7.00

10/7/2004 3:01:58 PM

They say he's his own father!

10/7/2004 3:02:37 PM

haha, danny told me to post yours cuz of something the other

i dont remember

10/7/2004 3:03:36 PM

Bill Brasky sold Rudyard Kipling into slavery for $18

10/7/2004 3:04:55 PM

When Brasky was a kid he entered the pinewood derby and built a full-fledged Formula One Ferrari using only the materials supplied in the PWD kit. He then went on to win the Italian and Monaco Grand Prix with the dern thing.

10/7/2004 3:06:17 PM

I used to say that the Jews wouldn't have been lost in the desert for 40 years if Bill Brasky had been there, but I'll be damned if I didn't see a History Channel special last night where they found out he was there after all! Yeah, apparently they'd have never made it out alive if Brasky hadn't forced them to eat their dead. They said that's what happened to the 10 lost tribes of Israel!

10/7/2004 3:09:55 PM

I ONCE SAW BILL BRASKY EAT THE WHOLE DAMN BUFFET AT GOLDEN CORRAL AND THEN ASK FOR SECONDS!!! ARGGHG!!!

10/7/2004 3:09:56 PM

He left junior college after one semester and worked for a few years as the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't you know I used to drive across him every damn day and never even knew it? God bless him!

10/7/2004 3:12:35 PM

When Brasky was born the doctor tried to give him a spinal tap, but Ol' Bill grabbed him by the collar and screamed, "I've choked bigger men than you!" Afterwards he circumsized himself with his own gums.

10/7/2004 3:12:46 PM

Only reason the Gulf War was so short is 'cause Bill changed the channel!

10/7/2004 3:16:49 PM

I was in Brasky's basement the other day, looking for some fig preserves, and I found the damnedest thing; Bill Brasky has my daughter's hymen locked away in a small mason jar, hand on my heart, I've never been a prouder papa

10/7/2004 3:23:28 PM

BILL BRASKY ONCE PLAYED MOZART'S THIRD SONATA IN C WITH JUST HIS PENIS!

10/7/2004 3:23:35 PM

Brasky once killed a man just so he could throw him an Irish wake and get drunk. I guess I would have been okay with the idea if the man wasn't clearly Cambodian and Brasky wasn't already wasted.

10/7/2004 3:32:05 PM

Bill Brasky has 13 fingerprints

10/7/2004 3:35:48 PM

Brasky once raped a lesbian, and I'll be damned if she hadn't turned straight by the end of the ordeal.

10/7/2004 3:36:52 PM

It's a commonly known fact that all of Johnny Cash's songs are based upon the events surrounding Brasky's first week in Kindergarten.

10/7/2004 3:42:44 PM

Bill Brasky's prostate was named Miss Congeniality in the 1974 Miss America Pageant

10/7/2004 3:43:26 PM

We have Bill Brasky to thank for "U" constantly following "Q"

TO BILL BRASKY

10/7/2004 3:48:21 PM

While blindfolded, he single-handedly won the Ryder Cup.

10/7/2004 4:05:25 PM

Bill Brasky won the Triple Crown back to back. The first year he had a jockey, the second year, he did it all himself. He killed three horses that day, but damnit, I respect that man.

10/7/2004 4:09:31 PM

Brasky eats spaniards. Nobody knows for sure why, but he has a bull fighting arena in his backyard where he raises his stock.

10/7/2004 4:11:27 PM

Stephen King gets all his ideas from Brasky. Of course they come in the form of threats of what Brasky would do if King ever stopped coming out with more books!

10/7/2004 4:43:07 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time I asked Brasky how old he was? Anyway, I ask him and he says 'I forget' So he cuts his arm off and counts the rings. Sure enough he was 47 and you could see where he'd weathered a few nasty forest fires and I'll be damned if that arm didn't grow back before the night was through

10/7/2004 4:50:33 PM

I heard Brasky never learned to read—he just scared books into talkin' for him.

10/7/2004 4:51:45 PM

Brasky? He's about 12 foot tall, 960 lbs. Actually, he's lost some weight. Went on one of them Atkin's diets. Here's the catch, though. He can only eat human flesh. So anyway, we're out at Red Lobster, and Brasky orders the human scampi. The waiter brings it out with no fuss, and I'll be damned if Brasky's meal wasn't Marlon Brando.

10/7/2004 4:55:04 PM

He's opposed to fur, so he just wears a live racoon on his head instead of a cap, and I'll be damned if that racoon doesn't cook him dinner every night

10/7/2004 4:57:51 PM

Last night, I was standing on a pier, and the damn thing started to shake. It appears Brasky had been drinking, and decided to do a little fishing. I look back, and Brasky has constructed the worlds largest fishing reel. That son of a bitch had the Washington Monument for a rod, a moderately sized Ferris wheel for a reel, and I believe, and I could be wrong, but I think he was using the intestines of the 1997 Portland Trail Blazer starting 5 for the line.

