do a good job on something and give it their best, they HAVE to be emotionally involved with it.

9/5/2014 1:04:32 PM

I don't think that really has anything to do with the discussion...no offense.

9/5/2014 1:50:21 PM

I think that it does. Perhaps I assumed people would see the connection, so I didn't flesh out the thought....

Because some need to be emotionally attached to their work in order to give it their all and do a good job, it then becomes impossible to just walk out of the door of the office and leave work at work. Your emotions and feelings come with you back home. It becomes impossible for some people to have a separate work life and home life.

9/5/2014 2:30:44 PM

Eh...my wife is still great at her job even though she hates it. She teaches kids with disabilities and gives it 100% every day. But because she also has to deal with an incompetent system and administration on a daily basis, it makes her miserable.

For some reason you're putting job performance in there when it was never part of the discussion.

9/5/2014 2:40:50 PM

I don't doubt that she's fantastic at her job. I don't know her, or anything about her other than what I've read here, so I don't see how I could be in a position to say one way or another.

What I said was for some people, in order to do a great job and not "half-ass" it, they have to be emotionally invested. They have to care. It has to be personal to them. The work or things about it very well could make them miserable, but that doesn't mean that they aren't emotionally tied to their work. Because of that, despite what they intend, it may be very difficult to drop that baggage at the office door and not bring it home.


I will leave it at that. I don't know any simpler way to explain that, or it's relevance to the topic at hand.

9/5/2014 3:23:21 PM

jbrick83, i don't think emce meant to insult your wife or her job performance if that's how you take it... in order to hate your job, by definition that means you are emotionally involved. someone who goes into a job to help special needs kids can simultaneously have very warm and caring feelings towards the kids, but at the same time hate the working conditions.

forgive me if i spoke out of line on either your feelings or interpretation of posts.

9/5/2014 4:26:59 PM

I guess its hard for me to relate because I've hated and loved several jobs...yet I don't think I've ever been emotionally attached to any of them.

And listening to my wife complain, it doesn't sound like she does either. Yeah, she gets attached to the kids (moreso in the past when she had actual classrooms), but I know she'd jump at a different job in a heartbeat and the remorse of leaving kids wouldn't bother her for too long.

9/5/2014 5:01:25 PM

Quote :

"Because some need to be emotionally attached to their work in order to give it their all and do a good job, it then becomes impossible to just walk out of the door of the office and leave work at work. Your emotions and feelings come with you back home. It becomes impossible for some people to have a separate work life and home life."

i feel this way but i think it's the nature of that particular job. although i really haven't done anything else (full time) so i don't really know if i'd be able to detach myself emotionally with a different full time job.

9/5/2014 6:19:02 PM

Shew, I get your pain. I can totally turn off work when I walk out the door, in fact , I despise talking about work when I'm not in the clock so to speak. I'm not emotionally invested except for the fact that I desire to do a good job. My husband, however, will spend hours bickering to me about his job every day and while I don't complain about being his shoulder I do make it known how excited I'll be the day he finds a job he can enjoy. So far it hasn't hurt our relationship, it's one of thOse things I can tune out easily without missing anything.

9/5/2014 7:04:31 PM

If I I'm not partially emotionally invested, then my work suffers. But that's just me. I tend to be quiet about work though unless something goes really well or really bad.... If I don't say anything it's pretty obvious that something is up, because I don't hide my emotions very well... Or at all.

9/5/2014 7:17:57 PM

She had a video conference interview this morning for a company two of her friends work at (married couple). She thinks it went pretty well, so we'll see. Crossing my fingers that she gets it and they offer within $5,000 of what she makes teaching. This is a work from home job as well...so it pretty much couldn't be any more perfect.

9/9/2014 10:28:02 AM

Wifey got the new job....YAY!!!....salary is $10k less than what she's making now....NOO!!!

We'll have to do a little budgeting, but it's much better for the mental health aspects. She also gets to work from home, we'll be able to cut some "work-at-home" costs, finally has a decent retirement plan, and there's great opportunities for advancement. So although she's making less now...she's not capped out to making in the mid-to-high $40ks for the rest of her life. We're pretty pumped about it. I can't imagine what it's going to be like at the house to not have someone incessantly depressed and bitching about their job. I imagine it will be glorious! Or maybe now she'll just find something else to complain about...

10/1/2014 1:20:36 PM

You can save a wad working from home, gas, clothes,food, all things you need more of if you go to work every day...

[Edited on October 1, 2014 at 8:59 PM. Reason : .]

10/1/2014 8:58:10 PM

^^ yay

10/1/2014 10:14:35 PM