6

5/15/2009 2:19:25 PM

Quote :

"Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I having sex. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML"

repost for page 6

5/15/2009 3:23:41 PM

Quote :

"Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she'd couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML"

Bah. This thread is much more depressing than the Texts from Last Night thread

[Edited on May 15, 2009 at 10:51 PM. Reason : lkj]

5/15/2009 10:51:36 PM

Quote :

"Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML"

hahaha rofl

5/17/2009 6:44:25 PM

Quote :

"Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML"

i LOL'd

Quote :

"Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

5/18/2009 9:22:21 AM

Quote :

"Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML"

after a year how do you not know if the other person hates the outdoors?

Quote :

"Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of sex comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML"

5/19/2009 9:10:38 AM

Post Quality MLIAs here

http://www.mylifeisaverage.com


lololol

5/19/2009 3:41:10 PM

^Funnier than current FMLs.

Quote :

"Today I installed a program and it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions. I hadn't, but I clicked 'yes' anyway. The program didn't know I lied, and began to install. MLIA. "

[Edited on May 19, 2009 at 3:50 PM. Reason : .]

5/19/2009 3:43:56 PM

haha yeah it is

5/19/2009 3:45:16 PM

today i went to work. MLIA

5/19/2009 3:46:28 PM

Quote :

"Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML"

Quote :

"Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and proceeded to sing " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML"

5/20/2009 10:51:09 AM

you know this site has jumped the shark when grandmothers are submitting to it

move on or move out

5/20/2009 11:00:11 AM

true story

5/20/2009 11:05:19 AM

This was my ex girlfriend's facebook status the other day:

"As I am laying out by the pool, explaining the FML website to my brother and Mom, a bird pooped...on my head...FML"

5/20/2009 12:17:45 PM

Quote :

"I've never seen a moose... today was no exception. MLIA. "

5/20/2009 3:09:07 PM

Quote :

"Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML"

5/22/2009 12:52:22 AM

Quote :

"I thought I had paid for everything. Not like the woman pays and pays and pays. No idea of retribution or punishment. Just exchange of values. You gave up something and got something. You paid some way for everything that was any good. I paid my way into enough things that I liked, so that I had a good time. Either you paid by learning about them, or by experience, or by taking chances, or by money. Enjoying living was learning to get your money's worth and knowing when you had it. You could get your money's worth. The world was a good plac to buy in. It seemed like a fine philosophy. In five years, I thought, it will seem just as silly as all the other fine phlosophies I've had."

FML

5/22/2009 2:08:05 PM

eh

5/22/2009 2:09:14 PM

Quote :

"IRSeriousCat "

5/22/2009 2:24:15 PM

I'm trying to run shit at 2pm in the afternoon, FML

Vthey weren't bullshit, most of them were very relevant to the topic at hand and actually contributed to the thread. frequency bullshit does not make.

[Edited on May 22, 2009 at 2:33 PM. Reason : V]

5/22/2009 2:24:47 PM

i see that, but i got on tdub for the first time in this crazy busy day and its annoying to see just your bullshit posts

5/22/2009 2:27:17 PM

^so tuff

5/22/2009 2:28:11 PM

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits...

5/22/2009 4:01:43 PM

Quote :

"Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML"

5/22/2009 4:17:40 PM

Quote :

"Today, I saw a hot girl on the bus. I didn't talk to her. She didn't talk to me either. I left the bus. MLIA "

story of my life.

5/22/2009 4:37:39 PM

Quote :

"Today I was in my room masturbating. No one came in. It was pleasant. MLIA "

hahahaa

5/22/2009 4:38:53 PM

Quote :

"Today, I leaned back in my chair. I leaned back to far, so I panicked and grabbed the table in front of me. I'm ok. MLIA "

5/22/2009 5:30:09 PM

Quote :

"Today I tried entering a website. The page wouldn't load so I refreshed a few times. That didn't work so I just went to a different web site. MLIA. "

Quote :

"Today I was tired of always making sandwiches for dinner so I asked my dad if we could get Chinese takeout. He said no. I ate a sandwich. MLIA. "

Quote :

"Today, I told everyone in my family I'm engaged. They all asked if I was pregnant. I'm not. They were happy. MLIA "

5/22/2009 8:20:00 PM

Quote :

"Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML"

5/22/2009 8:35:59 PM

Quote :

"Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML"

Quote :

" Today I got 100% on my math test. It was normal, I'm Asian. MLIA "

[Edited on May 26, 2009 at 1:43 AM. Reason : haha]

5/26/2009 1:42:16 AM

Quote :

"Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple stops, he proceeds to get off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML"

Quote :

"Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML"

[Edited on May 26, 2009 at 10:03 AM. Reason : add]

5/26/2009 10:01:21 AM

Quote :

"Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML"

5/26/2009 8:38:50 PM

Quote :

"Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML"

5/27/2009 8:19:20 AM

hahaha

true or not, that one's funny

5/27/2009 8:20:29 AM

Quote :

"Today, a 'salesman' came to my door wanting to tell me about the iPhone 3G. I told him I didn't need to know about it because I had just bought the white iPhone 3G for myself. He asked if he could see it. So I held it up, not giving it to him. He grabbed it, ran, saying "thanks for the iPhone, bitch!" FML"

hahahahaha sounds like a Dave Chapelle line.

5/27/2009 9:24:10 PM

Quote :

"Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML"

6/1/2009 8:48:22 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML"

LOL

6/3/2009 10:05:39 AM

Quote :

"Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML"

6/3/2009 11:48:23 AM

^we've all been there

6/3/2009 11:58:25 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she will be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML"

i don't think i know too many people that would do something like that...

6/8/2009 10:48:05 AM

Quote :

"Today, I had sex with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML"

6/13/2009 12:43:36 PM

o we back

Quote :

"Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML"

Quote :

"Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML"

6/25/2009 1:49:35 PM

Quote :

"Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML"

7/7/2009 3:55:57 PM

Quote :

""Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML""

hahahahaha

7/7/2009 5:24:01 PM

Today, I had to go to Chapel Hill.

FML

7/11/2009 12:54:43 AM