10/7/2004 5:03:20 PM

So last year, Brasky and me are headed out to a halloween party. I show up dressed as the grim reaper and Brasky shows up just wearing a large trench coat. Of course, everyone thinks he's just a flasher but when he takes off his coat, wouldn't you know it but he's replaced all his internal organs with chocolate bars and has keypad and coin return under his right nipple. Yup, he was a vending machine. For the whole night, he just sat in the corner, never talking or breathing. Every once in a while, someone would put a quarter in his mouth, punch in a selection on the keypad and sure enough, a chocolate bar would fly out of his belly button. Now, later in the evening, some guy put in his quarter, chose a mars bar and wouldn't you know it but it got stuck on one of Brasky's ribs. The guy got upset and started hitting and shaking Brasky. Now, Brasky doesn't put up with much and you know sure as hell he wasn't gonna put up with this, but he didn't want to get out of character so he did the only thing he could do, he toppled over, crushing the guy underneath him. I'll be damned if he didn't stay there like that till the guy from Hershey's came and got a trolley and set him up right!

10/7/2004 5:07:41 PM

Bill Brasky formed an all-star croquet team from a ragtag band of Australian prisoners. They traveled the globe from tournament to tournament, raping and pillaging in between matches

but boy could those bastards play a mean croquet

10/7/2004 9:35:54 PM

Brasky stopped by one day and told me he was going to use the bathroom. When I told him I didn't have any toilet paper, he looked me square in the eye and told me he'd handle it. He then ripped the skin off my left forearm and cured it for a peroid of 4 months. Well, I'll be dammed if I didn't find eight gold bars and a skin graft machine in my bathtub after he left. It hurt like hell, but I had to respect him. He's one resourceful son of a bitch.

10/7/2004 10:15:39 PM

Brasky told me he was going to start a newspaper that would not use the letter E

Well, I don't have to tell you, Brasky prints the paper like it was any other paper, he even named it "The Free Gazette", and he put a disclaimer on the front, "I will eat the mind, body, and soul of anyone who looks at the E's on my pages"

true to his word, Brasky ate half the community in the first week

10/7/2004 10:29:13 PM

Quote :

"Brasky was born by C-section, which he administered himself"

winnar

10/7/2004 11:25:41 PM

Brasky once won a staring contest with a great white shark, and they have no eyelids

10/7/2004 11:58:05 PM

To Bill Brasky, the man who beat the Leafs in 4 games and had the dictionary tattooed on his left buttock

10/8/2004 12:06:16 AM

His family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

10/8/2004 12:12:51 AM

Brasky once masterbated in front of Brittany Spears and Elizabeth Taylor at the same time--then he asked them if they wanted their checks together or separate.

10/8/2004 12:15:36 AM

Brasky has a room full of alarm clocks, at least 95 of those damn things, and he was still a month late for his first day of work

10/8/2004 8:01:46 AM

I haven't had a good night's sleep because my head is filled with dreams of Brasky performing horrible deeds against me and my family. He's violently raped me and my father more than I care to admit and finally he killed my wife when he tried to jump a lift bridge on a moped. I hate this man with a burning white hate! But at her funeral Brasky stood up to deliver the eulogy and let the longest, smelliest, loudest fart I have ever heard and I'll be damned if I didn't laugh harder than I've ever laughed before!

10/8/2004 9:42:56 AM

Bill Brasky created the female menstrual cycle, before that, women coughed up their unused biological materials and considered it a hobby, but you know Brasky, he hates to see women have fun

[Edited on October 8, 2004 at 10:21 AM. Reason : r]

10/8/2004 10:20:59 AM

You all know Brasky's house right? It Goes about 3 acres, 5 stories tall. Anyway, Brasky's giving me the grand tour and he locks me in a cage in his basement. I lived there for three years with little food and less water. But when "Better Homes and Gardens" magazine showed up, damned if I wasn't the main focus of the article

10/8/2004 10:23:00 AM

TO BILL BRASKY!

10/8/2004 10:24:54 AM

Bill Brasky once got caught poaching ivory in an African wildlife preserve. When questioned by the park rangers, he told them he was hunting elephants for meat, not ivory - and I'll be damned if he didn't go on to eat every one of those rotting elephant carcasses just to corroborate his story.

10/8/2004 10:26:51 AM

Bill Brasky has had sex with every clown that ever laced up a pair of big shoes for the Ringling Brothers Circus. It took him a while, but he found a good map of where most of them were buried, but thats Brasky, Mr. Perseverance

10/8/2004 10:28:36 AM

Brasky is the voice for the book on tape of "Mein Kampf"

10/8/2004 10:30:00 AM

Bill Brasky refuses to go anywhere without a shirt, and has gone so far as to stitch an undershirt to his nipples

10/8/2004 10:31:32 AM

So Brasky and me are headed to the Calgary Stampede one year and just before we board the plane, Brasky realizes that he forgot his cowboy hat. So we naturally switch planes to one heading to Montana. For three days we scoured Montana, hitting every ranch we could find. By the end of the three days, we had 137 cowboys in tow, all branded with Brasky's famous 'Drunken Abe Lincoln mooning George Washington' brand on them. So we ran them to the slaughter house, killed em, put the meat into the freezer and had enough skins to make Brasky one damned fine cowboy hat and had enough left over for a pair of the nicest cowboy boots I have ever seen.

10/8/2004 10:36:29 AM

Idle hands may be the devil's workshop but a sober ass is Brasky's shoe buffer

10/8/2004 10:46:20 AM

Bill Brasky is who the muslims think they're praying to

10/8/2004 10:47:40 AM

The Munsters is loosely based on Brasky's bout with crabs in the late 50s

10/8/2004 10:51:50 AM

Bill Brasky's penis sunk the Titanic

10/8/2004 10:57:12 AM